The View From the Top of Wang Mountain

Oregon law says being naked is legal provided you are not trying to incite a sexy riot, ergo cycling naked is legal, unless you are in a city like Portland that says you can't be naked outside of a venue that is frequented by a member of the opposite sex, unless you your nudity is somehow protected speech.

Naked bikers this might be a useful thing to remember should someone try to deny your right to bike naked:

"Your car can kill me regardless of what I wear, so if I have to bike naked for you to see me that is what I shall do."

This defense worked just fine for Michael "Bobby" Hammond who was arrested for biking naked this summer.

Assuming he can fake an English accent we have a Harry Potter script in development for him and his Nimbus.


Now the matter of hiking naked seems a little different to us. Were a pedestrian should have the same legal rights as a cyclist to be seen in traffic, most hikers don't worry about cars hitting them. So assuming you are hiking naked in the Alps and stopped by police, what do you do?

All this is at one hand understandable but sad. Just as we loathe the idea of laws regarding morality we also feel that any given location has the right to decide such things for themselves.

So is the golden age of pointing at Europe as being cooler with sex and bodies in general over? Will Swiss backpackers often find themselves in conversation about how "in the Americas people ride naked in traffic with legal protection!"?

Rolling Down South

Last time we checked in with the naked bikers they were getting along fine with cops, pedestrians were going horse from cheering, and most of the concerns of biking naked were related to severe genitalia road rash.

As exciting as all this is, just a continent away there is a naked bike ride with slightly better weather! Behold Australia's WNBR of... MARCH 14th?!?

Although though it clearly is a WORLD naked bike ride the changing seasons make for some impractical scheduling. Thus this past weekend many southern hemisphere cities were ablaze with naked cyclists.

Alas, most cities in North America and Europe won't be officially rolling naked until Saturday June 13th. Someday we expect there to be some WNBR sanctions on cities which routinely go against their hemisphere's chosen naked ride date.

In Portland the world premiere of Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound is just the night before, Friday, June 12th! For those of you in BikeFuck Capitol, USA that is consecutive nights of radical cyclical debauchery. Plan accordingly.

Eugene Makes Protesting Sexy Again

The matter of sexualized politics has become galvanized for many of us in the bikesex industry.

Naked riders are taking to the streets more than ever and organizers have increasingly found themselves dancing on the verge of cognitive dissonance.

Are nudists using bike culture to promote bare bodies? Are cyclists hiding (very little) behind their constitutional right to political expression? Are attention whores using media to show us their wangs? Are pedestrians using us as a rolling strip club? Are bikers using pedestrians to get free drinks? Are Google searches for naked bike rides at an all time high?

In summary: we want to know who is using whom.

We are fortunate that presently none of the answers to those questions change what it is like to ride naked all that much. In the future however, all naked bike rides may be plagued by all manner of distractions and such.

What to make of all this attention? It definitely has its pluses and minuses.

For example, it feels like we should be grateful that a car blog would cover the World Naked Bike Ride. They actually do a pretty good job of sheepishly reminding people why the WNBR exists. For a car blog to even acknowledge the matter of oil dependency and car culture without being overly rude seems like a big step. But then they totally snubbed Portland's record setting naked ride. We would take issue with their lack of journalistic integrity, but it is just as likely that they will have similar feelings about our recent presidential election coverage.

Besides, there are those of us who feel things like the World Naked Bike Ride should be clouded in mystery. Car blogs reporting on bike culture will go a long way towards generating more mystique. Do you really care when and where WNBR actually started? Pffft... BOORING!! A better question is when did riding a bike naked become wrong? Given the power of time travel we at BikeSmut.com promise swift kicks in the crotch to those lame pricks.

But ahh, in Eugene, Cascadia radical bike culture is sexy and alive and well (enough).



