Showing posts with label bikexploitation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bikexploitation. Show all posts

October 31, 2015

Happy BikeFucking Halloween

Its time for our never before annual punnishment post, where we make lots of lame jokes by replacing our normal vocabulary with phrases like, "Good as Ghoul" and ... eh actually no we don't need any sort of holiday to make talking like an idiot more appropriate because we do that kinda think nearly every time we post.


Given that we are coming up on a return to Colorado with screenings in Denver, Ft Collins, Boulder and Colorado Springs in November and that it is another political season it seemed appropriate to share some of our back log of exciting images from years past. Prepare your saddle for our way in the back machine as we travel to this date in 2008!


Seven years ago we had a plucky crew of reverend phil, Josh and Spencer aka Team Twink traversing the US Southwest on a mountain-bike-polo-porno-adventure. Politics were in high season. John McCain and Sarah Palin were on a similar wavelength: go to Colorado and convince people that we are not only amusing to listen to, we also have some really valuable ideas on politics.  It would seem Bike Smut was a little more successful than McCain/Palin 08.


 So it was that we would ride bikes with some of the finest, most creative mtn bike freaks on earth in the town of Durango, Colorado

perhaps a modified Gumby Twink costume...



hella political... no matter what year it is

The sweet babes were naturally drawn to our casual, pornographer-about-small-town ways



naturally, a photoshoot broke out

baldness became fashionable

The Rally of the Dead became a full on rolleskater disco

occasionally bursts of romance would burst like so many popping veins
notice the cross of Bicycle Jesus. For formal occasions only.

way before Twilight there was... a delightful bloody mess

some asshole parked on the dance floor. It probably wasn't us!

 roll up and grind down

an epic story about this, Baily's frame should be documented. but not here. Suffice it to say if you know where it is buried you could grave rob a sweet frame.

more responsible consumption continued throughout the following day and night

We never did actually check this person's ID. prb for the best that we didn't

An impressive assortment of boning happened on the award table


 the following day was a lot of bike polo, played on grass, right in the middle of town

grass polo... its a thing, especially in Colorado

nothing would stop us from standing and observing others.

we do suffer for the art... well someone does anyway.



Presenting the team that traveled the farthest to loose a polo game on grass: The Pork Barrels




free hugs?

So here is where we wish you a Happy Halloween. Also something about politics and a cute play on words to make this entire blog post seem well thought out.


- the end

September 22, 2009

its ours!

We found this image on the Chicks and Bikes blog who in turn had found it via the Hong Kong Fixed blog, who we believe stole it directly from Crank My Chain where is was originally produced.

It is some hard work tracking down all the goods. But rewarding.

May 31, 2009

reMembering Tucson

It is great to be able to write articles over time. For example when this was 1st written it made sense:
Some of our hosts have requested that we take a moment to remember some of the happenings in the various cities. Seems like the kinda thing that might happen frequently but more likely this will be the only one, so enjoy it fucckos!
Now it seems silly and pointless. Suck is life...

Remembering Tucson aka Chukson

Our friends from the Detritus Network had been scheming to bring rad bike folk to the Southwest for some time. This visit was the impetus for the entire trip and much of the timing of events that have transpired have been due to this.

Fuh-Kin-Rhad is how the native settlers to this area might have described this weekend. It was Dry River's third year of operating a radical resource space. Of course they needed a major party to celebrate. We have only shown both movies on the same visit in 2 other cities (Seattle and SLC, both bike porn meccas in their own right) and nowhere in Arizona, New Mexico or Texas has The Pornography of the Bicycle been screened.

Dry River is also dry, as in no alcoholic beverages are consumed on premises. As some of you might already know this can be challenging for some working though thier various stances on pornography. Nevertheless our troops were able to muster though masterbaterfully.

Both screenings were at capacity, which was exciting to see although neither of them generated much money. This frustrated our hosts and organizers greatly:
"All these kids come drive down from the suburbs in their parents cars and plead poverty. I just want to shake them soundly and yell, 'Ask your mom for $2 you spoiled brat!'
Still it was exciting to see all the overwhelmed faces straining to understand what they had just seen, including a performance by the Whiskey Breath Burslque who in their creative-ly stripping-mocking fashion were the first people we heard using the phrase, "Obama-Nation" only days after he won the November election.

A front runner in "The most uncomfortable moment of the Westward Ho! tour award" goes to a lanky bearded fellow following the screening. A person resembling Brent Barber of the Bicycle Film Festival hounded our pornographers for about an hour. He had many of the same facial expressions and kinda awkward behaviors as Brent. Perhaps a relative?

