February 25, 2008

Yoni BikeXploitation

You know how they say 'you hurt the ones you love'? It works the same with bikes. I don't all think bikers are *necessarily* masochists, although what do you call people who push their bodies for 18 hours at a time for fun?

This video is not about strenuous exercise, but it is about putting ourselves in an uncomfortable position and receiving an unexpected benefit.

Every week we are gonna have some more hot content of people speaking to their own personal experience with bicycle sexuality. Next week, DoucheMaster0 has his first bicycle euphoria in a New Your City Critical Mass

Thanks to Crank My Chain for technical assistance, and all the horny bikers on the Midnight Mystery Ride

February 21, 2008

Cranking the Music Box (so to speak)

Chicago is a big bike town. For years many of us in Portland have spoken to each other about it how our bike scenes compare. Sometimes brashly, sometimes in hushed tones. For 3 years now we have been comparing stats for the World Naked Bike Ride. In Portland's 1st WNBR I counted over 500 riders. The next day I heard the Chicago ride that year had 600. Looking at their pictures they had a lot of people, although very few of them seemed naked.

This is how we keep up with the Jones' on a big cultural scale. Portland has a lot of pride when it comes to riding naked, and clearly Chicago is no different. It is with great pride then that I am able to announce the date time and location of the only screening of The Pornography of the Bicycle in Chicago.

  • Friday, March 14th
  • @ 11:55pm (a midnight screening)
  • The Music Box Theatre
  • 3733 N. Southport Ave. | Chicago, IL 60613
The Music Box is one of those classic venues that you sometimes hear about even though you have never visited the city before. It is a gem, and we are going to make it real pretty like.

The theater has more than 700 seats and we intend to have it packed with sexy bikers.

Moreover we already have plans for an underwear ride and fashion show in conjunction with the short movies program.

We have a team of volunteers that have stepped up to make lots of great things happen. If you are interested in being part of the fashion show please let us know!
Imagine strutting your stuff here!

While in Chicago I get to visit my favorite nonprofit, Free Geek. It started in Portland near the beginning of the 3rd Millennium. Now the ideas have taken root in many cities across North America.

What is go great about Free Geek? Just that they give technology to people, FOR FREE. And they teach people stuff about computers, FOR FREE. And they support software and ideas that ARE FREE.

From Chicago we will head to Columbus, Ohio for another screening and another visit of a Free Geek. Free Geek Columbus! It is just a happy coincidence, there is not a Free Geek in every city we are playing movies in... yet.

Someday I will tell you all about the not-so-obvious connection between Open Source software and bicycles.


February 13, 2008


Citizens of Bike Pornia, behold and submit to your new theme of human powered erotica:

Those interested in submitting a movie for our 2008 program must:
  • send an email to bikesmut@gmail.com
  • use mini-DV tape or better
  • shoot in 9x16 aspect ratio
  • make it 7 minuets or less
  • know copyright-free music is better
  • submit by April 15th, 2008

Here is a steamy, yet safe for work promo!

The same video on YouTube

Thanks to Crank My Chain! CycleTV, and the consulting adults of the anniversary Midnight Mystery Ride

Richmond, Virgina: packed full of humpy goodness

RVA here I come!

We have a team

We have a theater

We have a plan

Please, someone give us a car for 3 weeks to promote bikes. It makes perfect sense and it will be cheaper and more fuel efficient than buying us a bunch of plane tickets.

February 6, 2008

what do you let inside?

We giveth and we taketh.

So to, does bike porn.

It Giveth and It Taketh.

During a bitterly cold Wednesday polo game i sheared a seat bolt off with my ass. I was playing on a road conversion fixed gear that was too big for me. The score was tied 4-4, Beer Point. Should I stop playing because i might likely tear my wool pants, and then some?

I played on. After what seems like an impossibly long stint our team finally scored the last point and I could relax a little. But not much. I had still broken Brian's bike, and I was kinda not sober and I was about to use power tools.

A funny thing pride. It kept me from resigning from the game, not because I didn't want to loose, but because who would I be if I folded under the fear of my ass being interrogated by a seatpost? After all I have asked from my producers, I would be ashamed.

Still as far as bike parts go, that seat post is mighty assertive.

The top tube was much more gentle.


The Seattle/Vancouver Trip was grand

Our bus broke down in Seattle upon arriving at the Church of the Bicycle Jesus. As planed we went out drinking with the Deadbabies. Terry beat the starter and got the bus running and, as planned, we left Seattle at 3am. Border guards made us turn it off, so we had to push it across the boarder. Inside the station Josh was accused of a variety of crimes (DUI, Assault, various gun and drug charges) and was told, "We swabbed your passport and it tested positive for ecstasy". Eventually they came to realize that10-15 year old charges are unlikely to have been committed by someone only 19.

Tom Rolf was able to find the starter by finding the dent Terry had made beating it. He followed suit with his u-lock and the bus started again.

The Bikes Inside party was great! Our hosts were amazing. We played bike polo inside a parking garage, had a fun fashion show, bands, a "Rad has got nothing on us" bike dance/derby. Later we jumped naked into the water at Jericho Beach. Refreshing.