December 31, 2009

More humptastic news from them ABQs

It would seem we touched a nerve... in a good way. After almost 2 months we found another story about our show in ABQ. A full length article about the Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound screening in Albuquerque, this time from the University of New Mexico's student paper, the Daily Lobo.Link

Here is a nice section of the article:

UNM senior Sean Alkire, who works at the UNM Outdoor Bike Shop, attended Pornotopia on Sunday and said the show was a healthy way for the Albuquerque community to explore sex.

“I thought it was very uplifting, if you know what I mean,” Alkire said. “I honestly didn’t know what to expect either. I didn’t know if we were going to be watching cartoons, bike on bike, I had no idea. Some of the hardcore stuff was a surprise, but a pleasant one.”

Wow, has that paper really been around since 1895? Bajesus, that is a long time. Thanks for the good press Mr Hunter, we hope you will explore the cyclical nature of getting it on to get off bikes again soon.Link

Photo Credit to Zach Gould

December 27, 2009

its got bike and its got porn, but it aint really bike porn

What we have here seems to be a fairly common straight, male bike mechanic fantasy. There are multiple attractive women providing attentive service to standard looking guys whom we assume are taking a break from their job of repairing bikes. Getting to have an orgy while on the clock? WOW! SOUNDS GREAT!

So why does it come off so boring?

Sure there is a lack of caring about the characters, but that is pretty much the standard operating procedure. There must be something more that is wrong. Post your ideas below. How would you make this bike porn better? Can it be made better? Is it salvageable at all?

Warning, NSFW (duh) and also not really very good.

The painfully obvious answer will be announced next week. We hope that someone will guess it.

December 20, 2009

infernal internal

you have these skills ----------------------------> Some
and are hanging out in this hood ---------> Portland
and are wanting this much in return ---> NOTHING!

Apparently we need you!

If that didn't get your heart pounding than continue not to enjoy.

Bike Porn Industries is hiring!

Well, almost. While we do experience frequent, rapid growth we also have equally frequent rapid downsizing. But at the moment we are accepting applications for our 1st ever Intern!

Bike Porn Industries organizes a touring festival of adult-themed bicycle movies. This is our 3rd year of traveling North America, sharing a view of progressive sexuality mixed with sustainability. We are looking for an office intern to assist with preparing for the next tour.

Applicants must be available 10am-4pm for 2-3 days during the week lasting until Feb 14th, 2010. Internship begins as soon as possible.

We can be somewhat flexible with scheduling as there is a lot of work to be done and much of it can be done at anytime.

This is an unpaid internship

Tasks include: assisting with mailings, internet research, event scheduling, theater negotiations, working on promotional images, writing materials for distribution and taking part in social media marketing campaigns as well as helping with our blog:

Additional tasks may include: assisting with production of promotional material, setting up lights or operating recording equipment

Please be dedicated, hardworking and LOVE DIY. We need you to be laid back with strong people skills while still being prompt and professional.

Prior experience with spreadsheets, email and other basic computing is necessary.

Photographic and video production experience are a plus, but not required.

* Location: Portland (some remote online work ok)
* Compensation: A small stipend is available.
* This is a part-time job.
* This is an internship job
* Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or
commercial interests.

Please apply by e-mail only: (cover letter and resume).

December 19, 2009

Thanks to alert bike porn conseur Mr M. Schwartz who gave us the tip on this fine video of bike love and lost and whatever:

"Wait! What about the tour update?" you say. "The 10k mile, 30 state, 8 province, 3 country, road trip with a show ever 2.3 days?"

WHAT A BUNCH OF INPATIENT JERKS! You think we post these vids so that you can just turn around and complain?!?!

man, just wait till you see what santa puts in your stockings...

December 16, 2009

The Story of MORE Stuff

A while back we shared the original Story of Stuff with everyone we could. What a marvelous way to clearly explain our connections to economic, social and environmental actions. Plus Annie Leonard... Rarrr!

She has just come out with a video for our newest greenwashed anti-heros: CrAP and TiRADE.

We shouldn't be surprised that a lot of the "answers" to our problems are making things worse.

But there is hope even for those who would only fuck bikes and then probably masturbate too frequently (no fingers being pointed, just saying...). Sharing info with others!

If you happen to live in the Portland area you are commanded to take note!

Conrad Schmidt, creator of The Work Less Party and The World Naked Bike Ride is coming to Portland and will be joining in a radical forum discussion about the future. He will be talking about his new book, Efficiency Shifting and how if we are just a little smart about economics the future might not suck (figuratively). Where as we will be able to talk at length about how it will totally suck (literally). So you can see how this is going to be a festive time.

