Houston Encore!

Confession time. Bike Smut travels around via internal combustion engine. It's not something we are proud of cause we would rather be riding our bikes, but the combination of vast open distances, scheduling and hauling gear make the prospect of a long haul touring via bicycle seem near impossible.

Thus we have a car. Having a car means dealing with car problems, which are kinda like bike problems only way more complicated and WAAAY more expensive. (They also result in us bike folk saying things like, "that's why i love bikes" more often.)

One of the silver linings of car failure is that it gives you time to reflect. During a breakdown we can't help but think,  "If I were on my bike I would probably have been able to diagnose and solve the problem by now." But after the minutes start dragging on we begin to let our minds wonder to other places and before you know it fantastic ideas have been sprung!



Our artistic director, Poppy Cox's first short movie for Bike Smut was created at just such a time in Northern Greece. Frankly we can't imagine a better way to spend out time than riding our fucking bikes.



A similar situation just transpired here in Houston! Facing terrible choices our crew of plucky adventeruers broke down and RTFM-ed all over the place. Low and behold we not only fixed a car but also got a last min Encore screening at a great bar in downtown Houston tonight!

Encore Houston Bike Smut
Tuesday, December 13th
Notsuoh
314 Main Street
8:30

Be there or be stuck in traffic

last photo credit to ChrisGO

Across the continent on a horse named Johnson

Cars suck. We spit upon their noisome internal combustion engines. We wish death upon their isolating steel carapaces. But we understand that these machines do occasionally have their limited uses. Perhaps the most noble of these uses is transporting bicycle pornographers across vast distances at high speeds. The demands of our tour schedule and the sad inadequacy of the European rail system (which nonetheless greatly exceeds North American mass transit) forced us into purchasing a 1999 Ford Transit in a German town outside Stuttgart back in April at the beginning of our tour. And despite our detestation of cars, sometimes we find that a certain affectation can grow out of our affection. And so it is that after thousands of kilometers of hard labor in service to the advancement of the bikesexual revolutionary program, our 1999 Ford Transit has earned a small place of favor in the hearts of the Bike Smut team.

After taking us to 22 shows in 18 different cities and driving through 14 countries, and getting through seven of those countries without having a front triangle window after a vicious thief attack in Athens, and only breaking down in one country, our motorized steed has earned some grudging amount of respect from Bike Smut. So it was that after its epic 14 hour all-night gallop across the Balkans from Katerini, Greece to Ljubljana, Slovenia, the porn-mobile finally won a name for itself.

So now, with great fanfare and ejaculations, we unveil the title of our iron horse:

STONEWALL JOHNSON

This is, as far as we have discerned, the only car in existence with a quadruple entendre name. How is that, you ask? How can one Ford Transit pack so much juicy symbolism into one pithy moniker? Education time!

1. Stonewall Jackson – Famed general of the Confederate States of America. Stonewall Jackson was the most capable and brilliant commander to fight for the slave-holding states. He was by a stroke of good fortune accidentally shot by his own men and died in 1863. For unknown reasons the Bike Smut van came with a Confederate flag emblazoned on the hood, so it is that the van bears the name of the General.

“My religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed.” - Stonewall Jackson

2. Stonewall Riots – One of the first eruptions of queer insurrection in the United States. Queens, fags, dykes, all of that rabble, fought the NYPD on Christopher Street for three days back in 1969. Discovering the real power that they had when they stood side by side with their community and openly confronted their enemies, that moment was a spark for the queer movement in the US. Bike Smut is all about the queer insurrection.

3. Marsha P. Johnson – Leading street fighter in the Stonewall Riots and revolutionary transgender activist. Marsha P. Johnson was on the front lines of the early struggle for queer liberation. But as a working class trans woman of color, the middle class white gays and lesbians who soon took control of the movement tried to push her to the back of the line. With Sylvia Rivera, Johnson founded Street Transvestite Action Revolutionaries to push the movement for gay rights towards a movement for queer liberation. We strongly suggest that you read up a bit more about Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson.

 

4. Johnson – It means penis.

So there you have it - Stonewall Johnson, a van rich in layered meaning. Long may it reliably transport our bicycles.

And.... we're off!!

Behold the latest in Bike Smut European map technology!


Assuming that we are able to survive and complete the most exciting day of mind blowing bureaucratic numbness ever we will be leaving for Vienna, Austria in just a few hours!

Having already gone to the insurance and registration places to get the proper stamps on our asses we are now prepared for our full on "In the Bureaucratic-Black Tuesday" which involves us:

• getting our brand new Euro-friendly stickers, and our even more euro "friendly" condoms out of a customs holding cell
• making sure our used van pass its absurdly anal (even by porn standards) inspection
  
• receiving our "green card" proof of insurance in the mail
• taking those papers down to get our license plates at the euro equivalent of the DMV
• printing out copies of our new Bike Smut Euro Tour Zine, now available in German, Italian, French and Spanish

Then we get the fuck outta town!

If we had any less stellar a team of bikesexuals there might be cause for alarm. But we have assembled quite the crew. You can read about us on the BikeSmut.com's slick new dossier page

EURO TOUR MOBILE

We have been enjoying a collective dream that we will find a perfect touring vehicle to take around the 10s of thousands of miles we will traverse this coming year.

Ideas?

We know, it would be great to bike the entire trip, but then... we do only have 6 months to cover the entire landscape