March 31, 2011

Happy April 1st

There's 1000s of ways to engage the body of work that is bike sex.

Tonight, as a special treat to our fans in Boston we will be unveiling our own branded line of rigorously tested prophylactics!

Only available at shows, come on down and pack your pockets full of the promise of future bikesexual bliss!

Friday, April 1st
Saturday, April 2
Bike Porn 4:PLAY
Brattle Theater, Cambridge
11:59pm - Midnight
Presented by Truth Serum
Jump on our Face Crack

Dont be no fool, wrap the goods and keep your bikesexual health!

Burrr... Le game?

burlington VT
Thursday, April 31st
Gazelig Theater
at North End studios
$5 suggested donation no one turned away for lack of funds.

March 29, 2011

Defining Your-ination

While examining Ottawa's Cat Sanctuary we met a resident of Quebec. According to him we will be traveling to an entirely different country today. For sure the residents of Quebeqaw have a separatist history longer than Oregon, Idaho or Montana.

So, will Bike porn have to worry about crossing the Ontario - Quebec border?

Come to the Death Church and learn the sorted details of border crossings, smuggling obscenity, and lazy, stuffed pussy.

But first enjoy a fine, candid interview from just yesterday:

So, what do you think the raccoon is thinking when he looks back at us?

Canadian Reviews - 4:PLAY

Well its been a pretty crazy ride so far, there have been epic barn burning-style parties; sedate, yet attentive coffee shop explorations; consensual biker body touching (sort of the opposite of personification of a bike) and we still have the "Canadian Sex Capitol" coming up tomorrow!

But what do the Canadians think? They can be a reluctant bunch, requiring prodding, jabbing, heckling, even "awkward salmoning" just to get a response.

Well here is the time and place to share your opinions. Remember, this is only for Canadians (or people who saw the smut in Canada). So no cheating!

Here's your set up...


comments muthafucka, do you leave them!?!?

photo credit to lisalisa

March 28, 2011

This shit is about to get Mount Real

We are as far northeast as we are going to get! Time to burn them sexy bridges and head south but not before:

Bike Porn 4: PLAY
Wednesday, March 30th
Death Church
3067 wellington
pony up donations! we poor!

expect info about a bike ride to the event soon!

enjoy some fine facebook action

photo credit to blik

March 24, 2011

Why I, Ottawa!

Bike Porn 4:PLAY
In the capital city of America's Hat, Canada!

Raw Sugar Cafe
692 Somerset St. W
Ottawa, ON

catch us playing polo earlier if the snow melts in time.

facebook? okay

March 20, 2011

bike dick

Oh my!

we are told the film quality might not be all that impressive and the story might be lacking, but it looks like its got bikes and dick.

So, thats pretty exciting.

Perhaps when we do a weekend screening we will include this gem. Until then please leave your opinions about this movie below.

We labeled it 70s porn just cause. we know it was made in 1983, so, like Sideshow Bob said, "dont bother pointing that out."

March 19, 2011

buffalo down time!

That was a pretty fantastic show and dance party last night. We knew from the molesting, door-breaking and sexual assault following last year's show that these Buffalo bike punks were a class unto themselves, but damn!Now that Ann Arbor has been nixed from our plate we are free to concentrate on more immediate events.

And so it is that with us as a major publisher of such fine tomes as our double-sided, twice-folded, single page of European zine we absoutlely have to mix it up with the fine peeps at the Buffalo Small Press Book Fair

Come on out and learn something new!

photo credit to Michael Hall who has some pretty good ones

March 16, 2011

What Hath The Buffalo Wrought?

Buffalo does not fuck around. They are dirty, drunk loly fuck bike punks with creative talent and time to make the art sting.

So it is with great trepidation that we release their most recent work. Behold, beware and never be the same again:

Click on it if you must, but you have been warned

mo porn in motown

Detroit puts a motor in your pants!

Detroit, tonight!
March 16, 8p.m.
Burton Theatre
3420 Cass Ave.
$8, Discount for biking!

epic green puke of st paddys tomorrow!

March 15, 2011

Northern Exposure Tour

Coming to a wet bike dream near you! (void south of the 42nd parallel)

Thats a lot of cities in not a lot of time. CAN IT HAPPEN?

