Showing posts with label food. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food. Show all posts

May 28, 2016

The bell tolls for Philly bikesexuals




Real Talk Philadelphia,

We have raced bikes, showed erotica, watched a car burn... all good times! But no matter how much love i profess for your pretzels, cheezsteaks and massive sculptures of the gates of hell (thx Rodin) I still feel daunted by your lack of brotherly love.


can ya feel the love now?

We have had some amazing times. Our 1st ever team went there in 2008, stranded, after your venue that was so excited to host us said a day before we were to arrive, "Oh, its porn! We can't show that... I thought it was bike porn, like ski porn" But on a whim we walked into a mosaic museum, debated paying the $3 and then noticed the subtle but frequent amount of sex and bike parts on display. A moment later I asked a person who looked like the janitor a couple questions and then he told us we should show our erotic bicycle films right there, that night, and sure enough there we were, in the bowels of Philadelphia's Magic Gardens watching our movies bounce of the glass walls making 1000 points of ‪#‎bikeporn‬ light.

Our last show was 2 years ago with the Porny Express. While Reverend Phil was in the midst of riding his bike from Minneapolis to Mexico the talented Reecy Pontiff sung about falling under the lofty charms of "The Girl on the Tallest Tallbike in Town" to the radical queers. Each year all of the people were beside themselves wanting to bring it back better "next year"

All have failed.

I do not accept the excuse of, "That's hare things are in ___ (name a place)" because they say that everywhere. Your eccentric people are just as unreliable as the next. But still you have a chance. This is the final screening of Bike Smut in Philadelphia. Maybe somehow history will stop repeating itself? Maybe you know someone. Then you could invite them with you to see the LAST EVER screening of Bike Smut in Philly!



As you may know, Bike Smut is in its 9th and FINAL year of touring. But before it is over we are taking a final shot at Philadelphia! It has been two years since Bike Smut: Bike Porn which means you will get to see the best of both our 8th and 9th year of programing!
 


  BEFORE THE SHOW we are putting together a special panel discussion to engage the sexual organ between your ears.


ONE NIGHT ONLY!

Friday June 3rd
Wooden Shoe Books and Records
704 South Street
7pm "Future of Sex" Panel Talk
8pm Show!
$7 donation (no one turned away for lack of funds)
Limited Seating, 18+
https://www.facebook.com/events/608639649312460/





photo by qbarmatt


Or if not, maybe we will just go eat some pretzels. They are almost worth the suffering.

May 7, 2016

Working the Sausage in Nuremburg

If you search the Internet for "nuremberger" all you get is a sausage fest. Not dick pics, literally butchered meats in long, narrow enclosures. Fitting, because it seems probable that Bavaria invented partying while feasting on sausage and named it after a month in the Autumn (even tho they do it everyday). It doesn't matter if you order a hot dog in Hamburg or a Salisbury Steak in Frankfurt, these conventions do not apply. It might not make much sense to our New World food categorizations which tell us that while its true that both are cylinders of ground up animal parts one is a flat disk without a casing and the other is a long tube.

the end result of being a sausage around Miss Poppy Cox
Your complete awareness of this information is not required to watch Bike Smut this Sunday night at the Nürnberger Fahrrad-Film-Festvial. Still, Miss Poppy Cox wants to totally go all Bavarian with you! Enjoy a bright white sausage party with beer and pretzels and the world's finest collection of erotic bicycle films at the International Cycling Film Festival!



 Just listen to these efficient German verbiage:

Der Höhepunkt des 4NFFF: A Festival of Radical Pleasure!
Bei Bike Smut gibt es kurze, erotische Filme auf zwei Reifen.
Mehr verraten wir nicht vorher - wer Bike Smut erleben will, muss es erleben!





Nürnberg - Casablanca Theatre
Samstag, 7. Mai, 22:50 Uhr


Yeah! Yer damn right we Sprechen Sie Deutsch! Get your bike-fucking tickets online, now!

more info about this randy fahrrad film festival at the adorably named URL:  www.casa.bike

December 4, 2014

Come Again, deep in the cornhole of Texas

What a fucking bird!




