Alas, Poor Queer Porn Tube, We Knew Them Well

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FUCKING WEBSITE?"

We sometimes get fan mail, we would like to think that our bike-fucking fans are more prone to use proper syntax and grammar than other online hecklers but its hard to tell. No matter its time to do something about all this bikeporn suffering going around.

Earlier this year our amazing friend, Courtney Trouble issued this statement:

This morning I had to shut down QueerPornTube.Com because, for the eleventh-thousandth time, it crashed it’s own server. The bandwidth is just too high, especially since I added mobile capabilities. It really sucks to have to put one of my most popular sites on hold, but it’s broken, and I’m busy.
I feel like most porn should be paid for. It costs money to make, performers need to make a living, producers need to survive, new projects can’t be funded on critical acclaim alone.
However, a lot of porn that’s made in the queer community isn’t made for profit, it’s made for the art of it or a solid political message. Sometimes it’s just being made so the person who made it can be seen. I would say that the most important work that’s been made in the realm of queer porn wasn’t made for money, isn’t commercial, and should be accessable to those who desperately need positive imagery of queer lifestyles. Queer porn educated and inspires and sets trends in a world that discourages fluidity, sexuality, and the transfer of health and sexuality information.
This tube site is super important to me because I want people to see the kind of porn that queer people make. It’s crucial that our art and opinions are part of the larger conversation. And it’s crucial that it can be found for free.
QueerPornTube.Com needs a dedicated server, and a dedicated person to monitor and manage it. I am able to do this myself, but it’s always been a labor of love and something that I pay for out of pocket, because I need to to exist and I want it to exist.
So, hopefully I’ll be able to make it work again soon and I’ll bring it back up. It might be a week, it might be a month, it might be a year.
I apologize to those film makers out there using the service to hold their content – it WILL exist when the site goes back up. We may all need to go check out embedded video outputs as the HTML may change when the site gets properly upgraded. I’ll maintain my updates here in this post.
Thank you for your understanding, and God Save Queer Porn Tube! Eventually.
xoxo
Courtney Trouble

Maybe some of you have seen how several of our favorite films are no longer visible online. Its a terrible thing because we have come to depend on Queer Porn Tube to help us share our rather radical message of human-powered transportation and sex-positive culture.  Now we are stuck hoping we can sneak videos onto some other server or deal with the kinda obnoxious advertisements of other, less ethical porno servers.

We will struggle on as best as we can.

Australian Premiere!

Did you know Bike Smut is a global phenomenon?

Damn right we are. In fact we are going all the way Down Under!

Thanks to our new friends in Australia the sun never sets on our beautiful bicycle booty. With a sexy bike wash, free vegan food,  DIY sex toy demonstrations, bike maintenance workshops, bikesexual spoken word performances and a screening of our most graphic program ever it is gonna be one night night! If you are in the southeastern quarter-sphere we insist you check out Bike Smut 6: Turning Trixxx in Sydney!

The Austrailian Premiere of Bike Smut

Sunday, October 13th

The Red Rattler Theatre

6 Faversham St, Marrickville,  

Entry: $15/$20

FB event page

Full BIKESEXUAL schedule now up. Check out all the rad shit that's happening! 

4.30pm: Doors open

4.30-8.30pm: BIKESEXUAL PHOTO EXHIBITION: Take a peek! Submit pics of you and your sexy two-wheeled companion to: pervfilmfestival@yahoo.com.au. Photos can be as racy or as tame as you like. Photos due Friday 11th October.

4.45pm - 5.45pm: SEXY BIKE WASH open. Treat your pedal-powered conveyance to a sexy rubdown from one of our bike wash hotties.

5 -5.15pm: MISS YASMIN will demonstrate some of the basics of making your own sexy implements from bits and bobs and bike parts. You will then be able to pop into the kinky craft room upstairs and make something for yourself with the assistance of Miss Yasmin and her helpers (all equipment and necessary tools supplied).

5.15-6.30pm: MISS YASMIN'S KINKY CRAFT ROOM open

5.45-6pm: HOW TO LOVE YOUR BIKE 101: Griffen will demonstrate the basics of bike care and maintenance. TLC baby!

6.30-6.45pm: HOLLY ZWALF will be performing some smutty bicycle related spoken word.