Yes, of course you can help. We need to be connected with other badass communities in various cities. You can do it!

In fact you are doing it! We have a lot of hope that Ann Arbor, Toronto and New Haven will all get their act together in the coming days and we can bring yalls some fine ass artistic movies of fine asses movin'.

March 14, 2011

International Man of Mystery Hosts Epic Toronto B-Day

  • Saturday, March 26
  • Centre of Gravity
  • 1300 Gerrard Street East
  • Toronto, ON
  • 8:00pm
  • adults only
  • facecrack invite

BEHOLD, a cut a pastie press release from the future!

BIKE SMUT:::LORD MORPHEOUS:::GOLDSPRINTS+Beautiful music into the night :)

For my last dirty thirty I will be having a smashing party at my favourite space Centre of Gravity.

The amazing film festival, Bike Smut will be coming through Toronto that weekend on The Northern Exposure Tour. Some of you might have came out last year to Bike Porn 3. This will be a very special evening :)

I have planned an installation with the help of my good friend Morpheous (who is "The Man" in the BDSM world) called "Exotic Bikes"
Morpheous and his crew will be doing a very special erotic japanese bondage installation with the bikes and attendees.

And of course GoldSprints will be happening throughout the nite.

MUSIC . . ...¨*.¸¸.✶*¨ ¨*.¸¸.·٠••●●♥♥ ♥♪ . . ♪ .¸.✫*♥ ♥♪ ♫ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫ ¨*.¸¸.✶*¨ ♥♪ ♫ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♥¨*.¸¸.✶*¨ ¨*.¸¸.·٠••●●♥♥ ♥♪ . . ♪ .¸.✫*♥ ♥♪ ♫ ♥ ♫ ♪ ♫ ¨*

Ana+one (anatone)
Iron Will

PLUS a Surprise Live Set::: T.B.A

BIKE SMUT Screening 8-10 PM

photo credit to

March 13, 2011

Piles of Buffalo Blowing Up

There are piles of bikes and piles of bikers and biles of bikes on bikers but what happens in Buffalo, stays between your legs until you dismount.
  • Friday, March 18th
  • the vault
  • 702 main st
  • 8pm
  • $5 donation
  • adults only

last time we got some specific examples of how the ladies of Buffalo treat their men. Or how stokers support their pilots? Whichever its going down again and tho we hope not to be assaulted during our performance like last time we do expect a sweet dance party to erupt like a jet powered, full suspension, extended minibike.

Afterward we press on into the wild Canadian fortier, standby Toronto, Ottawa and Montreal!

March 12, 2011

So the Taliban and Tea Party walk into a bar...

All this recognition of how fucked up our economy and ecology are has reminded us of our fav bit of satire so far this year.

Dont forget kids, expression is your gift to the world. Limiting other's expression is what ignorant assholes do.

Thanks to Randy of Zoobomb for what might be the best thing we've seen all year.

protest rolling

one part inspirational thingy, the other part comparitive test.

Here are two copies of the same video, one uploaded to blogger the other embedded from youtube.


we are on our way to Capitolize on all the jerks who are trying to undo 40+plus years of workers rights.

Lets kids remember the only difference between a republic and feudalism is an educated population. Get thoughtful about your actions!

March 11, 2011


We are mad ass on and we're not gonna take it anymore!

The road has been good to us, traveling around meeting people, sharing ideas and slappin saddles.

Today we got to march, to chant, to join in a community of people who are committed to doing it in the street!
Tonight we return to "the Portland of the North" to share all the secrets of 4:PLAY with the bikesexuals of Madison!

Friday, March 11
Lothlorien coop
244 W Lakelawn Pl
7:00pm - 10:00pm
$3-7 Suggested donation
want social media? try some facecrackalacka

With discussion group and/or spin the bottle to follow

March 10, 2011


Lets consider the contour of our "texualtre"

After coming down the Cuntinental Divide we find the flat plains roll out like a delicious pie. Our third show in a row and we are still hungry for more. Lucky us we are having a local toop throw down a new, exciting bike dance performance!
Sunday March 13th
Reversible Eye Gallery
1103 N California Ave
with Chicago's premiere bike dance troop, The Racketeers!

photo credit to the Sprockettes at Tour de Fat, and inspiring people everywhere!

