August 29, 2008

bad sex is its own punishment

Enough discouragement of all things humpy! Prudes can spend a lifetime explaining why anything other than sex for reproductive purposes with a single life partner with whom you have had an extravagant ritual (and possibly in exchange for a dowry) is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

But we shall mock their baseless puritanical claims wagging our collective genitalia at them. With our furious raspberries, hand gestures and logic we shall drive the uptight prudes out to swim in a sea of frigid discontent!

Or possibly we'll go about our normal, fucking amazing lives as if it is no big deal. Just like Dinh Dai Ngan, who this summer has opened the first sex shop in all of Vietnam, Chac nhu bap, which translates as "hard as corn."

"Sex is a normal thing, just like when you feel thirsty, you drink water. Why should we shy away from our basic needs?" he says.
Bringing safe, smart, comfortable sex culture to the masses is a daunting task. Many communities have suffered though horrendous periods of repressive belief systems. Those that contribute to fear and ignorance are directly responsible for many sex crimes as well as a metric shit ton of bad sex. Listless sex must end. Demand better sex today!

And so it is with great pride that we announce the second ever cascadian bike porn tour: "Cascadian Bikexploitation" Now with 100% more Olympia!

September 15-20 expect wonderful fucking bike action across the Northwest.

News of our SW tour to come soon. Please maintain a ready position

August 28, 2008

Forest Pork

This video was SUPPOSED to be entered into the Portland Mercury's "My Pretty Portland" 2-min video contest. Alas, Youtube took over 9 hours to upload the video, making our entry void.

"Void entry", man we are totally sick of hearing about that...

Screw that old 2 min version anyway, please enjoy this slightly NSFW version without the annoying black boxes.

August 12, 2008

The Bike Porn "Name the Annoying Blogger" Contest

Something we are seriously lacking is regular content. Like some prune juice and Metamucil Bran muffin content!
To that end we have a new reoccurring feature at but we don't have a name for it yet.

Here is the premise. 100s of hours are spent scouring the internet for bike porn. Most of it is pretty tame. But an ungodly amount of my searches end up with us reading the ignorant, annoying-as-fuck social conservative blog de jour.
  • "Gays are manipulating our children, keep them out of college"
  • "I knew he was into evil because I searched his web browser history"
  • "...and the serpent laid down with the bike thus I ran to my Ford Extinction and hit the A/C, cause cold blooded things hate air conditioning"

Most of them are terrible and boring, but some are just terrible. They need to be mocked bitterly. Just in time for our tour though the Southwest (yea Texass!) Ideally the annoying bloggers will be in a city we are screening at and we can motivate them to stay home and write about how terrible everything is.

Please send your title suggestions to:

The winner will get a signed "Bike Porn 2" poster. This is not yet available to anyone, in fact only the few artists involved involved in their reproduction have one, and this is the 1st giveaway/bribing we have tried/lowered ourselves to so it is doubly special!