But what of clothed radical biking? If it seems like loosing all your clothes is the only way for a cyclist to make a point or get protection from the law we suggest you try reading fewer bike porn websites. Pedaling Revolution by Jeff Mapes attempts to explain the importance of cycling to the future of these United States... we think... at least according to the reviews so far (which have all been good, although "allworldcars.com" might have an interesting perspective).

He reads from his book this Thursday, March 19th at Powells in Portland. For those in the audience: expect awkward questions and evasive answers about Mapes' personal feelings on bike sexuality.

------
later on... what is up with people in the southern hemesphere? why is there weather so fucked?!?

SUBMIT! to the sexiest bike show in the world

Lets go over this again.

MOST PORN SUCKS!

Literally and figuratively . There is a reason porn becomes disinteresting so fast. Porn seeks to fulfill our most basic sexual needs and nothing else. This leaves the viewer feeling empty and drained. Sometimes that is all we want, but sometimes we want more.


In the biz they say "call for entries" but Danny Glover says, "Put it in your mouth!" and he means it!

A major joy and problem with porn is that it has low goals and it only kinda succeeds in fulfilling them. Void of substance, most porn leaves the viewer with a feeling distant from those around her.

THIS IS NOT WHAT WE WANT!

We want to see the human/bicycle condition represented in a new exciting way. We want to have our feelings on sexuality challenged. We want an unprecedented amount of consensual sexual energy.

Sure, hot people on hot bikes is good but that is not the totality of Bike Porn. Maybe you can reach deeper. Why are bikes sexy? Show us!

The content you submit is ideally (although not necessarily) related to the theme, "cycle bound." This theme is for you, the creator, to interpret.

Any form of artwork on the theme is welcome. Most will be in the form of a totally sweet movie on Mini-DV tape shot in 16x9 cinema ratio. DVDs and VCDs will probably work fine but are more prone to errors.

You have until the 1st of June to put your entry into our headquarters:

CycleBound
C/O Bike Porn Industries
5301 NE 16th Ave
Portland, Oregon 97211

Please include the following info with your submission:

• movie title
  
• year of film's completion
• director(s), or anyone who deserves props. (You can remain anonymous.)
  
• running time
  
• movie synopsis
• What protection do you want? Some people request that a movie is never played in a particular city. Others are hoping to have everyone see the movie. Choose which licenses your work is protected by!

Selected works will be included in the ever-expanding Bike Porn Tour. In the past two years no artists have had their work leaked onto any lame porn websites. This is an excellent opportunity to share your vision with the hungry masses in a safe setting.

Don't wait for the last minute. Make inspiring bike porn today!

Cycling for Vulvae

As loathe as we are to repeat the oft use phrase, "this one is for the ladies" (stemming from a disturbing experience with Color Me Badd where every song was for the ladies, in fact 5 songs into the show they actually apologized to the guys "cause the rest of these songs are pretty much all... FOR THE LADIES.")

Women love to ride. Its true, and if the small amount of research that has been done on the matter is also true, than suddenly guys have good reason to be a little jealous

...a sex researcher had a group of women (some of who suffered from something called delayed orgasm) ride a stationary bike for 20 minutes, after which they masturbated. After stimulating sympathetic outflow by riding the bike, the non-disordered were able to stimulate themselves to several orgasms each and most of the women with orgasm disorder were able to stimulate themselves to at least one orgasm.

She treats many women with orgasm disorder using the stationary bike and she has had pretty good and long-lasting results.

Pretty encouraging for all (wo)mankind.

Now for a more technical example, we present the most popular scene in "Mädchen, Mädchen"


And finally this less descriptive movie proving that filmmakers can enjoy bikes too. OH FUCK THIS LINK!

Lets get ourselves embedded!

Urban Velo, bike pimp

Urban Velo's Brad Quartuccio and Jeff Guerrero have been documenting most of the important trends affecting city bikers for years. Their stories, photos and even adds are usually dripping in so much style that it might seem overwhelming to everyday readers.

