May 21, 2019

Fleshback Bike Tour d' Italia - Slovenia

2014 held some pretty spectacular opportunities. After touring Bike Smut all by my lonesome from Minneapolis to Montreal to Mexico last year I took nearly entire month break before embarking on a 6 month tour of Europe! There are a flood of memories but Ill hit some highlights:

* On my first attempt I sabered a bottle of campaign on my birthday over a sellout show in Lyon, France.

* accompanied Miss Poppy Cox to Marrakesh, Morocco, my first time in Africa (surprisingly affordable when you fly from Paris). We explored countless markets and I repaired and immediately lost my Ortlieb backpack which had been with me everywhere since 2008. I really hope someone is appreciating her.

* caught the midnight train from Amsterdam to Zurich and the thieves lived up to their reputation, stealing my handlebar bag resting on the shelf above my seat. I had the foresight to put all my money, documents and precious items on my person but they got a bunch of bike tools, maps, most frustratingly, the reader for my wireless bike computer. I bike toured about 8 thousand miles with that computer still attached to my stem because I keep thinking Im gonna find a reader for it.


Among the great things Catania has going for it include Europe's largest active volcano, Mt. Etna. Dwarfing Mt. Tabor (Portland's own volcano), Mt Etna covers an area 1506 times as large. Where you can ride the circle on top of Tabor in less than 60 seconds our circumnavigation of Etna took about 10 hours, alternating from pavement, to gravel, to sand, to wooded paths, to boulders, to expansive lava flows and back to pavement. But if the surface was varied the climate was constantly changing! On our circumnavigation our elevation was mostly between 1,500 and 2,200 meters and we got no shortage of weather. Full sun, driving rain, sleet, snow, and brisk winds so strong I found myself braking on an incline! After traveling and biking for so many years you start to think you have seen it all, then you realize you are accelerating beyond your comfort going uphill and you haven't pedaled in the past 30 seconds. That was surreal.

After leaving Sicily bike I bike toured most of Italy, from Genoa, to Turin, to Milan, to Modena, to Rome, to Napoli, to Pescara, to Ravena, to Bologna, to Vincenza, to Padova, to Venice, to Triste. And on to Slovenia, Croatia, Austria, Bavaria, Czech, Saxony, Denmark, Sweden and back to Berlin.

We took part in a few festivals:
Le Fete Du Slip - Cinéma CityClub Lausanne, Switzerland
Ciemmona - Italy's largest annual Critical Mass
Critichella - watch a short vid I made of the festival in Napoli
DIY Fest 7 - in Rimini, Italy
EHCBPC - The European Bike Polo Championships in Padua
Liepzig Bike Wars - Just like it sounds
Fester Bestandteil der Jahresausstellung der Akademie der Bildenden Künste -or- Academy of Arts finals - Munich
Prague Pride


We performed for many social centers and nonprofits

Cinema Spoutnik - Geneve
Arts du Forez - St-Étienne
La BAF - Grenoble
Byrrh - Brussels
Filmhuis Cavia
Stay Queer Stay Rebel - Palermo
Csoa Gabrio - Tornio
Leoncavallo - Milano
Libera - Modena
ExSnia - Rome
LO SKA - Napoli
Grotta Rossa - Rimini
ADA Lab - Vicenza
The Culture Yurt 
Linz Bike Kitchen
Vienna Bike Kitchen
Bratislava Critical Mass
Fixed Beer Brno
Queer Noises
Kiel Critical Mass

Photos you say? Okay but only a handful... im quite a poser and can't be here showing off for you all day.

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On the right is a children's book i saved from the trash in Sicily, Huey Dewey and Louie are replaced with Qui, Quo, Qua (in Italian, Who, What, Where). I wouldn't suggest you try and learn Italian with such a book except its got this illustration of an adolescent duck checking out a naked boy with a magnifying glass. 
In the middle is the note a kind lady on a train made for me to review the difficult letters and when they change pronunciation.
On the left is a promotional card for Aftermass, a feature movie I made with Joe Biel of Microcosm Publishing. It felt pretty cool to visit these places with some ideas about how we movie out bodies and also able to say a few sentences.

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My obligatory tour equipment photo. Most people make amazing art from organizing their gear, some of us are just happy we bothered to actually take a photo. Tent, pad, sleeping bag, two pots and cup (never used), my father's gym bag which help all my clothes, my my fisher price medical kit toy cum bikeporn merchandise case, Bike Smut undies, condoms, DVDs, stickers, handmade bike tube laptop cozy, cable bag (via the Bicycle Film Fest 2004), projector, screen, and camping chair (also never used) all fit into my 6 bags and onto my bike.