No firm dates as of yet but it is expected to happen around February 11th. Could a naked ride follow the discussion?

This holiday season give the gift of knowledge. Drink deeply from those juices. Let the power of understanding fill you and then do something rad.

illustration by James Jean
Photo from Wikipedia

December 11, 2009

Living the Festival High LIfe

Home again in PDX and we are still getting love letters from all over, this one posted conveniently online is a pretty great review of Pornotopia, The Southwest's only sex positive film festival where Bike Porn 3 made a big splash.

Andi Mari writes exciting tales about her adventures as a sexually aware, minivan driving mom going to a erotic porn festival 1000s of miles from home at this link HERE!

Thanks for the excellent review of an excellent weekend. If most porn was as uplifting there we would probably have fewer sexual issues in society.

What say you... UNREASONABLE GOAL?!?

Regardless of your thoughts on sex positivity (sp?) You need to get ready for the future of Bike Porn! Over the next week we will be unveiling the proposed tour schedule for February-June! Over 10 thousand miles long and our most daring tour yet! We dont even know what to call it! We still need to buy a car (or perhaps a mini van?!?) to encourage better cycling. We're not sure if it is ironic but it sure feels that way.

December 4, 2009

ReMembering Eugene

Fleshback to Eugene one year ago. The plucky residents of Campbell Club willingly agree to host a curious idea. Bolstered by former sex-positive residents who could speak to the wonder and joy of Bikexploitation the perpetual students of Eugene open their doors (among other things) to the cadre of horny cyclists.

Their largest room is full to capacity packed in like massive ball bearings. The excited audience cheers gleefully, "Lets go on a naked bike ride!" The crowd pours out of the hall and into the streets. Hours later a spandex clad dance party rages in the kitchen until dawn.

Fleshforward to 2009. What will come of the poor unsuspecting viewers this year? What kind of reaction can be expected when the porn is turned up to eleven?

Shock? Inspiration? Perspiration? Time will tell, but we will not. What happens on Bike Porn Tour stays in the chamois. Its like a virus, but it is beneficial, so don't abstain, just relax, get comfortable, enjoy the show and when the time comes, scream out loud with exuberance.

  • Saturday December 5th
  • Campbell Club
  • 1670 Alder St Eugene, OR
  • 7:30pm, 18+
  • $5 donation
  • naked bike ride to follow

December 2, 2009

Media on Media Action

Thanks to Ryan Bigge who's blog The Biggie Idea was capable of summarizing a good portion of the bike sex industry in a single post. And while it might be a little too surmising for us at Bike Porn Industries we are greatful for the uh... exposure.

Meanwhile there are still lots of great opportunities to ogle bicycles, or in some cases use them to further other wonderfully twisted (lime) ideas. Still if you would rather decry bike sex, or the use of sex to sell bikes this article does a pretty good job breaking down some overt sexuality in bicycle advertising. And finally if all else fails you can go back to classic bike porn (as in sans human) If you are capable of masturbating to these images than we may have an... opening for you.

These images were not printed in the North American magazines but we saw the other half of the add (the half without dick) in a issue of Momentum.

And finally Urban Velo. No reason, we just like them and felt the need to achieve some balance in our o-so-journalistic reporting. Like Fox News for bikers.

December 1, 2009

Organ State vs University of Organ

Boomshakalaka, after an extended terrifying stint where our Eugene hosts decided not to return calls or emails we have found a new place to show the goods this weekend!

It is a battle of the bulge (in your pants) when these two titans of compete for best bike porn house party. The hairy Beavers of Corvallis seem to have the sexual advantage over the Eugene gregarious Ducks, but when these two Willamette Valley powerhouses play the field anything is possible.

1st up the Beavers will get their chance to put down some fly maneuvers. In-house bike limbo you say?!?!? With beer?!?!? Okay then.

Thursday, December 3rd
Corvallis Polo House
1700 nw kings
9:00 pm Adults Only,
$5 donation
after party with beer.
Bike Limbo, Dancing

Then to the U of Organ where going on a bike ride is a good enough reason to take your clothes off is hosting our collection of sexy bike movies on the coveted Saturday night position.

Saturday December 5th
Campbell Club
1670 Alder St Eugene, OR
7:30pm, 18+
$5 donation
naked bike ride to follow

We hope to end the Chain Whip in style. Come on down and whip it good.

