Just yesterday while talking about better sex and better transportation someone noted that Tall Bike Jousting might be the most violent, masculine sign of physical bike sexual domination yet devised.
If that is true your opportunity to witness the finest Cascadian tall bike jousters in action is happening soon!
Seattle hosts the 16th annual Dead Baby Downhill including a messenger challenge and a massive group ride into what has been dubbed as "The Greatest Party Known To Humankind" in Georgetown. This could be the last time the party is able to be held in G-town, because they have been throwing this greatest party every 1st Friday of August for almost two decades now and there are some downsides to having a few thousand bike punks raging in the streets until dawn.
Queer has been redefined many times. It may be used as an adjective or a
verb. Just like the word, we may redefine our gender and transform our
bodies. Like our bodies, we can mutate our bicycles, creating new ways
to explore our surroundings.
So what about queering transportation?
In the US, people who ride bikes are already considered weird (even in Portland). Exploring a subculture for sexual pleasure may be simple if you are part said culture, but to outsiders may seem totally bizarre.
For a thought experiment, imagine a bar with many people enjoying adult beverages. A motorist is trying to pick up on a cute cyclist is stunned when suddenly the biker takes interest in someone else.
"That person looks sweaty and dirty" the motorist might say, trying to dissuade.
"Yea! Sure does!!"
... and with that the cute biker has moved on and the motorist is left wondering what planet this is. Everything is wrong. The motorist has better style, more grace, expensive hair product… everything we are told will attract a mate… everything but the cultural understanding of said subculture, in this example the simple practicality of convenient independence that come with moving your own ass. It seems perfectly normal to those of us who live it, but to the rest of the world we are freaks!
Moreover mutant bikes are a queering of normal bike transportation. These freak-bikes are just that, for the purpose of being that. No other term applied, because what do you call something that belongs to multiple classes at the same time? You look at it and are stumped. Imagine the first biologists who came upon a duck-billed platypus? Imagine the well seasoned commuter who can do nothing but gawk upon seeing a tall bike for the first time.
Moreover as we become more comfortable with these expanding definitions we might feel we are capable of categorizing them and defining them only to find that someone/something else escapes our world view of sex or bikes. A tall-tandem-swing-burrito bike might not exist, but for how long? If you think you are "queer enough" then how will you react to someone pushing your limits further?
Normalization of this other-worldly culture is a concern for many who feel they have been able to contribute to a culture, and feel proud of being something exclusive. When biking is already seen as an "other" our options seem so limited. Either we put on a yellow jacket and follow every traffic law we can imagine in order to fit in, or we choose to stand out (and there is no telling what laws you might choose to follow)
This might be particularly obvious when in the company of others to whom we consider "normal". Either we draw attention to our differences or might try and avoid shame by distancing ourselves from similar outsiders that bike:
"I ride almost every day and I would never get on... that."
"I may ride my bike in traffic but im not that crazy to get on a tall bike."
"I may enjoy sucking cock but i certainly wouldn't suck my own!"
This Tuesday we present one of the best made and most appealing FTM hardcore pornos you will ever see! You can be a straight male and imagine that Billy Castro's dick is your phallus, or a straight female and dream he is working your cunt... or you can be gay and know that a person born with female sex organs is able to fuck those girls as well as any man... or you can be politico-queer and know that the gender we choose is more important than how we are born, and everyone can enjoy that all these different people can apprecaite something together in public that would never have happened just 10 years ago.
You won't have to suck cock, not even your own, but if you can, kudos! (talk to us later)
Main Feature: Billy Castro Does the Mission (2010) Director: Courtney Trouble
Courtney Trouble is one of the Bay Areas first and finest queer porn icons. She started her online porn site, NoFauxxx.com in 2002 and has been exploring porn beyond gender binaries ever since. She has been awarded 4 Feminist Porn Awards and has been nominated for 3 AVN awards,
known as ‘The Oscars of Porn’. Billy Casto, one of the worlds hottest
FTM porn stars, was cast to star as part of Courtney Trouble’s ‘Muse’
Collection. ‘Billy Castro does the Mission’ is pretty
‘self-sexplanitory’. Billy Castro is in San Francisco’s Mission
District after his bike is stolen. From there he ends up on 4 separate
sexcapades in one day trying to recover his lost love.
Bike Smut loves Courtney Trouble and thinks she has done great things
for porn. We love that a bike is the catalyst for Billy’s fuck fest. We
also wanted to show one of her past films because Bike Smut 6 will feature two brand new, totally bikesexual creations by her.
YEA FOR FUN, BRILLIANT WOMEN MAKING BETTER PORN FOR ALL!
PLUS: Live Performance by Fatha Green: Singer, dancer, and comedian Fatha Green represents the consummate live
performance artist. But be careful you dont fall for him, just because
he looks like he is making love to the audience doesn't mean he will
consummate with you that easily! A Bike Pornographers Almanac: "Times they are A-Chainring" edition Topical selections from past Bike Smut programs: Freak Bike Fall (2010), Das Randy Radfahrers (2011) Exerts from our other favorite queer porn director Luke Woodward's - Tour de Pants (2010)
SPRUNG! presents Billy Castro Does the Mission by Courtney Trouble
This is a pure Cascadian porno. We can't say for sure it is sex-positive (its a pretty challenging term at times), but we are confident it is sexuality-aware, which MIGHT be more important.
