reMembering durango

One of the joys of going on tour to all these fine "fucking bike friendly" places is the great events that we are able to take part in (or even better, become part of!)

Such was the case last year as part of the Westward Ho! tour in Durango, CO.

Here is a 1st hand account of the insanity that was, THE RALLY OF THE DEAD!

We wont be the 1st to call Durango bikers "special", and we surely won't be the last. So instead of showing bike porn 2, we showed the 1st years program. Viewers were coming out of their chairs with cheering or disgust! Never mind that that Sen. John McCain was in town that day to also catch the screening and let people know that he was still alive and had a seriously entertaining running mate.

Porn Quad photoshoot

Like the Dark Lord said, "Impressive. Most impressive." What is wrong with free beer and food and some classy fucking people? Nothing. Except sometimes it is hard to remember all the fun. The word epic gets thrown around a lot but in this case you can't really help but utilize it. For several days in a row the sauce flows, and the wheels roll and we have the times of our lives.

Thanks for the great games of bike polo, all of the stunning awards and prizes. And letting us share our "gifts" with the otherwise unsuspecting Durango audience at the future Discovery Museum... a place for learning.

Here's hoping they are having a blast at the SSWC going on this weekend September weekend in Durango AND that they have enough ogranizational energy to help put together a screening of Bike Porn 3 in early November.

Bringing bike porn home

The message is loud and clear: the family that creatively expresses themselves together has babies with dangerously oversized genitalia.

Congratulations to C-SAW who made this wonderfully disturbing work of art for our recent bike porn collage off. For his contribution to the cause of safe family cycling this one-a-kind piece will be made available at the next screening.

Thursday, October 2nd
Hollywood Theater
4122 NE Sandy Blvd

Where we will show not just one program of sexy bike action, but two! For the first time ever in Portland both The Pornography of the Bicycle and Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation will play back to back!

Get your tickets now at: http://www.filmaction.org/engaging/
(online ticket sales... another first for Bike Porn Industries.)

Apologies to everyone who was expecting us to come up with a clever way of saying "bike porn has got HollyWOOD". Pictures, submissions and other "good" ideas are welcome at bikesmut@gmail.com

"Pass my vat o' lube, the internets look appealing"

Clicky Clicky! The internerds are awash in bike porn!

Our crack staff of media whores have been out "packing the bottom brackets" of local bloggers. The world premiere of Bike Porn 2: bikexploitation is this Friday the 13th of June. The sexy bikers of Portland have stunningly high expectations of the upcoming show.

Jonathan Maus of Bike Portland and Matt Davis of The Portland Mercury were kind enough to promote our exploits in shy, perhaps even cute adherence to the "talk about porn but make sure that you provide fair NSFW warning to avoid getting your surfers fired" rule. Thanks to you both for double teaming the release of the new trailer.

If you are planing on coming out we heartily suggest that you prepare yourself for excess. That could mean consuming energy drinks ("CORE" is 10% alcohol, leaving only 90% energy?), and/or wearing a crown of leaves and a bed sheet as there is a "300" themed ride leaving from the Clinton Street Theater to the MMR directly after the show ends.

This years submissions come from a variety of places: Seattle, Santa Cruz, Columbus, Brooklyn to name a few. Thus this program is much more than just one person's idea of a cool way to spend the night. This program includes many interpretations, but there are plenty more voices that need to be heard. Start your conspiring and make something you will be proud of.

Thank you pornographers, supporters and fluffers!

what ho! a bike porn film festival!?!?

Some highlights from a year of sharing bike porn:

Presenting 24 short movies from 6 west coast cities

The videos range from 8 minuets at its longest down to less than 10 seconds

22 screenings in some of the most famous venues in cinema:

• Roxie in SF
• Musicbox in Chicago
• Byrd in Richmond

Bringing together 1000s of horny bikers across North America.


AND STILL THEY ARE HUNGRY FOR MORE!

So now is your chance to give them more. The Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation EXTENSION!

You have been given more time to dream up, document, edit, (then edit more) and turn into us a final product you feel is worthy of the historic trashy endeavor.

Make it dirty and make it fast cause on May 7th if I dont have it in my hand you will be too late!

bulging demonstration

on stage in NYC with a package of sexy info to deliver

thanks to full time documentarian (and part time cell phone photographer), Steev Hise who has been fighting a media war of his own with "On The Edge: The Femicide in Ciudad Juárez"

we are still looking for a venue in DC. Keep your genitals crossed!

Getting Lucky in Philly

sweet serendipity.

biking along south street an hour ago we spotted something different. The brick buildings were suddenly replaced by a living collage of glass bottles and bicycle wheels. Upon further investigation we discovered Philadelphia's Magic Gardens.

We were hungry and tired and hungover, but taking a moment to breathe inside this highly detailed art space was refreshing. Then we met Isaiah Zagar and told him about the program. The next thing we know he has us on the phone with The Theater of the Living Arts hooking us up with a projector!

So Philadelphia, it is on. This is a very special location and we are exceedingly gracious to be hosted here.

