September 30, 2011

From public nudity to bike porn

Bike Smut depends on a community of support to exist. We travel from one strange foreign city to another, and without networks of trusting and caring bikesexuals to care for us, we would be cold and starving by the side of the highway. Without community, we would probably just be putting pictures of ourselves masturbating with our bicycles online, instead of travling the world sharing inspiring radical art. And how do we create this community? Naked bike rides are a great way to start. Two months ago, Bike Smut didn't have any shows scheduled in France and knew almost no one. Then, one rainy day at the DIY Bike Fest in Scheveningen, The Netherlands, we rallied a team to race a Dutch cargo bike naked through the streets. Now one of those naked racers is about to appear in his first bike porn movie, and the other is organizing tonight's bike porn show at her French squat.

So come, meet with us, engage with us, and let's make something great happen. And let's do it naked.

The show tonight:
Saturday, 1 October, 18.30
in the cellar of Les Tanneries squat, 17 Blvd de Chicago
Preceded by cocktails and aphrodisiacs.

To be followed in the same space by an unassociated concert of a 'sludge doom' band.

A little bicycle in the genitals

"Bike is the caress of the wind, the sun's heat, the rain beads sliding on our bodies heated by the continuous effort of our muscles...." So quoth the vélorutionnaires of Grenoble, home to the cycling advocacy organization Un P'tit Vélo Dans la Tête. Since 1994, Un P'tit Vélo Dans la Tête (A Little Bike In the Head) has been holding it down for the velo set, advancing the goal of a bicycle utopia at the foot of the Alps through both practical and political manoeuvres. And what better way to embolden a city's cyclists than a night of celebration of the erotic nature bicycle-mediated human liberation?

Tonight Bike Smut is invited to Grenoble to share the fine art of bike porn with
Un P'tit Vélo Dans la Tête. We will be gathering in town and riding together to the group's workshop for the show:

19.30 - Meet at the Place Verdun in Grenoble with your bike
20.00 - Depart to the campus of St Martin d'Hères
20.30 - Bikeporn festival at the campus workshop

The workshop is at 921 rue des résidences, St Martin d'Hères. Forward to bike love!

September 29, 2011

Marseille triumphant

We tumbled into Marseille with just a dream, a bicycle and an assload of sexiness. We made the long and dangerous journey along the treacherous and squalid south coast of France from a peaceful squat with a murder-suicide and 13 bullet holes to this brand new downtown squat in a building owned by the Catholic Church. We didn't have a show scheduled in Marseille, only glimmer of hope and a last-minute promise of a place to lay our heads. But now, now we have so much! Not just mere bike porn for Marseille, but electro bike porn!

Bike Smut has been given the green light to take off for the interstellar reaches of bikesexual glory tonight at the Association le No squat, address 14 Rue Ferdinand Rey, accompanied by intense electro rhythms. The schedule for our ignition:

Thursday, October 29
Bike Porn''electro''
19h doors open
21h screening of Bike Smut
with actors of the film

22h Crackhead Worm
electronica idm
Lsd prod, twist record

Dj Youz
Electro Break
twisted record

Psy trance
LSD Prod

Michou pink
Kalamity frame

//put on your sexiest bike
//1 euro membership + free pric
//gauge limited

Get on it, Marseille! And no, we' have no clue what Google Translate means by 'gauge limited'.

September 26, 2011

Francophilia, la deuxième

France. We've been there. Planted our flag on that cheesy soil. What more could this land yield?

Oh my! Quelle excitation!

More queer squatted bike porn for everyone!
Tuesday the 27th, 21.00h
Le Trou De Balle, 89 Rue de Fenouillet, Toulouse
Following the leotard workshop.

A new Gaulish venture begins now, as Bike Smut heads back across the Pyrenees to zip through the south of France, beginning with Toulouse on Tuesday, followed quickly by Grenoble, Dijon, Lyon and Annecy, all in one week. Marseille? Can they make it happen in time? Get on it, Marseille!

September 24, 2011

My Fucked Up Parking

Bike Smut is saved from the precipice of disaster! Just in time to launch itself once again into a gnashing pit of bikefun sexytimes in Barcelona!

