December 22, 2014

Media Monday: VICE - Culture Blog is Like Others

An open letter to the editors of VICE:

Thank you for publishing an article about Bike Smut, our plucky little, internationally touring, erotic bicycle film festival. Among the torrent of attention-starved independent working artists you chose us to talk about in mostly encouraging terms with your audience.

Credit goes to the author, Josiah Hesse, who took time to learn about Bike Smut and ask good questions, some of which we have never been asked before. He was especially focused on ideas regarding objective sexuals. The research done to explain the condition of being attracted to an object is fascinating and through (although he misused the term fetish*)

Some objects are pretty attractive as they are and certainly deserve some special attention. One of our favorite essays on the topic of bikes and sex came from a recent graduate of Arizona State University who joined the tour for 4 months. She described the love of a bicycle as more pure than any love between a man and woman because of the impossibility of reproduction, whereas when two able-bodied people hump they might have some lizard brain programming that is telling them to make babies, thus sullying the purity of the love. As long as we are are allowing others to guess at the intentions and awareness of reptile-like functions of people we might as well go whole-gay-hog and say that even between two same-sexed people it is possible that there might be some reproductive programming going on. "But," she would remark in a particularly assertive tone, "human-bicycle relations is only for pleasure."

We never bothered to tell her that for many, cycle-relations are more "business" but we also are also not the right people to make that call. After EIGHT YEARS of sharing DIY pornography across the hemisphere we have somewhat lost the distinction between business and pleasure.

No, for the most part the article was great. We do take umbrage with the title which currently reads as such:

There's a Film Festival for People 

Who Get Turned on by Bicycles

However if you were to look at the URL you can see when they originally posted the article the title was a little more "edgy": 



Neither title is accurate. "Bike Smut is for people..." yes that much is true. Aroused by bicycles? Sure,  maybe... why not. But really even that feels too limiting. It's not as if we expect everyone in the audience to regularly masturbate to Independent Fabrication catalogues (although they are quite nice).

We regularly hear from audience members who were dragged to the show by their friends. They wait around, eager to speak with our organizers to say "Thank you! I don't even like bikes!" And that is one of the biggest compliments we receive, right up there with, "Thank you! I don't even like porn!"

Modern living encourages us to carve out a special little niche where only the like-minded enter into your news-feed's timeline but this is so boring. The challenge of engaging ideas that are bold and run counter to what you believe - that's exciting! When we get put on our ass and learn that even after revolving around the sun dozens of times we still cannot escape the shining illumination of a new Truth.

Yes, bikes are sexy.**
Yes, porn should be better.***
Yes, your choices about porn and transport have an affect on the world and regardless of what naysaying scenesters might write to justify their own lack of gumption, you actually can make your personal space and thus the community you engage with better by riding a bike and/or adopting sex-positive practices.

In an ideal world the article would mention our upcoming call for submissions for our 9th year of "banging pedalphiles." Or our success presenting movies from so many different filmmakers. We have received nearly 100 films from various artists and shared them approximately 500 times and never had a single leak of our content. We don't put the films online and we don't take your body and try to sell DVDs making you into freak show. This is our promise to our filmmakers. This way anyone can contribute to our project without fear of being outted as a pervert or having to explain one's choices to judgmental relatives over holiday dinner.

But more importantly, the ideals of good sex and good transportation are so important to good living that we spend most of our lives in pursuit of one of the other (or both at the same time). Look at the amount of money spent on advertising cars; look at the way sex is used to sell everything! Once a person has claimed their own mobility and sexuality they have no concern of the opinions of bastards who work late trying to find new ways to convince others to buy shit they don't need by lowering vulnerable people's self-esteem.

Any of these would have been an exciting ideas for the article to focus on. But just getting keeping eyeballs on the screen for a few extra seconds seems like an impressive accomplishment and we can't blame them for wanting to sensationalize...  but after years of avoiding other similar media exposé we were hoping VICE might dig deeper into our politics than where some people choose to put their genitals.

So thanks to VICE editors for helping to share the words "Bike Smut" even if you didn't quite have the time, space or mental patience to actually get beyond the sophomoric part of putting a saddle up your butt.