Strangely not pictured is my Black Star Bag fannypack: $, passport, glasses and my  OhShitKit: bike tools, pills, & my precious whiskey flask (thanks Sysfail, Wonderthighs and TRolf who made that possible) 


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Touring Italy provides a good challenge when you want to sleep. There are almost no camping sites and those are designed for motorists/RVs. However if you take some care to plan your day you can find the very infrequent accessible DL camp site.


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There is a dearth of natural environment in Italy. But I did find a few critters who were still making the most of it. This night in  I even heard a wild boar nearby which was, actually quite terrifying. If I was badly injured there was little chance the body would still be warm when they found me.

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I found a monument to Musilini, who besides creating a fascist police state also helped the people in Orbetello by installing some sanitary features. This creepy statue was on the same hill.

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here you see the water made clean by Mussolini, aka Il Duce. His nickname reminds me of The Douche which in this case is all rather fitting I suppose.

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apparently there is a tradition of getting naked on a rooftop in Rome the dawn after their big annual Critical Mass ride. Thankfully I still had the necessary vestiges.




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Leaving from Rome to Napoli we have a team of 4 bike punks. A Brazillian balloon street artist, a German "SuperCool!Craftsman", and a tall bike touring Italian.

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The Italian Tall Touring Bike features extra wide handlebars for loading all of your weight on the front. Take extra care when parking.

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for the entire North American and European bike tour this was the only time I had anyone join me. It was really excellent having a team for a bit!


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The Critchella in Napoli. In the background the screams of thousands of Pompeii residents still drift around Mt Vesuvius.

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Crossing Italy from the Tyrrhenian Sea in the west to the Adriatic Sea in the east put me in Pescara. There are some great bike paths in Italy which end abruptly and turn into highways.

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Bike punks i had met in Milano and Rome found their way to Bologna. Here Ela works to turn bikes into the Bike Smut mise en scene. Im particularly proud of framing this picture so the step of the bike is getting pissed on.


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they do a regular DIY market at XM24, with loads of people trading goods and such its a pretty festive place.



The city wanted to expand a traffic circle meaning it would tear down a wall of the squatted social center. For some time there were clashes with police and threats. At one point Blu the street artist had made a beautiful 20-foot tall mural on the wall of XM24 that was on the chopping block. It depicts the government vs the squatters in a Lord of The Ring battle. The mural has since become so popular the city is no longer able to tear it down. A fabulous use of art.


Signs designate the beginning and end of towns and cities which make for some pretty amusing images
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So I guess they have not had enough.


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Padova hosted the Euro Bike Polo Championships somehow i ended on a team from Austia. We got to play former world champions Wolfgang in our 1st round .They were very skilled.
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Venice is a pretty amazing place. Somehow my friend Allesia and I were able to spend a whole day there for less than 20-euros. I think we may have set some sort of record.
Leaving Venice I caught a train to Triste, the end of the line in Italy, where Slovenia has a tiny piece of beach property before you get into the endless beauty of the Croatian Islands. I wanted to explore them but bikes and boats are not always very convenient. So I went due east and immediately started up a +20 degree hill justting out of the Adriatic Sea.

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by the time I got to the top I felt like I had accomplished a lot. I was able to avoid most brutal climbs but this was one i wouldn't be able to avoid and it was Bru-TAL! With cars screaming up and down the cobble roads at high speeds. I expected that I would have to push the bike but thankfully the double chain ring gearing was just enough

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Slovenia was my favorite country in a few ways. In a way its not ideal to go there right out of Italy because that is one language they really don't want to listen to (and they all speak English pretty well) but mostly because it felt like my home state of Oregon. Its clean and polite and earnestly interested. (at least I think to think of Oregon like that) .But bike touring through the forest and smelling that pine was quite heavenly. Plus they had some interesting DIY spaces along the way


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Leaving, however was more difficult. I had been following Google's directions which had a border crossing just a 10 clicks north of the main highway crossing into Zagreb, Croatia. The border guards were not so keen. They took my passport and went through the motions and then told me that it wouldn't be possible for reasons they couldn't explain.  Why would you bother having border guards who can speak more than one language?

