Old Bikes, Fresh Legs, Hot Sauce!

The rumors we started are no longer true; Bike Smut is NOT touring! STILL!

We've had a plucky team for this bike-powered tour across Europe starting in Athens, Greece. However because we love them and you and also ourselves we are not hosting social gatherings.




So what will we bring with us this time? Our first go around we had our amazing international superstar, Gi GI Malibu meet us in Hamburg with two liters of Tapatio hot sauce. And the option of having a gallon of Sriracha is tempting. But then, Valentina is the pound for pound champion. THIS IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM! You may not realize the hardest part of traveling in Europe is finding spicy food.

Also, we need lots of help finding rad fucking people who want to help us provide a rad fucking experience for their rad fucking community. Do you know them? Connect the dots! DO IT NOW!

Come Again, Rockies!

We have a slew of great shows coming up for you higher elevated bikesexuals!

Saturday Nov 8th
Denver
Velowood Cyclery - 2526 E Colfax 
Two shows!  8pm  and 10pm! $8  FB Event


Sunday Nov 9th
Boulder
Phoenix Asylum - 2510 47th St, Boulder
7pm, $8 FB Event

Tuesday Nov 11th
Ft. Collins
Lyric Cinema - 300 E Mountain Ave
9:30pm  $10 FB Event
http://lyriccinemacafe.com/bike-smut/

Wednesday Nov 12th
Col Springs
Voodoo Leatherworks, 2422 Busch Ave
9pm $1-10  FB Event

Friday Nov 14th
Salt Lake
Physics Warehouse
8pm  $5  FB event

Sunday Nov 16th
Albuquerque
Pornotopia, The Guild Cinema 3405 Central Ave NE
7pm $10 FB event
Join the group ride to the show!


Look at the Rocky Mountain grouping! Thats 6 shows in 9 days! (Not including the double header in Denver!) How are we to keep our minds in the gutter for such an extended period of time?

We are gonna need your help! Please reach out to someone in this region and share with them the value of kickass sex and transportation!

Kicking off on The Porny Express

IT'S TIME TO RIDE!

Our first stop on the Porny Express is our historic bikesexual mecca of Salt Lake!

Come examine the finest bikesexual movies from Montreal, Gainesville, Oakland, Milan, Vancouver, Berlin, Chicago and Zurich!

One night only but loads of other rad stuff happening in conjunction with it!

Friday, August 30
The Goathead Preserve
Address TBA
8pm
Adults only!
$5-10 donation

Midnight Mystery Ride to follow!
Brunch nourishment Saturday morning!

Facecrack invite: https://www.facebook.com/events/560330540670147/

Beth and Bike Smuts Excellent Adventure: the first few shows + pictures (like stories for your eye balls)

    I am the new girl. The newbie. I like the way it sounds, but I am going to strive for a new name by the end of the tour like... the well versed in bike smut tourbie? We may have to work on that. This is my first post on this blog, but it will not be my last. My updates will come frequently. However as I have been distracted these past few days and I have updated you after the first three shows. Sorry bout that, I will remember in the future. I will. Trust me! With these updates I hope to give you guys a new perspective of what shenanigans we are getting ourselves into and whats its like to tour across America showing short erotic bicycle films. The perspective of a 20 something, British, purple haired cyclist. Hold on to your bike seats ladies and gentlemen this is going to be a F.U.N. one! - Beth Willow Yeah!

Our trusty steed!