6.45-7pm: Vegan supper will be served (included in price of admission)

7-8.20pm: SHORT FILM PROGRAM: Bike Smut 6 - A selection of bicycle themed short films to make you as hot and bothered as a long ride in the blistering sun. Bike Smut is a US-based touring film festival of radical pleasure. This is a collection of films made by cyclist, queers and/or perverts to promote human-powered transportation and sex-positive culture. The program boasts films from 7 different European cities and films from two Feminist Porn Award winning pornographers including Courtney Trouble's delightful 'Ride and Kiss'. 

Bike Smut has NEVER BEFORE SCREENED IN AUSTRALIA!

Tapping Colorado

We are so excited to be packing the porn down Denver's throat! We will have 4 thrilling shows in just 6 days!

Thursday, September 5th
Phoenix Asylum 
2510 47th St, Unit D (in the alley between the green buildings)
7pm ~ freak bike circus - ride 'em if you got em!
8:30 ~ Film 
10:00 ~ Afterparty
$8 door
BYOB encouraged

Friday, September 6th
Conari Arts
942 Kalamath
7:00 ~ games, crafts, & art
8:30 ~ Film
$5-8 donation, no one turned away for lack of funds

Saturday, September 7th
Mutiny Information Cafe
2 South Broadway
6:30 ~ Potluck and games at Veggie Chop, 614 Lipan St. 
7:30 ~ Group bike ride from there to Mutiny 
9:00 ~ Film
$5-8 donation, no one turned away for lack of funds

Tuesday, September 10th
Lyric Cinema Cafe
300 E Mountain Ave.
9:20pm
$10

All shows are adults only (18+)

Share your vision of The Porny Express!

Bike Smut's Call for Submissions posters are going up all over!

We have had word they have made it from Florida to Alaska and more are on their way to Montreal, Gdańsk, Vienna, Milan, Copenhagen, and all over the UK!

Behold the view from Bristol's 3-D Pornoscope

Santa Cruz wall has hobo raccoons in a BikeSmut sandwich

Delivering the Alaskan Bikesexual Package

More from the Alaska desk which was recently cleared of snow to make room for our hot package.

bike dick enabled

Yes Bike Smut has designs on going to Alaska. While there we may lay some fat pipe and dig up some fossils

 

London Gets Smut

Behold the grime from New Orleans

some packages remain uncut

presenting the phallic fruit of Puebla, Mexico

We will keep this page updated with the finest images as they come in. If you see one feel free to take a pic and share it with us. Bonus points for bikesexual creativity.

WHACK!ng it with Bikes!

Presenting the greatest WHACK! since kitty abuse

WHACK! presents Bike Smut
a casually radical interview by Lynsey G

Below is a little taste:

Lynsey G: ... You do hear about women having orgasms on exercise bikes, so I can see there being an actual sexual aspect to the bike itself for some people.

Poppy Cox: Oh yeah. It makes you feel really good. It gets your blood pumping. There’s definitely more than one video or story of girls getting off on bikes, which is pretty awesome. Actually one of our favorite movies, which was made in Brooklyn, is sort of a freak bike that was built… it’s a stationary bike, but it has a big complex bicycle wheel system to make a moving dildo that fucks the person at the other end.

Lynsey G! [laughing] I think I saw that, actually, at the Museum of Sex!

PC: Yeah, it’s definitely on the internet. It’s one of our few films that’s actually on the internet. They call it ‘Fuck Bike #001.’ It’s all in black and white.

The conversation covers topics of distribution and obscenity and prior restraint and goes over some of our more difficult moments bringing better porn to the people.

Later on we found that this sticker we got from Courtney Trouble was actually from Lynsey G. Whoa! Small fucking world.

There’s a tremendous amount of insecurity associated with how we get around. Being able to have more open and honest conversations about our desires will help prevent the bad sexy time and make the good times better and more often!

Media Monday: Annie fucking Sprinkle

Stand back for mind-explodingly good news.

The goddess of better porn, Annie Sprinkle is bringing her lush sex garden to Cascadia.

If you were not paying attention to the advancement in good porn over the past few decades you might not know of her fabulous sexploits. Her Public Cervix Announcement helped people understand one of the most mysterious places on Earth.