Wheels of Change

Picture this, a person who is sick of jumping through hoops all his/her life being told that "if s/he just works harder things will be better."

That's the line... If you fail it's because you are lazy. You should be able to provide for your family, make things better in your community, raise a more perfect child or in our case, grind on the ideal Brooks saddle. Anything short of that and you loose.

Then one comes to the understanding of the vast differences between the rich and poor and one begins to believe the system is rigged. It is one thing to live with some winners and some losers. It is something else when the disparity between those results is such vast outcomes.

Then it is decided that something must be done.

It happened with a French farmer
It happened with a Tunisian student

It could be that Madison is the Tunisia of North America. Perhaps our people are not as stupid as the media has made us out to be. Maybe this time we will collectively see the writing on the wall.

From our perspective we see a systemic removal our ability to debate ideas. The effect of short attention spans is building a society of mental toddlers. This is more than enough to cause us to throw up our arms in anger. Unless we do something different we are going to continue to get more of the same bullshit treatment.

This is not as simple as most people would have it. If we are to ever get beyond this back and forth of economy vs ecology we have to start understanding how they are related. Its not enough to just say, "stop growing the economy." But we also dont have to wait for someone else to figure it our for us and hand us a cure.

March 9, 2011

I like MKE


Bike ride and food for the Milwaukee porno happy people is on!

A caravan of bikers is leaving from the UWM occupation at 6:30 and there’s also a social ride leaving from Gordon park.

Come HUNGRY, there will also be vegan fried chicken and waffles. $5-10 Sliding Scale.

did you hear that? Make good by riding and eating and more!

Not to be outdone, the folks who made macrobrew before we knew there were microbrews

Here is where and when the planet will be unseasonably hot for at least a couple hours:

Saturday March 12th 2011
Cream City Collective
732 e Clarke St.
7pm, $5-10, 18+

March 8, 2011

boston baked bike porn!

How much does Boston love bike porn?

So much that they demanded a 2nd midnight screening! Catch it Friday or Saturday night, April 1st and 2nd!

They demand so much of us, we bring the goods they say they want more... will there be an end to the demands of these slave driving audiences?

We blowin out New England like a overinflated tire on the surface of the sun. two midnight shows, back to back!

March 4, 2011

ruslin up porn wranglers

Just when we had given up on Montana, our friends come together!

Hardy's Cowboy Mansion
653 Emily Dr
Bozeman, MT

Move em out!

We have Liftoff!

The Northern Exposure Tour has begun. We traveled 350 miles in our 1st day to deliver the goods to the Cougars of Pullman, WA who were ecstatic to play bike polo on the snow covered courts (snowlo). Fantastic crashes! No fatalities!

Our host was morning the death of a parent, so we decided to give time and solace to morn in peace. Another space opened up immediately and although there were no shortage of challenges making a theater out of a garage the audience was enthralled.

Tonight we go another 500 miles to Bozeman, MT.

put it in your mouth

March 2, 2011

rub a biker out!

This news just in from our Minnesota friends who love bikes, bodies and the connection between:

I visited the bike porn preview at smitten kitten last saturday, I really want to get involved! I got a flyer for the Mon. March 7th event here in Minneapolis. I am a certified massage therapist with 7 years experience. I bring all materials and give any inquiring souls a 15-20 minute deep tissue swedish style massage and the charge is donation. Its a fun addition to any occasion where people are getting together and I live a block away. Please let me know if you are interested, i've done this for the Rollergirls, the midtown farmers market, and all over the world. I hope to hear from you!!!

Well now, who are we to stand in the way of rubbing bikers. Should be joyus way to work the kinks out!

The Northern Exposure Tour leaves Cascadia in a few hours. See you in 7-12 month!

images from erikdalton Knitting Park... huh?

March 1, 2011


Bike Polo and Bike Smut together again in our kickoff show!

Thursday March 3rd
Pullman WA
Meet at the athletic courts where SE Olymia Ave meets Forrest way then go south to the parking lot
9:20 pm (post polo, show up at 7pm to watch drunk bike jocks hurt each other)

Details are still being formed but the show will go down at the Kinky Keeg Korner. A slapstick reference to the history of the crazy Aryan Nation shit over at Hayden Lake (which was able to kick the clan out in impressive force back in the late 90s).

Give it up for equality!