From Brats to Wieners this dick on a bike is rolling across sausage country!
What support we got from our return to Germany. First a fabulously debaucherous screening in the former East German town of Leipzig. Sometimes we do free shows (okay often we do free shows) and we usually get a lot of thanks and some sticker sales. But they really dug deep into their beer fund. Then an afterparty at the neighborhood bar turned into naked dance party because, "well we did all just watch some great porn together, so ..."
Bavaria was also fabulous in a completely different way. Leaving Leipzig after midnight then riding from Munich to the suburb of Augsburg on no sleep and just the promise of Bavarian Brunch was a delightful suffering. But white beer, white (brat)wurst, soft pretzels and a hot shower got me in the mood. The Bike Kitchen in Augsburg were really into it they even made this promotional video:
Pretty fucking cool eh? The show was also exciting. We had a massive audio blow out in the first 20 min which resulted in the speakers screaming more than 120 decibels of pain... for 3 minutes Yikes! But after pulling all the cables (yes even the projector) there was silence. A few words of patience and the audience waited on the streets outside while we scrambled to fix the power/audio issues. another 30 min and we were back on it and the room was maybe even more packed! A very good sign. They screamed with delight and because we had never been to that town before we showed some videos form the archive we don't but out very often including a "bike snuff" vignette from the early days. Another dance party and tall bike rides around the city ensued.
The next day we were in Munich where the Academy of art students were presenting their final works. Really fun to have many rooms of thematic art. In a bizarre moment an artist, who wrote a great story about our first screening in Munich three years ago saw us in the halls of the Academy and showed us her art. Her room ended up winning the best in show which is pretty fucking cool.
It was a really hot night. We were planning to do it inside the Kulturjurte(Culture Yurt) but that was gonna be a sauna so the rad bikesexual folks at Bike Kitchen who made a good poster and organized it help us set it up under the stars. It felt great!
We were in the midst of a pretty excellent bike tour, traveling all across Italy from Torino to Naples to Venice then out of Italy cross Slovenia to Zagreb, Croatia back to Slovenia to Graz, Austria.
1000s of kilos of hardcore bike pumping action!
And then there was a call to arms and legs! We are going to Bike Wars!
The former East German town of Leipzig is the battleground for another brutal example of why bikers should be given lots of welding equipment and beer.
Bike Smut will bring these warriors to a frenzied pitch!
Vienna
Saturday, 26 July SchikanederMargaretenstraße 24
22h Will we make it to Budapest or will the prudes halt our easternly advancement leaving us the sweet nectar of the Czech Republic to suckle upon?
The bikesexual war of eastern Europe shall be won or lost in these days. Do not sit idly by, stand up and let the world know that you love your fucking bicycle and you will proudly defend yourself from anti-bikesexual fascists... this is how we do it
Our desk is cluttered with sometimes insightful, hilarious and all too frequently, time consuming media. What is a bicycle pornographer about to end the Call For Submissions to do?
RING EM UP!
Sometimes folks say: "I get the porn, but why bikes? Why not chairs, or vibrators?"
To which I reply: "A bike is a chair AND a vibrator"
What they really wanna know is, why makes bike culture better than anything else you could do with your time. That question is a little more challenging. There is a lot of amazing things going on out there but we frequently are very impressed with the resourcefulness of Bike Punks.
We don't mind fancy-pants bike events (although paying to ride seems as intuitive as driving to the corner store... have you tried the alternative? NOT PAYING?) but having a group struggle a little for their art/play makes us all enjoy it a little more than just handing over $35 and getting a t-shirt full of sponsors at the end.*
Take for example our Bike Smut hosts in Graz, Austria. They didn't have money for an indoor race track, so they built one... actually they built several, in their own homes.
photo by "RADhofer"
The story is a little more complicated than that, but everyone enjoyed the process and time trial indoor racing so much that they have been doing it pretty regularly now for over a year. Here are some SFW pics of the riders.
We at Bike Smut are hardly exclusionary, but we are getting more selective in our age. Still if someone is not willing to try another culture's art because 'what is the point of exploration?' you can just about assume that this person will have an answer for everything and they all result in this person being right without failure. That's nice for the Fox News mindset, but being able to be challenged and come away from something with a new angle that's why we learn and do new things!
Speaking of learning new things this graphic website is fill of interesting, if not very useful info on sex. Sometimes their facts are humorous, sometimes scandalous, (it is the internet, after all) but generally they are shoulder shruggingly unimportant. More interesting then their fact that Miami has the longest sex of any US city and that Denver Phoenix or Chicago have the shortest, is that the entire difference is only 9 min. WHOA, you mean people have sex for more than 9 min!?! AMAZING
This June is a little more sane for us, we only have THE FINAL FINAL SCREENING OF THE ORGASM TRAIL ... EVER
Vancouver Friday June 22nd, which would be monumental in its own right but just a week later is
THE WORLD PREMIERE OF BIKE SMUT 6: TURNING TRIXXX
at the Clinton St Theater in Portland, Oregon
Go ahead, freak out a little, just save some for us.
*its statements like this that will keep us legit (i.e. poor)
Behold the latest in Bike Smut European map technology!
Assuming that we are able to survive and complete the most exciting day of mind blowing bureaucratic numbness ever we will be leaving for Vienna, Austria in just a few hours!
Having already gone to the insurance and registration places to get the proper stamps on our asses we are now prepared for our full on "In the Bureaucratic-Black Tuesday" which involves us:
getting our brand new Euro-friendly stickers, and our even more euro "friendly" condoms out of a customs holding cell
making sure our used van pass its absurdly anal (even by porn standards) inspection
receiving our "green card" proof of insurance in the mail
taking those papers down to get our license plates at the euro equivalent of the DMV
printing out copies of our new Bike Smut Euro Tour Zine, now available in German, Italian, French and Spanish
Then we get the fuck outta town!
If we had any less stellar a team of bikesexuals there might be cause for alarm. But we have assembled quite the crew. You can read about us on the BikeSmut.com's slick new dossier page
After a couple weeks of stressful freak outs with international, finical, and bureaucratic nonsense we finally have a proper show to display the world premiere of our new Bike Smut Euro Tour program! (Gawd, we hope there are no more bureaucratic hoops)
