The bell tolls for Philly bikesexuals

Real Talk Philadelphia,

We have raced bikes, showed erotica, watched a car burn... all good times! But no matter how much love i profess for your pretzels, cheezsteaks and massive sculptures of the gates of hell (thx Rodin) I still feel daunted by your lack of brotherly love.

can ya feel the love now?

We have had some amazing times. Our 1st ever team went there in 2008, stranded, after your venue that was so excited to host us said a day before we were to arrive, "Oh, its porn! We can't show that... I thought it was bike porn, like ski porn" But on a whim we walked into a mosaic museum, debated paying the $3 and then noticed the subtle but frequent amount of sex and bike parts on display. A moment later I asked a person who looked like the janitor a couple questions and then he told us we should show our erotic bicycle films right there, that night, and sure enough there we were, in the bowels of Philadelphia's Magic Gardens watching our movies bounce of the glass walls making 1000 points of ‪#‎bikeporn‬ light.

Our last show was 2 years ago with the Porny Express. While Reverend Phil was in the midst of riding his bike from Minneapolis to Mexico the talented Reecy Pontiff sung about falling under the lofty charms of "The Girl on the Tallest Tallbike in Town" to the radical queers. Each year all of the people were beside themselves wanting to bring it back better "next year"

All have failed.

I do not accept the excuse of, "That's hare things are in ___ (name a place)" because they say that everywhere. Your eccentric people are just as unreliable as the next. But still you have a chance. This is the final screening of Bike Smut in Philadelphia. Maybe somehow history will stop repeating itself? Maybe you know someone. Then you could invite them with you to see the LAST EVER screening of Bike Smut in Philly!

As you may know, Bike Smut is in its 9th and FINAL year of touring. But before it is over we are taking a final shot at Philadelphia! It has been two years since Bike Smut: Bike Porn which means you will get to see the best of both our 8th and 9th year of programing!
 

  BEFORE THE SHOW we are putting together a special panel discussion to engage the sexual organ between your ears.

• Dr. Victoria Hartmann Ph.D., M.P.H. DACS, she is the director of the world's largest sex museum and has produced fetish videos for 20 years.
• Dee Viant, is the creator of the Fetish Movie Blog. She loves all things perverse and nasty and blames her Catholic upbringing.
• Rev. Phil is the creator of Bike Smut. He has toured the Northern Hemisphere for 9 years and probably needs a shower. 
• Links! You love em!
• http://drvictoriaphd.com/
  http://blog.fetishmovies.com/
  http://bikesmut.com/

ONE NIGHT ONLY!

Friday June 3rd
Wooden Shoe Books and Records
704 South Street
7pm "Future of Sex" Panel Talk
8pm Show!
$7 donation (no one turned away for lack of funds)
Limited Seating, 18+
https://www.facebook.com/events/608639649312460/

photo by qbarmatt

Or if not, maybe we will just go eat some pretzels. They are almost worth the suffering.

Finally, Philly on The PornyExpress!

We've rode from Minneapolis to Montreal and now we are heading to Mexico!

Is your map out of date? We thought we were so reFresh

The population density is impressing upon our MMM Bikes tour.

Still we are pressing down. Down south and also down on the new hardware! A shiny new neck, a (rather dull) fork and colorful bags!

In the middle of cutting the fork we pondered how history would judge our culturally enforced genital mutilation of children.

We were able to get an updated fit on Duff #5 who is now outfitted with a tall angled neck, front rack and bags! It took a while to dial it all in but with kind-felt patience and genuine excitement for rolling bikesexual adventure. We also are thrilled to introduce the newest member of the Bike Wizard family,  Bicycle Roots co-owner Nachama, who with deft tool manipulation shared the secrets of the star fangled nut driver.

But don't try to get between her and her crown race remover!

Also we are excited about the response Bike Smut in Brooklyn, New York. No, they didn't get down the way Boston did but they did express a great deal of happiness and a zeal for the lols. They were challenged to present more better heckling and they delivered!

"They are spoken for"
"Don't worry, they are fixed"

But the winner for the best heckle of the night came right after a startlingly abrupt transition between scenes. The audience was caught off-guard, then we all heard someone yell,  

"Hey i'ts about bikes, not Segways"

sweet rapture.