Although they are based out of Pittsburgh (PGH!) they have been fairly successful in covering lots of culture from cities all over the world.

Just this past week our own call for entries to Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound graced their fine website.

Here is hoping that there are lots of aspiring filmmakers reading and rubbing.



http://www.flickr.com/photos/bike/




heh, he said "wedge" ----------------------------->





Both Photos "mysteriously stolen" from Urban Velo's Flikr Pool.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raytracing/

Doing it the hard way (ie not on grass)

Our touring bike polo/porno team, the "Pork Barrels" have come home to find that things have not changed much in Portland hardcourt players

• Goals are still ridden though.
• Mallets are still thrown.
• Bikes still break.
• Some players are better than others
  
• And due to our work ethics (few players are willing to save $$ to travel to other polo courts) the Axels of Evil are still the best players in the world (alongside Seattle and East Van).

Instead of us having to travel anywhere, we invite you to come try your might against us. Any Sunday at Alberta Park on NE 21st and Killingsworth. And if you want a taste of some real competitive action, a tournament is in the works in early March.




And speaking of bikes breaking, this past week our crack team of photographers were on hand to capture this gem:

The guy who did this really likes his bike, so you can imagine what he would do to someone he does not like.

Tod Seelie does bikes and sex, but not at the same time.

Tod Seelie's advice on pursuing a career in photography is a guide to living doing just about any art right. You are poor, respected and (assuming the most modest of needs) you get to have the time of your life every day you live.

"Um, don’t expect to make any decent money in band photography. Do it for the love of it, and hope you can find another way to make ends meet. I will mention one thing that I get asked a lot, which is how am I able to tour with bands and focus on photography without having a day job. The answer is to keep your expenses down. Re-examine what you really need. Don’t buy new things, be resourceful, eat cheap, dumpster dive, don’t spend money at bars, don’t own a car;ride a bike instead, and when you travel either give up or sublet your room. That last one is probably my biggest one. If you don’t need a lot of money to get by you don’t need to spend a lot of time trying to earn it. Your time is all you have, and having the freedom to spend it how you please is worth a lot more in my book." -Tod Seelie

This feels similar to the Pornographer's Playbook to Touring without Bankruptcy. These are lessons that are easy to understand but hard to live by.

Tod also talks about selling work and expectations regarding sharing of images. With any luck we will be able to find out more about his feelings on image privacy and ownership of media.

Remembering Claremont

Happy 2009 from the naked bikers of Pitzer College in Claremont University.

What marvelous happy-go-fucky bike folk. While we're not sure about the effects of our screening on the other colleges of Claremont University, Pitzer made great strides in the absolution of clothing as a social function of covering ones genitals.

I pray that you have started a tradition at Pitzer College. Meanwhile, I'll work on getting the Middle East Technical University naked this spring.
- anonymous student

Presently they are still playing bike polo and eating avocados like nobody's business. As of the current date, no pregnancies have ever been caused by direct contact with a bicycle, something to remember when school work starts to cause your mind to wander.

Ghost Bikes. Not Sexy!

Fascinating about death may make teenagers and Food Batchmakers wet in their pants but why is death often considered erotic?

It is just the taboo nature? Is it finding comfort in between a new friend's legs after a wake? Is it that we frequently find naked women with weapons surrounded by a bloodthirsty horde?

The idea that bikers must have a death wish to be traveling on the streets in anything so unsafe is one of the more infuriating justifications for not feeling guilt when driving.

When it comes to cycling we at Bike Porn Industries have a more challenging time keeping death sexy. So we dont.

We do however recognize that the cycle of life includes death and humping and sometimes what you are humping can help create more life.

The point is, riding bikes is fucking sexy, and while saying things like, "the dead will ride" is pretty sweet, mostly the dead are just dead, ie not sexy.

Our friends over at Urban Velo have just released their 11th issue with a feature on Ghost Bikes. Such respect to our fallen compatriots is noble if not sobering. link to the article