Happy BikeFucking Halloween

Its time for our never before annual punnishment post, where we make lots of lame jokes by replacing our normal vocabulary with phrases like, "Good as Ghoul" and ... eh actually no we don't need any sort of holiday to make talking like an idiot more appropriate because we do that kinda think nearly every time we post.


Given that we are coming up on a return to Colorado with screenings in Denver, Ft Collins, Boulder and Colorado Springs in November and that it is another political season it seemed appropriate to share some of our back log of exciting images from years past. Prepare your saddle for our way in the back machine as we travel to this date in 2008!


Seven years ago we had a plucky crew of reverend phil, Josh and Spencer aka Team Twink traversing the US Southwest on a mountain-bike-polo-porno-adventure. Politics were in high season. John McCain and Sarah Palin were on a similar wavelength: go to Colorado and convince people that we are not only amusing to listen to, we also have some really valuable ideas on politics.  It would seem Bike Smut was a little more successful than McCain/Palin 08.



 So it was that we would ride bikes with some of the finest, most creative mtn bike freaks on earth in the town of Durango, Colorado

perhaps a modified Gumby Twink costume...



hella political... no matter what year it is

The sweet babes were naturally drawn to our casual, pornographer-about-small-town ways

naturally, a photoshoot broke out

baldness became fashionable

The Rally of the Dead became a full on rolleskater disco

occasionally bursts of romance would burst like so many popping veins

notice the cross of Bicycle Jesus. For formal occasions only.

way before Twilight there was... a delightful bloody mess

some asshole parked on the dance floor. It probably wasn't us!

 roll up and grind down

an epic story about this, Baily's frame should be documented. but not here. Suffice it to say if you know where it is buried you could grave rob a sweet frame.

more responsible consumption continued throughout the following day and night

We never did actually check this person's ID. prb for the best that we didn't

An impressive assortment of boning happened on the award table

 the following day was a lot of bike polo, played on grass, right in the middle of town

grass polo... its a thing, especially in Colorado

nothing would stop us from standing and observing others.

we do suffer for the art... well someone does anyway.

Presenting the team that traveled the farthest to loose a polo game on grass: The Pork Barrels

free hugs?

So here is where we wish you a Happy Halloween. Also something about politics and a cute play on words to make this entire blog post seem well thought out.


- the end

Come to Kansas City, then Come Again!

Bike Smut has played shows in 36 different US states. This Friday Missouri gets added to that list!

Kansas City is throwing down a huge bikesexual party!

Get ready for a night of never ending pleasure with performances by GARDENCORE & SCHWERVON! Photobooths from Oh Snap Photography! Booze from Tallgrass and Boulevard! Grassroots erotica from bike lovers worldwide! And overall too much sexiness!!! 

https://wowlist.org/events/15857/vacantfarm-bikesmut-kcdiy-816bikecollective-bikeporn-queer

May 29th 2015
Vacant Farm - 3333 Roanoke Rd, Kansas City, MO
9pm

Come support the 816 Bike Collective

Back into Czech, mate!

Beer, German tourists and permissive sexuality: These are the hallmarks of just about every country we visit. Everyone likes to talk about how good their beer is, how annoying all these German tourists are, and how sexually permissive the people are in the next town over.

so horny he can't be bothered to put shoes on

But in at least two European countries it may actually be more true. One is Belgium and the other is The Czech Republic.

Blessed with some of the best water (100 year old breweries built over natural springs coming from the Alps make a might crisp pilsner) and a historically depressed economy exasperated by the EU (its in the EU but they don't use Euros so it easy to travel here and most things are cheaper) naturally you can imagine a lot of people like to visit the Czech Republic.

