December 28, 2013

Galveston on The Porny Express

Its the end of the year as we know it and we feel DAMN fine!

2013 was great to Bike Smut but before we are able to take account of the latest advances in the bikesexual industry we have one final show on a small island in the Gulf of Mexico. For the first time ever Bike Smut is going to Galveson!

Sunday, December 29th
Vanishing Point
2411 Strand St
7pm, $5 donation, 21+

The island's first European construction was a port made in the early 1800s by a French pirate to help the young Republic of Mexico fight the Spanish Armada. Galveston grew to be among the most active ports in the Americas, earning the title, "The Wall Street of the South". Then less than 100 years later the city suffered what is still the United State's most deadly natural disaster when a hurricane killed about a quarter of its inhabitants.

The former Texas financial capitol is not to be confused with Galvatron, the reincarnated spirit of Megatron used by Unicron to take over the Decepticons. (Where in Lenard Nimoy engages in interstellar political warfare on the behalf of Orson Welles who just wants to enjoy his final meal after eating both of Cyberton's moon planets, which certainly was the most deadly event in Transformer history)

Coincidence? No. Absolutely not.

December 25, 2013

Houston on the Porny Express

What a haul!

braving multiple swamp, bridge, causeways and police interactions our team of fresh legged bike fucking fanatics made it to Houston!

We thought we might get rained out of NOLA and considering recent history having a show so close to the levy during a torrential downpour might not have been the wisest idea. but fuck it, the dirty south knows how to get by. More than that they know where a hot time is!

So it was grand that we packed in the peeps and had a fine show in the Big Easy.

Now to share a little bike love around Texas!

Houston December 26th
Galveston December 29th
Austin January 17th
Dallas January 19th

maybe San Antonio? Get them feelers out there. Lets make some magic happen!

but first we make the baby jesus weep with our sexy bodies. come take part!

Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express in Houston
Thursday, Dec 26
314 Main St
$5-10 suggested donation


December 21, 2013

New Orleans hops on The Porny Express

We are in New Orleans!

The vast quantity and quality of art here astounds! Moreover every person we talk is excited for:

Sunday, December 22nd
The Mudlark
1200 Port St, New Orleans, LA
$5-10 no one turned away

The day after solstice! Get yr awkward churbric baby fat moving and grooving!

Joshua has a pretty worried look on his face...

 Some of our own religious symbols...

December 19, 2013

Go on a Bike Date! WIth any white girl you like!!

We have been slacking in our reporting of bikesexual industry. Here we are facing the end of the calendar season and we are just now getting around to covering our other, other mission. (ya know, after the bikes and sex and independent and combined political stances we also have to nit pick the various ways others would seek to combine them. Serious responsibilities.)

This is a little sad since there is a newcomer to this market. Moreover we haven't seen much in the way of radical politics from the Bikesexual Calendar Industry since we covered PedalFresh's drive to support water rights by objectifying Portland male bikers.

The 2014 Bike Date Calendar depicts women bonding with anthropomorphic cycles in a variety of typical romantic situations including picnicking, drinking, bathing, and going to the movies (we have some suggestions regarding which films to watch with your bicycle).  According to creator Corie Spruill, "Bike Date" is partly a comment on the lack of deep connections between human partners, which Spruill says can be "our biggest frustration with men."

And while it is certainly exciting to see women as active participants in fulfilling their own sexual desires rather than objects we can't help but feel a little disappointed by the selection of models used.

The website states: "After countless women and bicycles have offered her their time and good looks, photographer, Corie Spruill is happy to offer 12 of her favorite "bike date" portraits as a 2014 wall calendar." And yet every single model in the calendar is a pretty damn similar. At first glance we assumed that the same model appeared in multiple shots (this could still be the case and would be a moderately good excuse, actually). The images all depict young, healthy, thin, white cis-women. In fact, only one woman has a haircut that is not mid-length. It is frustrating because while the calendar is a fundraiser to "empower voice and value with women in conflict zones" it serves to marginalize the sexuality of non-standard beauty. Moreover it reinforces the maddening stereotype that all bikers are White.*

We will forgive this considering the shooting was done entirely in the town of Carbondale, Colorado (population < 6,500 people, 85% of which are Caucasian). Moreover if we look at other bikesexual calendars we dont see much variety in ANY of them! Even the venerable Cyclepassion calendar only has 2 Japanese women along with the other 10 women from Germany, Austria and the UK.  To their credit Cyclepassion only uses actual female racers at models and includes photos of them kicking ass on their bikes as well.

