Willy Wonker and the Obscenity Factory

Recently a particular bicycle pornographer's "wang" was held on high on some other bike related website "above the fold" as it were.

Witnessing the torrent of comments has often been an exciting pastime for those who fully endorse the culture of hating. This proved to different, as some were lauding the lasciviousness while others were judgmental of the junk and those who would share it.

To respond Bike Smut's crack team of investigators spent nearly a quarter-hour trying to capture the image as it was seen on most people's computers.

Did you miss that? We have heard this pornographer's penis might be too small for legal action, but no topic is too small for the determined people who are clearly the only ones "thinking of the children" while reading about bicycle pornography.

To assist those who could not see the 16 x 19 image (so small it, in fact, broke tumbler) our team worked for nearly another eighth of an hour to digitally enhance the #offensivePenis.  If you are reading this on your work computer at work with your boss looking over your shoulder just looking for a reason to fire you then you will probably loose your job in 3, 2, 1, and

Yr fired.

Bike Smut should stop there, but since we are not beholden to the shameful nature of patriarchal society, we are about to share with you an even larger version of this monstrosity. Using the powers of Blogger (whom at this very moment are inventing a new form of technology that will make this blog less accessible) we have expanded this image to nearly its full potential. Were you to ride your bike naked in Portland tonight you might experience this horror...

Nevermind if you are at home or even already masturbating in the bathroom, if you look at this image everyone you know will certainly loose their jobs. You have been warned...

Trying to track the unemployment caused by this event is no small task. Driven to learn about transportation and forced to examine genitalia for hours, the vast number of Portland's "wonks" (aka "transportation advocates") will likely all be unemployed within the hour, but that is not the worst of it. Unemployment could reach an all time high this weekend. The Internet is about to become a flurry of naked bikers as torrents of photos plague the otherwise diligently working population of Portland.

Our economic-bikesexual industry correspondent, Ali Blubal, warned of a potential "end of times" style economic downturn.

We are really flirting with disaster because while sure, those peni and cliteri are flaccid now what happens when they catch a little breeze? Will they stay limp? If not the situation could turn ugly.  or will there be a photograph of We don't know if it will be just a small bump, a serious pothole or if the economy is actually going to plummet into a vast nether regional abyss.

Possibly the only way to turn this situation around would be for the Mayor to declare a state of naked emergency. At that point Charlie Hales would have a few options, he could try to tell the police to use their batons to fight back the erect penises, but a more progressive idea is to actually embrace the penal onslaught. Could hiring all the underemployed photographers jump start the flailing economy?
 Perhaps, but we expect the economy to spiral causing more people to give up their jobs, and those people having no money will likely turn to naked cycling for entertainment, which of course will cause more people to loose their jobs. We may witness the end of capitalism before the end of the summer.

Thankfully Bike Smut is about to unveil their 2-step recovery program for those affected by the OffensivePenis. Details are still be worked out but it goes a little like this.
 

New Trailer: What is Bike Smut?!?

Finally! It has been too long since we shared a new trailer and this one is pretty amazing!

check it before YouTube pulls it down!

nevermind, they done pulled the buttplug out in a most unfriendly manner.

But fuck YouTube, we got QUEER PORN TUBE! No that website is dead, alas. But thankfully The Internet Archive is eternal (we hope)

It is difficult to explain bike culture or sex culture to a person who has never been in a fun group ride or ever fucked in a strange place. People are made to feel insecure about their choice of transportation and/or their choice about sex. From insecurity comes all manner of emotions but rarely curiosity.

Most people look at bikers and perverts as an other, as something different. When we see more differences than similarities we are given the ability to distance ourselves. "They are not like me; I am not like that." How are we supposed to be able to learn and adapt when we have so many hangups?

This video takes a look at what a lot of people think of when they hear the word "bikes" and the word "porn". Seven years of traveling and screening independent films from all over the world have taught us to keep our minds open, because there always seems to be something new . We hope we can continue to explore the universe with bright-eyed curiosity!