November 27, 2009

Slide Down the Valley

The Bike Porn Tour goes back to its roots: riding bikes! We are
heading down the Willamette Valley. The NW weather sux now but it should be much better by our departure next week.

Starting on Tuesday we will have a medium paced (70 miles/day) ride to Corvallis for a show on Thursday, December 3rd and to Eugene on Saturday, December 5th. We may be camping on Tuesday night, we have
large houses to crash in Wednesday-Saturday. These shows are free for anyone who rides with us but we hope that your presence. will inspire others. Bring your own beadroll. We will likely be having group meals

Interested parties should act quickly as there is an artificial cap of
accommodations for10 riders.

This are the last planned screenings of Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound in Oregon.

November 23, 2009

josh guest post #2

Bike porn infamous tour chronicles -Ashland

"The Party Queen"

I only tolerated her as long as I did because of the bottle of SoCo that was in her possession...

But as bottles usually do, it ran out within a matter of time. Even with the liquor she was proving a difficult person to deal with. If caught in conversation with her, which was a daunting cliff to climb out of, you constantly felt your I.Q. slipping a couple points. And then there was the laugh, or was it the mating call of a giraffe with a sore throat, I forgot to ask. [moreover EVERY utterance was punctuated by said laugh making it a trademark behaviour - ed]

After the nights festivities I passed out, only to be awaken by that oh so familiar mating call and John Mayer covering Cyndi Lauper... I think. Apparently, while I had passed out, party queen on going at it, and was now approaching the “i don't give a fuck that everyone's asleep and Shania Twain is the shit, I'm gonna blast it!!!!” stage that we all know and love. Fortunately she knew she was obnoxious and annoying everyone, unfortunately the only way she felt to make it up to us was to turn up the “jams” and offer us this explanation:

*For more enjoyment, read the following section in the eloquent voice of a sorority valley girl all coked up and ready to make you curse god and/or evolution for giving you the ability to hear.

“Sorry for partying!!!! But this is how I do it, not in Portland but when I'm here this is what happens,

I work seven days a week, twelve hours a day with kids! So when I party I listen to shitty music and dance and I'm obnoxious!”

she carried on with this speech from couch to couch apologizing to the people who were already sleeping, what a saint. Two things came to mind when she approached the futon that I was trying to enjoy. One, Doesn't she have to work tomorrow? And if she thinks her own music is shitty why listen to it as well force others to deal with it?

One brave fellow, was waging a passive aggressive war with her by turning off the music, only to have her turn it back on. The party queen felt she had found a sympathetic ear in mine and confided that “I don't give a fuck, I don't live here now but I did, and that was before he did!! and I don't give a fuck!!!! he's dating my best friend and she was awesome before, I mean she still is...” I couldn't understand the rest of her babbling but she concluded with her signature catch phrase “i don't give a fuck! (insert sore throat giraffe mating call here)”. Thankfully I was the distraction and the aforementioned saint struck a dagger into that ugly dragons heart in the form of hiding the ipod from hell away. from its owner. After a few slammed doors and a “i don't give a fuck!!” we the oppressed were freed from tyranny of that party queen.

- Tanx Josh and tanx Ashland! We hope to return someday and see what kind of real trouble we can get into. Only Corvallis and Eugene remain... wait until December 3rd

November 20, 2009

Sliding Down the Valley - not really

[this post was supposed to go out a while ago, we like the image enough to make you read it today]

Boom! We back in this Willamette Valley like a phallus sliding between cleavage.

We are taking Thanksgiving off to gorge ourselves and others.

Help us conclude the Chain Whip Tour in style.

Thursday, December 3rd
Corvallis OR

Saturday December 5th
Eugene, OR

A ride from PDX to down the valley is in the works. Who wants in?

photo credit to a strange, possibly liberal-hating sex blog?

[we were not able to slide down the valley so we will do the next best thing and drive our stupid fucking car, which we are very grateful did not have any serious issues over the past 2 months]

November 19, 2009

Oh, we thought you said "Ass Land"

Back home in Oregon and it does feel fine. Now to make a run up the Willamette Valley. 1st stop is the fine town of Ashland.

Props to our local zoobomby friends who made this show possible. As well as the local polo scene whose balls we hope to smack when the time is right.

Anyone ever notice how cogs look like a masochist's cock ring? Yikes!

For sexy bike time come to
  • The Cumon I Leen
  • 753 Siskiyou
  • Ashland OR
  • Friday, November 20th
  • 9pm
  • $5 (no one turned away for lack of funds, but please help us get home!)