Cunt-leidoscope

The short resume reads like this: Annie Sprinkle was working in the box office at a theater that was busted for playing Deep Throat; she met the director; sold her body for sex, porn and performance art; wrote some books including "Post-porn modernist: my 25 years as a multimedia whore", she got a PhD in sex and has sense traveled the world sharing art and lecturing on human sexuality.

But being an independent, self-made woman of the world she was not content to just rest on her haunches. What good would it be to live comfortably in a fortress of pleasure if the rest of the planet is burning with unquenched desire? Thus, Annie Sprinkle made it a point to carry on with the sexual healing of the world by fucking the world over; she has just completed a 7 year series of art weddings to the Earth.

People think of the earth as ‘Mother Earth’. But today Earth is so battered, abused, blown-up, exploited, ripped apart and polluted, that she can’t handle the burden of being a ‘Mother’ anymore. It would be better to think of the Earth as a ‘Lover’ because we take care of our lovers instead of expecting them to take care of us.

You can imagine how excited we were to hear that the sex-positive feminist legend was coming to Portland and wanting to partner up with some environmentally forward perverts! That's us! Sweet!

So it is our esteemed privilege to announce Annie Sprinkle is coming in Portland!

Tuesday April 10th
Hollywood Theater - 7:30 - $12
My Life & Work as a Feminist Porn Activist, Radical Sex Educator and Ecosexual, a show and tell lecture covering 40 years of experience in sexual education

In addition to the glory that is Dr Sprinkle attendees will be able to learn about some of the local resources for "Do it better" adult living, including:

The Lotus Heart Center, an an actual building in Portland (so much sex positive stuff is internet only) that offers classes and rentals for events.

Sex Love & Spirit is a meta group of some of the various sex positive groups in Portland. Pretty handy if you are wanting to find a deeper connection without pedals, saddles and grips. They are hosting

As You Like It, a body/environmental/gender-less positive sex store catering to the ethical demands of the most discerning vegan, tree-hugging tranny. Join their founder, Kim on a walking Ecosexual hike down the Clackamas River with Annie Sprinkle which sounds pretty beautiful.

A bike-sexual review of Courtney Trouble's 'Live Sex Show'

In case you porn-positive bike-sexuals out there haven't heard yet, one of our favorite pornistas has just released her latest movie, "Live Sex Show.’’ We were just giddy with excitement when we received an email from Ms Trouble inviting us to review it. We thought the concept sounded really interesting and particularly related to what we try to do with our project, bringing sex out of the closet and in to the open for discussion and expression in an attempt to untangle ourselves from all this shame we are wrapped up in.

We landed in Austin with a few days to spare before our show at the 29th Street Ballroom.  Our wonderful host, writer of sex blog F*bomb and founder of Austin's Smut City (a monthly screening of awesome and obscure porn) was also really excited to see what Ms Trouble was up to. So after a delicious dinner from his favorite taqueria, we all got comfy and put it on.

'Live Sex show' is exactly what it sounds like, a series of scenes of different people having sex in front of a live audience. This alone opens up a plethora of issues and questions within film, sex and pornography. Here at Bike Smut one of our main goals is to assemble an audience to watch different interpretations of obscenity to allow them to make their own decision about what is obscene and what isn't.   By showing a group of people watching different interpretations of sex and sexuality, Trouble has encouraged these same ideals. The movie audience sees and identifies with the live audience and is encouraged to share these ideas within their own community.   This, in turn, will help to redefine sexuality and obscenity within our community and society as a whole.

The execution of the concept was well handled and felt very personal, it did not however feel like it was from the audiences point of view. So I feel in part like we were not only meant to be watching the actors but also the audience (even though we never really see them) As the movie goer you do not feel just part of the audience. You feel as though you are watching the action and watching the audience watching the action. Sometimes the performers actions speak directly to the cinema audience, putting the live audience in the place of the voyeur, where as other times the performers interact more with the live audience, leaving the movie goer to feel like the voyeur.

For example, the first scene shows a girl pleasuring herself, and while we are aware of the audience watching her, she is playing specifically to the camera. She is seemingly unaware of the audience watching, personally taunting and teasing us with her performance. It is not until her climax when the applaud from the live audience draws her attention to them with a smile and a bow.