There's an important distinction to make between the fetishization of an inanimate object (merely using it to get off), and seeing that object as an entity unto itself that inspires love and connection in a person. - Josiah H.
The meaning of the word "fetish" has been diluted over the years to basically being on par with "having an interest in" which is pretty milquetoast compared to its more historical definition where a person would only be described as suffering from a fetish if they absolutely needed said object/activity to achieve sexual satisfaction. A person who likes smelling bike saddles would not qualify as a fetish unless that saddle was always under nose during sex. Okay, we can stop being so annoying... for now.

** self mobilization is hot. dependency is not.
*** watching bad porn encourages pornographers to make bad porn. 

December 14, 2014

Finishing the Texas Two Step

Double down! We are closing out 2014 with grace and patience. Rather than going crazy busting ass providing our delicious, hand-crated, human-powered, sex-positive porno to as many willing recipients as possible we will be practically relaxing with only with a pair of fun shows in Texas!

We are in Houston!

Nostuoh is one of those places that when you say you are hosting a screening of erotic bicycle films they often raise their eyebrows and say, "oh really?" then they nod and follow up with, "well that would be perfect" and it always has been. A great staff and a bar that is more than just "Houston" spelled backwards it actually emulates bizzaro world Houston. We have not officially seen anyone paid to drink there but it wouldn't surprise us. It is a wonderful place for the misfits of otherwise mind numbing downtown to gather to enjoy bikeporn... for one night only!

Tuesday, December 23rd
314 Main Street
8pm, $7 donation, 21+

FB event page

Thursday, Dec 18th
K23 Gallery 
702 Fredericksburg Rd
doors at 7pm, performances at 8:30
$3 suggested donation, 21+ 
 FB event page

Featuring art by Louie Chavez, Frances Minten, Mark Olivares, Jessica Garcia, Tony Gnosis, Marc Montoya, Bryan Duff, Shannon Wingate, Eric Montez, Dani Dickson, Angelle Benitez, as well as San Antonio’s only screening of the 8th Annual Bike Smut Film Festival! With a live performances by Zombie Bazaar, comedy and spoken word by Javier Bazaldua, Travis Reyes, Brian Powell and Casey Chacon.  Music by PopGuy. 

Then we get our longest break in years! More than two weeks! So exciting! 

December 4, 2014

Come Again, deep in the cornhole of Texas

What a fucking bird!

Okay, we didn't actually put our genitals inside the carcass of a butchered turkey...  that is probably illegal or something (necro-beastiality meats foodporn? Oh you want that? Okay you asked for it)

The time for being thankful has ended. 
The time for greed is upon us!

Time to give yourself the gift of giving yourself a .gif

This weekend is the Texas premiere of Bike Smut 8: Come Again!

Saturday, Dec 6th in Austin
North Door $7 advance price! Get your tickets now while they are cheap!
502 Brushy St
7pm Doors open! Bring in your bicycle and porn mags then get crafty with Queer Ride
9:30 Screening! Performance!
11ish Dancing!
Have you had enough social media disease today? Enjoy our FB event

Thats right you can have it all!

As long as "all" is a pair of hot bikers and "have it" is them rampaging your salty, bloated caucus with their minds and phalluses.

Wait, thats not right. Instead these charming gentlemen will probably buy you a drink then politely ask your permission to submerge you in a bath of salt water with ginger, sugar, habanero, and citrus* for a few days before they consensually split you open, rip out your spine, break your breastbone, stuff garlic and herbs under your skin and leave you trembling under a bed of onion and potatoes in a cozy pot around 350 degrees for a couple hours or something.

Yes it takes a certain special kind of pornographer to turn an abused pile of flesh into ...

Yes, thats some Lumbersexual Daisy Dukes giving you the bird. 

* while this recipe is unbeaten we also cook hella amazing vegan food too, just saying.

What can we say, we fucking present well for the holidays. Plus bourbon, because bourbon.

Go ahead, beg us to visit your family and ComeAgain!

November 18, 2014

Boning Your Eros Zonna

Winter has come to North America; it's time to go down... south!