   First weekend of the tour, three shows in and all of them successful so far! We sat of Thursday and made it just in time to Bend, Oregon. Luckily this show was in a theater so the only needed to be set up was the laptop and the merchandise table. We did two shows that night one at 7:30 pm and another at 9:30 pm. The first was good, small, but interesting participants that made it fun! Our lovely host offered me, rev and Poppy a beer and a slice of pizza each so with a little food and a local beer in our bellies we starts the show

     The audience was lovely and provided some good insight into some of the films. By the time of the second show the room had been filled so I could tell this was going to be a lot more fun. I sold condoms and stickers to those who were interested. One of them was a young man, an artist, who was going to be deployed shortly back to Afghanistan. He called me ma'am which me me blush. I told him no one had ever called me that before and he said it was a shame. He bought a sticker that says my other car is a tiny penis, he is going to put it on his gun when he gets deployed. He made me an origami flower out of one of our programs while we talked about sculpture and the human body. He thinks it's the most beautiful form of art there is and finds himself getting disappointed by those who see it as a taboo, as something that isn't beautiful.  I don't remember his first name, but I'm pretty sure his last name is Cobb. So I call him Sgt. Cobb. He made sure I knew he was only going to war to pay for school. I hope it all works out for him, he was a very real person and that's rare to find. 

The audience's perspective in Bend, Oregon

      Our hosts were two wonderful people. Micha was the husband and his wife brought there eleven week old son to the show. They have four kids. They invited to sleep at their house, however the kids waking up at 8 in the morning was an issue for those of us who wanted more sleep so we ended up staying at the movie theatre. It was comfortable and in the morning we were able to get a coffee from the shop next door. That was on Friday, the day Poppy left back to Portland so she could work. She will meet up with us in Minneapolis and Gaurdrail is supposed to be meeting us on the 12th. Or in Bozeman. We haven't gotten to that point yet. So we left Poppy with a sign to hitch back to pdx (she arrived safely!) and then it was just Rev and myself on the road for the twelve hour drive to Salt lake city.

 Alvord natural hot springs sunrise.

        We had a night to space before the show so we decided to split it up into two six hour trips. I drove on the highway for the first time. Open road, no speed limit and no cops around. Couldn't have asked for better driving conditions either, although it did get a tad windy at times. We drove to a placed called the Alvord hot springs just on the border of Oregon next to a huge playa of desert and nothingness. The hot springs are a naturally occurring treat that at the source is next to boiling, but by the one it gets to the tub we were in it was 170 degrees. And what a treat it was being able to wash of the sweat from the day of driving and drink a nice beer under the blanket of stars that covered us. While in the sprig we met a handful of wonderful people. The first was a couple named Vivian and David. They had met 15 years ago very close to where we were then, and they lived not too far away. She was a veterinary surgeon and he used to race bicycles back in the day. Then he started racing vintage sports car when he got a little older. Now he makes or fixes machines (a little foggy on the detail here!). We got to hear some awesome birthing stories and When i asked Vivian what her favorite part of the job was she said pulling cow out of lakes when they have fallen in. I thought that was funny. We met another young man that night called Tree Lifegiver. We told them all about the tour and they were all interested, promising to look us up and check out  show one day. We slept in the van that night with the side door open to see the stars and the sunrise. We awoke early, went for another soak then set of in the road to salt lake city.

Winners of the Good Vibrations giveaway!

        We arrive earlier then we did at the Bend show and again the theatre was already set up, this time in an awesome bike warehouse called point six percent productions or Brian's place. The first tall bike sighting of tour happened here as people started making their way in around 7:30. Brian, our host, changed into his dressing gown and the show began. It was a Saturday night and the small but die hard cyclist scene of salt lake city had come to see the show. They laughed, shouted and cheered through the whole show adding an hilarity to the already quite funny videos. After the films and the questions and comments we went into the first free give away of the tour from Good Vibrations. Earlier in the evening two gentlemen named Steve and Mark Chetti (or Cheddar?!) helped devise a series of events that would allow participants to win the prizes. They included a tricycle lap dance, beer bottle blow jobs and sexual trivia questions. Amazing lap dances were performed including some very graphic couples performing the beer bottle blow jobs. Harts of to Jimmy for the best tricycle lap dance of the night. Hilarious! Our sides were hurting from laughter but we still danced the night away, sold some underpants (which Steve took the liberty of walking around in all night) and had many discussions of bicycle and sexuality! Bikesexuality! We closed out the night hanging out at a locals house, where I (Beth) got to meet a rather fluffy rag doll cat called Louie. 100% awesome tour so far! 

