Chopper Recovery

WE GOT THE CHOPPER BACK!

Bike Smut accomplished many things on our 6-month tour, but few joys can compare to the reunification of The Chopper with its owner.

We started out with a dozen tips from various internet postings and eye witness accounts from various contraband vendors. The reports varied some, but most had one or two young boys walking it all over the city. Eventually the tips brought us to a sleepy suburb in East Berlin. Once there everyone we talked to remembered seeing it and pointed us in the direction of a park.

Pornographers searching around for a stolen bike in Autumn

Retrieving a stolen bike can be a stressful challenge. Here our protagonist is confidently walking up to the underage thief. Moments later he calmly says, "I'll take my bike back now."

And just like that, the bike is ours again

The first mounting after almost giving up hope feels so good

The appearance Chopper Kitty, the friendly neighborhood cat was deemed a good omen

For a week thoughts about how to repay the bike thieves filled our minds. What is the appropriate reaction? What about when the thief is only 15 (and a beat down could result in the cops being called)?

We wanted to share some of the principles that brought us here. To explain to the thief that for 3 years, this bike builder has taken every Friday afternoon to help educate people in bicycle repair and the creation of more mutant bikes, for free so that anyone who wanted one could make their own. It's obscenely fucked to come into a workshop, break a lock and steal a bike from a place that would give you parts and time to make your own. That he trying to sell if for 100 euros made it clear that he was not a very smart thief. That he walked around town claiming to have built it made it clear he doesn't have very bright friends.

In the end it was decided that time spent trying to demoralize a person who is clearly without morals is not as enjoyable as just riding bikes.

All told it was a pretty wild ride. The mother-child-like bond between the bike and its builder was clear. Bringing them back together will be a memory we will treasure.

Post Parisan Climax Reflex

Oh la mutha fuckin la!

Tremendous thanks go out to our Paris hosts who made it possible for us to have such an amazing time.

We had pretty good feeling about things. A beautiful day in a beautiful city is a good start to just about any story. Having some great media from Carfree France, in Metro, on IndyMedia, Veloroution, PigonFixe, and Surplace doesnt hurt either.

Nicolas Ehrahrt Cycles were great hosts for our bike porn Aperitif! Not only did they rearange their shop and open their doors and arms to our smutty selves they also did an emergency bike tube replacement (a blowout just before a bike ride is about to start is usually a terrible thing). And we are so glad they did because they made it possible for us to join in the fun of  Paris Chill Racing's Sunset Bike Ride. Imagine nearly 100 sexy bikers bombing through the streets of Paris en mass sprinting between traffic in their underwear (or less). It was definitely the best group ride of the Euro Tour!

Our hosts at Le Houla Oups put up with a ton of drunken french bicycle tomfoolery. With the venue so packed there were was a constant rotation of people trying to get a view and escaping for fresh air. Apparently the police were less excited than the rest of us. We shut the party down 2 hours early, foregoing the last series of movies, performances and a special local bondage expert who was going to tie a girl up to a pillar with bike tubes. And the bar owner must appear in court. Yikes!

The silver lining is that just before the police shut us down we got to see the performance by Tad Girls Squad. Their silver demonic sexual beings constructing a bike out of a beautiful submissive girl was, for lack of other sufficient words, epic. In an evening of amazing art they stole the show. That and the wild afterparty in the middle of a massive park with dance music until dawn made for a pretty fantastic evening. This is a great example of what a community can accomplish when people work together. Thanks for all the people who did it in the media and in the road (and for those at the park, in the bushes).

We expect many more images to come our way soon

Rapture and Ruin, the past and future of the UK Bikesexual

We have had a pretty stunning stream of badass media promotions and reviews. From Malmo's stunning 3 page cover story to the First Day's ass-ess-ment of our first UK show, we have been basking in the glory of great media.

Then we came north and things have seemed to gone to hell. Liverpool, Birmingham, Nottingham, and Glasgow have all tried to turn our uplifting program of short, erotic movies into a vapid, scat fest.

And now, thanks to the stunningly in-depth coverage from the London Evening Standard, not only have we been crowned the climax of bicycle cinema but apparently, we are Dutch.
Accuracy is a nice thing if you can get it, but more important to us is intention, and the intention of getting more active bodies to engage their communities is about as important as anything in the world. And in all fairness, the two hottest new bike pornographers are, in fact originally from Amsterdam.

