Showing posts with label stupidity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stupidity. Show all posts

February 16, 2010

From Ashland, Oregon to the Calipornification


This Thursday we have a show in Ashland, then SF, Oakland, Davis, Santa Cruz, and Santa Barbara... then we have a day off.

Then Claremont, Downtown LA, Long Beach, San Diego, Tijuana (we hope!)

Then we have a day off.

Its gonna be like that for a while. Expect some pretty lame/shoddy posts and lots of speeling errors.

but we are pretty fucking stoked to be getting some supportive press. If the fine ass people at Flavorpill liked last year they are gonna have their ears pulled back

ASHLAND
Thursday, February 18th
Where?House
240 Hersey street (Bizness Park) # 14.
doors at 8pm, $3 Donation, +18
7pm Group ride from Ashland Plaza

*See, like that pic, we are way too busy.

January 3, 2008

Arrest, Denied Constitutional Rights, Bored Gestapo

This is the story of our friend Lauren and her time in jail this New Years. I talked to her just after her release on the morning of Thursday, January 3, 2008.

Her crew of friends went to go play in the desert some 40 miles North of the California-Mexico border. After a few days camping they were traveling north, away from the border, heading back to Oakland when they were stopped by Homeland Security.

The Flower Shop Bus is not a corporate branded coach with business professionals in suits. The outside is a unique, colorful explosion of art and counterculture; a rolling bohemian transport.

"But we never crossed the border. We never left US soil, and you have no reason or right to detain us," they protested.

Standing outside the bus with their police dog Homeland Security was not deterred."If this dog is not let on board the bus we are going to have to pull everyone off."

The passengers were not willing to give up their constitutionally protected rights. "We do not consent to a search," they said.

So the guards walked the dog around the outside of the bus. At some point the dog handler interpreted the dog's actions as a sign. "We have probable cause now. Everyone off the bus"

The passengers complied with the orders. "Funny thing," one of the passengers said. "Once they had decided they had probable cause to search the bus they did not bother to take the dog on board. They just started throwing things around."

The passengers were not trustful of the guards. "can we watch you search our bus?" They asked.

"You can observe from outside the bus." the guards said. Then just moments later all the passengers were told to go inside the holding cell at the Homeland Security station.

The Homeland Security guards searched everyone. They took everything other than one piece of ID and cash money. The passengers were then locked in little gray rooms. One with 6 guys. Another with 6 girls. Their accommodation included:
  • a toilet without seat
  • a water bottle
  • graham crackers and gas station burritos (enough food for one person shared between 6)

They were repeatedly told that they were not being held or detained. (Once a person is detained that person gains certain protections and rights, including being told why they are being detained. If the officer cannot tell you why you are being held you are free to go.)

To avoid letting their spirits dampen they played games like hurricane and farticane and tried to communicate with the other holding cell.

Eventually the guards brought everyone to a room with a table on which sat a pile of drugs: marijuana and mushrooms.

After a long moment they asked who was responsible for these drugs. Everyone was confused then, quickly, the passengers all became very irritated. They had just spent half a week in the desert. By the time they left their makeshift campsite they had almost nothing left. No paint for art, no food for eating, and certainly no drugs.

"Hey! Who's been holding out?!?"

It was explained to them that although there was no way to prove ownership they would all be charged with possession, trafficking and the like. They would not detained, nor held, but they would not be able to leave. Or, if they cooperated, and the owner took responsibility everyone else would go free.

After some discussion about their options it was decided that the driver would take the fall: misdemeanor possession of marijuana, and felony possession of mushrooms. Also a French girl who had overstayed her visa is in the process of being deported. Presently she is being held in San Diego.

Quipping about the drug war and the incredible waste of resources it creates, one anonymous passenger said, "I think they should go out and pluck all the plants that are illegal."

"It is rather ironic. Here are travelers on a lonely road... Here is a federal agency that I pay to keep me safe..."

Shawn was able to get Lauren a flight so that she could reconnect with the Bike Pornification Tour. She got off the plane onto the BART and caught the last half of the 2nd show in San Francisco.

Lovers of pornography beware! Our borders shrink every day and our rights diminish even faster. Persecution for behaving or appearing different is tantamount to enforcing a homogenized, milquetoast culture of xenophobia.

Wear protection, carry lube and be ready to defend your sovereignty .

November 13, 2007

Domain Squatting my porn, wtf?

I want to own bikeporn.com, alas it is already taken.

Well I'm sure it is being put to good use. Let's check in with them to see what is up: "No web site is configured at this address."

Thanks, Ilan C. Paltrow of Charlotte, NC! Your contribution to the internerds is woefully under appreciated.

But what about some other URLs? like bikeporn.net? Coincidentally the Domain Squatter lives in my hometown (barely). Colin Mannex of 8315 sw 67th place Portland (aka Tigard), Oregon has nothing but annoying ads on his page.

Lee Levitt of Needham MA kinda sums up my feelings on the matter with his website Bikeporn.org: "Bike Porn..."

cause really what more is there to say?

---------

Wired Magazine gave some advice on how do deal with Domain Squatters. One method is to buy up every possible misspelling of your website.

http://www.selfseo.com/domain_typo_generator.php gives us:

Wrong key typos

* vike porn.
* nike porn. -------------->
* hike porn.
* gike porn.
* buke porn.
* bjke porn.
* bkke porn.
* boke porn.
* b9ke porn.
* b8ke porn.
* bije porn.
* bime porn.
* bile porn. (below)
* bioe porn.
* biie porn.
* bikw porn.
* biks porn.
* bikd porn.
* bikr porn.
* bik4 porn.
* bik3 porn.
* bike oorn.
* bike lorn.
* bike -orn.
* bike 0orn.
* bike pirn.
* bike pkrn.
* bike plrn.
* bike pprn.
* bike p0rn.
* bike p9rn.
* bike poen.
* bike podn.
* bike pofn.
* bike potn.
* bike po5n.
* bike po4n.
* bike porb.
* bike porm.
* bike porj.
* bike porh.


My confidence in the stupidity of the internet and all who dwell here is reaffirmed! If you want to be a millionare "bileporn.anything" are still available. Buy them all now!