        Tomorrow it is on to Boulder where the tour will continue and the blog post will start coming after every show! (sorry for the late updates!)

See you at a show near you fellow bike smutters! Keep the F.U.N. between your legs and remeber, safety 3rd! 

Follow the twitter, tumblr and Beth willow yeahs instagram (just search that name or any bike smut hashtag!) for updates on photos and other tid bits along the road!

Newbie out!

Turning TriXXX in Salt Lake

Oh Salt Lake, so delightfully misunderstood. There are few places where we see the shining glory of budding bikesexuality with such vigor and excitement. Maybe it is the oppressive dominate culture that gives them the extra energy to bring our screenings-turned bike races-turned dance parties to the hilt? Either way Salt Lake has a special place in our hearts, as it never fails to provide an amazing show.

We are stoked to return to one of our most favorite venues in the entire Northern Hemisphere, the uplifting bikesexual palace of Point Six Percent Productions!

Don't know about em? Come on down to the show and learn all about it! There will be about a hundred shining faces ready to excitedly learn and share!

Saturday Sept 8th
Point 6 Percent Productions 
1130 South Richards Street 
8pm    $7    18+
FaceBook Action

Bring it.

Everyone wants more 4:PLAY

Ali Blue of Salt Lake gets the honor of being our 1st 4:PLAY spokesperson! Several fans created short bike porn sequences where people demand more 4:PLAY! We expect to drop one every week on our run up to the European Tour.

Do not try and deny her, it is much easier to let her have her way.

You got some Salt on your ...

Holey Salty Sins!

What a way to kick off our Tap the Rockies Tour. Take one of the most repressive cities in the world, combine with a plethora of hot racy bikers add years of hot dance parties, throw in a mix of excellent local content and an injection of soon to be illegal everywhere alcoholic energy drink and you have just about the best reason to GET. THE. FUCK. DOWN.

Massive piles of graciousnes go out to our hosts and organizers, Point 6 Percent Productions and Tall Bike Jesus as well as all the wonderful bikesexual residents of SL,UT

Photo credit to Keifer Thomas. We hope to see more exciting pictures arise soon.

Returning to the bike fucking promised land

Its good and its going down tonight in Salt Lake!

extra padding for extra comfort

Salt Lake - Friday, Nov 12th

1130 South Richards Street

Point Six Percent Productions and his Highness, Tall Bike Jesus

9:00pm, $5, +18

Facebook your bad self

Back on the Road

We are packed! Besides the pile of stickers, revealing clothing, condoms, and a special vibrating butt plug we call "my bike" we also have a fresh edit of Bike Porn 4:PLAY with some exciting new submissions! Specifically an Appalachian Bike Porn called, "I Came On My Bike." This movie comes at the topic from lots of great angles. Its got chain-smoking, dirty twanged-mouthed twinks and tweens, some Deliverance inspired mt men flogging, and and 2 topless poetic forest nymphs. It's a pretty awesome movie and is about to have its world premiere in SL, UT.

We think we will have a trailer for you in a week. But, due to the lethargic pace we are on, the other working title for"Tap the Rockies Tour" is, "Molassis-Drivetrain Oxycontin Sloth Doesn't Care Tour"

But we are remineded that you can still ask for bike loving via the fuck face book! Come on over and learn something about slathing greese on a squeeky wheel.

Tap the Rockies Tour

does one of these images appear? deal with the lameness of the future!

Announcing the "Tap the Rockies Tour"!

True to form, we shall go tap tap tap from SLC to Ft Collins to Boulder to Denver. A pretty mild pace for us with four weeks for four cities, particularly when contrasted with our previous tour. We got a hunch that we will pick up a bonus show somewhere in there. Then its out of the big mountains and back to a proper Cascadian winter.

We are ever so excited to be working with great people to share great art and to ride with the sexy bikers of the Rockies!

