Come Again, deep in the cornhole of Texas

What a fucking bird!

Okay, we didn't actually put our genitals inside the carcass of a butchered turkey...  that is probably illegal or something (necro-beastiality meats foodporn? Oh you want that? Okay you asked for it)

The time for being thankful has ended. 

The time for greed is upon us!

Time to give yourself the gift of giving yourself a .gif

This weekend is the Texas premiere of Bike Smut 8: Come Again!

Saturday, Dec 6th in Austin
North Door $7 advance price! Get your tickets now while they are cheap!
502 Brushy St
7pm Doors open! Bring in your bicycle and porn mags then get crafty with Queer Ride
9:30 Screening! Performance!
11ish Dancing!
Have you had enough social media disease today? Enjoy our FB event

Thats right you can have it all!

As long as "all" is a pair of hot bikers and "have it" is them rampaging your salty, bloated caucus with their minds and phalluses.

Wait, thats not right. Instead these charming gentlemen will probably buy you a drink then politely ask your permission to submerge you in a bath of salt water with ginger, sugar, habanero, and citrus* for a few days before they consensually split you open, rip out your spine, break your breastbone, stuff garlic and herbs under your skin and leave you trembling under a bed of onion and potatoes in a cozy pot around 350 degrees for a couple hours or something.



Yes it takes a certain special kind of pornographer to turn an abused pile of flesh into ...

Yes, thats some Lumbersexual Daisy Dukes giving you the bird. 

* while this recipe is unbeaten we also cook hella amazing vegan food too, just saying.

What can we say, we fucking present well for the holidays. Plus bourbon, because bourbon.

Go ahead, beg us to visit your family and ComeAgain!

Austin on The Porny Express

Austin is the original "Keep _something_ weird" and sometimes is called the Portland of the South. It has been bucking the trends of conservative Texas for a long time. Now after years of struggle for a slice of the streets we are witnessing the emergence of bikesexuals everywhere! From the ATXHBPC hosting the Lingerace, full of bikini clad people riding all over town to more historically reserved groups' understanding and pleading of support we have seen some big changes in our 6 years of visiting the Capitol of Texas.

Plus we have lots of help!

Queer Ride is a local group advocating for "THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA" in the most adorable way possible. Looking cute on a bike and helping either other be safe and seen! They are hosting the pre-party where you get to cut and paste your own vision of bikesexuality! Bring some bike mags, bring some porn, bring some scissors or borrow ours. Starts at 6pm and gets you into the show for half off the normal price!  FB event: https://www.facebook.com/events/574223955982394/

The Amazing Boobzilla and David the Goliath make up the dynamic duo from the “Oh No!” Variety Show and will dazzle you with her breasts of destruction! Boobzilla was diagnosed with Gigantomastia at 13 years of age. Instead of sheltering herself from society, she embraced her look and the superhuman powers her mutant boobilities give her. This lovely fear freak can crush your skull with her TITS! She has become famous for training to lift over 200 pounds and even breaking concrete bricks...with nothing but her breasts of steel!

Do The Right Thing, Austin! is a crew dedicated to getting you dancing. Following the films they are taking control of your body with your implicit consent! Expect piles of sweat and possibly no pants as you drive yourself into body shaking ecstasy!
This DJ team that spins fancy Italian disco, degenerate top 40 mash-ups, hipster electro, and especially for this occasion filthy booty grinding hip-hop.
sign up on their FB event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/1396214470628149/

All of this plus The Porny Express is made possible by the fine people at The Spider House Ballroom who are drop kicking the bike love for this fly night!

 

We have had a great run of shows in Austin and we expect many more.

Behold The 3rd Lingerace!

Austin is hot. Sure the Sun being the source of live on the planet has something to do with the temperature, but for a moment forget the sun, because the streets are burning with sexy bikers!

Enter the 3rd annual Lingerace, where bikesexuals in Austin, TX race and compete in other exciting bicycle events while wearing lingerie. This fundraiser will help take the Ladies of Austin TX Bike Polo all the way to Vancouver, BC for Ladies Army 5. One of the largest gathering of hard femms on Earth and some mighty fine sport!

The folks at the Austin Texas Bike Polo Social Club are no strangers to Bike Smut. In fact they made a lighthearted smutty little polo video to promote our "4:PLAY" program a few years back.

We are stoked that they are still doing this event in Austin. We first broke the news about the Lingerace back in 2010, and since then they have really expanded their donation base! Tons of sponsors means tons of prizes and lots of emvy for those not in Austin. But you can see how good it was yourself.

props to Fast Folks Cyclery and the Ladies of ATXBPSC

A brief glimpse at how sex-positive, human powered people can enjoy an afternoon. 



All photos courtesy De Mis Ojos Photography

We know how it feels. Thats why we do it

We recently mourned the passing of beloved Sprockette and hard femme, Agent Crush. Thanks for all the support and donations. She would be stoked to know there are more sexy bikers doing it in the streets!

The Southwest Roundup

Yes, we have no blog posts. This communication is as much a form of living history as it is promotional tool so we only feel slightly annoyed withoutselves that we have had multiple shows that didnt get their full due on this blog.

But in memorial

Jan 5 - Amazing show in Austin. Thanks to the folks at Bed Post Confessions and Queer Ride
Jan 8 - Nearly rained out show at Boneshakers in San Antonio. Them bikers are melty.
Jan 11 - A real show in Tucson at The Screening Room w/ Whiskey Breath Burlesque

and tonight
Jan 12 - we do another show in Phoenix at The Trunk Space w/ the Rusty Spoke collective!