A great party with hot bike folk will be ongoing. Bring a few bones for good drink. Perhaps bike polo saturday?

We are stoked to be home in Oregon, a consistent sprinkling of rain has been sorely missed.

CORVALLIS! EUGENE! Cool your heels, we will be up in your bizness soon enough (*cough* 1st weekend of December *cough*)

November 17, 2009

the biggest little *.* in the world

We are nearing the end of the Chain Whip Tour, only a few Oregon towns await their molestation from our greasy biker's paws. But for now we will take in the rich cultural experience that is Reno's finest biker bar: The Broken Spoke.

Man does this place gleam! Beautiful wood tables, impressively old, historically awesome art and everywhere is the salt of the earth sampling the sauce.

Normally we would be very nervous playing in a bar. Screening movies in the same space where people are ordering drinks does not make for a very conducive environment for paying attention to the screen. Thankfully their massive backroom will be transformed into a theater and make for a great place to show some porn!

  • Wednesday November 18th
  • Broken Spoke
  • 71 S. Wells Ave (down the alley)
  • 11:50pm
  • With special live performances by local entertainers

Where *.* = the massive cumlative clitteral erections

November 13, 2009

Whats full of bikes and strippers?

... and is not Portland Oregon?


Actually, there are probably not as many strippers in Vegas as one might think. And while the sex industry is brisk, it is mostly off the street (which, coincidently, is what we have also heard regarding the cycling).

So what are we gonna do?

We are gonna fuck bikes like a bankrupt tradesman who has been at the blackjack table for 6 hours too long. Does that metaphor not work for you? Pft! K. Fine. we can try again later.

But for now we will break it down for you like a pit boss giving the facts.

  • Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
  • Saturday November 14th
  • Onyx Theatre
  • 953 S. Sahara Ave #16
  • 7pm
  • $10, 21+
  • Includes Jello Shots

Afterwards, who knows? Maybe this weekend we will get into some star gazing, or bike polo with UNLV Bikes, or who-knows-what-else!

Just do us a favor and try and squeegee up when you are done abusing those top tubes, okay?

photo credit to mtn bike forums

getting waved down in flagstaff

In 12 hours of riding around Flagstaff this pornographer was stopped by the police 3 times. They were usually pretty polite and respectful and thankfully none of the interactions resulted in any tickets being given. This could be due to the excellent police handling we have received over the years.

The 3rd and final confrontation began at the intersection of the rail road tracks and San Francisco St. after 3am. The train had just passed and the light was about to change. This biker was rolling though a yellow that changed to red while in the large empty street. This conversation took place in the middle of historic route 66.

[BLEET BLEET] (can someone else suggest a better onomatopoeic word for a police horn?)

  • Bicycle Pornographer: Yes? Hello?
  • Bored Police: You need to follow the law.
  • BP: The #1 law is care of yourself. Look around, there is no cross traffic. You are the only car on the street. You are the only source of danger.
  • BP: I will write you a ticket if you want.
  • BP: No sir, thank you.
And while that interaction was actually not as snarky as is sounds (quite the opposite it was entirely heartfelt), our friends and co-pornographers from Tempe who drove 2 hours North to see the show were stopped twice while leaving town after the show. Thankfully they had a designated driver but apparently the police they dealt with were not as respectful:

... that didn't stop the cop from giving Mark (the only person in the car that hadn't even had a beer that night) a 30 minute sobriety test. That guy was a dick. - Lindsey B.
Even our host at the Foto Barn said that he was recently arrested and spent the night in jail (and nearly missed going to Burning Man) for jaywalking. He was not friendly to the police he was in fact quite irate. And justifiably so. When downtown business owners are not able to cross the street because a police officer decided that you "did it in an unsafe manner and while we are talking let me run your identification" that borders on some 4th amendment stuff, never mind the question of whose interests are you protecting?

This all wouldn't make us feel so bothered except that it does reek of classism. On one hand if there are going to be armed people who can detain and/or kill citizens at their discretion we want them trained and compensated well enough that they are not shaking anyone down for protection money. On the other hand no one on the bike porn tour has health insurance. Meanwhile, here is a list of the benefits of being a Flagstaff officer:

Medical, dental, vision, life insurance

Deferred compensation

11 days vacation

Flexible Spending Accounts

11 paid holidays

Annual wellness assessment

12 days sick leave

Repetitive Motion Therapy

Public Safety Retirement

Credit Union membership

Bereavement leave

Direct deposit

Jury duty leave

Cell phone discounts

Military leave

Promotional Opportunities

Family & Medical Leave

Continuing Education

Employee Assistance Program

In-house training opportunities

Yes, it is true we ARE jealous of their "benefits package" which includes repetitive motion therapy, anal wellness, and even house training! (For those who qualify)

That said, we are totally grateful that we were able to leave town giving them only time. Lots and lots of our time. Again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

November 11, 2009

josh guest post #1

This is the 1st post by fellow bike porn tourista joshua while on tour...