For residents of Arizona, this weekend is a double fisting of joyous bikesexual activity!

Friday Nov 21
Space 55
636 E Pierce St
Doors at 7:00 pm, show at 7:40. 
$7 FB event

Saturday Nov 22
The Screening Room
127 E Congress St
Doors at 9:00 pm, show at 9:30
$6  FB Event

tickets for the Tucson show available now:

Adults only, please!

Austin! Houston! San Antonio! You are next!

November 5, 2014

Come Again, Rockies!

We have a slew of great shows coming up for you higher elevated bikesexuals!

Saturday Nov 8th
Velowood Cyclery - 2526 E Colfax 
Two shows!  8pm  and 10pm! $8  FB Event

Sunday Nov 9th
Phoenix Asylum - 2510 47th St, Boulder
7pm, $8 FB Event

Tuesday Nov 11th
Ft. Collins
Lyric Cinema - 300 E Mountain Ave
9:30pm  $10 FB Event

Wednesday Nov 12th
Col Springs
Voodoo Leatherworks, 2422 Busch Ave
9pm $1-10  FB Event

Friday Nov 14th
Salt Lake
Physics Warehouse
8pm  $5  FB event

Sunday Nov 16th
Pornotopia, The Guild Cinema 3405 Central Ave NE
7pm $10 FB event
Join the group ride to the show!

Look at the Rocky Mountain grouping! Thats 6 shows in 9 days! (Not including the double header in Denver!) How are we to keep our minds in the gutter for such an extended period of time?

We are gonna need your help! Please reach out to someone in this region and share with them the value of kickass sex and transportation!

October 19, 2014

Exxxtra Curricular California Porno!

Bike Smut is touring down the west coast by bicycle. As such we get to have some pretty curious adventures and meet lots of colorful characters.

We also get to show porn is some pretty odd places...

TONIGHT in San Luis Obispo (or SLO)
Bike Smut selected cuts! 8 years of whatever we want!
Perfect Vision
2020 Ruth St
7:30 pm

Wake up you bastion of conservative fuddyduddies! We got the hot bikesexul action coming at ya!

October 14, 2014

Los Fuckin Angles

Bike Touring is great. We are riding south along the west coast! It great to be on the road again and now with a fabulous new tourista!

It gives time to ponder some of the great questions of our time, for example:
QUESTION: "How many LA bikesexuals can dance on the head tube?"
QUESTION: "When can I watch a screening of erotic bike films?"
QUESTION: "Where did you get that 'My other car is a tiny penis' sticker?"

Thankfully these questions have answers, which we are prepared to offer below:

October 24th
Church of Fun

410X Melrose Ave


October 2, 2014

Extra Bay Area Action!

We are having a hoot at El Rio!

But the bikesexual train doesn't stop rolling just cause we are in the most densely populated city on the west coast.

We got 3 more shows for ya!

Wednesday in Oakland!
Feelmore 510, 1703 Telegraph Ave, 9pm

Thursday in Emeryville!
GUAVA, 4210 Holden St, 8pm

Saturday in San Jose! 
Back Bar  21 N. 3rd St

September 27, 2014

Stepping into El Rio

Heraclitus said, "you can't step in the same river twice"

But if he were alive and in San Francisco this week he would totally say, "You can watch all new bicycle pornography at El Rio!

Two years ago the Bay Area forces of rad, sex positive queerdom* gathered to appreciate Bike Smut 6: Turning Trixxx. We had a fantastic performance by Bianca Stone:

In the two years since that screening we have showed forced haircuts from Chicago, golden showers and swampy dendrophilia from Gainesville, greasy cock and ball torture from Berlin, spaghetti-western anarchists from Montreal, gender queer Mario Brothers from Geneva, hardfem bicycle-mounted cavalry-archers hunting to feed their sexual appetites in Pheonix, and a hardcore ginger-on-ginger bisexual, bikesexual educational film... and that was just in Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express

Now with Come Again we will share androgynous frottage in an ice cave, bike thief revenge, euro bicycle lap dances, bike gang consensual non consent, wheelchair porn and the finest collection of animated gifs the internet could provide!