The Spanish state clearly has a furious aggression towards cars. Which we heartily applaud, but most certainly not when it is applied against Bike Smut and our holy mission of propagandizing the bicycle (which unfortunately at the moment relies by necessity on our use of motorized transport). It was traumatizing enough when our tour van was towed in Madrid for improper parking, to be retrieved after 300 Euros just in time for a late start to our raucous show at the Patio Maravillas squat. But now to have our van disappeared for a second time in Spain? Truly, we are suffering. But we now have our van back, at the repeated expense of several hundred Euros, and having recovered the invaluable archives of bike porn movies contained within, we are once again fully ready with our pornographic armaments to unleash the fury of bike sex tonight.

But, besides the terror of trying to safely park in Spanish cities, these towing incidents bring up an important point: Bike Smut is not funded. When we experience calamities like these, Bike Smut pays for it out of it's own nearly-empty pockets. We rely entirely on the donations and merchandise revenue that we receive at our shows to get us from city to city and to cover the often extreme costs of long-term international touring. We depend completely on the generosity of our community of bikesexuals to keep us going, so, to prevent Bike Smut from being permanently grounded by another excessive towing fee, support the things that you love! Come to our shows, give us some love, give us some dirty filthy money, buy our handmade underwear and branded condoms, and we promise that we will keep the bike porn growing. And you can do all this just this very night!

This night in Barcelona we will be squeezing into the fixie bike shop My Beautiful Parking, address Calle de Cervantes 5, at 21.00, for a red hot bike porn show. More details can be found on crackbook or the MBP blog.

Tonight's show follows a torrid alleycat race last night across the frequently bewildering city of Barcelona, in which Bike Smut's own Liberty Sprocket secured a triumphant last place finish. He became separated from his guide in the last lengths of the race while trying to ram his bicycle through a horde of tourists and became lost in the old city, hopelessly wandering the swarming alleys for days surviving off of dumpstered donuts until he miraculously found safe haven at My Beautiful Parking. We are very thankful that he made it back alive without being elbowed to death by tourists.

September 22, 2011

Critical Ass de Valencia

According to Brussels' premiere naked activist or "necktavist", Jerome Nature, Spain is the home of naked cycling. Ciclonudista has been alive and strong years before the World Naked Bike Ride.

We were sitting in the park killing time waiting for an impromptu Critical Mass to start. I asked the dozen bikers who had gathered to tell us something good and bad about the porn they have seen. It was a nice exercise giving a few quiet voices a chance to be heard when the local organizer said, "what if we ride our bikes naked for a bit then have a conversation about bikes and porn?"

What if indeed.

That was not only the fastest change from discussion group to naked bicycle ride EVER (less than 2 min after the suggestion we were rolling out in various forms of undress) but also one of the most pleasant naked bike rides many of us veterans had ever been on. There was no alcohol necessary to stiffen our nerves, no darkness to "hide our shame" and no 100s or 1000s of naked bikers to dominate the street. Just a modest crew enjoying a warm summer's day without hords of people leering uncontrollably or making tasteless comments. All we saw were dozens of pleased faces, smiling and clapping and cheering us on!

Not to say that most naked rides are plagued by negative behavior, but as exhilarating as "feeling the breeze" is, there is usually at least one lame spectator we quickly try to forget.

In this case we had a troop of joggers passing us chants about wanting bikes and sex. Yup we got passed by mostly naked joggers. It was that chill.

Valencia is ready for a show tonight!

September 17, 2011

Valence Bicycles in Valencia

And now... SCIENCE. The science of bike porn.

This week Bike Smut is travelling to Valencia, Spain, and this inspired a great scientific discovery concerning the formation of relationships between bikesexuals, which we hope to put to the test during our convocations of bikesexuals in Valencia with the post-porn collective Idea Destroying Muros, which is happening

for a Critical Mass ride on Wednesday at 19.00h at the Turia River under the Puente de las Artes,

at the bike porn screening, which will be Thursday at 21.00h in the Teatro de Los Manantiales, Calle de Alzira 9.

So... science?

In the structure of the atom, the outermost shell of electrons contains what are called the valence electrons (at least for main group elements - it can be more complicated for transition metals). These are the electrons that can form chemical bonds with other atoms by combining or interacting with other valence electrons to merge the shells of multiple atoms into a harmonious molecule.

We have a theory that the same principle applies to bikesexuals.

