Suerte en Mexico

Mexican lessons for the sojourning bikesexual, or "What I fucked during winter break"

We are only days away from returning to the United States, or as I like to call it, the Information Empire. It is always quite enlightening being able to travel and share and learn with so many enthused budding bikesexuals.

• Without much doubt, my favorite new slag for orgy is "horchata". I have often enjoyed that fabulous rice drink but with the addition of this double entendre we have been "hacemos horchata" quite often. 

• "Tocar" the verb means "to touch" or "to play" which lends itself to a variety of awesome play on words.

• Last but not least the word for "ariola" or the circle around one's nipples is "halo" which, while a challenge to work into conversation casually, is pretty hilarious when referring to the sweet rings on Mother Mary or St. Guadalupe. 

Between the barrels of Mezcal and a seemingly endless struggle to navigate the semi-socialized health care bureaucracy we learned a lot. Thanks to our hosts, and supporters!

District Federal - Bicitekas, Terrormoto Crew, Central del Puebla,
Guatalajara - GDL, Puc, Bici Polo Tapatio
Puebla - Profética
Oaxaca - Central Cinema

a decade of deca-dance!

Did we say that right? Uh. Yes. Yes we did.



Thank you Zoobomb for giving us the cause to go down every week with so many wonderfully liberated bodies in motion!

 ZBX, our 10-year anniversary concludes with a Birthday cake feast tonight at Col Summers Park. Join us if you can!

Bikini Bike Wash

Bike Smut is proud to announce we are sponsoring an afternoon of cleanliness.

The Bikini Bike Wash is a fundraiser for Portland's 2013 World Naked Bike Ride!

Friday August 17th
Burgerville parking lot
Southeast 12th and Hawthorne
4pm to 8pm
Facial Book

Why does the WNBR cost so much money? Well for the first 5 or so years it was run successfully with almost no money to support it, just a dozen or so volunteers who gave their time to the em-betterment of the city.

But since then our naked members have swollen in size! There are thousands of people who attend each year! All those people will need a location to gather. The permits, the bathroom, the negoations with police and fire... its all an impressive amount of work and it is still all volunteer driven.

We would love to be able to ask the 1000s of naked bikers who show up to each give a dollar or two and then we would be able to cover our costs completly, but if you have never asked someone without clothes for money its a somewhat humorous situation. No clothes means no pockets and no pockets means no where to put any money!

This is your call to help support this fantastic event! If you want to help us by either being a scantily clad washer of bikes, if you have a donation of rags, sponges, cassette cleaning tools and the like please get in touch with us! bikesmut@gmail.com

Awesome in Austin

Bike Smut has visited Austin a couple times before, and we know it is full of tons of sweet sexy bikers. But never before have we seen community come together like this for us in Texas. Battling restrictive Texan laws and tightly booked venues, our Austin team has come surging through with totally 'awetim' (see what I did there?) event planning skills! Including, not one but two locally made posters!

Sunday, December 18th

29th Street Ballroom

2906 Fruth Street

8pm

$5 suggested donation

with PopNoir SoundSystem  hosting a smutty dance party after.

Pre-ride meets at Plaza Saltillo (same spot as the TNSR) at 6p, ride stars at 6:30pm and ends at the film fest a little before 8

Bring a lock, lights, basic tire maintenance tools, and some cash for drinks and donation

Need more face time, have some FaceBooking action:
Pre-Ride
Screening

Pork for Jesus

Happy Easter, bike fuckers. This Sunday celebration of fertile springing could be your opportunity to score some bunny love in the bushes.


Love could be right around the corner. Then again, we could say the same thing about death, so be careful what you stick where.



photo credit to Pagans and Christians whose combined forces make for one hella crazy holiday!

Bring Back That Minneapolis Bike Love

This is why we still are mentally able to make ourselves go on tour. Please enjoy this inspired press release from our Northern friends.


---------------------

BIKE PORN: 4PLAY at Madame
34th & Chi
Monday, March 7th, doors 6:30pm, show 7:00pm
$5-10 slide-it-in scale, $5 with a bike porn fetish outfit/helmet
CASH ONLY!
Facebook your badself

QUICK, GET OFF FROM YOUR BIKE! No, I don't mean stop RIDING, I mean BIKE PORN is COMING to YOU.

That's right, Reverend Phil is back from Portland with your favorite freaky footage:

naked polo!
exercycle ass play!
poon-popping wheelies!
tandem action!
bike bondage!
cog-suckers!
bottom brackets!
top tubes!
rear derailleur? I don't even know 'er!
straight people! having sex!! on bikes!
queers! having sex!! on bikes!
bikes! having sex! with bikes!
EVERYBODY!!
SEX!!! WITH BIKES!!!