Following this curiously violent idea to end all genders, there is a bike ride to end all movie screenings! Coming hot off the heals of Filmed By Bike, (where we met, and smoked with Gary Fisher) the Dropout Bicycle Club is hosting a free, outdoor movie screening for all to enjoy!
Just last month they celebrated an entire weekend of depavement debauchery including a mutant bike cyclecross race though a small industrial lake with a beer stop in the deep end.
Possibly the best bike club in Portland, if not the world and you can bring your own movies about trannys or transportation to the event, tomorrow night! Just meet at Col Summers at 9:30 and bring some dollars for beer. What could be easier?
Bike Smut accomplished many things on our 6-month tour, but few joys can compare to the reunification of The Chopper with its owner.
We started out with a dozen tips from various internet postings and eye witness accounts from various contraband vendors. The reports varied some, but most had one or two young boys walking it all over the city. Eventually the tips brought us to a sleepy suburb in East Berlin. Once there everyone we talked to remembered seeing it and pointed us in the direction of a park.
Pornographers searching around for a stolen bike in Autumn
Retrieving a stolen bike can be a stressful challenge. Here our protagonist is confidently walking up to the underage thief. Moments later he calmly says, "I'll take my bike back now."
And just like that, the bike is ours again
The first mounting after almost giving up hope feels so good
The appearance Chopper Kitty, the friendly neighborhood cat was deemed a good omen
For a week thoughts about how to repay the bike thieves filled our minds. What is the appropriate reaction? What about when the thief is only 15 (and a beat down could result in the cops being called)?
We wanted to share some of the principles that brought us here. To explain to the thief that for 3 years, this bike builder has taken every Friday afternoon to help educate people in bicycle repair and the creation of more mutant bikes, for free so that anyone who wanted one could make their own. It's obscenely fucked to come into a workshop, break a lock and steal a bike from a place that would give you parts and time to make your own. That he trying to sell if for 100 euros made it clear that he was not a very smart thief. That he walked around town claiming to have built it made it clear he doesn't have very bright friends.
In the end it was decided that time spent trying to demoralize a person who is clearly without morals is not as enjoyable as just riding bikes.
All told it was a pretty wild ride. The mother-child-like bond between the bike and its builder was clear. Bringing them back together will be a memory we will treasure.
Achtung! Chopper news!
It has been a whirlwind of controversy and scuttlebutt, as Berlin's greatest Chopper is still missing.
Several sightings of it have come out in the past 36 hours. Conflicting reports of a large old stoner looking person as well as a pair of young school-age kids, walking around with it (reasonable, as it is far to large for anyone under 2 meters tall to ride comfortably).
Local bike culture is up in arms over the theft, with calls for violent gangs to patrol the streets as well as phycological evaluations for the guilty.
Everyone seems to be wondering the same question, "Why?" Sure it is a really smooth ride and it looks fucking cool; yet after a moment of consideration the thief must have realized that s/he could never comfortably ride it in this city. There is just too much likelyhood that he would be destroyed by vigilantes.
more details on these local bike blogs:
Cycling makes you beautifulbicycle collective Admiral in Kreuzberg
Detroit. The motor city that has been running on empty since the 70s provided one hell of a good time for us!
Besides being able to explore the vast wasteland and NOT get arrested for trespassing we also got to ride with the best critical mass crew we had seen in many a moon. Srsly, they took care to make pertinent announcements stating their intentions, giving some degree as to the history, and also pimping the fun times that were about following the ride!
Moreoever we had excellent fucking hosts who decided that we should be adorned with a huge fucking awesome warehouse party, complete with stripping fire dancers. A well stocked boozatorim with a heavy pouring bartender, and a smattering of slick art from local bike lovers. BTW did you know that Detroit had bike lovers? I know! crazy!!
Here is a fantastic video made during critical mass. Thankfully the place filled up pretty nice by the time the show started...
And what a show! We were able to get local nut job/ writer/ self-deprecating gentleman Jimmy Doom to step to the mic for some inspired rantings including a bike porn inspired bit about his momma writing a note to his pastor decrying his bikesexuality. Hilarious and on topic? STUNNING!
The audience was in pretty good mood, from the glorious weather that baked out hot bodies to the discounted entry for those riding bikes or the even more discounted price to those not wearing pants! How better to encourage watching dirty films but to remove those annoying leg garments!
By the end of the movies and our live performances the audience was... well pretty excited. And why shouldn't they be. Having a team of sexy bikers singing and stripping and cavorting is about the best way to make a room full of mature adults primed for more explicit action. Of course we are only setting the stage for such activities. Anything done by sex hungry bike sluts following a screening of Cycle Bound is purely on the shoulders (and booties) of the consenting adults.
Still we are happy to encourage folks to express themselves so, you could also say that while we don't explicitly encourage any specific behavior we also don't forbid many things either.
We are truly blessed and if we can do it next year we are gonna go with our hosts idea to combine the screening with a weekend of building chariots for a massive rolling party of destruction. Sure Portland* has for several years hosted Chariot Wars, but only in a small space of limited post apocalyptic insanity. Consider the differences when you have your choice of warehouses that are completely vacant, and have been for over a decade. Hell not just a few buildings, we are talking about entire blocks.
Get your battle armor ready but leave the foam behind. This is Detroit. Find a piece of scrap metal.
*We promised to not compare Portland to other cities. But this is not a comparison, right? But just to swell your concerns about our fascination with our hometown we will try to not even make a reference to PDX for 72 hours.
In the meantime, please enjoy these fine pictures from our friend, Thomas L. Kula and our own Courtney Rodgers.