Howdy fellow bikesexuals,

First off, I would love to say that this tour has been the shit. Thanks to all the awesome people who have hosted us and helped contribute to make this tour a success and to the people who have kept both our cycles and us, the bike pornographers, well lubricated. If you ever find yourself in ABQ, New Mexico, and your bicycle needs a tune-up or something, go see the guys at the Bike Coop or Fixed and Free. The guys from these respective shops are lovely people who love bicycles (who knew?). They helped us out and we appreciate it.

We're just now finishing up our show in Flagstaff, and it was a huge success. Now we set our sights on Vegas! Come hang out, see some lovely adult themed bicycle films, and go for a bike ride or two.

Now it's time for me to find some cigarettes to bum, and something with alcohol in it....

November 9, 2009

When you steal from bike porn, you steal from the future

Fuck our fans! They keep stealing our cool shit! Snached from the Guild Cinema walls before the movie was even over...

Some annoyingly overexcited bikesexuals in Ogden, Boulder and now ABQ has thieved our best art! We had only a few of these posters. Now we have none. Thus at all the upcoming shows in Flagstaff and Vegas and Reno and Ashland - no one is gonna see our fucking amazing poster art for the next years program.

It hurts!

We would love to have our posters returned. We want to see them again; to at least know they are being loved.

[saddness envelops]

November 8, 2009

Raising the Flagstaff

Coming out of the steamy bowl that is ABQ following Pornotopia, our team has reached the southeastern edge of the Chain Whip Tour universe. From now on it is nothing but traveling north by northwest.

1st stop on our voyage home is the rather conservative town of Flagstaff, AZ. Where no amount of e-mail harassment produced more than a shriek and/or an attempt at a pleasant "no we really don't want you or anyone else to fuck our bikes, thank you" deferral letter. Until we met the folks at the PhotoBarn. They have been great pimpin' the goods on our behalf and making us feel welcome before we even got to the show!

So much so that they are requesting a 2nd show this Wednesday night, which is pretty encouraging of a very porn-ready community considering this show was only set up a week ago.

photo credit to

November 7, 2009

Sunday Porny Sunday

Having just driven for most of the day along route 666, we were able to get into ABQ with just enough time to catch some BDSM. Our team has 5 VIP passes to all the Pornotopia shows.

So far all the videos have had plenty of porn, however we have noticed that although the porn is very real, they seem to sacrifice some character development. Go figure. Porn without personal interest or backstory is a challenge, but some of the movies showed so much real passion we could almost create a bit of a story out of the actors' behaviors.

Tonight we rally to the "Vintage and Vaudeville - Retro Skin flicks and Sexy Live Acts, Fresh Performances;" we'll see how the locals' performances stack up against our own live show.

More troubling is that the city is still working so hard to keep the show from happening. Due to a strange zoning law, they (and all movie theaters showing R-rated films) are breaking the law all the time. The text on the books says that there can be no female nipple, no butcrack, no genitalia of any sort. Perhaps only Boise was more restrictive. The city said they didn't want any live displays of nudity, but that films showing all matter of sex are okay, for now. The city even bought a handful of passes to check and make sure there was not anything displaying, saying that if there was so much as a wardrobe malfunction they would shut the entire festival down.

Big talk for a city that is actively attempting to deny constitutional rights to the people of Albuquerque. This will be the 1st show where we are not allowed to get as naked as we want!

Still we are planning on having it rock the people. We have already met lots of nice bikers. Including some folks from the "Bike Co-op" and "Two Wheel Drive." We didn't see anyone from Fixed and Free but we are hoping that between all the bike lanes and the folks behind that we can get in some sort of group ride tomorrow!

Bring it ABQ

  • Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound

  • Sunday November 8th

  • The Guild Cinema

  • 3405 Central Ave. NE

  • 5:30pm

a photo credit to

November 6, 2009

durango we hardly knew ye

So with a great deal of sadness, we have accepted that we won't be able to screen BikePorn3 in Durango.