Get brand new pair of rubbers, pop those spoke nipples into place, and bring the whole bottle of chain lube, cuz you're gonna need it!

BIKE PORN: 4PLAY!

Sneak peek at Smitten Kitten this Saturday, 2/26 and at

http://bikeporntour.blogspot.com/2010/11/bikeporn-4play-trailer.html

Bike Porn 4PLAY is proudly presented by: BIKE SMUT, Revolting Queers and QBG

How cool is that. We are totally gonna throw down for the QBG, just read their totally awesome/radical/bike punk statement:

Queer Bike Gang (QBG) consists of a bunch of Queers who wanna ride bikes together around the Twin Cities. You're perfect for QBG if: 1)You're a homo/lez/bi/trans/genderqueer/label-free or ally 2)You sort of know how to ride a bike 3)You want to hang out with others like you.

We exist so everyone can learn and have fun in a safe and welcoming environment and as a healthy, alternative venue for Queers to socialize, network, and share ideas. We endorse Queer political activism, sexual health advocacy, and the three R's (reducing, reusing, and reCYCLING, that is!).

purty cool eh?

fleshback to MTL

This fan submitted picture comes from the sexy city of Montreal. Thanks for being so active and exciting!

Internal Experssion 4

Internal Expression

Last week we asked the world, "who wants to be a bike pornillinare?" We got a supprising low ammount of spam, but even more impressive is that we got some amazing interns! (six and counting). Some were stunned, flemmexed even by our alluding to our interns potentially being paid in the occasional hot meal. Luckily we knew that a real committed intern would be hungry.

We have shared many a steamy prose post in the past... well, actually just once. But we are gonna have more soon!

And so, this week we proudly announce the 1st release of the collective juices that we hope will continue to flow from our vast well of bikesexual fluids.


BIKE LOVE IS...

When you wake up next to the sweetest ass homie lover friend and know that getting on your bike is the first thought in your mind, pushing through traffic while others are honking in pissed off vessels you glide in between them with you and your steed. You are free, feeling good, and hauling ass and have trust in yourself and your bike. Cause you can feel the speed between your legs and rain going everywhere, it's wet and you don't give a shit cause it's Portland and it hella rains and people go into boxes for showers at night to pour water on themselves and your accepting the fact that your gonna get wet, so enjoy it. You know its good cause you having a kick ass time and your ride looks good on you, you look good riding. cause you pass other bikers and say hell ya what's up buddies, cause you inspire people on the max, in cars, walking, to get on a bike.

Its bike love because you are apart of a cultural revolution, cause we are self powered, and changing lives for the better. Cause it's your alone time to process and think/spiritual and also a fun social time when you all go out for a ride with your friends. You know it's love when some aspect of the bike world is steady on your mind spinning circles of lubed stems and Allen key dreams. It is love when you film your partner and you fucking and playing with shadows.

You are free to take your ass home anytime, you can rely on yourself. Cause it is a scary world out there and your fucking Bonnie and or Clyde of the bicycle world and we ride on fucked up roads, around cell phone car talkers, drunkies, and we do it anyway. Some outta circumstance, some for the thrill, others for the ride/pride. Love cause it forces people to get in shape, slow down, learn how to totally fix your own transportation, give a shit about the environment,not to buy into the giant auto corporate world, and learn about a long existing culture.

Bike love is defending bikes on roads and taking care of every cyclist, old, young, fixie, commuter...you love and respect them. It is Bike Love cause you recognize and appreciate how cush it is to ride in Portland than most cities. You know it's love at the end of the day you ride your tired ass home and enjoy the sweet silence of the 3 am roads, when you are the fucking Lonestar of Portland travel, you get to see so much more beauty passing by on a bike.

Cause you know your ride is taking you home. You arrive grit teethed, bike tire greased, a little wet. You hang it up or lay it on a wall, give it a look and say 'damn', we made it through another day. You take your clothes off, helmet on, and go back to bed with the sweet ass you let earlier....This is Bike Love.

The words of Megan Denton, photographs coming soon. Stay tuned!*


*BONUS QUESTION: Ok, internerds, while attempting to make a cleaver linked reference to a bicycle repair website we were stopped dead in our tracks. Do we reference the new school which while mild mannered does impart some sage advice while giving a loving bicycle embrace at the end of the video... OR do we link to the old school. Which should we have linked to when we said, "Stay tuned!"? Is it gonna be new media or web "uh... point oh"? Who ya got!?!

