October 31, 2008

Texas State Capitol

Riding in October's Critical mass was a blast! We hope to soak up as much rad bike culture of the South as we can... and so today we shall watch the BMX riders of 9th Street tear up the earth with their hard rides at noon then adjourn to Austin's premiere screening of Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation

Broken Neck
4701 Red Bluff Rd

October 30, 2008

Mobile Pole Dancing Platform

Strippers and voyeurs rejoice, the act of spinning sultry in public is now available to lucky cyclists of New York City. Behold: poleriders.

It was only on the street for one night in Manhattan before some SUV drivers found this and put it up on youtube.

Thanks for keeping bikers safe, visible and sexy!

October 28, 2008

My XXXs in Texxxas

Three shows in this massive land:

Wed 10/29
Next door to the Cracker House
416 w. Clay
8:30 pm

Sat 11/1
Broken Neck
4701 Red Bluff Rd
9:00 pm

Tue 11/4
(help us out here...revphil[at]gmail[dot]com)

October 27, 2008

houston show is on!

we're not sure where we are playing in Houston, but we will know soon...

on to ABQ!

Tonight, Monday October 27th, we play at
The Agency 111 4th St. SW. ABQ. NM 87102
$6 for cars, $5 for bikes

October 26, 2008

Comments Fixed!

Due to unbridled awesomeness (and some help), you, dear reader, may now comment on posts to this fabulous record of bike pornocity. Please reply to posts with sexiness, smarminess, and promises of yumminess (i.e. food and, er, other things).

October 25, 2008

Team Wreck represent?

Where are the thoughts of our cell operations?

Turning his attention to this matter is the esteemed Dr. Doom

cell block, doom, checking in from southwest coloRADocrew,things are playing out just as planned. i have installed myself as temporary leader of team wreck swc........the chips are in place, hell will reign on all who oppose the almighty team wreck and its blood lust for polo domination!!!!!!!! my love to distant players may your mallets fly true.................

How will our glorious leader, RKelly respond? Could this lead to further Team WRECK franchises? Will all the cycle glory be delivered to Rickreall, Oregon this summer like Aztec gold to Spain?

Our BikeSmut Cycle News Coverage Team hopes to have a reaction from Rkelly soon. Standby...

(Update: please see comments for RKelly's response...)


Enganging on the end of time, mountain biking in durango has become a matter of Herculean efforts to push skills and respect for others' skills. Tonight we recognize those people deserving of sick ass awards.

The Tunnel
The Soft Hands
Black Market Electric
Abbey Theater 10pm

When Polo Strikes

We are coming to texas looking to kickass!

Who will try us?

The Pork Barrels
Bike Porn Polo League

October 24, 2008

Finally Bike Polo

So it may not be the hardcourt we are used to, but it is still a gnar-gnar-in-your-face way to spend the afternoon beating up your friends w/ sticks.

Results of the Durango Pologeist Tournament soon!

screening in ABQ Monday night!

October 23, 2008

This guest post written by MC DisPencer from the heart of bike culture in Durango, CO.

Viva Passion Productions!

Our first day in Durango has been my most interesting day thus far. Traveling from Dr. Doom's humble abode in Mancos, CO, we traveled the short distance to Durango and were immediately dumped into an epic game of grass polo with the locals. Shortly after, phil's wheel became a wobbly mess of spokes, nipples, and a bent aluminum rim, curtsey of our own polographer Josh W.T. Woodard. The evening continued with an epic singlespeed mountainbike ride the outskirts of the city, ending at a local brewery. Eight cases of Ska Brewing's finest selections and roughly eight large pizzas got us energized for some barhopping. After some rooftop exploration, we ended up back up at The Space, swigging whisky, talking trash, and making trophies. Day 1 of the rest of our lives....

Rally of the Dead!

The dead will ride tonight!

Beer fueled single-speed bike action all over Durango starting Thursday evening at the Durango Cyclery at 6pm. Join us if you dare!

  • Friday, screening of the original, The Pornography of the Bicycle at the Power House Theatre
  • Saturday, Rally of the Dead 10am
  • Saturday, Live Awards Show 9pm
  • Sunday, Pologiest 10am

October 22, 2008

The best Mt Biking ever?

Yesterday we got to ride Slickrock in Moab, UT. Known for its soft, sticky surface giving excellent traction (provided you are not on a horse with iron shoes)

The screening at Chile Pepper was pretty spectacular. A screen that stood 15 feet tall dominated the fairly spacious room (for a bike shop). Thanks to our hosts and all the happy bike fuckers of Moab most of whom only learned about us a few hours before the show.