Here are the dates and places for our final tour of 2010

Salt Lake - Friday, Nov 12th

1130 South Richards Street

Point Six Percent Productions and his Highness, Tall Bike Jesus

9:00pm, $5, +18

Boulder - Friday, Nov 19th

Pheonix Asylum

2510 47th St. Unit D

7:30pm, $5, adults only

with help from Burnworks and 303 Vodka

Ft Collins - Sunday, Nov 21st

Hammer Time

1000 E Laurel
9:00pm, $5 suggested donation, adults only

http://hammertimeprojects.org/

Denver - Saturday, December 4th

Open Media Foundation

700 Kalamath St

7:00pm, $7 no one turned away, adults only
With live broadcast of the preshow starting at 7:15

Bike Porn Industries home away from home, Salt Lake has demonstrated a love of cycling that goes beyond the pale... beyond the tan even. Its a place of extraordinary Mexican stands and raging bike punks. But then every place we have gone in Colorado has been pretty fucking fly as well. We love them mountains.

Bike Porn 4:PLAY in SLC

finally 4play can start humping your leg

Salt Lake's only screening of

Bike Porn 4: PLAY

Friday, November 12 at 9:00pm

Point Six Percent Productions

1130 South Richards Street (entrance in back)

Thanks to Tall Bike Jesus for delivering as they say, "salty loads"

This could be a harbinger of other shows. Could we manage to swing out to Ogden? Ft Collins? Denver? Boulder? Chicago? Detroit? Madagascar?

Interested parties should start baking whiskey pastries to get us in the traveling mood!

Its hard, but then its soft, but then its quiet but then its loud!

enjoy this bit of soft, sultry SFW video (not sure if the audio is SFW, but the video is)



Thanks SLCZed for this contribution! It is kinda strange and erotic and we like it

Tanx to the salty

Great volunteers, a kickass venue, tremendous response, a worthy fundraiser ...

altogether it makes the perfect blog cocktail to sip while thinking back to the good times of this past weekend, when one of the most vocal audiences ever to watch bike porn came together and shared a phallus.

All of them.

Much thanks go out to Hattie MacLeod who asked some rather poignant questions of our curator about bikes, sex and belief systems. Click here to check out the CityWeekly's article.

thanks to all who made it possible. Colorado, yer next!

full suspension mini bike bombing down the salt

We are done with this Ogden! Thanks for hosting and showing us what could be the best bicycle collective ever, and a sweet as  basement theater. pictures coming...

Time to get our tall bike joust on.

TONIGHT IN SALT LAKE!

• Saturday, October 17th
  
• 6:30pm enjoy a refreshing tallbike joust
• Saltacetlyne
• 1375 S Main Street

AND THEN THE BIG SHOW AT A DIFFERNET LOCATION

•  Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
  
• 8:45pm the doors open (with live performances)
• 1401 S Main
• 21+

Utah is Hard on Porn

And it is getting HARDER!

Not in the way Idaho is hard on porn, but similar. The folks in Utah have been told they live in a repressive place and are sick to hell of feeling like they are missing out on the fun. They flock to Bike Porn because it speaks to some kickass core values of many fine people we have met from out there.

We are stoked to be sharing Cycle Bound with Ogden, our 1st time ever!

• Friday, October 16th
• 4192 edgehill drive ogden, ut
• 9:00pm
• $5 + donations, raffle
• 18 years old or over to attend this costume/bike fetish ball hosted by dj rubicon with 80s

And it wouldn't be a Bike Porn tour if we didn't return to the city of salt. This year at a new space, the Kew Ven Ewe.

• Saturday, October 17th
  
• 6:30pm enjoy a refreshing tallbike joust
• Saltacetlyne
• 1375 S Main Street

• The main attraction, Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
  
• 8:45pm the doors open (with live performances)
• 1401 S Main
• 21+

photo credit to http://www.slugmag.com/article.php?id=1757

Riding Dirty with the Lord

SLC is a sweet city for bikers. There is a zanny religion with its overly kind followers providing an unlimited supply of straight men yielding metricfucktons of comic gold. The inherent need to differentiate oneself from the straight laced bikers make non Mormons (and bad Mormons) stand out even more.