This feeling carries on for the next few scenes, and one thing I start to notice is how, unlike in so much pornography, this film is shot with an active female gaze, both in the cinematography and in performance. Because within our patriarchal structure, women are too often the bearer of meaning rather than the creator of it, art is told from a male perspective rather than a female one. We are caught quietly watching male fantasies being played out over a woman's image. However in this, the camera feels like and active participant, rather than the usual passive watcher.  The female stars command the gaze from the audience, even when they are in roles of submission. Both scenes with cis male actors seem to use the them almost as props on which to express their desire.

As the film moves on we get to the scene with Tina Horn and Roger Wood. Like before, despite Horn being in a place of submission, I still get the feeling that she is commanding the scene through her desires. She seems expectant, prepared and loving every second. After some great spanking and power play, we come to a beautiful moment when Wood tries to take Horn's boots off and she whispers "You're supposed to leave them on" and Wood then turns to the audience, explaining "She wants to leave her boots on"

That moment totally turns the scene ins out, without ruining the moment. The first thing that shocks me is how damn sexy I think this is.  The couple becomes transparent, and it portrays a deep level of comfort and trust with each other. It is also proof of how much Horn is commanding her own desires through the scene, where she is seemingly in a submissive place. It also shows how she is willing to break from the scene in order to get exactly what she wants.  This moment also directly acknowledges the audience for the first time, and the movie-goer finally gets a taster of being to secret onlooker.

The scene progresses with a few giggles that make their way into some impressively passionate fucking and wonderful screams of pleasure from Horn. Once they are done with the discussed scene and finish with fantastic kiss, Horn tumbles over and Wood suggests that they could just keep going 'until they kick us out'. 

Horn then inquires about how much time they can have, and after an ok from an outside voice, asks Wood, "Do you wanna keep fucking me?" Wood rolls her over with a 'yes' and giggles of approval come from the audience. I thought this whole interaction was beautiful, sexy and filled me with so much joy! And to top it off, the sex they have them is even harder, hotter and wonderfully candid.

Next is Jiz Lee and Nina Hartley. Both wonderful performers who are both playing directly to the live audience. The scene has a simple narrative in which they take turns fisting. The whole thing feels fun and relaxed with loads of communication between them, which I love to see and really turns me on. I loved the bit when Jiz Lee lays down her ground rules before they start, and they discuss all the discussions they had with each other prior to getting on stage through email, etc. The live audience is feeling super relaxed by then, making the at home audience almost feel like they are there in the room. It was a wonderful way to show how much fun communication and consent can be, as well as showing how important it is to sexuality, and especially pertaining to the act of fisting. 

The film ends with the cast grabbing Trouble for an 'all hands on deck' effort to get her off.  With lots of laughing and fun being had by all, the film ends on a relaxed note of satisfaction. Our at home audience is feeling pretty great by then too.  We happily sit and discuss our thoughts on the film, especially commenting on how sexy we found the communication towards the end. Now while not everyone will be comfortable watching this with their friends or even their lovers. I do hope that the concept can help ease people into the idea of sharing pornography and sex in their community, even if it is just by talking about it more. We all have to remember that way before film, home video cameras or the Internet, humans used to watch each other have sex, live. ‘Pornography’ of all sorts has been seen and shared throughout our species since long before we found a way to define it. I do hope that more pornographers will attempt to touch on this issue of sharing in an effort to redefine the genre.

Colorama me badd!

After an extended 4 day vacation due to vast northern UK lameness (centered in Liverpool) our team of bikesexuals figured they would be able to plow through the rest of the UK without any trouble. But after our 2nd all night dance party in as many days and facing two more in the next two days we know that it will be a good challenge to keep our cadence. Maybe we can just get some kind Southern Faeries to provide encouragement. Spurring us on with some handmade bike whips perhaps?

TONIGHT!
Colorama Cinema
52-56 Lancaster Street
London SE1
Thursday September 1st
8pm Alley Rat race then movies afterward, then on to our final UK show in Brighton tomorrow!


Tick tock we don't stop!

fans pimping 4 PLAY

Hey there bikesexual fans. we asked friends to make a quick video for our new program, Bike Porn 4:PLAY and you you delivered!