Immediately after the screening ended we saw a fleet of emergency vehicles heading south on Hwy 191. A massive fire had begun to engulf the night sky that was visible from miles away. The massive flames and billowing plumes of smoke were terrifying.

Some theories have been spread around about how it started

Either way, it was quite a hot time.

Today we meet up with Dr Doom of PUMA/world class insanity bike ride fame

Dr. Doom (on the left, wearing one of his own handmade Gore-tex biking vests) as pictured lasts year just after winning the Rally of the Dead last year. Phil's World could be the best riding in the world... especially for those of us with ridgid single speeds. Here is hoping it is at least less painful than riding in Moab. Our masochist levels are already peaked.

October 21, 2008

Moab Tonight

Tonight, Tuesday Oct 21st

Chile Pepper Bike Shop
702 S. MAIN ST

Mancos Wednesday!
Durango Friday!
ABQ Monday!

potental Dallas screening next week!

October 20, 2008

"Taking the left turn" at Albuquerque

Ahoy porn-happy patrons!

We've just experienced a change of venue for our screening in Albuquerque.

Monday October 27th
The Agency 111 4th St. SW. ABQ. NM 87102
$6 for cars, $5 for bikes

Slight shifting is probably normal.


October 19, 2008

Piles of bike love for Colorado

Hot damn do we love Colorado! In three days we hit Ft. Collins, Boulder and Denver. We are still reeling from all the sexy bike action.

If this love mail from Boulder is a typical reaction than it was all worth the damage to our livers:

Huge thank you is in order to all who participated and helped at the burnworks last night,

This was one of the coolest activities I have had the pleasure to encounter at the burnworks. For five bucks you saw a burlesque show with tassels a spinning, and a ucalelee (however you spell that fucked up word). The video explained to me what bicycle porn was all about, and then drinks and dancing. Man, you guys from Oregon really put together a good show.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you,

Nick and Mel

Live performances in Boulder by Whiskey Breath Burlesque

Live performances in Denver by Kink Tank

We're hoping to show the program in Moab on Tuesday then it is on to the Rally of the Dead!

October 18, 2008

Denver DIY Bike Porn Festival

Tonight at Orange Cat Studios we'll see what the sexy bikers are made of!

The screening itself will be:
Saturday, October 18th
show starts at 8:00, will probably go 'til about 12:30
Orange Cat Studios
2625 Larimer St., Denver
18+, $6 (<- $6 for about 4 ½ hours of titilating entertainment is a hot wet deal!)

Here's a breakdown of all events associated with the screening:
* 5:30 – 7:45pm – "Desecration Ninja!" Alleycat/Scavenger Hunt
* 8:00pm – Bike Porn 1: The Pornography of the Bicycle; preceded by Bike Burlesque performances
* 10:00pm – Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation; preceded by screening of all entries for DIY Bike Porn Contest
* ~12:30pm – Freak Ride! --- thanks Boulder! check http://www.burnworks.org/ for pictures soon!

October 15, 2008

Boulder Screening added: Friday Oct 17

Plus a special live burlesque show to start it off at 8:30pm

At Burnworks

View Larger Map

We are told it's a small space. Make it tight!

Denver's Sexual Sponsor

Thanks to our friends at Hysteria who have stepped up to help us distribute some sex positive (in a good way) goodies at the show this Saturday in Denver.

From their website:
The sex toy industry is awash in a sea of cheesiness and low quality standards — you wouldn’t believe how many blow-up sex dolls and crappy vibrators there are out there!

Amen sister! Seems like the sex industry has been suffering with lowered standards for some time. People, it is time to demand more from your porn and porn shops! The gold standard for us is: "how do you feel afterward?" If you feel dirty and shameful than it's likely that you didn't have an enriching experience. Be Proud! Walk into sex shops like Hysteria, Good Vibrations and Babeland with your head high and your (butt-plug) tail swinging.

October 14, 2008

Hot Colorado Bike Action

Having just left what could be the Bike Porn capitol of the Universe (yes Salt Lake is just that crazy go nutz!) the tour has slowed down a bit. But excitement is brewing in the air (more like our veins) again!