Unlike the models, the bicycles in "Bike Date" come in a variety of types. While there are no mutant bikes, we do get to see a selection of glamorous road, mountain, city bikes and even a tandem providing the obvious innuendo for a menage-a-trois.  Absent from the photos are BMX bikes which we have a suspicion they may have eschewed to avoid the connection to pedalphilia. We know how those tiny wheels can attract some interesting characters. (watch "Confessions of a Pedalphile")

Maybe that is the take away message. That despite the value cycling adds to one's life (be it in the form of improved muscular, mental, communal, economic, or sexual health) the majority of people who are on bikes are still pretty damn white. 

Issues of classism (or perhaps just the confluence of racism and transportationsim) aside, the sets, lighting and composition are flawless and fun to look at. On the whole it is an excellent calendar and it helps support a pretty excellent cause.

Rather than spread more time hammering on a group of fun loving bikers let us applaud them for their efforts to champion human powered transportation and their own sexuality. Making a well polished calendar is no small task. We sincerely hope they are able to raise lots of money and awareness about Mountain 2 Mountain and that future bikesexual attempts will work in more intersectionality. If we can't work together we will all just end up like so much road pizza... flat meat. 

 *The all bikers are white stereotype is maddening because, while bikes provide cheap, reliable transport many people in poor communities spend a large percentage of their income on cars which of course loose their value quickly and require a lot of money to maintain. Thus the enticing nature of car culture works to further the status quo. This sterotype also makes existing people of color who do ride bicycles invisible.

Click here to see a brief history of the Bikesexual Industry

December 13, 2013

Gainesville on The Porny Express

Perhaps you have heard us go on about the Florida's first ever submission to Bike Smut. Cypress Against Me is one of the most lighthearted and inspiring videos ever. It is an audience favorite but has also been called "gross" "disturbing" and even "biologically dangerous".

What will it be for you? A film exploring consensual bikesexual curiosity, or an experiment in disturbing behavior, exposing actor, crew and even Bike Smut itself to untold risk?!?

Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express is being shown in Gainesville for one night only!

Sunday, December 15th
Display Gallery
439 South Main Street
Fashion Show Registration 8:00pm
Fashion Show 8:30pm
Films 9:00pm 
Live performances by Yaz 

Adults only!

Special Information: The radical queers organizing this screening have devised a way to help you, the audience, take action to improve your own bikesexual caliber:

Put on some swag and slap a fresh coat of paint on the ol' velocipede cuz it's time for Gainesville's first ever RUNWAY RIDE!!! Hosted by Ellen Degenerate (bribes encouraged). Each fashionista/rider will do a runway walk/ride. Extra points for original designs, outfits that match the bike, bike stunts, and fetish wear. WINNER RECEIVES AN ACTUAL TROPHY, plus fame and glory. 
 We heatily encourage you to take a moment to consider how you might present yourself, and then... MAKE IT HAPPEN! We want you to take an active role in directing your bikesexual future.

Jacksonville on the Porny Express


No amount of prior restraint by some crappy franchise printer will stop us! We have a great punk bar, great punk porn to share, and great punks to witness it!

Friday Dec 13th
Shanty Town
22 W 6th St
donations accepted

December 10, 2013

Filmmaker Focus #7 The Bitchy Tutorial

Hi again faithful and curious bikesexuals! Today we have a special treat for you. We continue the Filmmaker Focus series with our highly produced film series from Milan, Italy: The Bitchy Tutorial Series!

These movies have been among the most loved and hated films we have ever shown. They offer a glimpse into another culture as well as what is possible when a group of people work together to produce something very polished. Regardless of what you thought about the films you should read what the creators of Italy's first ever submission to Bike Smut have to say about sex, cycling and making movies.

Do you have a back story? An introduction to who you are? 

Officine Sfera is a group of 4 friends who came together because of their passion for classic Italian racing bikes. We started to have a few too many bikes in Daniele's parents garage so we decided to find ourselves a space that could act both as workshop where we could restore our bikes and a studio where we could continue to carry out our other personal professions. Being graphic designers, illustrators, industrial designers, video producers, event organizers and avid internet fans we like to create projects together that are related to bicycles and showcase our various skills and passions. 

Do you like flimmaking?  Why? Have you made movies before? What were they like? why you make the movies you do? 

Gash Rouge both as a collective and as individuals have worked and continue to work in video. They produce everything from fashion promo videos to music videos to TV shows. Jessica from Officine Sfera did some video production for Vice Italy and Pietro (also OS) is just a wiz kid that can pretty much do everything and has done everything relating to technology and design. 

how you came to shoot for Bike Smut and what you hope people will gain from watching your movie? 

