July 27, 2011

1x, 2x, 3 times a Bike Porno

Q: How much bike porn does it take to satisfy Berlin?

A: 3 screenings and counting!

Seems like those sexually permissive. bicycle curios Germans can not get enough! And so they are demanding another helping of the worlds finest collection of bicycle erotica...

and this just in, some local made art! Damn we love it when our hosts get into the spirit!

Saturday, the 30th of July
Koepi Squat
kino peliculoso
kopenicker strasse 137 (map)
Donations accepted

So many movies to share, which will we choose this time?!?

July 25, 2011

Do your wheels roll straight or queer?

Just about everywhere we've been in Europe - in the Czech Republic, in Austria, in Poland, in Germany, in Sweden - we've met radical queers who are all going to one place: the Copenhagen Queer Festival. A week long hot mess of steaming tangled queerness. So we're pretty excited that Bike Smut is going to be there tomorrow, packing one queer anarchist from Gothenburg into Stonewall Johnson and traveling across an epic 16 km long bridge-tunnel-artificial island combo to reach the revolutionary queer paradise in Denmark.

But remember this, comrades: there can be no queer revolution without bikesexual revolution! So come pedal with us in Copenhagen, this Wednesday night at Råhuset, Onkel Dannys Plads 7, probably around 20.00. Just before the sex party, to which we are sure your bicycle is welcome.

July 24, 2011

Still Kiel-in It

One of the greatest parts of traveling and inspiring people to view transportation and sexuality in a new light is the the art that is created when a community really takes the message to heart. For example this reinterpretation on a classic, the Bicycle Playin' Card

And this line drawing aint too shabby neither

After playing three shows in three days it was great to kick back for a couple days with polo and beer. Thanks for the recharge, Kiel!

Photo credit to Micha.

July 23, 2011

Sweden talks back

We take up a lot of space on this blog talking about ourselves, our plans for the future, and generaly how awesome we are (we're so awesome!). And usually no one ever talks back to us (except for the comment thread on our Malmo post, which we heartily recommend you review). It's just us, talking and talking. But we don't like that. We want to hear what the common people think. Well, the common people have finally spoken. In Swedish, but nonetheless, thanks to the comments section of our news appearance in the Sydsvenskan newspaper, we now have a precise composite picture (vie Google Translate) of what the people think of us and the bike porn project;

Those who want to see these people do porn have to be very sick
- King

Would be interesting to see what the "jones" is going on behind the four walls. Or wait a minute ... Believe it is reflected in these bizarre lust you can think freely from the internet.
- apan_som_styr_skutan

There are no monkeys in Sveige därmemot a Bernadotte and another variant of that, and so you yourself of course. The monkeys from the zoo.
- Black Coffee

I wonder if
Mitt Möllan gets its business wholly or partly funded by Swedish taxpayers' money. "Cultural subsidies." I would probably really do not know, because I think the answer would be disheartening.

Well, it must be tender to have sex with a bike, you've certainly heard the joke about the nun who rode without a saddle. Well, they're just so happy, they make of course no harm.
- Reds TV

Bicycles who have sex ?????
What are they for? SEXTASY.
Ride on !!!!! Do not forget your helmet.
- aroma2011

have wet dreams about my red Crescent
- volcano man

Have always wondered how the new bikes are made!? Thanks!
- Peter Peppe Gullstrand

How much crap you can actually hide under Culture
- 2numera1

Curvaceous woman, that ... Too bad it is already occupied ... ;-)
- voice_of_wotan

The people have spoken!

July 22, 2011

July 21, 2011

Malmo Media Maelstorm

Behold, the Blitzkrieg of bike perversion on Sweden has begun! We woke up to a big steaming slice of Swedish fame and glory this morning:

This article from South Swedish Daily might sound like good fluffy news with quotes like, "bringing positive sex culture to the bikers and bike culture to the perverts," and, "there may be vegetables," but it also does a great job bringing up our ethics:
  • We help communities define obscenity for themselves
  • We protect our artist's privacy
  • We don't sell DVDs, it is only shown for a community audience
We don't even have screeners for the media. Thus Its not too often that media is able to do us right. But damn, how they do it in South Sweden.

This shit is going down TONIGHT!