But since we never got to show #7 we will be selecting some choice cuts from each program! We have a lot of great porn to share and only a few chances to share it!

Dont miss a step in your river of bikesexual fantasies, come watch porn made by your community!

Bike Smut 8: Come Again
Thursday October 2nd
El Rio
3158 Mission St
9pm, $10 suggested donation

September 17, 2014

Eureka! The Porn is between our legs!

For the first time in two years Bike Smut is going back to California!
We have several shows planned but please contact us to help us set up more!

First stop, NorCal!
Sunday, September 21
The Ink Annex
47 B West 3rd St, E
7pm, $5-10 

Live musical performance by Mad River Rounders
Q & A post screening for you brainy types.

Get yr FB on

SF is booked! Can we get any more shows in the middle? Contact and let us know you deserve good sex and transportation!

September 9, 2014

Free Tickets to Come Again World Premiere!

Thats right FREE TICKETS for Friday's World Premiere of Bike Smut 8: Come Again

Like adding chocolate to peanut butter, the combination of bikes and sex has delighted people all over! But it only happens every so often. Portland is lucky that it gets at least one chance every year.

Bike Smut 8: Come Again
Friday, September 12th

You want free tickets? All you gotta do is leave a comment here on PDX Pipeline.

This is a $14 value, all yours just for clicking writing something.

We are also giving away two tickets to:
Aftermass: Bicycling in a Post-Critical Mass Portland!
Also worth $14

Leave a comment stating why you should get free tickets to which show. Best comments win.

Deadline for comments is Wednesday September 10th

Make your voice heard. Watch amazing films and performances for free. Have some fucking bike party!

Dont wanna use your outdoor voice to get free tickets? You can still buy tickets online!

Make it a Double Whammy! Pay just $3 more and you get to see both Aftermass and Bike Smut!

More information on the event and other activities happening before and after is all on the main event page.

September 5, 2014

Das Porno Kapital

Its time.

Time for the final,
the ultimate,
the last chance for a full on turned on hard on with a bike on the big screen screening of Bike Smut!

Tonight in Berlin, the porno capital of the world we share the best of the past 3 years of Bike Smut.

Saturday, 6, September
Eizeit Kino [eye-sight]
Zeughofstrasse 20
5 - euros

There are only 81 seats so either to reserve tickets by phone (and then pick up your tickets 20 minutes before the start) or buy the in advance.










Its gonna be a good fucking time.

September 4, 2014

Kiel Haul!

By now we should be sick of biking but actually its only getting better. In fact due to some bad information presented by brutally inaccurate German customer service we are traveling in Europe without our bike for the first time ever!

It feels strange but thankfully we have lots of good hosts helping to keep our mobile during these difficult days.

We have similar great expectations in Kiel, where a crew of bikers has been making the bike fun and advocacy happen for many years. Our first show was excellent! We felt quite blessed to witness a horde of bikers stripping down in the bar to wear our handmade underwear!

Tonight more magic from Germany's northern city. 

Am Donnerstag  20.00 Uhr
Muthesius-Hochschule Kiel Industriedesign Lorentzendamm 6-8 24103 Kiel
Eintritt ist frei

er what I mean for all you engrish speakers is

Muthesius-Hochschule Kiel Industriedesign
Lorentzendamm 6-8
Free! But you can make a donation.

September 2, 2014

7 days w/out bikesex makes one week!

Breaking bikesexual news!  We were just informed that a last minute film is now in post production in Toronto, Canada.

rad fems on bikes doing what comes naturally

Its the end of the road for our our 2nd European tour AND our call for artists to submit their short films for our touring, erotic, bicycle film festival.

Whats that, you love bikes and you love sex but you didn't know you could put those fabulous ideas together into an erotic film that will travel the world inspiring more creative expressions of joy and liberation in the lives of thousands.

now you do.

The deadline is 9/9   -   that is September 9th no matter what continent you are from.

There are just seven days until the close of our extended deadline for entries to Bike Smut 8: Come Again.

Make it human-powered
Make it sex-positve
Make it happen
Make if fast

Deliver a consensual package today! 

The race is on