Czech shares a border with Germany, one of the wealthiest countries in Europe. Often tourists are annoying, because they flaunt their wealth and feel entitles to be jerks because they are paying for service. So people all over Europe love to talk shit about rich, annoying German tourists.

showing off the biker package is one way to display family wealth

Also sex. Logic follows that a place that has legalized prostitution, you might have less shame about other sexual issues. The Czech Republic is considered one of the most liberal Central European countries with regards to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) rights. In 2006 it legalized registered partnerships (registrované partnerství) for same-sex couples.

The more you are exposed to open, comfortable sexuality the less of a taboo it becomes. This should result in more open, accepting communities and possibly more interesting pornography.

And yet there is still room for more joyous bikesexual liberation!
Come get some at these fine shows!

Brno
Friday 8/8
FBB Klub Na Dráze, 
Nadražní 9
21:30h fb event

Pardubice
Sunday 10/8
Inner Dark
Polská 898
20h

Prague w/ queer noises, a part of Prague Pride!

Friday 15/8

Q Cafe

Opatovická 12

18h - 20h fb event

Fuck tomorrow, we want a vision for a better tonight!

Dead Baby Downhill Video Recap

Bikes! Babes! Bands! Beer!

POINTS OF EXCLAMATION!!!!

From plentiful beer to hawt biker girls dancing in the streets to tall bike wrestle/jousting to not possibly not waking up in someone's puke at dawn, the Dead Baby Downhill has a lot of things going for it! We are proud to see so many of our friends taking part and making it better.

Seattle can be a little stuffy for a Northwest city so its great to get them to get down and dirty for a spell.

Join us next time the 1st Friday of August in 2013!

Hiatus has been temporarily derailed

Just when we had thought that we would be able to quietly go into the night, our world is rocked by another fabulous, scandalous music video.

Woe be on the foolish prude that might try to shame due to "inappropriate behavior", "excessive drinking", or "gratuitous sexual content". BEGONE USELESS KILLJOY! This video drops like a bomb, has legs to run you down and steel to gut you like the new fish you are.

Please enjoy irresponsibly.



After a couple years of mild asskikery the Bay Area Derailleurs have really stepped up their game. From the performances at Mini Bike Winter to their political work on the BP oil spill in the Gulf they seem to have found their pace.

The paring of the dumpster diving, bike punk ballet of the Derailleurs with the dope lyrical stylings of Bobby Joe Ebola and the Children MacNuggits makes for a classic us/them battle. man v woman. driver v cyclist. meat v vegan (or is that freegan? opportunivore? cannibal?)

As for our predicted tours of North America and Europe we can only hope that the stars will continue to align and we will get to bring more of the best bicycle erotica to your berg. But we have been promised lots of cookies and booze from SLC! w00t! (thanks for reading our " bike porn recommended daily allowance")

reMembering durango

One of the joys of going on tour to all these fine "fucking bike friendly" places is the great events that we are able to take part in (or even better, become part of!)

Such was the case last year as part of the Westward Ho! tour in Durango, CO.

Here is a 1st hand account of the insanity that was, THE RALLY OF THE DEAD!

We wont be the 1st to call Durango bikers "special", and we surely won't be the last. So instead of showing bike porn 2, we showed the 1st years program. Viewers were coming out of their chairs with cheering or disgust! Never mind that that Sen. John McCain was in town that day to also catch the screening and let people know that he was still alive and had a seriously entertaining running mate.

Porn Quad photoshoot

Like the Dark Lord said, "Impressive. Most impressive." What is wrong with free beer and food and some classy fucking people? Nothing. Except sometimes it is hard to remember all the fun. The word epic gets thrown around a lot but in this case you can't really help but utilize it. For several days in a row the sauce flows, and the wheels roll and we have the times of our lives.

Thanks for the great games of bike polo, all of the stunning awards and prizes. And letting us share our "gifts" with the otherwise unsuspecting Durango audience at the future Discovery Museum... a place for learning.

Here's hoping they are having a blast at the SSWC going on this weekend September weekend in Durango AND that they have enough ogranizational energy to help put together a screening of Bike Porn 3 in early November.