July 19, 2011

Bike porn ass pirates sail the high seas; board Sweden; plunder and pillage

This special message from Bike Porn Industries International is being recorded for broadcast somewhere in the middle of the Baltic Sea, aboard Bike Smut Sea HQ. Bike Smut's neon gang of sprightly pornographers has bounded aboard a naval vessel of massive proportions, and commandeered it with effortless bike porn style and grace. From our floating command ship, we are plotting what may be our most daring mission yet: an amphibious porno raid on the quiet seaside Swedish city of Malmo.

The Bike Smut Skindinavian Expeditionary Force musters on deck with two motorcycle mercenaries.

We are currently stealthily approaching the unsuspecting coast of Sweden, cruising within sight of the wind farms of Denmark. Under cover of midnight darkness, we will disembark from Bike Smut Sea HQ and seize the harbor with our amphibious bicycle assault force. It will be exactly like when Guevara and the Castro brothers landed the Granma on the Cuba shore at the beginning of the revolution in 1956, but this time with porn and a tall bike.

Castro rolls into Havana with bicycle corps.

Our expeditionary force will establish a secure field headquarters in Malmo, from where we will survey the field of war, gird our loins and prepare for the final battle, for the culminating conquest, for the bike porn Armageddon of Malmo:

Thursday July 21 8 pm
Galleria Leonard, Mitt Möllan
Entrance from 7 pm
Entrance fee 50 SEK or 30 SEK for students and unemployed (beer included!)

DJs, films and bike pimping etc during the day
"Bike against sexism", bare as you dare bike mob at aprox 10 pm through town aiming for GALLERIA LOYAL where the party continues.
connect via facebook

Malmo, prepare to be boarded!

July 16, 2011

Lick the Kiel of my boot!

Wow! That was, by many accounts, the most successful European show ever! Was it our new, interlaced videos and performances? Was it the locals demand for more joyful, liberating art? We may never know, but we are pretty excited just the same, thank you!

Tonight, part 3 of our German triple-play.

Saturday the 16.07.2011
Calvinstraße 20
24114 Kiel
10 pm

Three shows in three days would be too much for most pornographers, but thankfully our thighs are used to the strain and chaffing. Plus the local bike-folk have taken it upon themselves to design up some images for us. Thanks!

Come see our newest pornographer GiGi as she works your bodies to the breaking point. Then, on Sunday afternoon please come enjoy Kiel bike polo!

July 15, 2011


And we continue on our triumphant string of German occupied porn spaces! Tonight, we proudly present to you
15 july // 21.00

One of the great things about many of the European countries we have been through is that private property is frequently disrespected in the most exciting ways. The many squats and occupied spaces provide us with ideal locations for public screenings of bicycle pornography. And so we salute those brave squat pioneers who have seized for us the Gängerviertel in Hamburg, Autonomes Zentrum in Cologne, and all other free spaces that have welcomed Bike Smut.

So we now rush boldy into the arms of the denizens of Hamburg - the Hamburgers? Or, the Hamburg, to be more correct in German grammar? Wikipedia is abuzz with the controversy of what to call these meaty citizens! But what we know is that the squatters at Gängerviertel who have craftily stolen that huge hoard of private property can only be one kind of people - Hamburglars:


July 14, 2011

Autonomous porn

Occupy porno!

Autonomes Zentrum
Wiersbergstr. 44, Cologne
20.00, 14 July

Tonight, Bike Smut rides again, across the Rhine and through the cold windy streets of Cologne! Critical Mass kicks off in half an hour at 17.30 from Rudolfplatz, and from there we pedal our erogenous zones around the city to the occupied Autonomes Zentrum for a bike porn screening in their luxurious cinema room.

Get off the net! We'll see you in porn!

July 11, 2011

how you fund your bike molestation project

Commuting to work inside a building has never been more... uncomfortable?

Behold the strange world of interoffice bikesexual politics:

Does selling jeans mean you can't use your hands to signal your turns? And if they are so fashon forward why can't they build sunglasses into some fucking helmets??!!?? Bicycle Jesus knows you betta keep your protection at the ready.