There are street bikes, mtn bikes, freak bikes, and cheap tacos on every corner. Sure their beer is usually weak as macro brew but that just goes to show how determined they have to be to get well lubricated. So we shouldn't have been surprised by this gem:





Why ride one when you can ride three?






















Balls.



Studies have shown that cycling improves ones stamina. Along the same lines some have ventured that bicycling leads to greater promiscuity. Could there be a link between having sex with lots of people and riding a bike?



Probably not unless you got something cute and a lot of alcohol (in which case people quickly forget about transportation altogether). Still one wonders if the LDS church has ever taken a strong stance regarding missionaries hooking up. This is the middle of Sexual Assualt Awareness Month with specific focus of workplace issues. Does the Pope have a stance on gay missionary sex? Perhaps sans condoms? (3.66 million results and counting)

Take note: contrary to what some prophets may tell you riding a bike does not always lead to sex.


Meanwhile in Cascadia a group of plucky cyclists are gathering toward the creation of a Bike Temple. Ideally it will become an open space for worship and cycling. Extra fitting since today is the official reopening of the previously closed Davis Bike Church.



Lets all take a little communion and give thanks for another day to ride.

Sexy, Sexy SLC

Here in the land of 2 for 1.50 tacos we have basked in the joyus nature of Salt Lake City. All the bikers we meet are interesting if not drunk and hilarious.

This is the kind of weekend bicycle pornstars are made of...

• Thursday, October 9th: Char-Riot races, tallbike jousting and groundbreaking program, The Pornography of the Bicycle is screened, perhaps for the last time in SLC
• Friday, October 10th: Gymkahana, tall bike jousting finals and the new Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation featuring 4 movies from Salt Lake City Including
  


• Borbachev Sexbot
• Bicycle Flog My Monster
• Ali Blu's Hemotoma
• Lit Crit

We demand that all of Salt Lake UT sexy bike fuckers come down to Point Six Percent Productions to join in the fun.
Activities begin at 7pm, movies at 8:30
1130 richard street (park in back)
18+ only.
$5

SLC gives up the goods

The ubombers at SaltCycle.com made a video of the Bike Porn weekend in Salt Lake City.

The first half is pictures from the Minibike Escola, where adults prevent kids from using their playground for hours. We personally asked a little girl to be escorted off the park by Officer Tallbike (also pictured).

It also shows the warehouse where 150 sexy bikers showed up for the screening. As well as the gold sprints, which dominated the rest of the night.




Salt Lake City must have been well primed for the bike love, we already have had 2 promises of bikexploitation videos made from them! Get your submissions in soon.

The (almost) end of the Choad

Gabe is still in the hospital, probably being released on Sunday April 6th. We are driving back from SLC to Denver to collect the sexy body and return our collective tired asses back to the northwest.

But what a way to go out. Salt Lake, UT (or as my friend Professor, Frank Lynch calls it, SL UT) was exploding with porny flavors. A warehouse party with kegs of beer, Sucker Punch cocktails, Gold Sprints, striping on bikes, midnight mass to Joseph Smith's rock garden, tall bike allycats, and more.

Thanks for hosting us in style and ending this tour in a way Gabe would have loved. We were drinking beer for him while he was taking shots of morphine for us. What a guy.


Some good news for our friends in northern Cascadia, The Pornography of the Bicycle is coming to Vancouver BC for Bike Prom! We may just strap gabe to a stretcher and send him up as he is.

polygamy bike action

The fine bike friendly folk of Salt Lake City are throwing a bike porn weekend of fun for us!

Show up and help us make it crazy go nutz
http://www.saltcycle.com/2008/03/volunteers-needed-for-bike-porn-tour.html