We will start delivering these videos every week while we are on our upcoming Northern Exposure tour!

stand by for more awesome

Auto Ass Fixy Nation

The time will come when all this "promotion of an independently created film festival trying to encourage cycling and make bikers more aware of issues and ideas regarding sex" will turn into just a lot of ranting about shit that is only barely related.

Today we take another step in that unavoidable direction.

We are frequently are told to inform the public about ideas regarding other forms of transportation.

Regardless, we are not all the interested in Car Porn. It's not that we are opposed to getting dirty with machines, but we like the grease more than the soot. Moreover, car's are possibly the MOST common, MOST inhuman thing out there. They do not play well with others and it seems the majority has just accepted that collisions will kill 46,000 people in the United States every year.

Sure, we had our share of wild automotive flings back in the day, but that was a college thing.

Of course, given the nature of the internets PLUS some not-horribly-impressive DIY creativity someone was bound to help those poor car fuckers who could not help themselves:

The best way to have sex with a car, however, is not raw. You need the following equipment:

1 Dekhyr Dragon Industries (Teledildonics Division) Sexual Interface Unit.

If you don't have one, you can get one through me (Dekhyr,
[redacted]) or you can attempt to build one yourself. The SIU is essentially a tube made of foam rubber, rolled such that the inner diameter is slightly smaller than the diameter of your erect penis. When lubricated, it acts as a sexual interface to whatever you attach it to. In this case, it is inserted into the tailpipe of the car you want to have sex with.

To build one, you will need black electrical tape, a 'Koozie',
a can of soda, and a hefty pair of scissors. A 'Koozie' is a foam rubber dingumbob in which you put a soda. It keeps the soda cold and your hand warm. Being a 'give-away' item, you usually can't find it anywhere. I've had reports of finding them in liquor stores. I've actually found a good deal of them at a local discount-type store.

Read more here

Its not our place to judge one kink over another. As they say: different strokes. We have seen gay cars, consensual bicycles on motor cycles, and most every kind of car "topped" by a variety of butch mountain bikes. But everyone has a breaking point. An idea that takes us from, "well that's ok, if you are into that kind of thing" to "someone call Department of Stopping Fucked-up Shit!"

We feel the need to draw the line on violent forced motorized fellatio upon other, more vulnerable forms of transportation.

No.

This. Must. Stop.

Now.

We've told you damn beasts for years. Consent is sexy. When will you learn!?!?


Just to prove we haven't gone totally prude on you we should disclose that we have been flirting with the idea of mass transit porn, but bridge porn seem so much more... mature.



Well maybe a bunch of bikers crossing the bridge is not sexy as sticking your dick inside a tailpipe, but then again maybe we should let the succinct Andy Singer describe why we think bikes are almost alway more sexy than cars.

We say enough Auto-asphyxiation!

There is enough car porn out there, and we only have two weeks until the Backlash Tour heads South!

Lets get back to the promoting the positive, to pimping the good, to sharing the tightest biker shorts ever! Yes it is time to pump our asses all over town.

Internal Expression #2

Thats right, HIGH MUTHA FUCKIN REZOLUTION, BITCHES!

Oh, how big did you want that stem? Click on it and see if it is the right fit for you.

Thanks to Megan Denton

3 cheers for the Red Room

++UPDATE++
The fine people at Joyride Cycles are into the porn AND want to go on a late night ride to a location for some night bike polo and other revelry. Be at the Red Room after the show.


++DOUBLE UPDATE++
the people who took down our image of the disk brake are possibly confused as we feel we have consent.

++TRIPLE UPDATE++
ok fine, the people who took down our image now realize that MOST people are not offended by bike parts.
-----------------

Today the Chain Whip Tour begins, and four happy-go-fucky bikers commit to traveling thousands of miles by car to spread the a message of cycling and sex.

Driving is hard on us, so please if you see us, offer us bourbon or a cookie.

First stop is Boise, Idaho

Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
Wednesday October 14th
Red Room
601 W. Main St.
9pm

Denver DIY Bike Porn Festival

Tonight at Orange Cat Studios we'll see what the sexy bikers are made of!

The screening itself will be:
Saturday, October 18th
show starts at 8:00, will probably go 'til about 12:30
Orange Cat Studios
2625 Larimer St., Denver
18+, $6 (<- $6 for about 4 ½ hours of titilating entertainment is a hot wet deal!)

