Showing posts with label law. Show all posts
Showing posts with label law. Show all posts

April 12, 2016

The Passing of our Naked Defender



Regular readers will note that this blog refers to itself in the plural, "we" rather than "I". This is because Bike Smut has been propelled by the faceless mass of legs and genitals that rarely get the limelight. By using plural pronouns we have tried to keep that awareness that Bike Smut is more than one person's ideas. Nevemind that of the (oooh!) 1009 posts that have been made over the past decade all but about 9 of them were written by one person. That one person is Reverend Phil, the founder and curator of Bike Smut. For the remainder of this post I am stepping out of my normal role into something more personal, and as such, will use the singular.

While contemplating the future of Bike Smut's final tour. I learned some sad news regarding the passing of a good friend.


In 2006 I was arrested after being hit by a drunk driver during Portland's World Naked Bike Ride. The following story of my arrest and subsequent triumph in the legal system is due to the creative and diligent effort of my recently deceased lawyer, Stu Sugarman.




During most naked bike rides there comes a point where everyone looks around and wonders, “Will it actually happen?” No one wants to be the first person to get naked but you don’t really want to be the last either. In that moment it helps to have someone boldly announce “Now is the time! Take your clothes off and ride your bikes!” I was loud and I’ve never much cared for society’s rules regarding the obscenity of the naked body.  Clothes can be a great thing and provide many functions. Fashion, comfort, warmth, and protection all have their place. But the function of supporting patriarchal norms that make feeling shame about not living up to the impossible standards we see in the mass media? No, that is not a function I care for. So with my loud voice and marginal appreciation of pants I was invited to be the ride leader.

It was a beautiful night. Full of joyous screams of laughter and delight. The simple act of being naked returns us to a sort of child-like innocence as our assumed roles in adult life are shed as quickly as skivvies. When a community embraces these ideals we can see the result reflected in those around us as we are left with only our skin, bare for all without shame. As hundreds of cyclists rode together the city streets seemed to come alive. The sidewalks teemed with cheering onlookers overcome with the irreverence of naked bodies taking back the streets. The ride toured around downtown and while heading south on 3rd we turned right onto Burnside. Its a busy street and a handful of cars were already lining up. For the most part its better to keep cars with cars and bikes with bikes; you can imagine the danger of having distracted drivers among naked bikers.

I rode up to cork the intersection and expressed my condolences to the delayed drivers whom were all completely satisfied to sit and watch the parade. All but one driver, Amanda Truscot who through the haze of various intoxicants proceed to honk her horn, flash her lights, rev her engine, lurch her SUV then proceeded to knock me down pinning my bike under her car. It was a bad enough scene but with the addition of off-duty Portland Police Officer,  Chad Stensgaard as the passenger it became absurd. I was soon cuffed and stuffed and had a variety of misdemeanors filed against me all for keeping vulnerable road users safe!

I was pretty upset, but thankfully my friend Catherine told me she knew a good lawyer who did some probono work for many activists. Many of his cases were for defending animal rights and other more nature-oriented environmental actions; but I had got a good story so maybe he would be willing to help me out. I didn’t expect I would gain a good friend.

Initially things were touch and go between us. I had been warned that like many of the people he defended, Stu Sugarman could be difficult. At one point, and with great bluster, he told me I was wrong about a detail of our case. I proved his mistake which he acknowledged and we refocused on our case. It was a small thing but in that moment we both accepted how easy it is to be wrong and that both of us were more concerned with bigger issues.

The court case rolled on for a year with several delays. Finally we had become so confident that we were going to make the DA look like an idiot we had a model dress up like Lady Justice astride a bicycle complete with white robes, scales and a U-Lock instead of a sword. The image looked great and we printed up a thousand “Naked Justice” posters. The day before our trial Stu went to the DA and presented him with one saying that he expected tomorrow to be “a lot of fun.”
“Are there are lot of these?” the DA asked woefully.
Stu gleefully replied, “Oh yeah, they are all over town! See ya tomorrow!”


The DA dismissed all charges shortly afterward. I was relieved that it was over but sad to not have the case go to trial. Stu and I became good friends and our mutual love of nature encouraged us to explore Oregon’s fabulous environment including surfing the Oregon Coast.



The next year the Portland World Naked Bike Ride doubled in size. The year after it doubled and the following year it doubled. It carried on doubling each year until our recent ride of approximately 12 thousand naked bikers.  Stu had become a mainstay of our naked legal observers support team. He and other lawyers were eager to keep a keen watch out so that no other cyclists would fall the same fate as me. Stu saw it as our civic duty to protest our nation’s dependence on fossil fuels, the dominance of cars in our cities, and the shame associated with our bodies. He had been an avid cyclists in his younger days, touring across the Southeast region of the United States and he was a consummate defender of nature.






Thank you, Stu, for lending your voice to protect our freedom to assemble. Tho it should not have to be posthumously you are hereto be remembered as one of Bike Smut's most vaulted supporters, as a Hero de Bike Smut.


photo credit to Jonathan Maus of BikePortland.org

March 29, 2011

Defining Your-ination

While examining Ottawa's Cat Sanctuary we met a resident of Quebec. According to him we will be traveling to an entirely different country today. For sure the residents of Quebeqaw have a separatist history longer than Oregon, Idaho or Montana.

So, will Bike porn have to worry about crossing the Ontario - Quebec border?