But no volume of jaded hipsterizm could outlast the drive of self-empowered legs, a badass venue and good, cheap pizza in the hood. There are strange wages to living in a massive city of perpetual excitement.

PHEW! Thanks NY! Now we head south... er southwest? Philadelphia was being so coy, we thought we were gonna have to bail on her. But the city of brotherly love is ready to get down and dirty (ya know in a mature kind of childish way... with homo)

Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express
Turner Dome
181 Turner St  -  19122

Wednesday, Nov 6 

7pm

FB invite:
https://www.facebook.com/events/479757502139027/

Come get Phillthy with us!

Coming back to phily!

From a cinema collective's living room to the mosaic-covered walls of the Magic Gardens, we have had some pretty wild shows in Philadelphia. So it is with great pride that we announce a blooming partnership with the Philadelphia Naked Bike Ride.
 

 Yup, lots of attractive people not wearing clothes, being political just with their presence. Pretty hot, we think! We are looking for a venue, so if you have a suggestions let us know!

Naked ride Philly

They know how to do it in Philidelphia. Moreover the participents seem to understand the variety of reasons for riding a bike naked and they look adorable while doing it.



We plan to join their ranks when we return the United States in October. Ideally we will have our own naked Peloton that will whisk us around the city at dramatic high speed, possibly slowing down to enjoy South Phily's pretzels and mosaics.

Phily is the City of Bromance

Soft pretzels, cheezesteak, massive mosaics, cracked bells, historical documents, horsey rides, naked bike rides... well its everything SOME people want, but you are gonna want to check out Philadelphia's only screening of this sexy bike on bike action.

• Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
• Sunday, April 11th
• Le Philly Creme
• 5034 spruce st
• 8pm, $5 donation, Adults only

POWERFULLY HOT TIMES TO COME!

Photo credit to Courtney Rodgers. Expect more RVA Cycle Slaughterama pictures soon.

Bikes and sex, what a Capitol idea

This just in, the nation's capitol DOES love porn! We have been struggling for some time but now it is on! Be there early to get a seat, or if you are in Baltimore just buy one in advance.

• Wednesday April 7th - Baltimore, MD
  
• Sugar
• 927 West 36th Street
• 8pm
  
• +18
• $10
• entrance in the back

• Thursday April 8th - Washington DC
  
• The Trusty Roomie
  
• 3567 holmead pl nw 20010
  
• 9pm
  
• Adults only
• $5 No one turned away
  

• Friday April 9th - Lancaster PA
• Meet Market
  
• 448 N Market St
• 8pm
• $5, no one turned away
• 18
• Open "Bike" Mic: bring a story or poem about bicycles
  

We are told we have a show Sunday in Philly. Catch us if you can!

Otherwise you are gonna be suffering like Spidy.

Getting Lucky in Philly

sweet serendipity.

biking along south street an hour ago we spotted something different. The brick buildings were suddenly replaced by a living collage of glass bottles and bicycle wheels. Upon further investigation we discovered Philadelphia's Magic Gardens.

We were hungry and tired and hungover, but taking a moment to breathe inside this highly detailed art space was refreshing. Then we met Isaiah Zagar and told him about the program. The next thing we know he has us on the phone with The Theater of the Living Arts hooking us up with a projector!

So Philadelphia, it is on. This is a very special location and we are exceedingly gracious to be hosted here.

Tuesday March 25th
8:45 pm
Magic Gardens
1020 South St
Philadelphia, PA

Philly in trouble

UPDATE: A CALL OUT FOR A PROJECTOR HAS BEEN MADE

A screening Tuesday night is hopeful.

--------------

Open Letter to Sexual Repression

Let us take a moment to address the nature of "bad sex". That is not just unwanted sexual activity, but also lame sex. We know that many people suffer disspointment in their sexual endevors. But how are people to learn more about their sexual interests?

Not encouraging appropriate sexual behavior is a most dastardly thing. Those that perpetuate a society of sexual fear are seriously fucking it up for all of us!

Please, help us demonstrate to Philadelphia... help with recognizing the art in our bodies, how they move and how we and bicycles can become connected.