Answer this and dont forget to let us know what you think of our 1st Internal Expression

"Westward Ho" Bikexploitation tour

The Westward Ho Bikexploitation Tour encompasses the western United States in October and November. If you are (or know of) fun-loving, sexy bikers in any of these cities we are excited to meat you!

• 10/6 Boise @ The Red Room
  
• 10/7 Pocatello
• 10/9-10 Salt Lake City @
  
• 10/15 Boulder
• 10/16 Ft Collins
• 10/18 Denver at Orange Cat Studios
  
• 10/20 Grand Junction
  
• 10/21 Moab
  
• 10/23-26 Durango
• 10/27 Albuquerque
• 10/29 Houston
  
• 10/31 Austin
• 11/4 Marfa
• 11/5 Bisbee
  
• 11/6-9 Tucson
  
• 11/11-15 Tempe
  
• 11/16 San Diego
• 11/20 Los Angeles
• 11/22 Santa Cruz
• 11/28 San Francisco
• 11/29 Oakland
• 12/1 Davis
• 12/5 Corvallis/Eugene homecoming show
  

All dates are subject to change without warning. Although we think this constitutes a warning, so there.

Bringing bike porn home

The message is loud and clear: the family that creatively expresses themselves together has babies with dangerously oversized genitalia.

Congratulations to C-SAW who made this wonderfully disturbing work of art for our recent bike porn collage off. For his contribution to the cause of safe family cycling this one-a-kind piece will be made available at the next screening.

Thursday, October 2nd
Hollywood Theater
4122 NE Sandy Blvd

Where we will show not just one program of sexy bike action, but two! For the first time ever in Portland both The Pornography of the Bicycle and Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation will play back to back!

Get your tickets now at: http://www.filmaction.org/engaging/
(online ticket sales... another first for Bike Porn Industries.)

Apologies to everyone who was expecting us to come up with a clever way of saying "bike porn has got HollyWOOD". Pictures, submissions and other "good" ideas are welcome at bikesmut@gmail.com

BikePorn2: call for enteries

April 15th, the "softpack" deadline for Bikexploitation is upon us!

Maybe you are a sexy biker, or know of a sexy biker that you would like to exploit. Consider creating a short video on the theme, "bikexploitation".

This is the call for entries, please note: not all bike porn is taking seats up rectums!

Not that we are opposed to people literally interpreting the term, "entries" but you should know that Bike porn can manifest in many forms. Consider the decisive nature of steering, or the delicate way your pom poms float in the breeze, how brutally you dominate those pedals, driving each of them further and further. There are a multitude of manners by which to derive ones sexual gratification from a bike but have you considered how many ways to deliver such gratification to your bicycle?

Sexual liberation is a right. Claim it proudly. Stand tall with us as we say, "FUCK BIKES!"

Please don't let your feelings (or orifices) get hurt, contact us if you are making something and we will try to reserve your time slot; and please be safe.

Orgasmic NYC Critical Mass

If you are riding a bike can get off anytime you like. It is part of the freedom inherent in cycling that makes such individualism possible. You jump in and jump out at your discretion.

But what about riding in groups? What about giving up some of your individualism to the will of a larger organism? Is that fun? Is that sexy?


May the Bicycle Jesus bless your ride massers of New York. For all the suffering you have endured there is still a lot of fun to come. The Bike Porn Eastern Swing is showing The Pornography of the Bicycle at a sweet venue in midtown!

3/22/08

@ 7:00 9:00 & 11:00pm

Chashama
217 East 42nd St New York City, NY 10017
www.chashama.org

With 75 seats this is a very intimate venue so we are doing a record breaking three screenings, Saturday, March 22nd @ 7, 9, and 11pm.

Admission is only $6 so expect a packed house.

This screening is being partially sponsored by Babeland, who totally are into bikes and sex.

Yoni BikeXploitation

You know how they say 'you hurt the ones you love'? It works the same with bikes. I don't all think bikers are *necessarily* masochists, although what do you call people who push their bodies for 18 hours at a time for fun?

This video is not about strenuous exercise, but it is about putting ourselves in an uncomfortable position and receiving an unexpected benefit.





Every week we are gonna have some more hot content of people speaking to their own personal experience with bicycle sexuality. Next week, DoucheMaster0 has his first bicycle euphoria in a New Your City Critical Mass

Thanks to Crank My Chain for technical assistance, and all the horny bikers on the Midnight Mystery Ride

sobrity, as a metaphor for "suck"

Since the end of the tour I have stopped drinking, which has let me come to understand a little something about myself. I really miss alcohol! I use it for all sorts of things: drinking, partying with, talking about, putting into flasks, pouring down throats, lubricating the screws, tying one on, and possibly most importantly providing for my kruktankerous family, the Lushes of the Pacific Northwest.