We got together as friends to make these tutorials. As a bike workshop we wanted to make something that we could use to gain some visibility and our friends/girlfriends are part of an all girl video collective called Gash Rouge, so we decided to team up. We attended The Bike Smut festival when you came to Milan and Jessica even attempted to be your translator, but was a little to embarrassed (her italian has greatly improved, when you come back we'll do it proper). We all loved the festival and after seeing the bike tutorials out there on the web we decided to merge the two ideas. One of the things that annoyed us about some of these videos is that the girls were simply sexualized and never actually doing anything constructive or real with the bikes they seemed to be so aroused by.  We also took into consideration the tutorials that you see on youtube, which are usually a dude in his low-light garage with the camera on the floor. Talking it over we came up with the idea of making these short tutorials that were dynamic, detailed and a little easier on the eye. 

Tell us about your movie. How did you decide to set up these sets? How did you decide which maintenance to demonstrate?

The girls from Gash Rouge came up with the concept for the set, they really liked the idea of filming everything 360 degrees, in order to create a tutorial that shows you each step from the best angle (that and some great ass shots). 
As for which type of maintenance we decided to demonstrate, we had to pick something that was universally useful, not too many steps because we wanted to create very short videos, and easy enough for us to teach the models the day of the shoot. 

What was it like filming in the studio? 

It was great fun, we only had access to the studio for a day so we had to be really organized and do everything in the shortest time possible. Except Studio was nice enough to lend us the space and some equipment as well so we were very fortunate, but boy did it get steamy in there (the lights were really hot). 

How did you find people to help you make this movie? 
Everyone involved in this movie was somebody's friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, sister or colleague. We were very lucky to have so many amazing and talented friends who shared our vision and were willing to pool their skills to make these tutorials. 

What are the origins of the clothes? 

Some of the clothing and accessories were lent to us by some of the sponsors you see featured on the video, some where the models clothes, others were the stylist's and the vintage speedo bathing suit in the first video was Jessica's from Officine Sfera. 

What were the biggest challenges? What would you have done differently?

The biggest challenges were organizing the post-production between the editors, continuity editors, typographers (our friends from &type), and motion graphics designer. We are all perfectionists and we all have demanding day jobs so it was a lot of back and forth and late nights. 

As for what we would have done differently, there are obviously a few mistakes we made here and there that we would like to change but overall we are pleased with the result considering the time we had to film, our budget, and the fact that it was the first time all of us worked together on such a large scale. 

What would you say to people who do not think this qualifies as porn? 

We don't really consider this porn either, at least not the kind of porn we would watch, um, recreationally. We live in Italy, this is what advertising for a bottle of water looks like on television. Wouldn't you classify this more as an erotic tutorial than porn? 

What would you tell people who feel insecure about seeing these models work on bikes?

We are sorry they feel insecure, there is nothing in our videos that you can't see on television or in music videos. When we came up for the concept of these video tutorials we wanted to create a video that empowered women and put them in a position of control when it came to bike maintenance. We specifically didn't want to create a video where the models were simply rubbing their cooches all over the bike, that they were actually doing something that someone might learn from. The models definitely didn't feel insecure, there were more than 12 women who worked on this video and only 5 men, we all had fun making them and it gave everyone the opportunity to add a video to their portfolio. What can we say, we all like to look at the ladies, and we like to look at smart, creative, intelligent ladies who know how to do bike maintenance and are proud of their bodies. We don't see any shame in that.

Would you like to shoot for Bike Smut again? What would you tell other potential filmmakers?

Yes, of course. We already have some ideas on the back burner and we keep coming up with more. 

Athens on The Porny Express

Hi Georgia! It seems only a week ago we were wondering what would happen... would this opportunity slip by or would our local bike fuckers down south take advantage of their only opportunity to witness the greatest collection of radical, DIY, human powered pornography ever?

At the moment we have 6 shows over the next 12 days. That's how bad the southeast wants to jump on board and ride!

Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express
Wednesday, December 11th
Little Kings
223 W Hancock Ave
10pm    $5 donation    21+

  "Next time Atlanta"


December 6, 2013

Back in the Saddle Tour

Did you know that Bike Smut is totally bi? 

With the self-crowned Bike Smut Queen, Miss Poppy Cox living in Europe Bike Smut is totally Bi-continental. She could not allow the people of Berlin to continue to suffer without inspiring films of human powered sexuality so she brought The Porny Express to the Porn Film Festival in October and now she is mixing it up again, this time in the United Kingdom!

Brighton- Dec 12th - 8pm The Marlborough Theater  - 7 pounds

Bristol - Dec 13th - 8pm The Cube Cinema - 6/8 pounds

London- Dec 15th - The Bethnal Green Working Mans Club  - 7 pounds

Interested in keeping up with Miss Poppy Cox? Follow her adventures as a Bikesexual American living in Berlin who identifies as a British harlot on twitter!