WHACK!ng it with Bikes!

Presenting the greatest WHACK! since kitty abuse

WHACK! presents Bike Smut
a casually radical interview by Lynsey G

Below is a little taste:

Lynsey G: ... You do hear about women having orgasms on exercise bikes, so I can see there being an actual sexual aspect to the bike itself for some people.

Poppy Cox: Oh yeah. It makes you feel really good. It gets your blood pumping. There’s definitely more than one video or story of girls getting off on bikes, which is pretty awesome. Actually one of our favorite movies, which was made in Brooklyn, is sort of a freak bike that was built… it’s a stationary bike, but it has a big complex bicycle wheel system to make a moving dildo that fucks the person at the other end.

Lynsey G! [laughing] I think I saw that, actually, at the Museum of Sex!

PC: Yeah, it’s definitely on the internet. It’s one of our few films that’s actually on the internet. They call it ‘Fuck Bike #001.’ It’s all in black and white.

The conversation covers topics of distribution and obscenity and prior restraint and goes over some of our more difficult moments bringing better porn to the people.

Later on we found that this sticker we got from Courtney Trouble was actually from Lynsey G. Whoa! Small fucking world.

There’s a tremendous amount of insecurity associated with how we get around. Being able to have more open and honest conversations about our desires will help prevent the bad sexy time and make the good times better and more often!

Media Monday: ReBirth of a Bikesexual Nation

Back in September we learned about how a new bikesexual advocate started the process of cycling became less painful and more pleasureful especially to one woman's yoni.

 

This time we go from the personal experience of how one person's crotch came to better know her saddle, to the shared experience of actually watching pornography together in a dark room with other consenting adults:

When I first saw Bike Smut 6: Turning TriXXX in late June, I swooned. It was my second time watching porn in public, in a theater full of people, and I was thrilled. Titillated. Energized. Inspired. I've already told you about 2012 being the summer I discovered my bikesexuality. Seeing Bike Smut as part of Portland's legendary three-week-long Pedalpaloopza extravaganza was most certainly a catalyzing element in my blossoming bikelove.

Read the entire bit of bike love here! She is talented and aware so peruse the other musings from Marissa Black here!

Media Monday: Erections are What's Up

Our desk is cluttered with sometimes insightful, hilarious and all too frequently, time consuming media. What is a bicycle pornographer about to end the Call For Submissions to do?

RING EM UP!

Sometimes folks say: "I get the porn, but why bikes? Why not chairs, or vibrators?"
To which I reply: "A bike is a chair AND a vibrator"

What they really wanna know is, why makes bike culture better than anything else you could do with your time. That question is a little more challenging. There is a lot of amazing things going on out there  but we frequently are very impressed with the resourcefulness of Bike Punks.

We don't mind fancy-pants bike events (although paying to ride seems as intuitive as driving to the corner store... have you tried the alternative? NOT PAYING?) but having a group struggle a little for their art/play makes us all enjoy it a little more than just handing over $35 and getting a t-shirt full of sponsors at the end.*

Take for example our Bike Smut hosts in Graz, Austria. They didn't have money for an indoor race track, so they built one... actually they built several, in their own homes. 

photo by "RADhofer"

The story is a little more complicated than that, but everyone enjoyed the process and time trial indoor racing so much that they have been doing it pretty regularly now for over a year. Here are some SFW pics of the riders.

We at Bike Smut are hardly exclusionary, but we are getting more selective in our age. Still if someone is not willing to try another culture's art because 'what is the point of exploration?' you can just about assume that this person will have an answer for everything and they all result in this person being right without failure. That's nice for the Fox News mindset, but being able to be challenged and come away from something with a new angle that's why we learn and do new things!