Why would a person surrounded by booze, whom takes time to regularly speak of its natural benefits, ever stop? Perspective. By stepping back from the edge we are given temporary clairvoyance of the big (and not quite as fuzzy) picture. Plus it gives me reason to experiment with other intoxicants. Moreover when I do start drinking again, look out, cause my tolerance will have slipped back to the human level. Meaning I can go to a bar and easily get trashed. No more sneaking a beer bong into the bathroom, no more trips to the corner market between games of fooseball, no more drinking before I go out drinking. Well, some habits are hard to break, so I'll probably still be a cheap ass.

This is especially important because I am about to embark on another almost annual ritual of mine: joining Seattle's Dead Babies in their first Friday club ride. Tragedy has befallen my northern friends since I have last enjoyed their company. Kevin Carter, Devlin Williams, and Phillip Hollins, Three bikers who all did time delivering for Fleetfoot are expected to have died in an avalanche this winter. I'll not take a sip until i can do so with my friends and express my regret.

To those we can no longer drink with.


I wish I could kidnap them all and sneak them accross the border to Vancouver BC where the bike kids are hosting a Bikes Inside party! That's right this Saturday, Feb 2nd bring your bike and ride around, indoors! It's kinda like being outside, only not as cold, dark,wet, or depressing. That is what we have Mini Bike Winter for. To crush spirits like empty cans under your heel, Seattle style.

Man I need a drink.

Countdown to Calipornification

I have abandoned my Portland bike mecca to take up arms (and legs) in the heart of car culture. Los Angeles! A fierce combination of cyclists are assisting me with the Bike Calipornification Tour.

We are hitting all the biggest, baddest, cycle-horniest places south of Portland on this tour: LA, SF, and CG*

One of the most exciting part for me is getting to meet some of the people who submitted videos. Both Paul de Carcass of the SFVISBF and Colin Arlen of Macaframa who co produced the San Francisco Track Bike video will get to see the entire program for the first time.

We are very thankful for our supporters who remind us that our bodies and our bikes need lots of love.

A variety of sponsors is helping to make this evening even more special... that is to say there is some cool stuff you might get just for showing up:

• A display of too sexy bicycles, Merry Saddles is strutting its stuff.
  
• One of the longest running, women operated sex stores in the country Good Vibrations is helping us shake it up in San Francisco.
  
• Ashira of Red Riding Hood Productions has some hats.
  
• Liz and Shay of C.I.C.L.E. are providing tshirts
  
• Babeland has recently opened a new store in LA and is pulling out all the stops!
  

UPDATE: OH CRAP! I ALMOST FORGOT

• Orange 20 bikes will support the cause with some of their fine wares
• Jen Diamond has stepped up to provide one of her handmade Jerseys

screenings in Santa Cruz? Dubious. In Davis, CA? Likely! Bike Porn Radio interview New Years Day @ 5:15 PM with Pastor Ted.

*CG... as in Cottage Grove, Oregon. Duh.

more than just videos

Bike Porn has appeared in many flavors. At the Vine Theater in Los Angeles we are presenting one of my favorite. The wildly popular live action reenactment of the 2006 World Naked Bike Ride. Amanda Truscott will be there recreating her drugged out violent driving binge, we are still casting for the part of "naked victim of drunk-ass road roage." Also included are the naked "bikers" who continuously provide the backdrop for the mayhem.


Even more exciting is that Merry Saddles has agreed to display some of their fine wares. These ornate yet functional pieces may be available for sale to a loving home.

I would steal all her artwork for posting here but really you owe it to yourself to see it live @ the Vine Theater in Hollywood on December 28th.


doors open @ 8:30,
show starts @ 9pm

last time I was in LA I broke a vacuum. Things will probably not be any less crazy this time

Enjoy Calipornication

It appears that once again, this holiday season Shawn and I will find ourselves traversing the majesty that is California. Of course, this time we wont be showing Bike Love2: Outta PDX.

The dates are a little fuzzy still, but I believe that we will drive (eep!) straight down to LA, then take our time coming back to Portland screening it along the way... kinda like stopping to hump the flowers.

You could help bring Bike Porn to your home! Contact me and tell me you are a dirty Californian (or Southern Oregon) biker in need of release.

meanwhile enjoy some almost not quite porn that is not at all bike related but is on theme, kinda.