This will be a devastating blow, as we reserved a Saturday for those crazy mofos who hosted what we heard was the greatest sswc for all time.

But as it turns out we are busting our balls and ovaries to make it to Pornotopia in Albuquerque.

Our program of sexy cycling will be shown to the ravenous porn people of Albuquerque Sunday November 8th at 5:30pm.

We hope to be able to unveil our new line of floggers via the folks at Kink Tank in Denver.

Bring it!

November 4, 2009

Ho(ly) Abs in Moab

Moab, the land of slickrock (which is actually very tacky), reminds us of some similar experiences in the shower...

Friday November 6th
2951 S. Desert Rd
Moab, UT
$5 suggested donation

On-street car parking only. If you want to ride the sweet bus meet at Chile Pepper at 6pm. They will haul you, and your bike, to the party!

That is right, we said "party." Following the show, we are gonna have a massive party and BBQ and sundries! Enjoy!

That blog title was pretty much a stretch even for us. How about you suggest something with more brilliance?

November 1, 2009

Look at the size of the (genetalia shapped) Fruita


For over a year we have been trying with great... uh, whatever the opposite of success is, to get a screening in one of the most underrated lands of epic singletrack.

Our friends at Hot Tomato Cafe (who we found courtesy of the venerable and talented Dr. Doom) were very willing to help, if only they weren't remodeling their pizzatorium. Then there was the unnamed would-be pro-women cycling group whose response to the idea of acknowledging the sexuality of cycling was as visceral and ignorant as a South Carolina Senator. So what's a pornographer to do?

Turn to the bike shops. Those mechanix who use tools everyday to lube, stretch, pound, and ream those objects of freedom and desire deserve it.

Thus our quest was not fruitless!

  • Wednesday November 4th
  • Over The Edge Sports
  • 202 E. Aspen Ave.
  • Donations accepted
  • 8pm, mature adults only

Come out and enjoy some refreshing beverages for cheap!

photo credit to FearlessGearless and Chris Pierce


We're taking a refreshing break for a few days. This weekend we have three shows in three days in Moab, Durango (we think?) and Albuquerque so we could use the rest.

An enlightened discussion of bicycle eroticism

For those of you who

A) were at the incredible screening of Cycle Bound this Friday, which included Japanese-style bondage and suspension (pics soon)

B) are interested in the content available on this website

C) consider yourself bikesexually curious

Tonight, Sunday November 1st Denver Kink Tank is hosting a discussion about these and other topics. There has also been rumor of some secret awesome submission that Denver is hoping to produce for next year's program. We're so excited we just can't hide it.

Kink Tank
Sunday, Nov 1st
Sugar Mountain

(2670 E. 13th Ave.)

Photo stolen without mercy from 45x15

October 30, 2009

Your Shit About to Get Fucked

Happy Halloween!

This scary vision of a commuter's nightmare (and below a reinterpretation of Munch's "The Scream") worked out pretty well. Thanks to our remote team out in Severance, CO who helped inspire this work.

Stay safe, take chances, eat a dick or any other delectably stimulating organ.

I got your human powered film right here

Great to mix it up with the fine people of the Bicycle Film Festival. As always they have curated some of the finest NON-sexual bicycle movies ever. Check them out all weekend.

If you are in Denver we encourage you to also enjoy


@ 1pm 2 on 2 Polo Touny
@ 13th and Emerson

@ 8pm pillow fight
@ 15th and Larmier

@ 9pm BFF Afterparty
@ Lisa Kowalski Gallery - 2762 Walnut St.

@ 1pm Bike Soccer and Bike Polo
@ Broadway and 14th Ave.

October 29, 2009

Denver is All Tied Up

Due to stupid-awesome demand we present
721 W Bayaud Ave
9pm AND 11 pm

Denver has immediately become close to the bike pornographers' hearts which are in our torsos, but not specifically where most people actually keep their hearts. Last year we had such a spanking good time mixing it up with the folks of Kink Tank, and showing 2 shows of Bike Porn at Orange Cat Studios (which has supposedly burned down? WTF!??), that we knew we would be back.

Upon arrival our hosts took us to the first in a series of Freeschool Denver screenings of Wes Anderson movies - Bottle Rocket, one of our favorites.