Here's a breakdown of all events associated with the screening:
* 5:30 – 7:45pm – "Desecration Ninja!" Alleycat/Scavenger Hunt
* 8:00pm – Bike Porn 1: The Pornography of the Bicycle; preceded by Bike Burlesque performances
* 10:00pm – Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation; preceded by screening of all entries for DIY Bike Porn Contest
* ~12:30pm – Freak Ride! --- thanks Boulder! check http://www.burnworks.org/ for pictures soon!

Denver-Only DIY Bike Porn Micro Fest

This coming week will be a 1st for us at Bike Porn Industries. Local organizers of the upcoming screening in Denver have thrown down the well lubricated porn gauntlet to its own community. Watch some porn, but dammit you can MAKE YOUR OWN PORN TOO!

Here is the call for entries:

Call for submissions! DIY Bike Porn contest! BIKE PORN ZINE!

Ever wanted to be a pornstar, but couldn't tear yourself away from your beloved bike long enough to film anything?

Next Saturday, not only do you get to come to a fabulous screening of not one, but TWO films about bike porn (both collections of shorts by various artists exploring the theme of bike porn), BUT ALSO, you (and your bike!) get the chance to be a star!

Bring us your DVDs containing a 6-minute-or-less homemade (i.e. original!) clip of whatever you think is bike porn. This can be anything from creative videos of sexy bikes in motion, all the way to…well, your imagination is as good as mine. Pretty much anything goes, just be creative and sexy, however you define that… and obviously within reason (i.e. probably not a good idea to have a video of yourself or a buddy doing anything too illegal!) Try to get it in .avi format or anything else that will play in either Windows Media Player or QuickTime.

Clips will be screened before and after the screening of the second Bike Porn film, and we will come up with some way of determining who among the contestants deserves a fabulous prize! DVDs will be returned to contestants, and copies will *not* be permanently kept by anyone associated with the organization of the Bike Porn screening (unless you want them to be!)

Bring your best efforts to:
Bike Porn screening
Saturday, October 18th
show starts at 8, try to show up a little earlier if you're bringing stuff
Orange Cat Studios
2625 Larimer St., Denver
Show is open to anyone 18+, even if you're not bringing submissions for the BYO Bike Porn contest.

P.S. These don't have to be super-duper polished or video-edited or any of that stuff. Remember, it's supposed to be DIY! You can go to bikesmut.com for ideas and inspiration. Any kind of bikes and (consenting adult) humans, toys, puppets, animation, stop-motion animation, or whatever you kids are into, are par for the course. Heck, we'll even take some stills or slideshows if that's what you've got.

Have fun!

But wait a minute, you may be saying – I love the idea of creating my own Bike Porn and sharing it with my community, but I don't do video! In fact, I don't even own a camera! I draw, write, and paint! How can I get in on this marvelous opportunity to celebrate the sexiness of bikes as a community? Don't worry - we're putting together a companion zine for the show! Send us your photos, essays, essay-snapshots, drawings, flash, cartoons, xeroxable collages, poems, diagrams,
stories, instructions for DIY sex-toys-made-out-of-bicycle-parts, etc. Photographs can either be "screened" or incorporated into the zine, or both, you decide. We need them by Thursday at 11:00pm. Yeah, I know that's a really short notice for a zine submission… but that's all the
time we got to work with unfortunately. Do your best. I'm sure you've already got some random pictures lying around of some night when you and your girlfriend and your bike got shitfaced and went crazy. No? What's wrong with you then?

ALSO – if anyone (especially if you already know what the hell you're doing when it comes to zines) wants to volunteer to coordinate this little zine project, or even just offer some assistance, PLEASE step up! (I mean come on, if you already do zines anyway, how can you NOT want to get in on something like this? Bike Porn, man!)

Questions, suggestions, zine submissions, offers of help, etc.: talk to Owen at WNBRdenver@gmail.com (FYI, this event and any associated activities are in no way associated with the Denver World Naked Bike Ride; I just don't have time to go create another email address…)

Inspiring. As stated before, this has never been done at a screening to date. We hope it starts a democratizing trend that sexually liberates bike fuckers the world around.