Speaking of learning new things this graphic website is fill of interesting, if not very useful info on sex. Sometimes their facts are humorous, sometimes scandalous, (it is the internet, after all) but generally they are shoulder shruggingly unimportant. More interesting then their fact that Miami has the longest sex of any US city and that Denver Phoenix or Chicago have the shortest, is that the entire difference is only 9 min. WHOA, you mean people have sex for more than 9 min!?! AMAZING

This June is a little more sane for us, we only have THE FINAL FINAL SCREENING OF THE ORGASM TRAIL ... EVER

Vancouver Friday June 22nd, which would be monumental in its own right but just a week later is

THE WORLD PREMIERE OF BIKE SMUT 6: TURNING TRIXXX
at the Clinton St Theater in Portland, Oregon

Go ahead, freak out a little, just save some for us.



*its statements like this that will keep us legit (i.e. poor)

Media Monday: more social diseasin'

Booya! Here at BikeSmut we got some of the best problems in the business

Running out of Men's handmade underwear. Tragically good!

Hard drives overflowing with excellent, DIY porn?!? Fabulously good!

So many new Twitter followers that we have not been able to keep up with our email inbox? Especially these 10 that came within 43 minutes of each other? Embarrassingly good!

We hope to get to learn about each of you in turn, although it might take a while. In the meantime feel free to holla at us @BikeSmut ,,, the fancypants sms of the bikesexual revolution! If you only wanna observe our curious visual offerings we suggest you follow our Tumbler, If you want some of both with the opportunity to bring the Bikesexuality into your personal Internet life it's hard to beat Bike Smut's FaceCrack. Never mind that they are taking a bath in the stock market, we share lots of bikesexual images and news clippings.
 
We expect that we will soon be able to deal with all of these problems soon enough. Our new website where you can actually buy our handmade panties. We didn't just slap our brand on some cheap, mass produced crap, we choose the fabric, laid our the pattern, cut it, silkscreened a double helix of bikesex, then sewed so the image goes right up to the seam.  Before these were only available at screenings, now we got biker booty bouncing for your pleasure 24/7 on our online merchandise store!

Take a closer look

Expect more men's undies available in the coming months. We know how our grundle pads are exceptionally popular for preventing scrotum seam chafing and with the heat of the summer coming you wont wanna wear any more clothes than you have to!

Sexy Biker Boys in Kiel, Germany

Speaking of riding almost or completely naked, we are excited to be coordinating with our new friends putting on the EcoSex Symposium! Nature provides some pretty amazing backdrops and one of the best ways to experience it is via the human powered conveyance.
 
More from the front lines as these expansive engorgements develop!

The Spokeslut

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Media Monday: tangentially related

 This is Post dated material because its coming at us fast and sometimes in our eye even.

We are in the fortunate position of having a number of great friends who seem to take great delight in sharing interesting visual ideas. As such we generally take time to enjoy them, and frequently share them via our amazingly lame social media bitch-fest center.

WARNING this post is highly chaotic and full of links that ideally will cause you to cost your employers millions in work efficiency. 

Tuesday was our 1st of our weekly SPRUNG! programming, on the theme "Revolution." It was also Mayday (duh) and we're excited to see our friends encourage healthy transportation lifestyles for all, regardless of the hordes of asshat police officers who were arresting bikers left and right.

"not one cyclist arrested saw his or her bike removed from the scene by the police; they were yanked from their rides and were left to question if they would ever see their bicycle again." - PDX Bike Swarm blog

Oh, piles of great interesting/disturbing sexual collages? Well crafted ones at that? ok! Tumble on. Warning: not bike related

and did you know that MayDay 81 years ago was the dedication of the Empire State Building? So it was that building's birthday, or something. For 40 years it was the tallest building in the world then the Twin Towers went up, and by the time they fell it was only the tallest building in the state of New York. But on April 30th of this year (like dayz ago) they decided that the new replacement wold trade center was now taller... still king kong never climbed that erection, so whatever.

 And if you are not comfortable shoving an entire building inside of your body, you could try a Cthulhu-inspired glass dildo...



