May 15th SPRUNG: Mutations

Queer has been redefined many times. It may be used as an adjective or a verb. Just like the word, we may redefine our gender and transform our bodies. Like our bodies, we can mutate our bicycles, creating new ways to explore our surroundings.

So what about queering transportation?

In the US, people who ride bikes are already considered weird (even in Portland). Exploring a subculture for sexual pleasure may be simple if you are part said culture, but to outsiders may seem totally bizarre.

For a thought experiment, imagine a bar with many people enjoying adult beverages. A motorist is trying to pick up on a cute cyclist is stunned when suddenly the biker takes interest in someone else.

"That person looks sweaty and dirty" the motorist might say, trying to dissuade.

"Yea! Sure does!!"

... and with that the cute biker has moved on and the motorist is left wondering what planet this is. Everything is wrong. The motorist has better style, more grace, expensive hair product… everything we are told will attract a mate… everything but the cultural understanding of said subculture, in this example the simple practicality of convenient independence that come with moving your own ass. It seems perfectly normal to those of us who live it, but to the rest of the world we are freaks!

Moreover mutant bikes are a queering of normal bike transportation.  These freak-bikes are just that, for the purpose of being that. No other term applied, because what do you call something that belongs to multiple classes at the same time? You look at it and are stumped. Imagine the first biologists who came upon a duck-billed platypus? Imagine the well seasoned commuter who can do nothing but gawk upon seeing a tall bike for the first time.

Moreover as we become more comfortable with these expanding definitions we might feel we are capable of categorizing them and defining them only to find that someone/something else escapes our world view of sex or bikes. A tall-tandem-swing-burrito bike might not exist, but for how long? If you think you are "queer enough" then how will you react to someone pushing your limits further?

Normalization of this other-worldly culture is a concern for many who feel they have been able to contribute to a culture, and feel proud of being something exclusive. When biking is already seen as an "other" our options seem so limited. Either we put on a yellow jacket and follow every traffic law we can imagine in order to fit in, or we choose to stand out (and there is no telling what laws you might choose to follow)

This might be particularly obvious when in the company of others to whom we consider "normal". Either we draw attention to our differences or might try and avoid shame by distancing ourselves from similar outsiders that bike:

• "I ride almost every day and I would never get on... that."
• "I may ride my bike in traffic but im not that crazy to get on a tall bike."
• "I may enjoy sucking cock but i certainly wouldn't suck my own!"

This Tuesday we present one of the best made and most appealing FTM hardcore pornos you will ever see! You can be a straight male and imagine that Billy Castro's dick is your phallus, or a straight female and dream he is working your cunt... or you can be gay and know that a person born with female sex organs is able to fuck those girls as well as any man... or you can be politico-queer and know that the gender we choose is more important than how we are born, and everyone can enjoy that all these different people can apprecaite something together in public that would never have happened just 10 years ago.

You won't have to suck cock, not even your own, but if you can, kudos! (talk to us later)

Main Feature: Billy Castro Does the Mission (2010) 
Director: Courtney Trouble

Courtney Trouble is one of the Bay Areas first and finest queer porn icons. She started her online porn site, NoFauxxx.com in 2002 and has been exploring porn beyond gender binaries ever since. She has been awarded 4 Feminist Porn Awards and has been nominated for 3 AVN awards, known as ‘The Oscars of Porn’. Billy Casto, one of the worlds hottest FTM porn stars, was cast to star as part of Courtney Trouble’s ‘Muse’ Collection. ‘Billy Castro does the Mission’ is pretty ‘self-sexplanitory’. Billy Castro is in San Francisco’s Mission District after his bike is stolen. From there he ends up on 4 separate sexcapades in one day trying to recover his lost love.

Bike Smut loves Courtney Trouble and thinks she has done great things for porn. We love that a bike is the catalyst for Billy’s fuck fest. We also wanted to show one of her past films because Bike Smut 6 will feature two brand new, totally bikesexual creations by her.

YEA FOR FUN, BRILLIANT WOMEN MAKING BETTER PORN FOR ALL!

PLUS: 
Live Performance by Fatha Green:  Singer, dancer, and comedian Fatha Green represents the consummate live performance artist. But be careful you dont fall for him, just because he looks like he is making love to the audience doesn't mean he will consummate with you that easily!
A Bike Pornographers Almanac: "Times they are A-Chainring" edition
Topical selections from past Bike Smut programs:  Freak Bike Fall (2010), Das Randy Radfahrers (2011) Exerts from our other favorite queer porn director Luke Woodward's - Tour de Pants (2010)

SPRUNG! presents Billy Castro Does the Mission by Courtney Trouble

Tuesday May 15th
Clinton Street Theater

$7, 18+

Chopper Recovery

WE GOT THE CHOPPER BACK!

Bike Smut accomplished many things on our 6-month tour, but few joys can compare to the reunification of The Chopper with its owner.