  • Tuesday, Oct 14th we are joining in at least one if not TWO Full Moon Bike Rides in Ft. Collins!
  • Thursday we tour the environmentally intimidating brewery, New Belgium; challenge the local team to a game of (what is this? we were promised hardcort!) Bike Hockey, and have our screening at Hodi's Half Note @ 8:30
  • Friday we get some hot mutant action in Boulder with Burnworks who is hosting our show with special burlesque duo performing at the show
  • Saturday a first time ever, locals only DIY bike porn screening of new content made in the past 168 hours AND both The Pornography of the Bicycle as well as Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation at Orange Cat Studios in Denver


Keep up with us if you can.

October 11, 2008

Denver-Only DIY Bike Porn Micro Fest

This coming week will be a 1st for us at Bike Porn Industries. Local organizers of the upcoming screening in Denver have thrown down the well lubricated porn gauntlet to its own community. Watch some porn, but dammit you can MAKE YOUR OWN PORN TOO!

Here is the call for entries:

Call for submissions! DIY Bike Porn contest! BIKE PORN ZINE!

Ever wanted to be a pornstar, but couldn't tear yourself away from your beloved bike long enough to film anything?

Next Saturday, not only do you get to come to a fabulous screening of not one, but TWO films about bike porn (both collections of shorts by various artists exploring the theme of bike porn), BUT ALSO, you (and your bike!) get the chance to be a star!

Bring us your DVDs containing a 6-minute-or-less homemade (i.e. original!) clip of whatever you think is bike porn. This can be anything from creative videos of sexy bikes in motion, all the way to…well, your imagination is as good as mine. Pretty much anything goes, just be creative and sexy, however you define that… and obviously within reason (i.e. probably not a good idea to have a video of yourself or a buddy doing anything too illegal!) Try to get it in .avi format or anything else that will play in either Windows Media Player or QuickTime.

Clips will be screened before and after the screening of the second Bike Porn film, and we will come up with some way of determining who among the contestants deserves a fabulous prize! DVDs will be returned to contestants, and copies will *not* be permanently kept by anyone associated with the organization of the Bike Porn screening (unless you want them to be!)

Bring your best efforts to:
Bike Porn screening
Saturday, October 18th
show starts at 8, try to show up a little earlier if you're bringing stuff
Orange Cat Studios
2625 Larimer St., Denver
Show is open to anyone 18+, even if you're not bringing submissions for the BYO Bike Porn contest.

P.S. These don't have to be super-duper polished or video-edited or any of that stuff. Remember, it's supposed to be DIY! You can go to bikesmut.com for ideas and inspiration. Any kind of bikes and (consenting adult) humans, toys, puppets, animation, stop-motion animation, or whatever you kids are into, are par for the course. Heck, we'll even take some stills or slideshows if that's what you've got.
Have fun!

But wait a minute, you may be saying – I love the idea of creating my own Bike Porn and sharing it with my community, but I don't do video! In fact, I don't even own a camera! I draw, write, and paint! How can I get in on this marvelous opportunity to celebrate the sexiness of bikes as a community? Don't worry - we're putting together a companion zine for the show! Send us your photos, essays, essay-snapshots, drawings, flash, cartoons, xeroxable collages, poems, diagrams,
stories, instructions for DIY sex-toys-made-out-of-bicycle-parts, etc. Photographs can either be "screened" or incorporated into the zine, or both, you decide. We need them by Thursday at 11:00pm. Yeah, I know that's a really short notice for a zine submission… but that's all the
time we got to work with unfortunately. Do your best. I'm sure you've already got some random pictures lying around of some night when you and your girlfriend and your bike got shitfaced and went crazy. No? What's wrong with you then?

ALSO – if anyone (especially if you already know what the hell you're doing when it comes to zines) wants to volunteer to coordinate this little zine project, or even just offer some assistance, PLEASE step up! (I mean come on, if you already do zines anyway, how can you NOT want to get in on something like this? Bike Porn, man!)

Questions, suggestions, zine submissions, offers of help, etc.: talk to Owen at WNBRdenver@gmail.com (FYI, this event and any associated activities are in no way associated with the Denver World Naked Bike Ride; I just don't have time to go create another email address…)

Inspiring. As stated before, this has never been done at a screening to date. We hope it starts a democratizing trend that sexually liberates bike fuckers the world around.

October 10, 2008

Tall Bike Porn Finals Tonight!

Check out this awesomeness:

Our friends at SaltCycle say this:

The Tall Bike Jousting Finals have been moved to Franklin Covey Stadium North Parking Lot 1182 SW Temple due to better lighting conditions. Same time - 7:45p different location. The Gymkahana will still be at Jefferson Park.

Find out where the tall bike jousting finals and the rest of tonight's events will happen.

Hope this alleviates any confusion. Git yer sexy bikes and selves to the Stadium!

