December 31, 2008

why not sell out?

Frequently we are asked about our principle regarding DVD sales. We have, from time to time been very tempted to produce DVDs. But at the moment we have no plans to release any video works. We dont even make screeners for theaters (providing an additional challenge to booking venues).

Here are some excuses:

A) because while Bike Smut does create a fair amount of content, most of the works are from other filmmakers, many of whom are interested in protecting their identity. No DVDs (not even to theaters wanting to preview it) mean that there is almost no chance that their content will end up online.

B) being in a space with others watching adult-themed material (be it violent, sexual or otherwise) creates a feeling vastly different from being at home. And it is not just because you feel more comfortable masturbating in front of your computer! (public/group masturbation can be awkward but is often exciting. Build up courage by trying it in front of a mirror, or your pets).

C) the value of bringing together of people who feel mature enough to sit though something and then have the stability of mind to discuss a topic afterward is difficult to overestimate. In a society where everyone is anonymous how does anyone establish what is obscene?


Y) We are lazy.

December 27, 2008

I got your indecency right here!

Who defines what is appropriate for you?

More importantly (and kind implied in the last question but never mind that) Who defines what is inappropriate for you?

Well if you are are considered an Adult (a floating range between 14-21 years old depending on who you are talking to and the emancipation laws of a given state) you may be given a lot of freedom in that regard.

Have a look for at this handy guide, color coded for children!

Nevertheless there is probably a head of household/state/bike gang that you trust to make some decisions about what is/is not okay sexually. These people are always (supposed to be) looking out for the less worldly members of your country/community/bike shop. This is a tricky position to be put into for sure as the morality of the leader is thrust upon the followers. But what if the leader is really horny? What then will said leader thrust?

So is it that fucked up people are attracted to positions of power or is it that power corrupts all our god-fearing leaders or is it that we really like to see our leaders crossing lots of taboos cause it makes us feel better about our minor issues with ethics.

No matter where you live the standards you obey are community standards. Even though an external force may try to set undesirable codes of behavior for you.

We at BikeSmut LLC heartily encourage more local (if any) control. So much so that we have considered creating a modular program that could be dialed up or down.

"Cant handle watching anything penetrate an anus? No problem!"
"Fisting too much for your sensitive eyeballs? We got you covered."
Its tireless and largely thankless work. But that's the job of censors, to keep you at a safe, comfortable distance for the realities of modern bike rape

Could a future video screening include user defined content? Could a computer program infer from an audience a desire of more or less porn by way of simple cheering or jeering? Would a program like that inevitably end with terribly disturbing content or more kittens? (one in the same in this situation)

And while it is pertinent, why is it that the Agency for Cycling Ethics' website is password protected? WHERE ARE WE TO TURN NOW?

UPDATE - It seems they have removed their presence altogether. If this is a sign of the future possibly these people can help.

December 16, 2008

Mostly Unrelated to Bike Porn, Volume Uno

Avast, teh Internerds tell us about the lack of advances in the "intravaginal pouch," or female condoms:
In 1844, Charles Goodyear patented the process of vulcanizing rubber, inadvertently ushering in an entirely new era in contraception - condoms as thick as bicycle tires and still considered re-usable. But getting one’s hands on this new-fangled “technology” became a whole lot harder in 1873, when Congress passed the Comstock Law, prohibiting the transportation of obscene material like prophylactics and pornography. -
We feel better knowing that thorn proof condoms and rim strips have improved with time. The jury is still out about the effectiveness of slime, however.

How long until a anti-gay religious cult finds reason to hunt gay primates?
If it feels good, do it. That seems to be the motto of the bonobos, whose same- and opposite-sex coupling seems as casual as a Hollywood air kiss and can include oral sex, French kissing and the missionary position. For these chimplike apes, sex serves as all-purpose social lubricant. Dolphins have no such excuses for their kinky behavior: they sometimes try to mate with sea turtles. - http://://
We're not sure when Time magazine crossed over from news journal to tabloid rag, but we are all more educated for it.

We promise some more specific humptastic bike content soon...

December 4, 2008

Home is where you hang your...


The Bikexploitation - Westward Ho! bike porn tour has run its cycle.

Presently the sexy bikers of Eugene are still cleaning themselves up as we carry our broken bikes home to Portland.

We did 22 shows in 21 cities in 7 western states in 60 days.

We distributed 100s of bike porn shirts, shorts, stickers, patches, buttons and undies

We played polo in with crews in ten different cities (sorry Boise, next time).

We have a new appreciation for round wheels

Thanks for all the abundant and latent radness. We are terribly excited to have everyone with us who we are supposed to. We didnt have to deal with police but one single time in Tucson, as shown below.

Thankfully the officer was mostly pleasant and told us if we are gonna have that many bikes on our trunk we should attach the license plate to the outermost toptube (and attach a bike light when traveling at night).

Back in PDX things seem to have not changed much, every night something exciting is about to happen between your legs. Wednesday night polo has moved to Penisula Park. Bundle up and bring discreet adult beverages. We are hoping to release a new Bikexploitation soundtrack at Bike Craft.

Thanks for those who have followed our travels, trials and tribulations. Expect news about other fucking bike festivals and in depth investigations about chafing.

December 2, 2008

The end of the Choad

The last show of the Westward Ho! Bikexploiation tour.

  • Thursday, December 4th
  • Campbell Club
  • 1670 Alder St Eugene, OR
  • 7PM
Bringing it to Eugene for some prime time Bike Porn action.

PLUS bike polo after the show!

Thanks to all our hosts and our parasites

Another blogger deriding the junk.