Consider this: the active mediator of a bond between two bikesexuals is, of course, the bicycle. So we can say that the bicycles that create these bonds are the valence bicycles. All of the bicycles that a bikesexual possesses orbit around the bikesexual at different energy levels - some bicycles are more energetic than others, as any experienced cyclist will know. The bicycles that share the share the highest energy level are the sluttiest bicycles: they like to get around with as many riders as possible. It is thus these bicycles that will interact with the bicycle orbitals of other bikesexuals and create cycle bonds between them. The number of bicycles in a bikesexual's highest energy orbital will determine the number of other bikesexuals that they can bond to - or multiple valence bicycles could create a single very strong bond with one other bikesexual.

But how many valence bicycles does a bikesexual need? Clearly, eight is about the right number. That, or none; sometimes it may be best to let your slutty bicycles leave off and ride with someone else and just keep your inner circle of private, sedate bicycles. So each bikesexual will tend to share valence bicycles, or grab or discard them until they are complete and balanced. And each of these bicycle interactions are these basis of the bonds between bikesexuals. This is what brings our community together, in the most intimate and electrifying manner possible.

Come Valencia, there will be much experimentation!

September 13, 2011

Bike Porn Conquistadors

It is hard to express how exciting it is to witness a community of people rise up together to take on a challenge, to see an issue worthy of their time, to gather their forces and state their common goals and then work towards them. The issues of sexism, racism, genderism, transportationsim are all relevant issues that affect us in a variety of ways. But with the power of a community organized we can achieve a new glorious tomorrow.

Behold, Madrid has come forth to declare its bikesexuality. The organizers did not all know each other when they started but they all have decided to work together to make it happen.

Want to join the workshop? Contact them direct at bikepornmadrid[at]gmail[dawt]com

Workshops, movies, dancing... as one might expect with Spain's capital city, they are doing it with style.

Friday 16 Sept
CSOA Casablanaca
c/Santa Isabel 21

Saturday 17 Sept
EPA Patio Maravillas
c/Pes 21

Bailamos! Cantamos! Porkamos!

September 11, 2011

Post Parisan Climax Reflex

Oh la mutha fuckin la!

Tremendous thanks go out to our Paris hosts who made it possible for us to have such an amazing time.

We had pretty good feeling about things. A beautiful day in a beautiful city is a good start to just about any story. Having some great media from Carfree France, in Metro, on IndyMedia, Veloroution, PigonFixe, and Surplace doesnt hurt either.
Nicolas Ehrahrt Cycles were great hosts for our bike porn Aperitif! Not only did they rearange their shop and open their doors and arms to our smutty selves they also did an emergency bike tube replacement (a blowout just before a bike ride is about to start is usually a terrible thing). And we are so glad they did because they made it possible for us to join in the fun of  Paris Chill Racing's Sunset Bike Ride. Imagine nearly 100 sexy bikers bombing through the streets of Paris en mass sprinting between traffic in their underwear (or less). It was definitely the best group ride of the Euro Tour!

Our hosts at Le Houla Oups put up with a ton of drunken french bicycle tomfoolery. With the venue so packed there were was a constant rotation of people trying to get a view and escaping for fresh air. Apparently the police were less excited than the rest of us. We shut the party down 2 hours early, foregoing the last series of movies, performances and a special local bondage expert who was going to tie a girl up to a pillar with bike tubes. And the bar owner must appear in court. Yikes!

The silver lining is that just before the police shut us down we got to see the performance by Tad Girls Squad. Their silver demonic sexual beings constructing a bike out of a beautiful submissive girl was, for lack of other sufficient words, epic. In an evening of amazing art they stole the show. That and the wild afterparty in the middle of a massive park with dance music until dawn made for a pretty fantastic evening. This is a great example of what a community can accomplish when people work together. Thanks for all the people who did it in the media and in the road (and for those at the park, in the bushes).

We expect many more images to come our way soon

September 10, 2011

Naked ride Philly

They know how to do it in Philidelphia. Moreover the participents seem to understand the variety of reasons for riding a bike naked and they look adorable while doing it.

We plan to join their ranks when we return the United States in October. Ideally we will have our own naked Peloton that will whisk us around the city at dramatic high speed, possibly slowing down to enjoy South Phily's pretzels and mosaics.