October 9, 2008

Sexy, Sexy SLC

Here in the land of 2 for 1.50 tacos we have basked in the joyus nature of Salt Lake City. All the bikers we meet are interesting if not drunk and hilarious.

This is the kind of weekend bicycle pornstars are made of...

  • Thursday, October 9th: Char-Riot races, tallbike jousting and groundbreaking program, The Pornography of the Bicycle is screened, perhaps for the last time in SLC
  • Friday, October 10th: Gymkahana, tall bike jousting finals and the new Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation featuring 4 movies from Salt Lake City Including

    • Borbachev Sexbot
    • Bicycle Flog My Monster
    • Ali Blu's Hemotoma
    • Lit Crit
We demand that all of Salt Lake UT sexy bike fuckers come down to Point Six Percent Productions to join in the fun.
Activities begin at 7pm, movies at 8:30
1130 richard street (park in back)
18+ only.

October 7, 2008

Boise to Pocatello

Monday night the happy go fucky bike humpers made boise scream for more

Tuesday we are heading to the Powerhouse in Pocatello! (we think that could be the best named city on this tour)
Tuesday 10/7
8:30 pm
The Powerhouse
750 W. Wyeth,
Pocatello, ID 83204

Idaho has some exciting laws re: pornography. lets keep this between us.

image from the fine people at Saltcycle.com thanks guys!

October 3, 2008

Bike Porn Fights Evil Crime

This guest post written by an anonymous crime fighter:

Thursday Oct 2nd, as the plucky bicycle pornographers set up shop at the Hollywood Theater a lady cried out in despair.

"Help! Help! That guy stole my bicycle! Help!"

Like a drugged cat I sprong into confusion, my eyes wide with excitement as something crazy was happening and i wasn't sure what. Peering across the street we saw Toni Russle, a middle aged, toe-headed beautician running on the north sidewalk of Sandy Blvd screaming and running as fast as she could (not all that fast) after a guy on a blue bicycle (strangely he was also not going very fast)

"Stop him he stole my bike! Help! Stop Him!"

So we got to our bikes and I immediately dropped my keys. Then could not get them in the lock, then dropped them again. That was when I was planning on giving up, but as i turned around to look at their progress it seemed they had only gone about a quarter-block. So after a few more tries i was able to get it. By then my friend had already gotten to his bike and was in pursuit. I followed as best as i could, that is to say I kinda decided I could take my time, besides I thought my friend could handle it.

Sure enough he did. About 10 blocks later the thief had encircled the entire block and was now heading heading west to Sandy blvd. He nonchalantly rode the on the southside sidewalk unaware that (almost) two able bodied crime fighters were in (kinda) hot pursuit. My friend caught up to him and collared him down right in front of the Hollywood Liquor store. "How convenient," we thought. It's like dinner in a bottle and a movie." We do appreciate a nip of whiskey with our evil crime fighting.

We had him pretty well detained. And decided to call the cops to let them deal with the punk kid. "Why did you steal this bicycle?"

"I needed a new bike." he said simply.

I called 911 which takes you to an answering machine that asks you if you meant to call 911. This seems kinda smart, but really it was a little distressing being on hold.

The cops were confused by directions but eventually made it on to the scene. When they do finally show up they sent 3 cars. I felt kinda safer.

Immediately the cop cuffs the thief then as soon as he is done, realizes he has a backpack on and uses his knife to cut the straps. My friend and I both flinch at this, but say nothing.

We return the cops to the Beautician who comes in for the show. She is overwhelmed and because he is some "crazy mixed up kid" at the tender age of 17, she decides not to press charges.

Maybe someone would like to tell us about the value of calling the police vs just beating the snot out of a punk who has only a sliced backpack as a warning of why he should not steal bikes.

Thanks, crime fighting friend. We wonder too.

October 1, 2008

The Worlds Fastest G-Bike

This past fall our team sponsored a trio of gravity bikers. These three plucky Zoobombers: Chuck Bridge, Aaron Truman, and Gabe Tiller raced among the worlds fastest on 2 wheels. Moreover they came away from the IGSA world championships with the 2nd and 3rd place trophies! While we are very proud of their accomplishments, we are not about to add to their inflated ego. Instead we are sharing these exclusive photographs of the 1st place g-bike.

The world champion explaining how the tire ware viable on shows a pattern of turning that leaves only millimeters before the tire eclipses the maximum turning angle.
A bolt on rear triangle allows the rider to change the geometry of the frame to improve top speed or cornering.

the worlds fastest bike?