"You no bike cross"

"I just saw a person bike across"

"Not you"

"Can I walk across?"
They made me turn around and go back to the train station several miles back. When I got to the station they told me I was not allowed to take a train with a bike until after rush hour (like 9pm). That was gonna mean I was getting into the squat after midnight and seemed a terrible idea. So I tried the next option. Ride on the highway! The roads are really well paved but apparently the motorists are very concerned about my safety because someone called in the police and just before I had finished biking the 15 miles to the boarder I was detained. A prolonged conversation resulted in them taking me to a gas station and having them ask random motorists if I could jump into their vehicle so as to cross the border without creating an international incident. After more than an hour they found a large bus carrying  the Slovenian National Women's Basketball team and together we went to Croatia. It was a surreal experience.

There's a lot more stories; if you are kind, curious and patient I will share them with you.

 


May 8, 2019

fucking bikes in Denver

We take back active mobility. We take back our streets. 
We take back our bodies. We do it in the road.


THE BEST OF THE WORST IS TONIGHT IN DENVER


Plus the Westword made us the pick of the week (or the day, whatever!) but read the blurb they wrote:

Gird your loins for the Bike Smut Film Festival, a tour de pantsless exhibition of the horniest movies on two wheels. Presenting a pansexual array of independently produced erotica from cyclists of all backgrounds, Bike Smut is a body-positive bonanza of short films dedicated to demonstrating how creative filmmakers get freaky in the sack and astride the saddle. See what these "randy riders" get up to on their "hot wheels" when Bike Smut rolls up to the Oriental Theater, 4335 West 44th Avenue, at 8 p.m. Wednesday, May 8 (doors open at 7). Buy tickets, $18, and learn more at theorientaltheater.com

Someone on their staff was really was having a good time! And it makes sense it is gonna be big.

We have free STI tests from Rocky Mountain Cares: condoms, dental dams, Free 1-Min HIV tests and learn about PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis)
We have bikes and bodies suspended by Studio Friction
We have tiny genitalia from Planed Parenthood: Rocky Mountains  #KeepAbortionSafe
We have loads of sex toys from Vanilla Kink and Awakenings Boutique
We have a sweet after party at MiddleMan with DJ SaltHands



ALL OLD! ALL NEW!
ALL PORN! ALL 4 U!

5/8/19
Doors at 7pm. Show at 8pm
21+ only



SPONSORED BY

 


Presale tickets were still available at the time of this publishing! 


May 4, 2019

Cyclo de Milo - topless ride - Sunday Sunday Sunday!


It is exciting time to be alive and self mobilized. As the age of automotive tyranny draws to a close more people find their loins engorged and emboldened by their choices.

We choose to sweat a little more.
We choose to breathe a little harder.
We choose to put some skin in the game.

This Sunday Bike Smut is proudly co-sponsoring a topless bike ride with The Ministry of Boulder.


Cyclo de Milo
Sunday May 5 (Cinco de Mayo)
Fate Brewing - 1600 38th St, Boulder, CO
1pm - 4pm

Its kind of like the World Naked Bike Ride, but ya know, only half-monty.


April 25, 2019

Science Friction in KC

When people have affordable rent they may spend their time making art... and making weird. 
Here we have the Stray Cat Film Center. A fantastic space for exploring art and making kickass parties. Which is what you want to do following Critical Mass! You wanna feel free! Free to ride your machine and not get hassled by the man. And you wanna party! And that is what we are going to do!

Bike Smut 9: Science Friction
Friday April 26
1662 Broadway Blvd, Kansas City, MO
9pm, following Critical Mass (prizes for best costumes on ride)
18+ , $10
Performances by Drugs & Attics, Riki Wallen, KC Roller Derby
Space Kink Costume Contest
Beer by Cinder Block, Brewery Emperial, Torn Label


CRITICAL MASS!

COSTUMES!


BONDAGE!

BEER!

BANDS!

PERFORMANCES!

When the book of Bike Smut is written there may well be an entire chapter on Kansas City. The term "fast friends" makes sense when people are engaging in provocative art that allows them to question things as basic as how they move and how they fuck. But sometimes, some communities in some places look beyond the surface of Bike Smut and explore the depths.


Thus we are moved to present Jackie Danger with our coveted "Hero de Bike Smut" award for excellence in bringing joy and comfort to the weary traveling artist. You know that feeling you get when someone asks you if you need something not out of a sense of obligation but out of genuine desire to be helpful? Well if you dont make some rad as fuck art and bring it to KC because it feels great!