He was very interested in many of the "secrets" of the bike porn bizness... how many submissions we receive and other such insider info. Could this lead to some sort of cross bike film festival showdown? Conspiracy theorists, please comment below.

Over the course of the weekend we were able to to a radio interview on Free Radio ChukShon with Estaban Caliente.

The bike porn interview starts at 41:30, but the entire program is about bikes and features bike related songs by Tom Waits, Pink Floyd, Public Enemy, Clinetle, Chumbawumba and others. Plus listeners will learn the origin of the name "Tucson" which we found fascinating.

We were able to partake in the All Soul's Procession. 1000s of joyful mourners parade down the street in costumes and face paint, carrying photos or otherwise remembering those souls lost.

Then there was Bicas. Possibly the most amazing bike shop we have visited on this tour. There was an enormous collection of well organized parts with lots of instructional signs to help people learn more about bike repair. A few workers there were overjoyed that we were coming, but many (possibly most?) of the shop folk were specifically avoiding the show at all costs. Nevertheless the ones that did come were very stoked and connected us with some bike polo players, who turned out for some sport two days in a row when they normally would not. We hope that with the half dozen new players who showed up will become regulars to the sport will get connected with the growing international hardcourt polo movement and visit us in PDX sometime.



Thanks to our hosts who showed us the size of the local cactus.

May 29, 2009

The final exploitation

The end of a great year for our international bike humpty team, TONIGHT is the final screening of Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation (as in bicycle exploitation).

If you are not in Vancouver BC you are limited to expressing yourself in pirave, but if you ARE in East Van than you can express yourself in PIRATE!

viva bike pirates

May 26, 2009

Porno for (p)AYE! ROW!(s)

That is right we got a full schedule of posi-core bike fun and sexuality!

Thursday
Midnight Mass (please don't dust us)

Friday,
Critical Mass
we wonder if they are still meeting at the Vancouver Art Gallery on the Georgia Street side, let us know in the comments?

The ONLY Bike Porn 2 screening in Vancouver
153 East 10th
8:30 PM
$10 benefits the WNBR and BikeSmut.com

followed by a

Pirate Party!
10-2am Dance party w peep show starring G.G. Bottoms!
DJ Tom Cunningham IV and more
Cheap as free if you are a pirate

Saturday
East Van Bike Polo


Sunday
Seymour Bomb!



Honestly, we should be selling tickets to this kinda stuff. But its free sexy fun on your bike and you can do it anytime you want!

May 21, 2009

Bike Piracy in Vancouver


Avast! Sexy bikers right ahead!

Tremendous fortune has shone down upon Bike Porn Industries like the omnipresent light of a benevolent sun god giving massive boners to all the chlorophyll fulled subjects below. The organizers of the Vancouver World Naked Bike Ride have created a massive party to blow out whatever is left of your indulgence obsessed mind.

The final screening of Bikexploitation
&
3rd annual Pirate Party
&
Bike Pirate Peep Show starring GG Bottoms

Friday May 29th

undisclosed location after Critical Mass
Big Fun! Cheap if you are a pirate!

Proceeds benefit Bike Porn Industries and Vancouver's World Naked Bike Ride

Stay Tuned for more exciting info!

April 29, 2009

More hot canadian action

After successfully dry humping Victoria's seat tube what is there to do but continue on a Canadian adventure from British Columbia's Capitol City to Vancouver!

On Friday, May 29th after Critical Mass
we are collaborating with a friggin Pirate Party (wenches with wrenches) as a fund raiser for Vancouver's World Naked Bike Ride.

Expect it to rain hotness from the sky for weeks to come.


This will likely be they final screening of Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation.

April 24, 2009

Bike Prom in Victoria



The fun on Vancouver Island is packed tighter than the bearings on a Chris King hub.

Bike Prom is this weekend in Victoria, and our jaunty crew of sexy bikers are about to set sail from our homebase of Portland, Cascadia. Check their website for the formal details.

Events include: alley cat, art show, mystery rides, bike polo turny, prom ride, the Bike Rider's Ball, and finally the "Morning After" a special AM screening of Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation when you least need it. Just to remind you how dirty this glamorous lifestyle is.

April 23, 2009

Bikexploitation Music

How do you treat your ride?

During our last tour we were inundated with requests. "Please sell me your sheeet!" they would say. Steadfastly and with the restraint of a god-fearing spinster we declined. We have not sold anything but the cinema experience.

Still, as with any respectable pornographer, the audience's pain is our pain. When they were denied sharing such torrid future-classics like "Smut Pedaler" with their loved ones who could not make it to the screening we were also stricken with grief.