Or maybe you want more than just the "Jedi's Lightsaber" if ya know what we mean...

We dont completely believe this, but its possible that a prepubescent youth writer  is in fact, this amazingly hilarious
WARNING: NOT PORN RELATED
We have also recently learned that our favorite band ever is making good on their promise to have a 2012 reunion. This is only the 6th final show ever for Show Me The Pink, dont miss it! Coincidentally, our friends at CrankMyChain (who have been hosting an almost NIGHTLY streaming video show: Bike Check every Monday-Thursday at 9pm PST) recently uncovered this "gem" of a bike video from the Cross Crusade (the worlds most popular cyclecross series) circa 2007. Featuring music by Show Me The Pink (thus it all comes together)



We have always wanted to go visit the folks at Maya Pedal in Guatemala. Here is why...


Could our tall bike tour to South America still happen in time to stop the Myans? Is there a giant "snooze" button on their calendar? Such intrigue!

Standby for our next Media Monday (uh maybe that should be "Monday") when we talk about National Masturbation Day

sex-positive non-bike bloggers unite!

After more haranguing than we would like to describe (tantamount to a bureaucrat defending the bureaucracy by saying "this is a rule because it is") Bike Smut has been included in our 1st ever e[lust]!
Dozens of different rad sex-themed blogs choose something in the past month they created that they are proud of. That submission goes to the eLust which in turn, compiles all the appropriate submissions and contractually requests every contributing blog post the link to all the other exciting content.

So without any further lameness, e[lust] #35 

Photo Courtesy of Vincent and Mia


Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one

 roof every month. Whether you�re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or

 kinky discussions it�ll be here at e[lust].  Want to be included in e[lust] #36? Start with the newly

 updated rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!


 ~ Top 3 ~


Strangers in a bar � She sensed him move along the bar, he took the seat next to her his knee brushing

 her thin stockings as he took in her dress and the way it waved over her curvaceous figure.


Dealing with Abuse in Our Communities � We�re only human (yes, dominants ARE human) and mistakes

 happen. But what you do with the information that you�ve harmed someone is key.


Special Request � Walking to his desk, he pulled off his belt and put it on the left side, then

 pulled out a paddle and put it in the middle and then a cane on the right hand side.


 ~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~


What Keeps Us Going � We co-existed, and we were generally happy with each other, but we were

 dysfunctional. You know how people talk about becoming roommates rather than lovers? Guilty.


~ e[lust] Editress ~


Sex Toy Journalism: Seeking the Truths of Silicone via Flame Testing and Confronting Manufacturers �  

Why flame test? �Pure� silicone, be it food grade or medical grade, shouldn�t melt or deform under the

 heat of an open flame from a disposable lighter or match � a fact you�ll see demonstrated in the video


Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships


Comparisons Part Three
Cosmic Vibrations
Momentum: Reflections and Impressions
My Feminine Fountain is Finally Flowing (I squirted for the 1st time!)
PolyAnna�s Musings: Attraction
Q&A Number 1: Play Partners
Sexual Bucket List (and a Brief Diatribe on My Self Censorship Hang Up)
The �Dry Rut/Root�! Non-sex?
Intolerance � Contraception Debate, Religious Intolerance, & Grumpy Cooper


Erotic Writing


Come Together
Encounter in the Spa
Flame
Good Bad Sex
I needed him there and then 
inside
Make Me Cum
Namaste
Onomatopoeia
Play Lady Play
Quitting While Ahead
Rampage � YSL�s birthday treats
sleep
the Confidante and I film ourselves
third
The first time I slept with the Girl in the Red DressTiming Is Everything
We drink each other�s cum


Kink & Fetish


Assignment from M
Buttons
Cigars
Fucked Raw
Foot fetishists, come talk to me
Imprints
Make Me
Nice vs. Good
On �Closure.�
Practicing My Religion
Please Fuck Me
Snap


Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor


Annie fucking Sprinkle
Voice and the Author

Media Monday, Remembering Munchen

Fuck me, (not just a happy suggestion anymore) we have been getting lots of great press but we are often less than... uh, motivated to write about people who write about people, who show movies by people who think its great to make movies about bikes and sex. It just feels like too much of an abstraction at some point.