This morning after a solid 18" of snowfall we found out that not only is there a girls-only allycat this weekend, but that The Denver Mallet Mafia is hosting a polo tourny, bike soccer is going on as well, and adding to the mix the Bicycle Film Festival is in town. We knew it would happen sometime but feel vastly underprepared for it. What about the intrigue? What about the drama? What about the mysterious (possibly evil) twin brother of Brent Barbor's who nearly sketched us out in Tucson last year? Will these 2 behemoths of bike culture compete for an audience? Do the mainstream viewers of bike movies feel torn? Will there be a degree of pocket book voting as the underemployed bohemian decides his or her bicycle movie entertainment solely on cost of the show?

Friday night at 9pm the battle for bicycle-film-going audiences is on. BFF's "Fun Bike Shorts" vs BP3's "Long Hard Fun"

With all these events, how are you gonna keep your bike properly restrained? If you are feeling that your bike needs to be taught a lesson (or that your bike should have a chance to get you back for dragging it through a bunch of snow and muck?), we have got you covered. Master Robert and Owen will be demonstrating some rope bondage tricks! Its gonna be a hell of a show. Dress in bike fetish wear and share your best.

  • Friday October 30th
  • Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
  • Denver Bound
  • 721 W Bayaud Ave
  • 9pm, 11pm
  • $5, 19+

October 25, 2009

350 reasons to breathe easy w bike porn now w more naked

Ya gotta give it up to the sexy bikers of Ft Collins. Even though we had to sneak into a CSU theater to share Cycle Bound and it was cold and all we had to warm ourselves was a keg of Mothership Wirt we were still able to make a mostly visible point about the quantity of CO2 in the air. Did you find the hidden message?

Given that the number of walkouts has diminished considerably since we left the Idaho/Utah borderlands and our Denver show is still a few days off we MIGHT have a show this week in Greeley, Colorado. Greeley is the eastern boundary of the bike trail that runs along the "Pooter" River in Ft Collins. A massive bike ride with lots of people would totally kickass. It is probably known best for the meat backing plant that was written about in Fast Food Nation. Sounds like a perfect fit.

We know there are some good pics from the awesome show we did in Boulder, please remember to let us know what you think!

October 24, 2009

350 reasons to breathe easy w bike porn

today is an international day of action. thousands of groups are working to brimg the importence of global warming and clean air to our minds focus. who else will pose naked with their bikes to advocate for a better future. 350

October 22, 2009

Colorado Rocks

Last year we came into Ft Collins and Boulder knowing no one. Still the shows were a tremendous success! Now we have contacts, and are looking forward to another Friday/Saturday Bike Porn double header
  • Boulder
  • Friday, October 23rd
  • The Phoenix Asylum
  • 2510 47th St. Unit D/DD (behind Alpine Sports)
  • 8:00pm
  • $5
  • 21+

  • Fort Collins
  • Saturday, October 24th
  • meet at the oval on CSU campus for bike ride to location
  • Donation

Cycle Bound Trailer

Its been demanded and its been begged for and its been about time for us to unleash the beast that is the promotional trailer.

Our hesitation has been simple if not infuriating. This year's program has all new content that greatly expands our understanding of what was previously considered bike porn. The movies are amazing and naturally we want the trailer to be just as good. Frequently are better than their respective movies, and people go to see the movies knowing that. So we take specific shame in presenting this trailer, which, some say is great but we feel falls short on presenting the awesome bikesexual nature that is the entire program of


Try to forgive us. Or falling short of that maybe enjoy the trailers for "The Pornography of the Bicycle" or "Bikexploitation" as a point of reference.

October 20, 2009

coming soon to a tiny screen near you

Its a bit of a ongoing battle. We love our audience and we want to give them what they want but really when it comes to this blog, we don't share much. Our concern is that if we started releasing videos:
  • A) the unique theater going experience that has been our hallmark would be no more
  • B) exposing the performers to the often hilarious but more often annoyingly lame commentary of the internerds as a whole may leave the filmmakers, fluffers and future pornographers with a bad taste in their mouth.
  • C) its more work that we dont get paid for

All together that is enough reason to keep our content and our friends identities safe.

But then there is the insistent demand for a taste.
"What is bike porn?" they ask.
"Erotic short bicycle films made by various artists" we say
"But what is bike porn?" they ask again with massive, Disney-like, innocent eyes.
"Its sex and bikes in as many variations as you can probably imagine."
Then there is a long pause, a furrowed brow, and an attempt to create a new category in their mind where the synapse had previously not been connected.
"So like people riding bikes naked?"
"Or bikes having sex with bikes?"
"Why not"
"Or people having sex with bikes?"
"If they choose to do so, its really up to the individual."
"Oh... " Then there is some thoughtful nodding of their head and some acceptance of this new information just before the they turn us into the worlds most successful porno producing straight man.
"So what is bike porn?"

