Chicks and Bikes, sexy yet lame?!?

In a move unbecoming of a sexy blogger the punks at Chicks and Bikes have lifted more content from BikeSmut.com

We, in an attempt at levity asked to be credited with increasing amounts of disbelief as our fine booty was trotted around the internet for all the world to see.

yet all the pony's men could not get any love.

This breech of trust in internet pornographers should not be troubling. On more than one occasion we have expressed our opinion of the standards pornographers hold themselves to. It could be that this kind of mentality contributes to our stated opinion about how porn sucks, or it could just be a side effect of lazy, annoying people.

It would be cute to think of this content as so cherished, so chaste, that we could become morally outraged at this indignation. In actuality we should expect everything to be stolen and not credited. We should expect ourselves to be irate for 20 min, post some equally annoying content about how its not even a chick in those panties and then wonder about the future of internet bike porn. Could Chicks with Dicks and Bikes be far behind?

http://chicksandbikes.blogspot.com/2009/04/blog-post_2206.html#comments

and

http://chicksandbikes.blogspot.com/2009/05/blog-post_8831.html#comments

Seriously, where's the transvestite bike porn?

Cycle Bound Schedule

That's right, all the chain whips in the world can't beat down your desire for new bike porn content.


In June 2007 a simple program titled, "The Pornography of the Bicycle" shocked and EW'ed many a unsuspecting viewer. The owner claimed it to be the most successful single night in the history of the Clinton Street Theater. Many reported saying they would never again look at a bike saddle the same way.

Then in 2008 a more involved more diverse program with submissions from NYC, Seattle, Columbus and Victoria BC mixed up the formula giving birth to "Bikexploitation," a mix of 70s inspired pulp film and wholesome family friendly cycle erotica.

Now we are in the Summer of 2009, only days away from the world premiere of Bike Porn 3: CYCLE BOUND. Here are the uber exciting details about the screenings:

• Friday June 12th
• Clinton Street Theater
• New in 2009, an early show at 6:45 pm
  
• Old in 2009, prime time show at 8:45 pm (gets out in time for the MMR)
  

Friday nights don't work for you? Try this last screening in June before the tour leaves Portland to demoralize the rest of the world:

• Monday June 22nd
• Clinton Street Theater
• Newish in 2009, a late night show 11pm
• EVEN NEWER BONUS SCREENINGS AT 7 and 9pm! 3 show night!
  

All shows are $6 and include impressive live performances.

Since it is our 3rd program we expect it to be good, possibly even violently good, like "oh my god, i just locked up your crabby-pants step-brother in the anal rape cellar" good. But we don't know yet... because there is still 2 weeks to submit a movie and a lot of humping gets done during these long sultry days and short, hot nights.


So it is up to you to create fine works of sexually charged bicycle art, to capture those images onto a format fit for display and share them with us, your humble media dominatrix.

TWO WEEKS!

SCHNELL!

3 weeks left

If you are not feeling pressure we hope that

• A) you have completed your movie and know what to do with it
• B) you have a great idea for a movie and know how to get it done in time
• C) you will freak out for the next 21 days to get it done on schedule

Please save us the horror of ripping our still beating hearts out of our collective chests from the pain of receiving a great bike porn movie after the deadline passes. Please.

Finish it up, address it, put it in the mail, clean yourself off and put some pants on (or whatever you feel like doing).

where is your gootch?

Ah the Midnight Mystery Ride. A classic monthly outing for the late night drinking then biking then drinking crew.

We set up our cameras and just let the magic happen



So why are some of the most painful experiences also the most pleasureful?

Learn more later this week when we release the dates for our world premiere of Bike Porn 3: CYCLE BOUND

breaking it down...

We at BikeSmut LLC have a strong history of telling each other to stop making excuses and start making sex faces. The "Fuck you, do it better" motto, stolen from Zoobomb, (which perhaps was stolen from Deadletter Ben?) has been in our lexicon since our humble beginnings.

Here is a message sent from our director of public affairs to HQ:

Hey butt head! so whats the deal with the next bike porn tour??

So you wanted me to write you a proposal... since the "fuck bikes" tattoo on my ass isn't good enough....this will have to do.