Basically, we normally have to be in the right mood, but like any good porn star we are certain we can fake it and you (our generally mute readers) will have to suffer the consequences. And so we have decided that every Monday (cause ya know, it the start of the getting down to business week) we are gonna put on some soothing music, light a few candles, pour a few bottles of wine and yell "SHUT THE FUCK UP, IM TRYING TO WRITE IN MY FUCKING BIKE BLOG" to anyone who comes to complaining about the working conditions in their noisy, dimly lit, smoky cubicle next to mine.

Behold, The Munich (Munchen) Bike Smut News!

What's that? you dont speak German? Bavarian even?!? Well never fear, from our epic view of the internet we have found a special "website" that takes this devil foreign tongue and chops it into easy to consume bite sized chunks of Engrish.

Behold, Google translate

Careful with all that learning you got gong on.  Next week, (assuming we can keep this weekly column working for more than one week) we return to Milan!

aint no Media-ocer Monday

Its a Funderous (pre) Friday!

Thanks to our friends and media partners for helping to bring more sex-positive, transportation-ally-aware art to the people.

Thanks be to our northern racing folk who been killin it in the streets:
http://gomeansgo.org/2012/02/10/next-weekend-in-pdx-mini-bike-winter-2012/

Possibly our most innocent film is now (gasp!) online, a big deal for us since we are so political about distribution:
http://nord-stewart.com/2012/02/16/why-i-bought-a-bike-for-your-viewing-pleasure-on-nsi-online-and-in-portland-or/

Bike Portland got the ball rolling five years ago and are still committed to our mutual cause:
http://bikeportland.org/2012/02/16/zoobombs-annual-event-mini-bike-winter-starts-tonight-67370

and hey, whats a weekly listing of free events without OUR free fucking bike eventL
http://www.pdxpipeline.com/monthly-event-list/february-2012-bike-smut-film-festival-clinton-street-theater/

and another for the rest of this wkends action, just in case you didn't know how much fun we are having:
http://www.pdxpipeline.com/2012/02/13/portland-mini-bike-winter-festival/

But this isn't one of those exclusionary events designed to make people feel shame, this is FUN in the STREETS for the PEOPLE, and you are invited to take part.

http://zoobomb.net/minibikewinter/

We wouldn't have great art to share if YOU the inspired bikesexuals of the world didn't make it. So expect our call for submissions for our upcoming collection soon!

Happy V Day

 In this time of reclaimed rights and liberty, we should take a moment to remind ourselves that St. Valentine choose the long hard road and tho he may have regretted his decision as he was dying in a cell, it is still true - some things that are worth suffering for.

 

 Keep fighting the good fight

International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers

What happens when you take a Italian sex worker and find her in a Czech Republic gender fucking festival, in a Dutch bike punk kitchen in Berlin, and finally bring her some some inspiring porn to her London home in the swingingest queer bar in the UK?

Introducing one of our favorite Europeans,  Ava Caradonna!  As a biker, an activist and a sex worker Ava was a tireless supporter of our cause all over the continent.

She is a little nervous here but she speaks on an important cause: X Talk Project


Sex work is an important issue that, not unlike porn, makes people feel uncomfortable. Rather than feeling pity for "those poor people" we must take a more enlightened view of this occupation. As the video points out, many sex workers are undocumented foreigners who can't appeal to cops for fear deportation or worse. Take time to appreciate the oldest occupation today!

Connect with her via FB: Ava Caradonna


We don't care how liberating their wings are, Flying Toasters got nothing on this lady!