Finally, after much deliberation and consternation it was decided that, yes, we could share something.

Behold: "Sounds of Bikexploitation"

This compact disk holds music that our various producers found/stole/created in conjunction with "Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation". It is excellent and is totally the music needed to get yourself in the mood to do something extracurricular with your bike.

Already the response from our presale have been astounding:
"Some songs are sweet and tender, the kind of music that feels appropriate for giving your bike a bath, other tracks are violent and may encourage you to treat your bike like the dirty slut it is." - Asshly
"You know that feeling when you slide in a CD into your player and it just gets like sucked in? that is what I am feeling right now." - Terry O'Beil


only $10 (shipping and just the right amount of handling is included)
BikeSmut@gmail.com

Do not delay! order your audiopornocontent today!

April 17, 2009

Slow Dancing your Ride


Our 1st official screening in 2009 is coming up this weekend at Victoria's Bike Prom!


Sunday, April 26th
The Morning After: Cure your morning-after woes with black coffee and Victoria's premiere of Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation. 11am. Location TBA at the Bike Rider's Ball.

It will be a weekend to remember fo sho.

January 10, 2009

Remembering Claremont

Happy 2009 from the naked bikers of Pitzer College in Claremont University.

What marvelous happy-go-fucky bike folk. While we're not sure about the effects of our screening on the other colleges of Claremont University, Pitzer made great strides in the absolution of clothing as a social function of covering ones genitals.

I pray that you have started a tradition at Pitzer College. Meanwhile, I'll work on getting the Middle East Technical University naked this spring.
- anonymous student
Presently they are still playing bike polo and eating avocados like nobody's business. As of the current date, no pregnancies have ever been caused by direct contact with a bicycle, something to remember when school work starts to cause your mind to wander.

December 4, 2008

Home is where you hang your...


I'TS OVER!

The Bikexploitation - Westward Ho! bike porn tour has run its cycle.

Presently the sexy bikers of Eugene are still cleaning themselves up as we carry our broken bikes home to Portland.

We did 22 shows in 21 cities in 7 western states in 60 days.

We distributed 100s of bike porn shirts, shorts, stickers, patches, buttons and undies

We played polo in with crews in ten different cities (sorry Boise, next time).

We have a new appreciation for round wheels

Thanks for all the abundant and latent radness. We are terribly excited to have everyone with us who we are supposed to. We didnt have to deal with police but one single time in Tucson, as shown below.

Thankfully the officer was mostly pleasant and told us if we are gonna have that many bikes on our trunk we should attach the license plate to the outermost toptube (and attach a bike light when traveling at night).

Back in PDX things seem to have not changed much, every night something exciting is about to happen between your legs. Wednesday night polo has moved to Penisula Park. Bundle up and bring discreet adult beverages. We are hoping to release a new Bikexploitation soundtrack at Bike Craft.

Thanks for those who have followed our travels, trials and tribulations. Expect news about other fucking bike festivals and in depth investigations about chafing.

December 2, 2008

The end of the Choad

The last show of the Westward Ho! Bikexploiation tour.

  • Thursday, December 4th
  • Campbell Club
  • 1670 Alder St Eugene, OR
  • 7PM
Bringing it to Eugene for some prime time Bike Porn action.

PLUS bike polo after the show!

Thanks to all our hosts and our parasites



Another blogger deriding the junk.

November 27, 2008

Oakland Delivers the goods!


Huzza! We have found Bike Porn friendly spaces in Oakland! The Lobot Gallery has stepped up to host us this Saturday night.

Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitaiton
Saturday November 29th
Lobot Gallery
1800 Campbell St

Doors at 7pm
Show at 8pm
Polo at 10pm
$5

Bring yer mallets!

(Apologies to the folks at Your House, who would have been fine hosts)





Here is a sweet printable image you can use to harass your prude friends at work. Thanks to Saltcycle.com, Rock Paper Scissors Collective and Cyclecide for all your help.

November 26, 2008

who the fuck forgot to title this shit?

This Friday we ride in our first SF Critical Mass. It began in San Francisco years and 2 months ago, since then this simple monthly ride has given urban bikers around the world a chance to feel safe while riding. Being apart from auto traffic means breathing easy; being on a bike means looking good.
  • Black Friday, November 28th
  • Herman Plaza - Market @ Embarcadero
  • 6pm
Later that night we host 100s of sexy bikers, and the premiere of The Loaded Warrior trailer

A post apocalyptic world without gasoline is daunting…
But imagine a world where beer is scarce and only those with most brutal pedal powered machines can attain it…

Meanwhile we are still waiting for our alcohol stimulus package.