Don't get us wrong we love curious minds, but it is with a great deal of relief that we are sometimes able to point to examples rather than try to use descriptive words.

In the summer of 2007 we released The Pornography of the Bicycle
In 20008 we followed it up with, Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation
So finally we are proud to present to you the trailer for bike porn 3: Cycle bound


which will be available starting 10/22/09, this Thursday morning. Why are we making you wait? Because even though we are willing to play the foil doesn't mean we can't do it on our terms.

October 19, 2009

Tanx to the salty

Great volunteers, a kickass venue, tremendous response, a worthy fundraiser ...

altogether it makes the perfect blog cocktail to sip while thinking back to the good times of this past weekend, when one of the most vocal audiences ever to watch bike porn came together and shared a phallus.

All of them.

Much thanks go out to Hattie MacLeod who asked some rather poignant questions of our curator about bikes, sex and belief systems. Click here to check out the CityWeekly's article.

thanks to all who made it possible. Colorado, yer next!

October 17, 2009

full suspension mini bike bombing down the salt

We are done with this Ogden! Thanks for hosting and showing us what could be the best bicycle collective ever, and a sweet as  basement theater. pictures coming...

Time to get our tall bike joust on.


  • Saturday, October 17th
  • 6:30pm enjoy a refreshing tallbike joust
  • Saltacetlyne
  • 1375 S Main Street


  •  Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
  • 8:45pm the doors open (with live performances)
  • 1401 S Main
  • 21+

October 14, 2009

Utah is Hard on Porn

And it is getting HARDER!

Not in the way Idaho is hard on porn, but similar. The folks in Utah have been told they live in a repressive place and are sick to hell of feeling like they are missing out on the fun. They flock to Bike Porn because it speaks to some kickass core values of many fine people we have met from out there.

We are stoked to be sharing Cycle Bound with Ogden, our 1st time ever!

  • Friday, October 16th
  • 4192 edgehill drive ogden, ut
  • 9:00pm
  • $5 + donations, raffle
  • 18 years old or over to attend this costume/bike fetish ball hosted by dj rubicon with 80s

And it wouldn't be a Bike Porn tour if we didn't return to the city of salt. This year at a new space, the Kew Ven Ewe.

  • Saturday, October 17th
  • 6:30pm enjoy a refreshing tallbike joust
  • Saltacetlyne
  • 1375 S Main Street

  • The main attraction, Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
  • 8:45pm the doors open (with live performances)
  • 1401 S Main
  • 21+

photo credit to

October 12, 2009

3 cheers for the Red Room

The fine people at Joyride Cycles are into the porn AND want to go on a late night ride to a location for some night bike polo and other revelry. Be at the Red Room after the show.

the people who took down our image of the disk brake are possibly confused as we feel we have consent.

ok fine, the people who took down our image now realize that MOST people are not offended by bike parts.

Today the Chain Whip Tour begins, and four happy-go-fucky bikers commit to traveling thousands of miles by car to spread the a message of cycling and sex.

Driving is hard on us, so please if you see us, offer us bourbon or a cookie.

First stop is Boise, Idaho

Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
Wednesday October 14th
Red Room
601 W. Main St.

talk about a fleshback

Aspiring bike pornographers take note, the details can make your movie shine brightly. Dont neglect have a good graphic to go along with all the other images.

Check their website if you need to enjoy those graphics at a more reasonable pace view

props to colectiva for this

October 6, 2009

The (Duncan) Idaho (Stop) Conspiricy


Apologies to just about everyone for the convoluted and somewhat obscure references to Dune and the "roll and go" style bike stops that are legal in Idaho.

What is going on in Idaho?

Every day we get an email asking where is the show? When is the show? How is the show?

Rather then tell talk about how great the show is, or when we want to show it in Boise (Wednesday, October 14th) lets talk about where the show is...


... yet

Last year we had a good time at a "closed bar" and that was pretty great, but this year we need something more encouraging of the audiences' attention. Plus there is a live show to be had as well. So we need a place that can fit a dozen or fifty sexy bikers. Maybe that is your living room! Do you have a large space, decent stereo system and some chairs? email us today at

We know that displaying sexual anything in Idaho can be rough, but we are hoping that a miracle will happen and the sex starved people of Boise will get the bike porn they deserve!

Also we would like to apologize for that image. Objectifying a state like that is not cool.