June 29, 2011
Bike Smut has played nice for too long. It's time to get dirty. Alcohol, fire, fisticuffs, abrasive music, smelly dreadlocks, welding, Malthusian competitions, bicycles and pornography. A weekend of hardcore action in Warsaw at the Bike Punk Fest.
Bike Smut starts moshing at 20.00 this Thursday at the Elba squat (Elbląskiej 9/11), and then gets back at it again on Friday night at the Syrena squat (ul. Wilcza 30) downtown after Critical Mess.
June 26, 2011
So, come! Watch us in motion! On the Tumblr!
After taking us to 22 shows in 18 different cities and driving through 14 countries, and getting through seven of those countries without having a front triangle window after a vicious thief attack in Athens, and only breaking down in one country, our motorized steed has earned some grudging amount of respect from Bike Smut. So it was that after its epic 14 hour all-night gallop across the Balkans from Katerini, Greece to Ljubljana, Slovenia, the porn-mobile finally won a name for itself.
So now, with great fanfare and ejaculations, we unveil the title of our iron horse:
This is, as far as we have discerned, the only car in existence with a quadruple entendre name. How is that, you ask? How can one Ford Transit pack so much juicy symbolism into one pithy moniker? Education time!
1. Stonewall Jackson – Famed general of the Confederate States of America. Stonewall Jackson was the most capable and brilliant commander to fight for the slave-holding states. He was by a stroke of good fortune accidentally shot by his own men and died in 1863. For unknown reasons the Bike Smut van came with a Confederate flag emblazoned on the hood, so it is that the van bears the name of the General.
“My religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed.” - Stonewall Jackson
2. Stonewall Riots – One of the first eruptions of queer insurrection in the United States. Queens, fags, dykes, all of that rabble, fought the NYPD on Christopher Street for three days back in 1969. Discovering the real power that they had when they stood side by side with their community and openly confronted their enemies, that moment was a spark for the queer movement in the US. Bike Smut is all about the queer insurrection.
3. Marsha P. Johnson – Leading street fighter in the Stonewall Riots and revolutionary transgender activist. Marsha P. Johnson was on the front lines of the early struggle for queer liberation. But as a working class trans woman of color, the middle class white gays and lesbians who soon took control of the movement tried to push her to the back of the line. With Sylvia Rivera, Johnson founded Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries to push the movement for gay rights towards a movement for queer liberation. We strongly suggest that you read up a bit more about Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson.
4. Johnson – It means penis.
So there you have it - Stonewall Johnson, a van rich in layered meaning. Long may it reliably transport our bicycles.
June 25, 2011
Yesterday we were in trouble! A pair of traffic stops and search of our van, Stonewall Jonson, by Czech and German police made it so that we arrived at the Venue almost an hour late for the Poland premiere of Bike Smut! Still our forces mustered and played catchup with the local bikers and drunks who had gathered to see the wierdos. Little did they know that they would become so enthralled with the program that a repeat screening would be necessary!
Tonight (as in a few hours) at a defunct meat packing plant turned epic club
21:00 - doors
22:00 - movies
Then we will see what kind of trouble we can get into at the Bike Punk Fest in Warsaw!
June 23, 2011
Presenting Poznan, Poland. A city of great counter culture, varied mass transit systems, and soon Poland's first Bike Porn show!
The name Poznan comes directly from the verb poznać, which means "to get to know."
Oh, we are gonna get to know ya... this Friday night!
- 24 Czerwca
- Cafe Miesna
- Garbarry 62/od ul
Bring your bravest iron horses and charge!
What can we say about Bratislava? It might have been a cursed day. It was almost certainly our least popular show on the Euro tour, possibly even in our 5 year history!
Three interactions with police resulted in (thankfully) only a 120 euro fine (being a "stupid Amerikan" has its perks). The strain of loosing two porn touristas means lots more work for the two of us left.
Things started out great, with a modest audience gathering and cheering on our 3 opening performances, including the unveiling of our new Bikesexual Robot!
Like a good lover, the program which starts lighthearted and get more hardcore over time. Alas, the audience had been drinking for several hours, and were not very patient. Drunk bikers often need more than a gentle touch to get them rolling.
Nearly all the chairs were full, but the room itself was massive, which is not ideal. Nor is having a bar in the same space as the movies, as any distraction from the images is attention diverted.
The final straw was a technical issue that cut the image for 2 min.
Maybe it was just too hot in the room to watch porn when it was such a glorious night outside.
Oh well. You can't molest EVERY bike. And after a string of four excellent shows in Czech (Prague, Brno, and Pardubice were organized with only a few days to promote) one misfire is acceptable.
Still they make some delicious art. We dont think this will be the last we hear of Slovakia!
June 20, 2011
So we're trying. So far Bike Smut has visited the bike kitchens of Vienna and Linz in Austria. Today, we step just one border to the east and come to the new Bratislava Bike Kitchen (or Cyklokuchyňa as the Slovakians say it). Prime your bicycle taste buds.
22.00 | 21 June
Thanks also to the jiving anarcho-syndicalists of Priama Akcia for hooking us up in Bratislava!
Hej, zitra mame v brne cyklojizdu!
