March 13, 2009

SUBMIT! to the sexiest bike show in the world

Lets go over this again.


Literally and figuratively . There is a reason porn becomes disinteresting so fast. Porn seeks to fulfill our most basic sexual needs and nothing else. This leaves the viewer feeling empty and drained. Sometimes that is all we want, but sometimes we want more.

In the biz they say "call for entries" but Danny Glover says, "Put it in your mouth!" and he means it!

A major joy and problem with porn is that it has low goals and it only kinda succeeds in fulfilling them. Void of substance, most porn leaves the viewer with a feeling distant from those around her.


We want to see the human/bicycle condition represented in a new exciting way. We want to have our feelings on sexuality challenged. We want an unprecedented amount of consensual sexual energy.

Sure, hot people on hot bikes is good but that is not the totality of Bike Porn. Maybe you can reach deeper. Why are bikes sexy? Show us!

The content you submit is ideally (although not necessarily) related to the theme, "cycle bound." This theme is for you, the creator, to interpret.

Any form of artwork on the theme is welcome. Most will be in the form of a totally sweet movie on Mini-DV tape shot in 16x9 cinema ratio. DVDs and VCDs will probably work fine but are more prone to errors.

You have until the 1st of June to put your entry into our headquarters:
C/O Bike Porn Industries
5301 NE 16th Ave
Portland, Oregon 97211

Please include the following info with your submission:
  • movie title
  • year of film's completion
  • director(s), or anyone who deserves props. (You can remain anonymous.)
  • running time
  • movie synopsis
  • What protection do you want? Some people request that a movie is never played in a particular city. Others are hoping to have everyone see the movie. Choose which licenses your work is protected by!

Selected works will be included in the ever-expanding Bike Porn Tour. In the past two years no artists have had their work leaked onto any lame porn websites. This is an excellent opportunity to share your vision with the hungry masses in a safe setting.

Don't wait for the last minute. Make inspiring bike porn today!


  1. will animated bike porn be considered for this festival or is this live action only?


  2. What about Taser Bike Porn.


  4. "also discovers that being a bike frame requires that she be mechanically fucked at the same time."

    thanks annoymous!

  5. I dropped a submission in your mailbox on thursday. hope you got it.
    email if not:

  6. I'm typing very loudly so hopefully Rev. Phil will hear this:

    This is Laura; I did naughty, naughty things to bikes with a girlfriend of mine at the BikePorn event in East Vancouver.
    I am astoundingly computer-retarted so this is in lieu of e-mailing you, 'cause I can't find your e-mail.

    Can you drop me an e-mail and tell me if any of the footage is going to be used? There might need to be a road trip in my future, if so.

    Chainy-oily-squeaky-bike love...


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