After critical mass, come see us at
Roxie Theater
Valencia and 16th
11pm

Thanks to the Bike Coalition, Laughing Squid, Cyclecide, Slouch Cycles


Keep us pumped as we roll up the coast

November 25, 2008

get crunk in the bay


whiskey and porn go together like porn and whiskey

come and get some this weekend in the bay

  • San Francisco
  • Black Friday night after Critical Mass 11/28
  • The Roxie
  • 11pm
--------------------- A N D ----------------------------
  • Oakland
  • not associated with any color Saturday 11/29
  • Undisclosed Location
  • 8pm

November 24, 2008

Santa Cruz can go fuck bikes

The sleepy town of Santa Cruz has a rather large estate with a bunch of collective minded folk who are hosting the only screening of bike porn between LA and SF

Tuesday, November 25th
Paul Sweet House

3950 paul sweet rd.
santa cruz ca, 95065
7:30pm

Be ready for indoor footdown, jousting, mutant bikes, bike polo, dance party, visual projections of crazy crap... typical.

Prepare for Santa Cruz

This message of preparation comes from MilzMilz, the Trash Crew member so nice he named himself twice:

You should know that there are lots of bikes for you guys to ride whilst here. you should know that if you by some crazy chance wanted to work on bike of some freaky sort whist you were here we have a grinder and welder on hand. you should know that we will be projecting in a room that fits 100-150 snuggly and i am expecting anywhere from 20-80 people and we are just projecting on a sheet over a window. you should know that i personally really want to play some footdown in that same room afterwards, and if we just move shit out of the way the games can begin. you should know that our property is your playground. you should know that we have jousts, they just happen to be a bit moldy. you should know that for reasons of every sort i havent edited the rest of the slaughterama footage, but when i do it'll be good. you should know that whatever has happened or will happen, life is still good. you should also know that me and kelly have to get out of town on wedensday to get ourselves to san diego to chill with my fam for thanksgivers so we will probibly need to take a bus or catch a ride to san jose around 12 or 1 or so. you should know that we have 82 sweet acres to hike on.
you should bring, you and your friends, you should bring the bike porn movies! if you have last years tucked away somewhere i really want to see those too!!, you should bring chips and salsa, you should bring your hiking shoes. you should bring your wilingness to party. you should bring some ambition to see some of santa cruz, you should bring the energy to stay up all night, you should bring a blunt. you should bring some good stories, you should bring earplugs (perhaps) you should bring the rukus.

P.S. you should bring a 12 pack and some pizza.

CHEERS!

--Millz

--millz
So there's our challenge, for people wanting to observe an indoor footdown post-porn dance party be at the Paul Sweet House Tuesday, November 25th

November 21, 2008

From the pit of Hell-A


Just when we had given up on having a screening in Los Angeles, my new favorite Midnight Ridazz Marino steps up to deliver a gem of a location.

Sunday November 23rd
Bholanath Foto Studio & Urban Gallery
6042 Monte Vista St Los Angeles, Ca 90042

Moved to The Bike Oven
3706 North Figueroa St. in Highland Park
Los Angeles, CA 90046
8pm after polo.
If there's enough interest, we'll have another show at 10:30.


View Larger Map

Here is where we think polo is gonna be going down at 2pm on Sunday



Thanks for keeping the fucking bike dream alive:



Ideally our friends Chicken Leather and crew from Kill Radio will join us with some live broadcast action.


November 17, 2008

Pitzer College brings home the porn

Unrelated image?

A note to college students trying to convince their academic advisers to pay us to come to your city so that you don't have to (pay us that is).

"Uh, I don't know, it seems cool." Is not gonna cut it. Lucky the folks at Claremont University know what it takes.

"Bikexploitation is a new documentary created by Portland bike activists that explores social themes of exploitation and domination in transportation culture."
Who would dare not support this? Well done Pitzer College students.
Here is the word from our hosts in Claremont:
Friday has become the holy day of bikes at Pitzer, being the day of the sacrament of bike polo and Critical Mass. The ideal schedule under consideration currently is to hold the weekly bike polo game from 3-5 before breaking for dinner. There exists enthusiasm for a naked bike ride from 6-8. This is scheduled to coincide with what we hope will be a special naked bike ride broadcast of poppin' bike tunes from the college radio station. We could strap boomboxes to our backs and synergistically tune in. The bike porn would commence at 8, outside the bike shop.

Pretty sweet. But why stop there? What about naked bike polo?

Whatever we are doing it is happening Friday November, 21st in the sexy burbs southeast of Los Angles.

Now, were are we gonna do this weekend? Midnight Ridazz represent!