September 17, 2011

Valence Bicycles in Valencia

And now... SCIENCE. The science of bike porn.

This week Bike Smut is travelling to Valencia, Spain, and this inspired a great scientific discovery concerning the formation of relationships between bikesexuals, which we hope to put to the test during our convocations of bikesexuals in Valencia with the post-porn collective Idea Destroying Muros, which is happening

for a Critical Mass ride on Wednesday at 19.00h at the Turia River under the Puente de las Artes,

at the bike porn screening, which will be Thursday at 21.00h in the Teatro de Los Manantiales, Calle de Alzira 9.

So... science?

In the structure of the atom, the outermost shell of electrons contains what are called the valence electrons (at least for main group elements - it can be more complicated for transition metals). These are the electrons that can form chemical bonds with other atoms by combining or interacting with other valence electrons to merge the shells of multiple atoms into a harmonious molecule.

We have a theory that the same principle applies to bikesexuals.

Consider this: the active mediator of a bond between two bikesexuals is, of course, the bicycle. So we can say that the bicycles that create these bonds are the valence bicycles. All of the bicycles that a bikesexual possesses orbit around the bikesexual at different energy levels - some bicycles are more energetic than others, as any experienced cyclist will know. The bicycles that share the share the highest energy level are the sluttiest bicycles: they like to get around with as many riders as possible. It is thus these bicycles that will interact with the bicycle orbitals of other bikesexuals and create cycle bonds between them. The number of bicycles in a bikesexual's highest energy orbital will determine the number of other bikesexuals that they can bond to - or multiple valence bicycles could create a single very strong bond with one other bikesexual.

But how many valence bicycles does a bikesexual need? Clearly, eight is about the right number. That, or none; sometimes it may be best to let your slutty bicycles leave off and ride with someone else and just keep your inner circle of private, sedate bicycles. So each bikesexual will tend to share valence bicycles, or grab or discard them until they are complete and balanced. And each of these bicycle interactions are these basis of the bonds between bikesexuals. This is what brings our community together, in the most intimate and electrifying manner possible.

Come Valencia, there will be much experimentation!

1 comment:

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