Midwestern 5:SPEED Mayhem

Bike Smut is back home, but our various allies are still working hard to encourage their various communities to appreciate the joy and freedom inherent to better sex and more appropriate transportation.

To that end we are attempting a new system of erotic bicycle movie delivery: the sexy proxy

Introducing your Midwestern bicycle pornographer, and her pussy bot

 

She, who may end up being named later on (possibly for sentimental reasons) will be hosting those bikesexuals lucky enough to live in/nearby (or willing to travel to) Minneapolis this weekend!

Bike Smut 5: SPEED

Friday, March 2nd
The Bedlam Community Design Center currently in the Ivy Building:
Street Entrance: 2714 East 27th STREET – its on the SIDE of the Ivy Building, facing the Bike Path

8pm

FREE  - donations strongly encouraged, facecrack invite

A fundraiser for and presented by Wheel Sexy

Plus a sweet bike ride to the event put on by the fabulous  Queer Bike Gang!

Launch from Sunrise Cyclery, Lake & Bryant 7:00pm

w00t!

buffalo down time!

That was a pretty fantastic show and dance party last night. We knew from the molesting, door-breaking and sexual assault following last year's show that these Buffalo bike punks were a class unto themselves, but damn!Now that Ann Arbor has been nixed from our plate we are free to concentrate on more immediate events.

And so it is that with us as a major publisher of such fine tomes as our double-sided, twice-folded, single page of European zine we absoutlely have to mix it up with the fine peeps at the Buffalo Small Press Book Fair

Come on out and learn something new!

photo credit to Michael Hall who has some pretty good ones

Wheels of Change

Picture this, a person who is sick of jumping through hoops all his/her life being told that "if s/he just works harder things will be better."

That's the line... If you fail it's because you are lazy. You should be able to provide for your family, make things better in your community, raise a more perfect child or in our case, grind on the ideal Brooks saddle. Anything short of that and you loose.

Then one comes to the understanding of the vast differences between the rich and poor and one begins to believe the system is rigged. It is one thing to live with some winners and some losers. It is something else when the disparity between those results is such vast outcomes.

Then it is decided that something must be done.

It happened with a French farmer

It happened with a Tunisian student

It could be that Madison is the Tunisia of North America. Perhaps our people are not as stupid as the media has made us out to be. Maybe this time we will collectively see the writing on the wall.

From our perspective we see a systemic removal our ability to debate ideas. The effect of short attention spans is building a society of mental toddlers. This is more than enough to cause us to throw up our arms in anger. Unless we do something different we are going to continue to get more of the same bullshit treatment.

This is not as simple as most people would have it. If we are to ever get beyond this back and forth of economy vs ecology we have to start understanding how they are related. Its not enough to just say, "stop growing the economy." But we also dont have to wait for someone else to figure it our for us and hand us a cure.

Real change comes from real understanding.

We join our comrades in demanding better for our future.

SHOULDBikesSaveThePlanet

Yalls remember back when we were warning you to fucking prepare for the radness of Mini Bike Winter? Perhaps you even got a personal invitation to come and enjoy the fun? Well you got just 12 days to get your butts to Portland.

This year in conjunction with our "officially unreleased theme" for Bike Porn 4 we wanted to making something that was gonna stimulate your brains more than ever. So it is with great anticipation we proudly announce:


Yes, this shit is real.

And it is happening in Portland.

And you are invited.

You dont need any money, you dont need to be 21 or older (being over 18 would make us more comfortable tho), you dont even need to ride a bike but if you do your chances of not going home alone increase by orders of magnitude. Similarly if you bring us a beer, make some intelligent commentary about the state of transportation infrastructure and make some cool stenciled swag with clothes your brought yourself we will prob swoon.

This is our "cheapest" screening of Bike Porn ever! We will be accepting generous donations which will go to support Mini Bike Winter. The idea is that fun is something people spend way too much money on, and if they only spent less money having fun they could work less and we would have more time to enjoy ourselves. This is what we refer to as the free fun spiral, which when not kept in check quickly leads to unemployment, eviction, and eventually just spending all your time masturbating on your bike under a bridge. (There are no confirmed cases of this yet, we are just assuming since this is what we probably would be doing if not getting paid the big bucks to do it in front of an audience.) But in this case we expect you to just give us a few bucks if you got em and have a great time.

Mini Bike Winter Kickoff Gala
Thursday, February 11th
Lotus Seed
NE 9th and Going

8:30pm

• Panel Discussion: "SHOULD Bikes Save the Planet",

10pm

• Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound - possibly the last Portland screening
  
• World Premiere, "MBW09 in 10 Min" by Jon Huey
• US Premiere, "Velo Love" a documentary of the Velo Vixens by Lauren Warbeck

All night

• DIY stencil station. BYO threads and invent your own brands.

On Friday crazy fun shit happens, on Saturday crazy fun shit happens, on Sunday crazy fun shit happens, and then on Monday... fuck Mini Bike Winter, the Backlash Tour will have begun! We are packing up all the fun and hitting the road, se ya suckers! Enjoy 3 more months of gloom!

Until then, the best reason to ride a bike in the winter in Portland is upon us!

Rejoice!


WE SAID REJOICE!

The internets are still full of sex

What terrible convenience! Someone hacked this bike rental display in Spain resulting in it playing pornography. A large crowd gathered and after a few hours the police (who were also standing and watching and not really sure what they should do) decided to cover up the screen with paper.

A Bike Porn Kiosk could be the best idea of the month. Dont let the Spanish keep it for themselves, demand more bike porn in your town halls today!

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WARNING, NON BIKE NON SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD!
Concern over the relative size difference between rider and "bike" cause very few people to take notice.

let me put it into context somewhat. Picture Arnold Schwarzenegger riding a 20” child’s bicycle. Not a pretty picture.

Pretty? What about hilarious? Maybe enviromentally devistating is a better way. to put it link to motocross
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Also, next week Ron Jeremy will open a sex club downtown. Careful examiners of the byline will notice that the Portland Mercury's blog covered this story months ago, but all the big media (Fox, The Oregonian, BikeSmut) seem to be covering it now.

In case you dont know Ron Jeremy may be the most famous porn star of all time. You probably remember him from such roles as:

• Blue Ribbon Butt Fucks 5
• Tales from the Catholic Church of Elvis!
• Sodomania 42: The Juice Is Loose
• Throbin Hood
• Can I Do It 'Till I Need Glasses?

We hear that a bike ride might be heading that way on Friday June 19th. Check your local listings!