March 28, 2013

WHACK!ng it with Bikes!

Presenting the greatest WHACK! since kitty abuse

WHACK! presents Bike Smut
a casually radical interview by Lynsey G

Below is a little taste:

Lynsey G: ... You do hear about women having orgasms on exercise bikes, so I can see there being an actual sexual aspect to the bike itself for some people.
Poppy Cox: Oh yeah. It makes you feel really good. It gets your blood pumping. There’s definitely more than one video or story of girls getting off on bikes, which is pretty awesome. Actually one of our favorite movies, which was made in Brooklyn, is sort of a freak bike that was built… it’s a stationary bike, but it has a big complex bicycle wheel system to make a moving dildo that fucks the person at the other end.
Lynsey G! [laughing] I think I saw that, actually, at the Museum of Sex!
PC: Yeah, it’s definitely on the internet. It’s one of our few films that’s actually on the internet. They call it ‘Fuck Bike #001.’ It’s all in black and white.

The conversation covers topics of distribution and obscenity and prior restraint and goes over some of our more difficult moments bringing better porn to the people.

Later on we found that this sticker we got from Courtney Trouble was actually from Lynsey G. Whoa! Small fucking world.

There’s a tremendous amount of insecurity associated with how we get around. Being able to have more open and honest conversations about our desires will help prevent the bad sexy time and make the good times better and more often!

March 15, 2013

Hop on 'The Porny Express"

It's time for YOU to contribute to another year of ethical bicycle perversion!

For six years we have asked our ever-growing community of bike-sexuals to express their ideas on bikes and sex. Year seven will be no different. Last year's program boasted SEVEN films by European filmmakers! (Great job, Europe!) This year, we went all around America and into Canada on our excellent 'Tour De Trixxx' We also went south of the border for THE VERY FIRST TIME on our 'Riding MeXXXico' Tour. We also managed to have Bike Smut films showing in 3 major cities on two continents all in one weekend! This included a very well attended Berlin Porn Film Festival Screening with rave reviews.

You have never failed to impress and surprise us with your creativity. We are sure year seven will be no different and we are so excited to continue sharing this content all over the world without ever putting it online or releasing a DVD.

Maybe you saw the movies and were inspired. Or maybe you saw the movies and were unimpressed. Maybe you didn't see the movies, but want to ensure you don't miss it next time round. (The best way to get us to come to our town is by making a movie!) Maybe you are a cyclist who wants to inspire your friends to be more open about sex, or introduce your pervy/kinky friends to the wonderful empowerment of the bicycle. Maybe you just like bikes and sex. It can be that simple!!

So, you wanna know how to get in on the action??

1. Get an idea! What do you like about bikes and sex? This years theme is 'The Porny Express'. What does that mean to you? Bicycles dressed up as horses? Old west brothels with bicycle parking? And still the throne of ultimate bike-sexuality remains unclaimed. Can you obtain coitus whilst riding a bicycle? (That's right, it's never been done and sent to us on film!)  We are not too strict on our themes. So, whatever your idea, make it sexy, make it clever, make it awesome. Just make bike porn!!!

2. Find a friend(s). It is possible to make a totally solo and totally great bike porn. But even if you and your bike are the only 'actors' its great to have a few more people on board. Camera operators are handy and make it easier to get better shots. Musicians can be great for providing sexy backing music. More people means more ideas, which can lead to really really great art. This project is all about community, so get your community involved in a great project!

3. Get a camera. (What, that cell phone shoots video??) We dont care how you shoot it. Just find a way to get it in some shareable format. Cameras are everywhere these days. Shoot in super 8, shoot in HD, string a bunch of still images together from your iphone. We prefer 16x9 ratio, but if you wanna shoot in pixelsvison or some other crazy format, we are ok with that.

4. Make your movie. Lights, camera, action as they say. Once you get it all recorded you are going to want to try your hand at some editing. Sharing ideas works best when they are quick and concise. Keep it under 10 mins (we think 5 mins and under is even better!) and the audience is more likely to stay engaged and understand what you are trying to say. That also keeps our show to one evening long, rather than an all night marathon of bike porn.

5. Fill out the 'Entry Form.' I know, i know...paperwork!!!??! It's a boring part of the biz, but we gotta do it. We kept it as short as possible, and it's a little more work for you that means A LOT less work for us. You can get your copy from HERE. If you have questions, send us an email.

6. Get your movie in our hands by May 25th! The entry form also has all the info you need to get it so us.  Once we have it, we promise not to put it online, release a DVD or tell your grandma.

May 5th 25th is the deadline for Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express

Just in case you didn't get that before.

You make it possible for bikers to talk about sex. You make it
possible for sex fiends to enjoy biking. You make your community
stronger and more aware. You share these things with people you care
about because it improves their lives. All you have to do is make a movie.

P.S. We have some super sweet posters and postcards for our 'call for entries', featuring the beautiful art above. If you work in a bookstore, bike shop, bordello or some similar community space that might want to share these ideas in poster/postcard format, please get in touch.

P.P.S. Are you a great writer? Why not send us a submission to our 'Great Bike-Sexual Story Contest'.


March 13, 2013

Hot in Your Box!

Today we got a bit of exciting mail... coincidentally it was from an excited male!

Sure thing, Michael* aka Mic aka Floyd Landis aka every preteen school girlboygirl's mooseknuckle wet dream.  While we like getting mail from famous bike racers we are a little sad to see Landis and Lance hung out to dry on the drug scapegoat podium. Particularly when Michael Phelps is a much more interesting drug user. Maybe someday college kids will hang around pumping oxygenated blood into their veins but until then...

But nevermind the woes of professional racing drug using. If you want some exciting mail in your box we have just the thing. The new artwork for Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express is being printed right now! Be the first bikesexual on on your block to see the art and take some extra time to share with others your interest in sex and cycling. We will send you a package with postcards and posters for you to distribute. Yes we are passing the bikesexual savings on to you, the nonpaying customer.

Here's how:

  • write to including
  • your full name and mailing address
  • your desired number of posters
  • your desired number of postcards
  • a bikesexual act you would like to see on the big screen

In a week you will receive a package with our brand new art AND stickers and maybe if you are lucky some personal art.

Otherwise we are gonna have our friend Mic Landis come and deliver the packages personally. And that could cost the state millions in drug sniffing dogs and damaged police vehicles.

March 1, 2013

Bike Smut's Great Bike-Sexual Story Contest

Hello to all the Bike-Smutteers out there!  As some of you might know (especially those of you who were at some of our recent shows) tis the season where we here at Bike Smut really start pestering you to make a movie.
Got that? no????


We will have the official 'call for entries' out next week, but to start those brains a-ticking we thought we would try something new. We are going to have our very first bike-sexual story contest. We want to see your hottest bike-sexual fantasies and your most daring real life bike-sexual adventures on paper. Fact or fiction, funny or dramatic, as long as it has to do with bikes and sex we want to hear it! This is the perfect opportunity for those of you who have a great idea but havent convinced all your desired co-stars to hop on the saddle with you. Or maybe you just love to write and have been waiting for the moment you can get all that filth out of your head and on to paper.

As a prize, we will pick our favourite to make into a movie for this year's program. Yup, thats right, your bike-sexual dreams actualized into a real piece of digital cinema! WOOT!

Submit your short stories to 

disclaimer: Writing a short bike-sexual story is a great way to express your bike-sexuality, but it is not an excuse to not make a movie too!!

make a movie
make a movie
make a movie