They should be complimented for at least having some male chest in the video, but why is there so little diversity in handlebars? Straight or drop seem like the only two options, and they would all look way more comfortable if they would learn to sit up and beg.

credit to Urban Velo

July 9, 2011

Politicians affirm evils of bike porn

This just in! Flash report from the Bike Smut news desk!
Faithful monogamy is at the very heart of a designed and purposeful order – as conveyed by Jewish and Christian Scripture, by Classical Philosophers, by Natural Law, and by the American Founders – upon which our concepts of Creator-endowed human rights, racial justice and gender equality all depend.
Election season is somehow already beginning back in the Bike Smut homeland of the USA, and this means POLITICIANS. Politicians who firmly believe that the only way to improve the world and fix the ills of society is to use the violent power of the state to force all people to conform to arbitrary and impossible moral codes.

And thus we now have the first bold anti-porn attack of the election season: Michelle Bachmann and Rick Santorum, right-wing candidates for the Republican presidential nomination, have made a solemn pledge to ban pornography if elected president. The two politicians were the first to sign the 'The Marriage Vow', quoted above, a pledge which requires that its adherents recognize that married people have better sex, that the greatness of America depends on its women having as many babies as possible, and that homosexuality is a dangerous disease. And of course, that the only way to 'protect' women is to save them from the sight of pornography:
Humane protection of women and the innocent fruit of conjugal intimacy – our next generation of American children – from human trafficking, sexual slavery, seduction into promiscuity, and all forms of pornography and prostitution, infanticide, abortion and other types of coercion or stolen innocence.
Poetically put, Religious Right.

As pornographers ourselves, we are well aware that we are different from baby killers and slave runners. The stupidity of these anti-porn politicians is obvious enough that it needs no discussion. The one question we have to answer, as insurgent bikesexuals, is, when politicians try to take control of our sexuality, how can we fight back? How can we resist? Make your own porn! Only by creating our own sexuality can we prevent politicians from ever taking control of it.


July 8, 2011

Ich Ben d Over, and take it like a bicycle

Three months in, our euro experience is halfway over! We have traversed the various reaches of eastern Europe. Istanbul to Athens to (almost) Albania!

(note: besides your chain, you might also loose your pants)

But after all the jump suits, kebabs, and inspired dance moves there is one classic eastern euro experience that is missing...

A crazy BDSM euro bikesex party!
  • Saturday, the 9th of July
  • Schwelle 7
  • Uferstraße 6
  • D-13357 Berlin
  • 21.00

Schwelle (meaning "threshold") organizes a variety of artistic displays of body movements and performances. The addition of bike should prove to be most efficient!

July 5, 2011

All I wanna do is ride bikes with you...

.....and stay up late and watch porn and dance around!

Join us on the official
Built for Speed Porno Pickup

meet at Warschauer Straße U-Bahn (on the bridge)
@20.30, Thursday July 7th

Work on your high-velocity flirting while riding to our first Berlin Bike Smut show.

Come dressed-up for speed! the fancier the better!
Think futuristic rocket ships/evel kenievel/speedy gonzales

July 3, 2011

Berlin Speed

Berlin is big. Berlin is crazy. Berlin has porn. Bike Smut is ready. We've been waiting for this moment ever since we left Berlin the first time back in mid-April without being able to do a show there. Since then Bike Smut has exploded across the eastern reaches of the European continent, and is now fully set to re-engage Berlin and its multitudes of sexiness.

Bike Smut's first hit of Berlin on July 7 is organized by porn comrades from the queer feminist porno mag Bend Over and Too Much Pussy. Our show will feature the queer electro chic band Scream Club, and a set by DJ Juan of a Kind. How can you find the Bike Smut show on July 7? It's really very simple - follow the fancy dress bike ride from Hermannplatz to the King Kong Klub (Brunnenstr. 173). The show begins at 22.00, more details about the fancy dress ride will be added in the near future. Tickets to King Kong Bike Smut will be 3 Euros.

Following a day-long nap, Bike Smut takes another lap around the porno velodrome at Schwelle 7, Berlin's center for the mystical pursuit of 'experimental body work and body research.' We will be pedalling there on Saturday, July 9 at 21.00.

Can you catch us?

July 1, 2011

gDAMNN Gdansk!

we only were going to Poland becuase we had one show. Email were bouncing like butts on cobblestoes and the only beacon of hope came from a city on the Baltic Sea.

But, when booking a 6 month tour, mistakes will be made. No confirmation ment that we would have no show! ACK!

Cool heads and wicked bodies prevailed and damn are we excited to be heading up north.

The show is on!
Old Shipyard
7 July