So it is our great joy to present you with this latest recap of our Bristol show from Cap'n Bike Beard. With more mini-bike races and dance performances, we can promise that this media wont leave you wondering if you stepped in poo.

post-Seattle recuperation

Thank you Seattle!

so many beautiful bikers and perverts presenting themselves in a cavalcade of horny that we are hardly able to contain ourselves

lets try to recap:

A show at a place once called the Wet Spot equipped with whips, chains, cages, a pretty complete dungeon and other fortifications, one of which we had performers on top of.

A stage shared with pop-up-out-of-a-cake dancers gyrating to Kenny Loggin's Danger Zone and a variety of indecent proposals, plus a trip to a massive, abandoned concrete factory with a view of our future home, a barge left for dead on the Duwamish.

A relaxed screening at a bike screening where one of the viewers was quoted as saying, "Im sorry I have to go home now, because I am really turned on"

ZOWIE!

Thanks for all your support Seattle!

Sweet oak town bike loving

Mutha Fuckin Blingin

Big thanks to the wild and fun (dare we say "zanny?") Roll-Up Bike Shop of Oakland.

Our hosts were uber-friendly and had the space dialed in! The crowd was as positive as ever and braved a torrential downpour to make it a great fun night of bikesexual exploration. We didn't know what to expect initially but their ideas about art, place and taco carts seem to be right on target! This was especially nice since we didn't come close to packing the audience in San Francisco where we had secretly expected to kill. We are, in fact, stunned by the way our San Francisco audience has shrunk over the years regardless of our pretty sweet media coverage. A good lesson for would be pornographers, expectations kill!

So heres hoping that the other "advanced" bike culture cities of North America will turn out in numbers closer to places like Salt Lake and Flagstaff who have frequently packed the house. (this is compared to the Platinum city of Davis which after several months of, er planning... well... let's just blame it on lazy students and interns.)

In another day we hope to show the goods in Santa Cruz. It could still happen but with shows on Thursday in Santa Barbara, Friday in Claremont, Saturday in LA, Sunday in Long Beach, and Monday in San Diego we are more excited for the heat of Southern California than ever!

BRING IT LA!

Seattle Gay Bike Porn News

Thats right we bike porn folk have been dubbed good enough for government work by the gayest news in Seattle.

Then, the earth shook. Tour de Pants is the short film that quieted the room. It took the viewers a few seconds to understand what they were seeing. You see, our good Reverend Phil had a little surprise in store for the anarchic cadre of two-wheeled enthusiasts:

Scott Rice - of SGN


BUT WAIT THERE IS MORE! Learn more about the history of bike porn than you thought necessary with this secret info about the curator of the Bike Porn series...

Cool Down!

Lets hear it for the cinco en junio!

5 bike porn shows at the Clinton
5 thousand in Portland's World Naked Bike Ride meaning you could see
5 limbs dangling from many bikers all over pdx.

After a month like that it seems only fitting that we take a bath or something.

So come and join us in the water! The sexiest bike event outside our pants is happening (July 4th?) just off the I-5 corridor in Central Washington in a place we call: CheHellYES!

Imagine a lot of sun and bikes and water. And explosives, and alcohol. Don't sacrifice your beautiful genitalia! Bring whatever protection you need and come have the time of your life.

Cycle Bound Reactions

Hey there humptastic bike jerks! We need your insightful/obscene thoughts on the show!

Please let us bike porn people know how we can do it better in the comments below!

2 in the can, more in the bush

That's right, last night we murdered two stunned portland audiences.

murdered.

that's a lot of bodies but thankfully the nice people at the Clinton Street Theater have strong backs. More great movies there all weekend long as part of the Portland Underground Film Festival.

For those who escaped from the show without being murdered please leave a comment about where you are and how you might want to be murdered in the future, and also what you thought of the show. Lets see some dialoge! (get it? 2 way log!)

ALSO

in case you didn't know tonight is the World Naked Bike Ride. (NO LINK FOR YOU!)

meaning no matter where you are (in the northern hemisphere) you can ride your bike naked and probably convince a few thousand of your new bestest friends to join you.

Remembering Claremont

Happy 2009 from the naked bikers of Pitzer College in Claremont University.

What marvelous happy-go-fucky bike folk. While we're not sure about the effects of our screening on the other colleges of Claremont University, Pitzer made great strides in the absolution of clothing as a social function of covering ones genitals.

I pray that you have started a tradition at Pitzer College. Meanwhile, I'll work on getting the Middle East Technical University naked this spring.
- anonymous student

Presently they are still playing bike polo and eating avocados like nobody's business. As of the current date, no pregnancies have ever been caused by direct contact with a bicycle, something to remember when school work starts to cause your mind to wander.