I feel that I have a lot to offer the bike porn tour because i am totally into bikes, I love riding them, learning to fix them, pretty much anything that involves bikes. I also enjoy porn and sex, so joining the tour will bring my two loves together in perfect or not so perfect balance. I for some reason enjoy it when people laugh when I'm acting silly..So being the center of attention is something I am comfortable with... As I have mentioned before, I am a dancer, so the whole nudity bit comes naturally. Sex sells and I have been earning a living on my titties, for over a year now..and believe me, they are nice.. As far as selling merch, I will be able to move product by being motivated and creative in selling..preferably topless, that always seems to do the trick! I will also come up with ideas of my own to contribute to the group. You told me that you got tired of being to the ringleader and always coming up with all the ideas all the time. I also like to work with people with their ideas to make beautiful things happen. I am motivated and focused when I am faced with challenges. Most of all, i love having fun, and isn't that what its all about? Making money and having fun! let me know what you think, Jhen 503 XXX XXXX

Well there you have it. A perfectly good gauntlet fisting our anus, slapping our face then laid at our feet. Be there when the bikesexuals get it on in Vancouver Brittish Columbia, Friday, May 29th 2009 post Critical Mass.

Moots Boobies photo credit
West End Vancouver photo cred

The 1st of May Brings Bike Flowers

May 1st is a hard day on a lotta people. Where our sex workers at?

This is not just a march, and specifically is not a March, nevertheless when last we check it was still rolling in the street!

It is a day for breathing in the beautiful bicycle flowers and for the bikes that they ride on are very lucky indeed.

It is a day for bike love and tighly wrapped poles.

Lots of people have cause to be in the streets. Who would deny us the right to to work? To organize? To parade?

No one. We think.


Regardless it was sunny but it was not exactly hot out.
Next time if you could touch yourself a little more, please?

Taste Testers Agree: It Needs More Porn

Oh internet, you are so full of humor, sex, intrigue, insight, and disturbing as fuck images.

So many people have been curious about the content of Bike Porn 3: CYCLE BOUND that we felt it prudent to explain how not to make a sexy bike movie:

• make it too long
• make it too confusing (for too long)
• make it with out personality
• make it with people wearing lots of clothes
• make it about the wrong kind of bikes
  
• make it sans sexuality
  

Now there are some movies that are on their way, but they may need some help. For example:
Impressive for sure but what about bears doing track stands?
This fashion show is just a rad bike trick away
If your actors are siting around wondering "what next" than so are we

Moreover the possibilities for traditionally nonsexy things to get us hot and bothered should be explored, not shunned. Bike laws as porn?

How about a sexy traffic "law"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Smeed%27s_law

Can you prove that information is sexy? That the brain is one big soft-gray-matter-hard-on?

kinda like this only with more bikes and less turkey

you have only one month left before the really frigging last min deadline ends your opportunity to SUBMIT... perhaps forever. DONT BE A JERK! instead jerk to the beat, and create fanfuckingtastic works of sexy bike art, today.

* In fairness, we are not explicitly against internal combustion engines, more that we are opposed to what they have done/continue to do. Freedom can come in many forms, and so can prison. We are, however, ready to square off with any mofo who tells us that twisting wrist is sexier than rocking your ride.

More hot canadian action

After successfully dry humping Victoria's seat tube what is there to do but continue on a Canadian adventure from British Columbia's Capitol City to Vancouver!

On Friday, May 29th after Critical Mass
we are collaborating with a friggin Pirate Party (wenches with wrenches) as a fund raiser for Vancouver's World Naked Bike Ride.

Expect it to rain hotness from the sky for weeks to come.


This will likely be they final screening of Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation.

Bike Prom in Victoria

The fun on Vancouver Island is packed tighter than the bearings on a Chris King hub.

Bike Prom is this weekend in Victoria, and our jaunty crew of sexy bikers are about to set sail from our homebase of Portland, Cascadia. Check their website for the formal details.

Events include: alley cat, art show, mystery rides, bike polo turny, prom ride, the Bike Rider's Ball, and finally the "Morning After" a special AM screening of Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation when you least need it. Just to remind you how dirty this glamorous lifestyle is.

Assulting the line

This internal memo was leaked to our Johannesburg branch.

Attn: Chicks and Bikes Interns
We're confident we have flushed the system of illegal identy gender confusion. We would like you to please continue your search for the perfect biker ass. You may continue playing with yourself without fear.

- C&B Management

It's a pretty exciting news day, to be sure.