- Utery v poledne
- Moulin rouge
- slovakova ul.
oblecte si na co se odvazite
yes we have a bike ride in brno!
- tuesday at noon
- moulin rouge
- slovakova st
wear what you dare
Bike Smut in Pardubice!
Divadlo 29, Svate Anezky ceske, Pardubice
Home to the national Czech Chess Tournament as well as the regions finest polo players!
June 18, 2011
From Tabor, we fly through the Czech countryside into the waiting arms of Brno. The radical bikesexuals of the Kulturní Kolektiv in Brno have delighted our cockles by seducing our Bike Smut team into a last minute visit to their city. We will be there:
Kounicova 23, Brno
June 14, 2011
So when we tried to bring bike love to Prague, we just didn't have the right communication to get the city hard. We tried and tried, but for all of our stimulation of our contacts and potential hosts, everything came up cold and silent.
But in the end, the earth will be shaken by a toe-clenching, saddle-squeezing, throat-moaning, wheel-spinning bike porn orgasm, because Prague finally has a Bike Smut show! Soon! Tomorrow!
Our efforts have ended in triumphant success, and we proudly present to you...
BIKE SMUT PRAGUE:
Wednesday // 15 June // 19.00
Cross Club, 2nd stage // Plynární 23, Praha 7
Worth the wait.
June 13, 2011
Hot Dog! We got another show in Austria!
Tonight! Monday 13th of June our friends in bike sprints, bike polo and soon BIKE PORNO!
Styrian Sprint Shop
Münzgrabenstraße 7a, 8010 Graz
In other great news we FINALLY have a show in Prague this Wednesday! Details soon!
June 11, 2011
According to the article in the Huffington Post they chopped down the "[ginko] tree, making off with the bike in under 12 minutes."
but in the video, they dont actually seal the bike. Someone rides the bike, then leave it were it was.
Guessing motivations is treacherous, but fun. What say you? Was it a simple act of thuggery? A statement against the environment? Direct action by anti-sidewalk activists? Or were we watching a complex relationship of bored motorist and "helpless" biker play out? Cause assuming that the bike was still there when the cyclist returned was it taken as a warning?
The neighborhood committee is out there, and it doesnt want you parking your fucking bike on the block.
June 10, 2011
For you and for all similar others, here is your answer: Bike Smut is happening in a big way on Sunday night at Kapu in Linz, Austria. That's 20.00, Kapuzinerstrasse 36. Hosted by the Linz Bike Kitchen!
What have we here? A legion of Bike Smut superheroes, perhaps? Making the streets of Slovenia safe for truth, justice and the bikesexual way?
The superhero team of Poppy Cox, Liberty Sprocket and Reverend Phil have been fighting their righteous war against cars, bad porn and refrigerated tomatoes across the entire breadth of the European continent in a gruelling and trying struggle against the vast societal systems arrayed in opposition to them. The life of a bicycle warrior such as this is a noble but often lonely and thankless one. At last, in Maribor, Slovenia, they and every other local cycling superhero were recognized with a grand parade in honor of the super-heroic deeds committed by these sexy bikers every day.
So much appreciation to the Maribor Cycling Network for revealing the true sexiness of Maribor's cyclists for the world to see (and Vanja Bučan and Boštjan Lah for the pictures).
June 9, 2011
And now they have it! We are back in Vienna for another shot at porn glory! Those who once turned us away in confusion and disbelief are now welcoming us with palm fronds and hallelujahs!
So come to the Vienna Bikekitchen!
Friday night, 20.00!
Address: Goldschlagstrasse 8!
Two Thousand Eleven
THE WORLD PREMIERE OF
BIKE SMUT 5:SPEED
Clinton St Theater
26th SE Clinton
7 and 9pm
With movies from
The Appalachian Mountains
You can't watch buy a DVD and watch it at home.
You can't download a copy from the internet.
You can only watch it with "others"
Other people who probably like bikes and sex.
So you should probably ride a bike there
and ride whomever you meet home.
June 5, 2011
And so we depart for Koper, formerly the second city of the Free Territory of Trieste. If there's anything that Bike Smut was looking forward to in our European tour, it was getting lots of fancy stamps in our passports. So we are deeply saddened that the Free Territory of Trieste (1947-1954) never took flight as the independent post-WWII city-state that it was intended to be, and after several years of issuing postage stamps and fielding a national cycling team was subsumed by it's Italian and Yugoslav neighbours, leaving Koper now a well established part of Slovenia. Which leaves us only looking wistfully at the place in our passports where a Free Territory of Trieste stamp could have been.
The national cycling team of the Free Territory of Trieste in 1950
So this Tuesday, expect us to take matters into our own hands when we raise the flag of the Liberated Autonomous Free Territory of Porn in Rebellion at Koper's Bike Smut screening. If we are not given our free territory, we will make our own free territory. And so it will be:
Tuesday -- 7 June -- 21.00
at MKSMC Koper
(Youth, cultural, social and multimedia center)
Gregorčičeva street 4
Look! A map!
June 1, 2011
17.00 start of parade
19.00 snacks and drinks
20.00 bike smut screenings
22.00 dub party
We meet at Grajskem trgu (Castle Market), and from there follow the bike sound system into the moist warm folds of bike porn.