We hope to be able to remember a few more key people in the bikesexual revolution and will try to share their vision for a brighter future in the months to come. Thanks Ava, we miss your help in getting the audience bouncing.

Rapture and Ruin, the past and future of the UK Bikesexual

We have had a pretty stunning stream of badass media promotions and reviews. From Malmo's stunning 3 page cover story to the First Day's ass-ess-ment of our first UK show, we have been basking in the glory of great media.

Then we came north and things have seemed to gone to hell. Liverpool, Birmingham, Nottingham, and Glasgow have all tried to turn our uplifting program of short, erotic movies into a vapid, scat fest.

And now, thanks to the stunningly in-depth coverage from the London Evening Standard, not only have we been crowned the climax of bicycle cinema but apparently, we are Dutch.
Accuracy is a nice thing if you can get it, but more important to us is intention, and the intention of getting more active bodies to engage their communities is about as important as anything in the world. And in all fairness, the two hottest new bike pornographers are, in fact originally from Amsterdam.

So it is our great joy to present you with this latest recap of our Bristol show from Cap'n Bike Beard. With more mini-bike races and dance performances, we can promise that this media wont leave you wondering if you stepped in poo.

Sharing a social media disease

Holey new web testicles, Batman! This them Bike Smut internerds have done been BLOWING UP!

• We have a new website (well, kinda. It's two moths old, we just never bothered to announce it when it was new)
• We have a new look on the blog
• We have a brand new tumblr
• We have an old twitter
• We have an old Facebook page that will also have more great bikesexual content soon

But now we need your help. Every stupid, vapid, jerkface begs you to befriend them. Many are totally worth your time. The problem is we are adrift in a super highway sea of lame sexual content. We can't even count the number of times that we have been shut down before we could explain how sweet our goals are. This is where YOU come in. If you believe in our mission to improve people's lives through better sex and transportation than you must connect us with others, because no one believes us when we say how awesome our politics are.

Do your part to pass these ideals on! Your friends will be glad you did.

**NOTE: persistent rubbing up against your computer can result in chafing, or worse. Consult an IT physician.**

Give us a hand will you?

A new twist on a classic joke. Dear Speaker of the House, we know you are a busy man so our tech team installed "The Clapper" in the Legislature to improve the legislatures efficiency and so that you can make your own strobe light effects during speeches.

We are dubious that it will "clap on" very well, but when they have a pair of jodhpurs we will be the 1st in line.

hot dudes on bikes

finally some gender equity in our bikesexual objectification.


http://hotdudesonbikes.com/

How to Bike Porn for people who are not into sex

Herm. We have to be careful when critiquing the astonishing lame nature of the internerds. So vast is its ability to deluge anyone not prepared for the onslaught of such craptastic data that just searching for "bike porn" could result in a nervous twitch in mild cases and closer to a grand-maul seizure in more cases.

But then there are some gems of pure brilliance. Those moments in time when one realizes that "yes, I do need a to know exactly how to disassemble my 3-speed internal hub, right now!" and you happen to stumble upon Sheldon Brown.

This list of how to shoot a standard bike porn falls in between these 2 extreemseso learn a little and twitch a little.

The Ten Commandments of Bicycle Porn:

1. Frame section shall not exceed rim section, but rim section shall not exceed twice the frame section.
2. Front and rear rim sections must be equal except on TT bikes where they must be unequal.
3. Gearing must not be lower than 39x23.
4. Carbon fibre components look good on on a metal frame, but the reverse is generally not true.
5. Titanium frames must not be painted; carbon frames must be painted (with certain exemptions for unidirectional finish).
6. Bicycles must always be photographed from the drive side, with cranks horizontal and a large gear selected.
7. Quick release skewers must be horizontal and positioned to give the impression of being blown backwards by speed.
8. Gear shifters must be vertical; saddle must be horizontal.
9. No more than 5mm of spacers may appear above or below the stem.
10. Handlebar tape must match saddle colour.

Everyone got that?