We started out with a dozen tips from various internet postings and eye witness accounts from various contraband vendors. The reports varied some, but most had one or two young boys walking it all over the city. Eventually the tips brought us to a sleepy suburb in East Berlin. Once there everyone we talked to remembered seeing it and pointed us in the direction of a park.

Pornographers searching around for a stolen bike in Autumn

Retrieving a stolen bike can be a stressful challenge. Here our protagonist is confidently walking up to the underage thief. Moments later he calmly says, "I'll take my bike back now."

And just like that, the bike is ours again

The first mounting after almost giving up hope feels so good

The appearance Chopper Kitty, the friendly neighborhood cat was deemed a good omen

For a week thoughts about how to repay the bike thieves filled our minds. What is the appropriate reaction? What about when the thief is only 15 (and a beat down could result in the cops being called)?

We wanted to share some of the principles that brought us here. To explain to the thief that for 3 years, this bike builder has taken every Friday afternoon to help educate people in bicycle repair and the creation of more mutant bikes, for free so that anyone who wanted one could make their own. It's obscenely fucked to come into a workshop, break a lock and steal a bike from a place that would give you parts and time to make your own. That he trying to sell if for 100 euros made it clear that he was not a very smart thief. That he walked around town claiming to have built it made it clear he doesn't have very bright friends.

In the end it was decided that time spent trying to demoralize a person who is clearly without morals is not as enjoyable as just riding bikes.

All told it was a pretty wild ride. The mother-child-like bond between the bike and its builder was clear. Bringing them back together will be a memory we will treasure.

Chicks and Bikes, sexy yet lame?!?

In a move unbecoming of a sexy blogger the punks at Chicks and Bikes have lifted more content from BikeSmut.com

We, in an attempt at levity asked to be credited with increasing amounts of disbelief as our fine booty was trotted around the internet for all the world to see.

yet all the pony's men could not get any love.

This breech of trust in internet pornographers should not be troubling. On more than one occasion we have expressed our opinion of the standards pornographers hold themselves to. It could be that this kind of mentality contributes to our stated opinion about how porn sucks, or it could just be a side effect of lazy, annoying people.

It would be cute to think of this content as so cherished, so chaste, that we could become morally outraged at this indignation. In actuality we should expect everything to be stolen and not credited. We should expect ourselves to be irate for 20 min, post some equally annoying content about how its not even a chick in those panties and then wonder about the future of internet bike porn. Could Chicks with Dicks and Bikes be far behind?

http://chicksandbikes.blogspot.com/2009/04/blog-post_2206.html#comments

and

http://chicksandbikes.blogspot.com/2009/05/blog-post_8831.html#comments

Seriously, where's the transvestite bike porn?

Bike Porn Fights Evil Crime

This guest post written by an anonymous crime fighter:

Thursday Oct 2nd, as the plucky bicycle pornographers set up shop at the Hollywood Theater a lady cried out in despair.

"Help! Help! That guy stole my bicycle! Help!"

Like a drugged cat I sprong into confusion, my eyes wide with excitement as something crazy was happening and i wasn't sure what. Peering across the street we saw Toni Russle, a middle aged, toe-headed beautician running on the north sidewalk of Sandy Blvd screaming and running as fast as she could (not all that fast) after a guy on a blue bicycle (strangely he was also not going very fast)

"Stop him he stole my bike! Help! Stop Him!"

So we got to our bikes and I immediately dropped my keys. Then could not get them in the lock, then dropped them again. That was when I was planning on giving up, but as i turned around to look at their progress it seemed they had only gone about a quarter-block. So after a few more tries i was able to get it. By then my friend had already gotten to his bike and was in pursuit. I followed as best as i could, that is to say I kinda decided I could take my time, besides I thought my friend could handle it.

Sure enough he did. About 10 blocks later the thief had encircled the entire block and was now heading heading west to Sandy blvd. He nonchalantly rode the on the southside sidewalk unaware that (almost) two able bodied crime fighters were in (kinda) hot pursuit. My friend caught up to him and collared him down right in front of the Hollywood Liquor store. "How convenient," we thought. It's like dinner in a bottle and a movie." We do appreciate a nip of whiskey with our evil crime fighting.

We had him pretty well detained. And decided to call the cops to let them deal with the punk kid. "Why did you steal this bicycle?"

"I needed a new bike." he said simply.

I called 911 which takes you to an answering machine that asks you if you meant to call 911. This seems kinda smart, but really it was a little distressing being on hold.

The cops were confused by directions but eventually made it on to the scene. When they do finally show up they sent 3 cars. I felt kinda safer.

Immediately the cop cuffs the thief then as soon as he is done, realizes he has a backpack on and uses his knife to cut the straps. My friend and I both flinch at this, but say nothing.

We return the cops to the Beautician who comes in for the show. She is overwhelmed and because he is some "crazy mixed up kid" at the tender age of 17, she decides not to press charges.

Maybe someone would like to tell us about the value of calling the police vs just beating the snot out of a punk who has only a sliced backpack as a warning of why he should not steal bikes.

Thanks, crime fighting friend. We wonder too.