Okay, we didn't actually put our genitals inside the carcass of a butchered turkey...  that is probably illegal or something (necro-beastiality meats foodporn? Oh you want that? Okay you asked for it)






The time for being thankful has ended. 
The time for greed is upon us!

Time to give yourself the gift of giving yourself a .gif



This weekend is the Texas premiere of Bike Smut 8: Come Again!

Saturday, Dec 6th in Austin
North Door $7 advance price! Get your tickets now while they are cheap!
502 Brushy St
7pm Doors open! Bring in your bicycle and porn mags then get crafty with Queer Ride
9:30 Screening! Performance!
11ish Dancing!
Have you had enough social media disease today? Enjoy our FB event

Thats right you can have it all!

As long as "all" is a pair of hot bikers and "have it" is them rampaging your salty, bloated caucus with their minds and phalluses.


Wait, thats not right. Instead these charming gentlemen will probably buy you a drink then politely ask your permission to submerge you in a bath of salt water with ginger, sugar, habanero, and citrus* for a few days before they consensually split you open, rip out your spine, break your breastbone, stuff garlic and herbs under your skin and leave you trembling under a bed of onion and potatoes in a cozy pot around 350 degrees for a couple hours or something.



Yes it takes a certain special kind of pornographer to turn an abused pile of flesh into ...



Yes, thats some Lumbersexual Daisy Dukes giving you the bird. 

* while this recipe is unbeaten we also cook hella amazing vegan food too, just saying.

What can we say, we fucking present well for the holidays. Plus bourbon, because bourbon.

Go ahead, beg us to visit your family and ComeAgain!


November 17, 2013

Asheville on The Porny Express

Whats got mountin hippies salivating?

A potluck and Asheville's only screening of The Porny Express!


We have seen some pretty amazing foodstuffs at our shows before. Penis and vulva shaped pastries from housing coop-ians, handmade ice cream via radical faeries, and loads of gooey frosting in Baltimore... But what delectable will gather this Saturday in Asheville? Our gastronomical clock ticks in sweet anticipation!


Saturday Nov 23rd
The Waterwheel
365 Lytle Cove Rd
8pm, potluck at 7pm
$5-10
adults only

feel the ride



August 26, 2013

Kicking off on The Porny Express

IT'S TIME TO RIDE!


Our first stop on the Porny Express is our historic bikesexual mecca of Salt Lake!

Come examine the finest bikesexual movies from Montreal, Gainesville, Oakland, Milan, Vancouver, Berlin, Chicago and Zurich!

One night only but loads of other rad stuff happening in conjunction with it!

Friday, August 30
The Goathead Preserve
Address TBA
8pm
Adults only!
$5-10 donation

Midnight Mystery Ride to follow!
Brunch nourishment Saturday morning!

Facecrack invite: https://www.facebook.com/events/560330540670147/



January 31, 2012

Getting missionary with it

OMG THIS BURRITO IS FUCKING DELICIOUS!




thats just the kind of brash statement that could escape your lips without warning if you are in attendance of our show this Friday night. Only replace "BURRITO" with "BICYCLE" and "DELICIOUS" with "ME"


Friday, February 3, 2012 
848 Divisadero
7:00pm until 10:00pm


The evening is co-presented by fantastic folks at Femina Potens Gallery.
www.feminapotens.org

January 10, 2012

Sex Education in LA

Ring the bell, school is back in session!


Bike Smut is in Los Angles
1/11/12 *
Home Room
3175 Beverly Blvd
$8 per screening, ages 18 and up
TWO screenings, 7pm AND 10pm (limited capacity)


Ride your bike! DonniePepper will give u 1 free vegan taco home-made by WheelieGoodFood if u ride and lock up outside. otherwise they shall be $1 each.

*pretty sweet date, but remember all columns day in Athens?