Rules being what they are, we'd say a reasonable response to this would be pointing out some reasonable pie plate porn

Great cause there is only two weeks left before the EXTENDED DEADLINE for submissions to Bike Porn 4:PLAY is exhausted. Then you will be stuck in no porn land for a long time, unless you have the internet, which since this is probably the only place this writing will ever be visable seems an absolute assurity. Still that porn will suck literally and figuratively so good luck with that.

If you are on the fence, now is the time... get on your horse and ride!

Photo credit to Officially Lucky, whom in turned ripped it off the Bike Snob, which we were hoping we wouldn't have to credit. THE HORROR!

Helping the Bikesexual Industry: PART ONE

Bikes and their riders have been sexy since the wheel got round, but this recent revolution of bikesexuality has much more explicit uh, flavor.

There are a lot of exciting endeavors going on out there, beyond our DIY porn festival for bikers (or DIY bike festival for sex positive people, depending on your perspective).

Behold, something you have probably already seen on another website because if you read this blog there is a good chance you also have seen them on one of these fine, upstanding internerdz:
This previously unreleased image is a special treat for you 'cause we are so manipulative and persuasive. We said, "Hey give us something fresh and new that hasn't yet been on every other bike blog" and the creator said, "Fuck you, suffer with the rest of the cheapskate internet" and we looked up at them with a single tear dripping from the corner of our massive animated eyes our lips trembling... and then we knew he was ours.

So consider yourself lucky: not every pornographer can cry on demand. Anyway, the point is that there is a calendar of beautiful Japanese women and bicycles and they both look good and if you want to have such a thing you can buy it.

Perhaps this would be a good time to consider the implications of using sexy women to sell bikes AND/OR calendars. True, this is already the second ethics-based posting in a week*, but we are confident that as long as there is titillation, you will tolerate wading out into questionable moral waters.

So the debate goes something like this... (actually it went exactly like this)

• women are exploited by these images
• women are free to exploit themselves
• women are not smart enough to know they are exploiting themselves
• American butterflies are not aware of the consequences their action will have on Japanese cyclists
• no, YOU are the IGNORANT BUTTerfly
• why don't we make our own calendar?**
• funny you should say that, I just made 12 months of my testicles on bikes

We would prefer a more enlightened conversation. But since most people who bother to post comments probably will never come back to read what anyone else said afterwards, we have come to the metaphorical equivalent of meeting someone at a bus stop and immediately jizzing on their face. "Get in, get off, and get out" has been the defacto method of internet debate for so long we seriously wonder how so many people have so many "loads" to share. Perhaps they use volume enhancing drugs (scroll down to end of linked post for sweet promotional video about how you too can get massive loads all the time). Regardless, the medium of communication is what it is, and no mater how infuriating it is to try and engage anyone who comments on youtube there is still (depreciating) value in trying.


Behold: a modern day street prostitute in Tijuana, Mexico.
Thanks Wikipedia! So how is riding a bike like selling your body for sex? Maybe that is dictated by how one rides.

It puts us in a strange position because what the hell is sexism anyway? We believe in sex, can that count as our "ism"? What about biting-the-hand-the-feeds-you-ism? We would rather not believe in that, but alas, we are well aware of it.

Take what you will from the images, but the women in the pictures seem pretty happy. If someone makes a calendar of men happily washing their bicycles we will gladly do a post about it a month after it is useful as well.

POST SCRIPT

*And still we have not released the 1st leg of the next tour. BUT JUST YOU WAIT! Seriously, it's not like you have any choice in the matter. But thanks for your patience.

**You should make your own calendar, but know that it is WAY harder than it seems, and printing is really quite expensive, and distribution is near impossible. That said, do it, make cool images and such available on others' walls, and when you are done you can say, "I did it! ... and I never want to do it again"

its got bike and its got porn, but it aint really bike porn

The painfully obvious answer will be announced next week. We hope that someone will guess it.