September 9, 2011

A Rendezvous in Paris

It was a dark and stormy night in Paris, as Agent Liberty Sprocket cycled silently down the Champs-Élysées on his vintage Raleigh 10-speed to the rendezvous point. He smoothly dismounted as he approached the obelisk at the center of the Place de la Concorde and cast a furtive surveying glance across the square. As Liberty Sprocket walked up to the massive obelisk, erected on the site of the infamous guillotine of the reign of terror, a thin figure in a long trench coat and wide-brimmed hat strode out of the swirling mist.

"Comrade Sprocket," the mysterious figure said to him as she wheeled her Fuji fixed gear conversion to the base of the obelisk, "the Parisian section of the Bicycle Liberation Front is very grateful that you were able to make it here to aid us in our struggle. Especially in these difficult times - we know how dangerous it is to make it through the ring road defences."

"Anything for our comrades, Comandante Presta. Do you have the action plans for tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course." Presta turned the false lugging on her frame a quarter turn clockwise and popped open the hidden top tube compartment on her bicycle, taking out a rolled up sheet of seemingly blank paper. Liberty Sprocket took the paper from her hands, unrolled it and brushed a few drops of Tri-Flow chain lube across the sheet, activating the invisible ink on the page.

Liberty Sprocket quickly assessed the top secret plans contained in the document. "Excellent, Comandante. We'll be ready to meet your forces at the rally point tomorrow at the appointed time. God speed. And remember, comrade: there will be no revolution without sexual revolution, and there will be no sexual revolution without bikesexual revolution."

"Venceremos, Agent Sprocket!"

Back in the BLF safehouse, Liberty Sprocket went over the details of the plan more closely:

Saturday, 10/09/2011:

18H> 20H @ Nicolas Ehrahrt Cycles: Aperitif "grease and sawdust" with BIKE SMUT

20H> 21H: Sunset Bike Ride with the Paris Chill Racing

21H> As much you can @ Le Houla Oups: Screening of BIKE SMUT and performance in all genres with the TAD GIRLS SQUAD and surprise guests, plus your desires most ulterior....

Donations welcome; we're counting on you to support the Revolution!

Do we need to specify? Entry reserved for over 17 years.

He knew that Saturday would bring a glorious new dawn for Paris' bicycles.

Parisian Velo Erotica

a single credo: "The sexual revolution through the cycling revolution"

We have been in France for only 12 hours and already we have made it onto the front page of Metro, Paris' largest daily publication. Mighty exciting stuff, and it would not be possible if the sex-positive bikers of Paris had decided that our cause was worth working for. They made it happen and we are quite stoked!

Not since blogerific event of Bristol, UK or magnificent media in Malmo, Sweden have we seen such a perfect smutty storm brewing. Not to mention such ominous phrases such as this: "Unless the police headquarters in Paris prohibits the happening."

What was that? Salt Lake; Mobile; Ankara, Turkey; Koper, Slovenia; Gdansk, Poland all had shows without so much as a mention of police or the trouble they cause! But now that we are in sexually aware Paris? Well it seems unlikely, but given the crazy nature of the European Tour so far... who knows!?!

Time to go hang out in bed on a laptop in lingerie.

PS we are still want to do a show in Nantes and Bordeaux. If you know people in those cities please put us in touch with them!

September 8, 2011

Going queer in "gay Paris"

Warning this message has almost no Engrish

Saturday at 18:00 - Sunday at 02:00
Cycles Nicolas Ehrhart >>> Le Houla Oups
33, Rue Davy - 17e >>> 4, Rue Basfroi - 11e
Paris, France

Le collectif BIKE SMUT est à Paris !

J - 3 !!!

BIKE SMUT, c'est un collectif anarcho-Punk & Queer & Made In Portland à vélo qui, à grands coups de Films et de Performances cyclo-pornographiques (Ou érotico-vélocipédiques ?), compte bien vous convaincre qu'il est urgent de pédaler et de baiser sans entrave...

Quelque soit votre Sexe/Genre/Sexualité,
Quelque soit la marque de votre vélo,


BIKE SMUT, le Blog >>>


SAMEDI 10/09/2011, venez rejoindre le collectif BIKE SMUT avec "votre plus belle monture" (Un vélo, de préférence !).