Tuesday March 25th
8:45 pm
Magic Gardens
1020 South St
Philadelphia, PA

On the on the Hill

this coming monday march 31st a bonus screening!!!

St. Anthony Hall
207 Pittsboro St.
Chapel Hill, NC
27516
8pm

"Oh my, what great, big polo you have there..."

NYC conjours up so many astounding memories,

• BLBC vs C.H.U.N.K. DCLXVI
• The Brooklyn Underground video collective
• Reverend Billy preaching the Church of Stop Shopping during a Critical Mass
• All the people who remind you that New York is like no other place on earth
• Drinking America's Largest Selling Lager Ballentines

And now we have the most efficient polo game I had ever seen.

Seriously, amazing that they are organized to have a stack, and it works.

Does this make you hot? Maybe you should put your pants back on. Im getting uncomfortable.

WHERE IN PHILY AND DC WILL BIKE PORN SHOW?

"You want me to put my junk where?"

"Please, please, please bring me porn," they say.

"Our town is small and humble but we love bikes," they say.

"Won't you get nasty in our bottom brackets," they say.

Alas, the Internet can be so cruel.

For all the attempts to get a screening in Boston, Phily or DC nary a venue has stepped up!

Wont someone take us?


As it stands in the North Atlantic cost the only place you can watch The Pornography of the Bicycle is:

3/22/08

@ 7:00 9:00 & 11:00pm

Chashama
217 East 42nd St New York City, NY 10017
www.chashama.org

The responses from cities have been highly varied. A Report from Columbus describes a black fixie with bright pink Drury grips who lamented not having a camera to document all the sexy action that happened after the movies playing. After the screening in Mnpls a fashion show began 4am. In Chicago, a oversexed riot nearly broke out and many audience members felt necessary to relieve themselves.

But every city is different. Just last night we witnessed the quietest screening ever. The tension in PGH was so high that even the comfy chairs of the Shadow Lounge could not overcome the heightened states. "Shocked" is how one person described the audience.

Perhaps bike sexuality will find a home here. Pittsburgh could be the biker's gem. We are excited to do some exploring.

For no particular reason we have had no issues with police to date. Maybe they are more understanding then we realize.

It's Hard Ass Steel

Though much harassment and threatening emails we have a venue to screen The Pornography of the Bicycle in Pittsburgh!

This coming Wednesday, March 19th we are gonna see how hard the sexy cyclists can get!

3/19/2008
7:00 pm
Shadow Lounge

5972 Baum Boulevard

nibbling your apple

NYC is getting excited for the hotness coming their way; we have more supporters steeping up to make the show even better:

Thanks to Continuum Cycles and Laek House for making our shows even better! Remember kids Cashama is a cozy 80-seat venue so it might be hard to get in. Lucky for you we have an unprecedented three screenings this saturday at 7, 9 and 11pm

What are you gonna bring? Better get your wheels polished.

Flashback February

crap, this actually got us pretty hot.


Mini Bike Winter 2008 montage from millz on Vimeo.
thanks to millz and the Santa Cruz crew for doing it better!

seat tube fantasies

Ever caught looking at someone too long? sexy bikers can do that to ya. sexy bikes too. wanting someone else's ride is a dangerous proposition. Consensual bike love is great!






UPDATE: chicago is primed and ready to fuck bikes!

Rounding them up on Rawhide!

BONUS SCREENING!

due to unsatiable demand we are screening The Pornography of the Bicycle at a private residence in Rapid City, TONIGHT!

The Influence-za
2708 Rawhide Drive
Rapid City South Dakota

starting around 8pm

Come on by!

You're Twins?!?

Nearly every history of bike culture (and specifically mutant bike culture) includes Minneapolis. It seems about time we introduce ourselves, and what love we are getting! We had almost given up on finding a venue when some local kickass bikers decided to make it happen!

"This Thursday March 13th, for one night only!
Strong Arm Marketing presents, The Pornography of the Bicycle. A series of short films on the theme of Bike Porn. It's cumming on thru it's eastcoast tour here in Mpls.

• StrongArm Marketing Complex.
• 117 Washington Ave N. Mpls, MN.
• $5 at the door.
• 99 to 100 limited seats.
• That's this Thursday night.
• Door at 8pm, Director/Producer intro at 8:15pm.
• Showtime at 8:30pm.

Scrool down the trailer page here for a short look. We all know cycling, and sex, are some of the best things life offers us. You really do not want to miss this. Spring is coming"

Damn, they make me blush like a republican

Besides showing awesome movies we are educating people on the nature of Free Geek. Come by the Walker Library to learn more about this kickass nonprofit and the people who are starting one in Minneapolis.

Fun fact from Wikipedia: Minneapolis has the fourth highest percent of people who are gay, lesbian or bisexual, with 12.5%, lucky for us zoobombers are so gay.

Orgasmic NYC Critical Mass

If you are riding a bike can get off anytime you like. It is part of the freedom inherent in cycling that makes such individualism possible. You jump in and jump out at your discretion.

But what about riding in groups? What about giving up some of your individualism to the will of a larger organism? Is that fun? Is that sexy?