Of course she is not alone. A community does not just appear out of nothing. Cinephile, Matt Loyd puts in time behind the projector and brings technical excellence to keep their collective vision chugging along. Exploring the beautifully absurd and spell-blindingly horrific in celluloid and performance. Of their duo it is written:
Jointly they promote the visibility of queer culture through films that challenge mainstream societal and cinematic expectation as well as provide a platform for traveling film festivals and filmmakers.
From sailboats to haunted drain tunnels, the Cannonball Roarers have showcased memorably strange events in a variety of strangely memorable locations! Collaborating with performers, musicians, dancers and so much more, they strive to change the way our community engages with great cinema.
We are reminded of the words spoken just before a screening of Charles Lum's provocative work during Pornotopia (Albuquerque's semi-annual festival of hidden erotic gems hosted by Self Serve):

"The history of experimental cinema *is* the history of queer cinema."

Because how much examination of truth at 24 frames per second can you do if you haven't ever examined your own butt?


Exploring hidden spaces and forbidden places with friendly faces. Thats what visiting KC feels like.




March 31, 2019

The Best of the Worst - World Premiere

It happening again but not as it has ever been done before.

Ravenous bikesexuals have been asking for a "best of Bike Smut" program for several years. But we have refused because if more than a decade of organizing art showcases of diverse methods of "getting on and getting off... bikes" has taught us its that one person's flat tire is another's unicycle. So rather than play favorites we are gonna go the opposite direction and play red-headed stepchild.

THE BEST OF THE WORST

More than just bikes or sex, this one night only show will permit Denver, Colorado's adult, consensual audience to engage with the most provocative bike-fucking films ever made.


This show will include frequent interaction with the audience.
Prepare for us to ask questions you have likely avoided answering for decades. 
One part film school, one part game show, all parts genital.
This may be the only time this show is ever produced.
Get ready to get uncomfortable

Wednesday, May 8th, Two Thousand Nineteen years into the Common Era
Doors at 7pm. Show at 8pm
21+ only

SPONSORED BY


March 17, 2019

Things to do in Denver When You Are Dead Sexy


BIKESEXUAL BAJEEBUS! WE GOT SPONSORS!


Velowood Cyclery: The only bike shop in Denver brave enough to be a public-facing sponsor for Bike Smut! A full-service bike shop with a personal touch. 

Vibrant: Vibrant offers high-end toys and supplies for adventurous adults, with proceeds going to support Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains.

The Drop: The Drop is the HIV-testing center for PPRM that provides free testing and helpful services for sexual health, as well as a safe community space. 





Awakening: Denver's female-focused and female-owned pleasure center, now in TWO locations: RiNo and Broadway! So fun, so pretty, so approachable!




Vanilla Kink: the by-appointment and online toy store specializing in kinky stuff for all orientations, coming soon to brick-and-mortar near Sloan's Lake. So many collars, so little time. 



Studio Friction: The rope-and-aerials studio for circus and bondage in the Santa Fe neighborhood. Events, classes, and workshops available for all sorts of skills and fun!



Hey, Denver: A sweet group of folks who provide HIV/STI testing and harm reduction counseling and services to anyone who would like them. A great place to check in and keep yourself safe and healthy!

Middleman is the official after party for Bike Smut: Denver! Join in the group ride and dance your bikesexual urges into a proper frothy cocktail and drink that shit down while dancing to actual fucking vinyl by DJ Salthands!

July 25, 2018

THURSDAY! OUR LAST SHOW IN CANADA!

SAVE THE RIO!

In most cities there are few venues where Bike Smut can present. Often we find ourselves in a backyard, or underground art gallery, which is fine for an intimate show, but when there's hundreds of people who want to watch it together... that's when we need a proper cinema!

We don't envy the difficulty of running a modern theater. Most filmmakers are not exactly easy to deal with and have an unrealistic expectation of their upcoming success.

From our perspective it's hard enough convincing people that we are actually a real event. Once you get beyond the spam filters and gatekeepers you still have to negotiate the taboo of having a night of profound exploration of how we move and fuck.

This challenges so much about who we are. Its rare to have spaces that can properly ride the line between risk taking in their programming and keeping their own doors open. The Rio here in Vancouver is on the bubble. They continually have interesting, provocative, independent art. But they are feeling the pinch. In a culture that can't see tomorrow because of the money they could make today, these places are always on the edge of capitalism's knife.

Thankfully The Rio is not just waiting for the axe to fall, they are actually doing something about it. The #SaveTheRio campaign has raised millions and is close to achieving its goal of making it so that they can buy the venue and have a little more breathing room in the future.