Come to the Death Church and learn the sorted details of border crossings, smuggling obscenity, and lazy, stuffed pussy.


But first enjoy a fine, candid interview from just yesterday:



So, what do you think the raccoon is thinking when he looks back at us?

December 3, 2010

on condoms and helmets

We can't count the number of times motorists have endangered themselves by sticking their heads out theor window to more effectively yell about how we should die for not wearing a helmet. If only those busybodies were around when we needed condoms.

Interesting thing about tools... how they are used... how rocking the appropriate safety equipment is encouraged and how we shame those who do not. It's true that certain members are allergic to some plastics and a bad reaction could make us not want to ride ever again. But that is the point. Its more about knowing the risks and we are presented with anecdotal evidence not factual statements. For as dangerous as cycling seems when a ton of steel comes within inches of you at 40 miles per hour, it is quite safe, statistically. Especially when compared to riding a ton of steel at high speeds, which in the United States is the number one cause of death for those under 37 years old.

There are those who will never bike without a helmet. There are those who will never fuck without a condom. Both sex and cycling carry risks but we at Bike Porn Industries feel a heaping dose of reason would benefit those extremists.

If you were in a long term relationship would you be so strident about wearing a condom? How about going protection-free on a bike ride through a park?

Such safety gear has its place, of course. But we could stand for a little more "time, place, manner" in our rides. Such protection is best used for exploring exciting, new territory, not for a casual trip to the corner store. Trying anal sex? Sure! Wear a helmet. Feel like breaking some speed barriers? Have a full face! But just as you wouldn't wear a condom cause you might have sex, its reasonable to know what kind of biking you will be engaging in and protect yourself to the necessary amount.

This Ted Talk goes into the some of the truth about helmet behavior.



We have preached openly about cycling helmets and the culture of fear for some time. It is so heartening to have our feelings expressed by someone with (marginally) better powerpoint skills.


Get down with the Bobby Brown prerogative.

June 2, 2010

Naked Justice Rolls On

Update: a local news station picked up the story... as its top story of the night? Really?

Guess this shit is important to more people than we realized. Expect this kind of advertising free journalism to come equipped with a "donate" button.



A year ago a sweet bike party was going down in the humble burg of
Vancouver, Washington. "The Couve" was full of fun loving bikers and people enjoying the awareness of their bodies in motion... and booze, we were consuming booze.

But then, just when everything seems so perfect and all things are right with the wold tragedy struck. As a naked biker turned the corner he heard screams and cheers from the sidewalk, so he took 3 quick lefts and came back around again to see what was up...
"why are all these people on the sidewalk at midnight in Vancouver?" we are paraphrasing).

Turns out a gathering of teens going to a club were totally excited by a 40 yr old biker.

WHAT? DID YOU CATCH THAT?!? As if we needed more proof to the health benefits of cycling, you can still get encouragement from the most cutthroat of demographics even into your 4th decade, provided you live right and are traveling under your own power.

Cops, who were reported to be on the scene to deal with some sort of teenager drug overdose saw the naked biker, pulled him over and then, after the biker had stopped his bike, the cop decided to run into the cyclist... for good measure we assume.

Read the various stories at the Vancouver's daily paper, the Columbian or on BikePortland.org

Defendant Matthew Vilhauer said naked biking fun way to socialize with other cyclists, but he also believes nudity draws exposure to the vulnerability that cyclists feel sharing the road with vehicles. He said he has been hit, so he feels strongly about promoting bicycle awareness.

This begs the question, did the cop actually see the naked biker? And chose to hit him? Was the cop incapable of operating his car safely? Possibly his emotions got the better of him... if so shouldn't a sit down with the officer to make sure that latent homophobia is not present, cause no one wants a loose cannon on the streets.

It is terribly frustrating that the officer has the power to commit vehicular assault without fear of repercussion. Such is the nature of police work these days. Of course most cops DONT want to hit a vulnerable road user, and then there are bad apples who make every other cops job a living hell.

Way to fight the good fight Matt!

March 12, 2010

We got a Texas-sized "educational model"

We are rolling though Texas and have been making sure we are not packing too much heat.




Not to fear the Bike Porn Tour always has just enough obscene devices. Five "educational models" per person!

March 21, 2009

The View From the Top of Wang Mountain

Oregon law says being naked is legal provided you are not trying to incite a sexy riot, ergo cycling naked is legal, unless you are in a city like Portland that says you can't be naked outside of a venue that is frequented by a member of the opposite sex, unless you your nudity is somehow protected speech.

Naked bikers this might be a useful thing to remember should someone try to deny your right to bike naked:
"Your car can kill me regardless of what I wear, so if I have to bike naked for you to see me that is what I shall do."
This defense worked just fine for Michael "Bobby" Hammond who was arrested for biking naked this summer.

Assuming he can fake an English accent we have a Harry Potter script in development for him and his Nimbus.


Now the matter of hiking naked seems a little different to us. Were a pedestrian should have the same legal rights as a cyclist to be seen in traffic, most hikers don't worry about cars hitting them. So assuming you are hiking naked in the Alps and stopped by police, what do you do?

All this is at one hand understandable but sad. Just as we loathe the idea of laws regarding morality we also feel that any given location has the right to decide such things for themselves.

So is the golden age of pointing at Europe as being cooler with sex and bodies in general over? Will Swiss backpackers often find themselves in conversation about how "in the Americas people ride naked in traffic with legal protection!"?