May the Bicycle Jesus bless your ride massers of New York. For all the suffering you have endured there is still a lot of fun to come. The Bike Porn Eastern Swing is showing The Pornography of the Bicycle at a sweet venue in midtown!

3/22/08

@ 7:00 9:00 & 11:00pm

Chashama
217 East 42nd St New York City, NY 10017
www.chashama.org

With 75 seats this is a very intimate venue so we are doing a record breaking three screenings, Saturday, March 22nd @ 7, 9, and 11pm.

Admission is only $6 so expect a packed house.

This screening is being partially sponsored by Babeland, who totally are into bikes and sex.

Cranking the Music Box (so to speak)

Chicago is a big bike town. For years many of us in Portland have spoken to each other about it how our bike scenes compare. Sometimes brashly, sometimes in hushed tones. For 3 years now we have been comparing stats for the World Naked Bike Ride. In Portland's 1st WNBR I counted over 500 riders. The next day I heard the Chicago ride that year had 600. Looking at their pictures they had a lot of people, although very few of them seemed naked.

This is how we keep up with the Jones' on a big cultural scale. Portland has a lot of pride when it comes to riding naked, and clearly Chicago is no different. It is with great pride then that I am able to announce the date time and location of the only screening of The Pornography of the Bicycle in Chicago.

• Friday, March 14th
• @ 11:55pm (a midnight screening)
• The Music Box Theatre
• 3733 N. Southport Ave. | Chicago, IL 60613

The Music Box is one of those classic venues that you sometimes hear about even though you have never visited the city before. It is a gem, and we are going to make it real pretty like.

The theater has more than 700 seats and we intend to have it packed with sexy bikers.

Moreover we already have plans for an underwear ride and fashion show in conjunction with the short movies program.

We have a team of volunteers that have stepped up to make lots of great things happen. If you are interested in being part of the fashion show please let us know!
Imagine strutting your stuff here!


While in Chicago I get to visit my favorite nonprofit, Free Geek. It started in Portland near the beginning of the 3rd Millennium. Now the ideas have taken root in many cities across North America.

What is go great about Free Geek? Just that they give technology to people, FOR FREE. And they teach people stuff about computers, FOR FREE. And they support software and ideas that ARE FREE.

From Chicago we will head to Columbus, Ohio for another screening and another visit of a Free Geek. Free Geek Columbus! It is just a happy coincidence, there is not a Free Geek in every city we are playing movies in... yet.

Someday I will tell you all about the not-so-obvious connection between Open Source software and bicycles.

Someday...

Bike Porn II : BIKEXPLOITATION

Citizens of Bike Pornia, behold and submit to your new theme of human powered erotica:

Bike Porn II: BIKEXPLOITATION
Those interested in submitting a movie for our 2008 program must:

• send an email to bikesmut@gmail.com
• use mini-DV tape or better
• shoot in 9x16 aspect ratio
• make it 7 minuets or less
• know copyright-free music is better
• submit by April 15th, 2008

Here is a steamy, yet safe for work promo!


The same video on YouTube


Thanks to Crank My Chain! CycleTV, and the consulting adults of the anniversary Midnight Mystery Ride

Richmond, Virgina: packed full of humpy goodness

RVA here I come!

We have a team

We have a theater

We have a plan

Please, someone give us a car for 3 weeks to promote bikes. It makes perfect sense and it will be cheaper and more fuel efficient than buying us a bunch of plane tickets.

sobrity, as a metaphor for "suck"

Since the end of the tour I have stopped drinking, which has let me come to understand a little something about myself. I really miss alcohol! I use it for all sorts of things: drinking, partying with, talking about, putting into flasks, pouring down throats, lubricating the screws, tying one on, and possibly most importantly providing for my kruktankerous family, the Lushes of the Pacific Northwest.

Why would a person surrounded by booze, whom takes time to regularly speak of its natural benefits, ever stop? Perspective. By stepping back from the edge we are given temporary clairvoyance of the big (and not quite as fuzzy) picture. Plus it gives me reason to experiment with other intoxicants. Moreover when I do start drinking again, look out, cause my tolerance will have slipped back to the human level. Meaning I can go to a bar and easily get trashed. No more sneaking a beer bong into the bathroom, no more trips to the corner market between games of fooseball, no more drinking before I go out drinking. Well, some habits are hard to break, so I'll probably still be a cheap ass.

This is especially important because I am about to embark on another almost annual ritual of mine: joining Seattle's Dead Babies in their first Friday club ride. Tragedy has befallen my northern friends since I have last enjoyed their company. Kevin Carter, Devlin Williams, and Phillip Hollins, Three bikers who all did time delivering for Fleetfoot are expected to have died in an avalanche this winter. I'll not take a sip until i can do so with my friends and express my regret.

To those we can no longer drink with.


I wish I could kidnap them all and sneak them accross the border to Vancouver BC where the bike kids are hosting a Bikes Inside party! That's right this Saturday, Feb 2nd bring your bike and ride around, indoors! It's kinda like being outside, only not as cold, dark,wet, or depressing. That is what we have Mini Bike Winter for. To crush spirits like empty cans under your heel, Seattle style.

Man I need a drink.