All this because our van mostly died 4 times! Fuck cars, we dont need no stinking exaust!

Car free? Care free!

Bikesexual Confessions in Austin, TX

This Saturday Bike Smut returns to U.S. soil. 

AND OH HOW IT IS SOILED!

The filthy bikefuckers of Austin Fucking Texas will get their opportunity to not only witness the worlds most explicit program of erotic bicycle movies (only a few of which can be seen online) but also they will CONFESS!


Thanks to our friends Bed Post Confessions and Austin´s natural tendency to drink we expect a lively set of expressions from the performers and the audience. These are heartfelt expressions of love and loss via, with or otherwise pertaining to, bikes!

But before we get to the movies and performances the upencoming homofab groups The Queer Ride And Team ProHomo are hosting a bike porn collage workshop at the same space along with oter

Come by and get your hands dirty, literally deconstructing bicycle and porno magazines into your own vision!

Bike Smut 6: Turning TriXXX

Saturday, January 5th

29th Street Ballroom at Spiderhouse

2906 Fruth Street

7 pm

$8

Bike Porn Collage Workshop and Photobooth

same place

3pm

$6 - includes FREE entry to screening at 7pm

You are invited to Put yr FACE in our Crack

http://www.facebook.com/events/139073876242455

Austin's Forpaly Ride

A pre-ride to Austin's only screening of Bike Smut will meet at Plaza Saltillo (same spot as the TNSR) at 6p, ride stars at 6:30pm and ends at the film fest a little before 8pm 

UPDATE! SWEET CONCIDENCE, BIKE SMUT IS PUSHED BACK TO 9pm!

ALSO presenting tonight with the story of her first orgasm is the very vocal Sadie Smythe, of the monthly Austin event,  Bedpost Confessions

Bring a lock, lights, basic tire maintenance tools, and some cash for drinks and donation.

Face Booking Action:
Pre-Ride
Screening

29th Street Ballroom

2906 Fruth Street

8pm

$5 suggested donation

with PopNoir SoundSystem  hosting a smutty dance party after.

BikeTaxiBabes - in depth

We just arrived in Austin and immediately were treated to local beer, tortas and our host's copy of the Bike Taxi Babes calendar.

In a word, simple. Possibly the most simple calendar we have ever seen. No flavor text, nothing about the model/pedicab driver/people messenger, no supplementary images in the corner,  no phases of the moon, no special dates of interest in Austin history.

here is what you get:

12 large, quality pictures
365* boxes with numbers
1 page explaining why**

Simple. As. Fuck.

Cant complain much when they do it simple and do it right, but in the name of fair and balanced bikeseuxal journalism we offer these two notes:

There was nothing exciting about the background either (a simple greyish gradient... er grayshient?).  We know first hand how challenging finding a dozen unique locations or backdrops can be, and if not done right... it can make a lot of hard work and good intentions look like a pile of stupid.

The biggest complaint offered by our team (you didn't know, we had an entire TEAM working on this analysis) was the curious makeup technique. Why so much white face? Was it old time antiquing? Flash back to a time when every bike race came with personal flour delivery?

On the whole, an excellent way to keep track of the days. Get your direct from BikeTaxiBabes.com

*there are lots of boxes, many have numbers you know what a calendar looks like
** The creators of the calendar, Dropout Publications a mainstay in Austin bike culture, made this calendar as a fundraiser for Texas Bike Collation

only days left in the race for bikesexual calendars; dont let the booty eclipse your wall!

photo credit to Ghostdad and Anomililly

Awesome in Austin

Bike Smut has visited Austin a couple times before, and we know it is full of tons of sweet sexy bikers. But never before have we seen community come together like this for us in Texas. Battling restrictive Texan laws and tightly booked venues, our Austin team has come surging through with totally 'awetim' (see what I did there?) event planning skills! Including, not one but two locally made posters!

Sunday, December 18th

29th Street Ballroom

2906 Fruth Street

8pm

$5 suggested donation

with PopNoir SoundSystem  hosting a smutty dance party after.

Pre-ride meets at Plaza Saltillo (same spot as the TNSR) at 6p, ride stars at 6:30pm and ends at the film fest a little before 8

Bring a lock, lights, basic tire maintenance tools, and some cash for drinks and donation

Need more face time, have some FaceBooking action:
Pre-Ride
Screening

Introducing Austin's Bike Taxi Babes

UPDATE - calendar release party Tonight at the Scoot inn, 9pm in Austin
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THERE ARE ONLY A FEW WEEKS LEFT IN THE CALENDAR SEASON!

You've seen the sexy girls AND boys from the Bike Saviours of Tempe, AZ bike kitchen -esce nonprofit AND the sexy JUST boys from PedalFresh, a Portland-based right-to-water organization.

Well we objectified girls and boys, then we objectified just boys... thats it right?

RIGHT?!?

Well actually, even in this age of male objectification and liberation of gender altogether we can still take time to appreciate women's bodies. Sometimes even without drooling.

Thus it is now time for the fine-ass-hauling ladies of Austin TX get there chance to own our attention.

We dont know shit about Bike Taxi Babes. We dont know if they are actually employed as, as we call them, "people messengers" or if they are just PYTs posing with bikes. We would like to have the answers, but that would require doing the research. So until we find out (bother to write them an email) lets just cross our fingers and pray we too may get to enjoy the view someday soon.