The deadline for this is August 1st so in addition to the community, nonprofit bike shops Bike Smut donates to while in Vancouver we are also splitting the proceeds with The Rio. We've had our last couple shows here and we can't imagine anywhere else we would go in Vancouver.


July 11, 2018

Kanucks gonna Kafuck... Bikes! The LAST EVER show in VANCOUVER, BC

We have news.

News about us.

And Canada.

Its serious.



We have said Bike Smut is in transition, but really its more like hibernation. Once a season we come out of our cave covered in scrawled drawings of tallbikes welded from Colnago frames, rub our eyes, then rub our saddles... with our genitals. We check up on our friends organizing the various World Naked Bike Rides (they are good!), check to see how the ice caps are doing (they are not good!)



Then we put together some glorious scheme, trek some epic distance, and then after an astounding presentation of sexualized mobility we return to our cave to slumber away the pain of modern car culture and exploitative pornography.



After doing more than a show every week for 10 years are shows are few and far between. So each time they happen it feels like it could be the last one. This is likely the last ever screening in Canada!

Vancouver, BC

Thursday, July 26th 2018

The Rio Theatre



more details as they get typed. Bears wake up grumpy. WE'RE AWAKE! FED AND NO LONGER GRUMPY!



June 27, 2018

WORLD NAKED BIKE RIDE REPORT


the fabulous poster art from PDXWNBR.ORG


Following the rides in Los Angeles and Portland its worth getting some first hand accounts from the people who actually showed up and put some skin in the game.

photo by larameeee

Portland's ride gathered in Cathedral Park under the St. John's Bridge in North Portland at 8pm and depared at 9. Of course when you have more then ten thousand people departing it takes a while to disperse. Thankfully there was music by the High Step Society and the sidewalks were lined with countless enthusiastic supporters and a few people that were worried their clothes might not make it to the afterlife.
even naked bikers have their haters
The ride winded its way to Woodlawn park, about 7 miles away a pretty short ride, historically speaking. Of course most were not done partying and there were several options to choose from including following the Tiki Bike to a undisclosed beach party along the Columbia River.


There are some insightful comments on Bike Portland (and some obnoxious ones)
and some photos from

Apparently both I-5 traffic and ICE were invited to eat naked biker ass.

Now we move our attentions down the west coast a thousand miles to Los Angeles, where about 400 people joined in two daytime, naked celebratory protests of a different, uh flavor.
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We met in an industrial corridor of downtown LA at 9am, just across the train tracks from the skyline. A friend visiting from Phoenix joined me. We were some of the first to arrive, and when we did, at first it definitely had a very SoCal ex-hippy naturist vibe to it.
As it began to fill in, the group became much more diverse in age, race, and gender expression. Everyone was very welcoming and friendly, and we all took pictures with each other. It felt very relaxed and supportive. There were a couple taco trucks, body paint lead by the teenage daughter of one of the organizers, and overall had a very kid-friendly vibe. Very diverse in terms of age range.
At 10:30 we began the first leg of the ride.
LA WNBR is technically split into two shorter rides. The first leg it the political part and goes through the downtown municipal buildings boldly stating our messages: freedom from fuel and legal toplessness for everyone. We rode past the highway then headed back to the starting point.
Then we geared up for the second leg of the trip, where we were joined by many more riders totaling about 350 at its peak. The organizers provided water for the riders, and people were able to buy food at the trucks. There were also a few different groups tabling: naturalists, LA history buffs, and WNBR organizers mainly.
We left for the second leg of the ride, and rode through downtown, through Chinatown, and down the LA River Path. It was beautiful. People came out of shops and restaurants and cheered us on, smiling and saying they'd join us next year.
It was an extremely welcoming ride, I think having it during the day gives it a very different feel.
We stopped at a restaurant that was located just off the River Path, the restaurant let us use the bathrooms and order food and drinks and we were very well received by staff and patrons.
Then we headed back through the neighborhoods, and eventually wound around to the starting point again. People hung out and talked and networked when we got back, then it eventually dispersed at about 5:30pm.
It was very fun to experience WNBR in a new city for my 10th year doing it. I plan on getting involved with the organizers next year. It is a smaller ride, but it is mighty, and I think it is doing some really wonderful things.

(Pic below: me and part of the LA skyline.)




This weekend Vancouver and Victoria, BC host their WNBRs!
Find them! Support them! Join them! As bare as you dare!!