18H > 20H @ Cycles Nicolas Ehrahrt : Apéritif "graisse et sciure" avec BIKE SMUT { }

20H > 21H : Sunset Bike Ride avec le Paris Chill Racing { }

21H > Autant qu'tu peux @ Le Houla Oups { } : Projection des films BIKE SMUT + Performances en tout Genres avec le TAD GIRLS SQUAD et des invités surprises* + Vos désirs les plus inavoués...

Prix LIBRE (On n'a pas dit gratuit ; On compte sur vous pour financer la Révolution !)

Doit-on vous le préciser ? Entrée réservée au plus de 17 ans.

* : MALHEUREUSEMENT, pas de concert d'INFECTICIDE { } parce que "les concerts, ça fait du bruit". Retrouvez INFECTICIDE @ Chez Moune, Mercredi 07/09/2011.


Did ya catch all that? Our hosts are quite excited and have put together an impressive assortment of performers at two different locations!

Saturday, 10 September

@ Cycles Nicolas Ehrhart (33, Rue Davy - 75017 Paris) - Turpinos - The Party "Apéritif Graisse et sciure" begins
- The Sunset Bike ride starts

@ Houla Oups (4, Rue Basfroi - 75011 Paris)
- Bike Smut Movies
- Tad Girls Squad Performance (Girl On Wheels?); Loran Qui is playing the music?
- Le Kiosque (Sophie) will leave
- Amaury will arrive?
- Tom de Pékin drawings
- Amaury Bondage Performance

Get the goods before you get shredded

Amen, Amiens!

Tonight Amiens will shake with the exuberant exultations of winged pornographic cherubs as Bike Smut arrives to frolic France.

Between the three of us currently on this Bike Smut Euro Tour we can just barely speak enough French to get slapped (we hope) but somehow we have managed to arrange this screening without English. Thus far the mild mannered gestures for bike-sex have proven to be as universal as the international language of love.

Widely known for having among the largest religious erections in all of Europe, we can only hope as many tourists will flock to gawk at our impressive vaulted "cathedrals"

Thursday, the 8th of Septembre
Le Squat Grande
Grande Rue du Petit Saint-Jean, Pont-de-Metz

September 7, 2011

Scraping by in Brussels

Maybe it should come as no surprise that in the most indecisive nation in the world Bike Smut would go down to the wire when it came to deciding on a venue for our show. But finally, after having our original venue cancel, one brave soul has stepped forward to provide us a home and help bike porn sprout in Brussels.

So here is your last minute Bike Smut information:
Flourish le Flemish
150 Leopold I , Brussels


And with the organizational impetus of 'militant nudist' Jerome Nature behind our Brussels show, come prepared to shed clothing.

September 1, 2011

Bike Ride Sussex

They call it London by the Sea, and with nude beaches, clean water and movies like, "Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging" it stands to reason that they deserve a naked bike ride then some inspiring erotic movies on the beach with a umbrella drink and maybe some light reading.

Friday September 2rd
doors at 9.30
show at 10pm
5 pounds
Bare as you dare bike ride
Meeting at 8pm at Cranks bike workshop on chapel st
Afterparty downstairs in the Marlborough pub with Britons finest bikesexuals.

If this show goes down as planned we will have concluded quite a sussexful tour of the UK. On to Brussels!

Colorama me badd!

After an extended 4 day vacation due to vast northern UK lameness (centered in Liverpool) our team of bikesexuals figured they would be able to plow through the rest of the UK without any trouble. But after our 2nd all night dance party in as many days and facing two more in the next two days we know that it will be a good challenge to keep our cadence. Maybe we can just get some kind Southern Faeries to provide encouragement. Spurring us on with some handmade bike whips perhaps?

Colorama Cinema

52-56 Lancaster Street
London SE1
Thursday September 1st
8pm Alley Rat race then movies afterward, then on to our final UK show in Brighton tomorrow!

Tick tock we don't stop!

Western Front Well Lubed And Ready For Action

Hawt news from the not too distant future of bikesex!

Behold the month of September! (and a bit of October)

In only a couple weeks time our schedule has gone from dry bottom bracket to packed tight with grease and spinning wildly!

We wonder if those four shows in four locations in four days helped get the news of our impending awesome out.

In just a week of preparations and promotions our Paris show already has over 100 people attending and will span two days (or maybe three)!

We are still looking for the perfect community of bikesexuals in Bordeaux, Nantes, France and Valencia, Spain. If you know people in those areas please get them in touch with us!