November 29, 2011

November 28, 2011

The Great Baltimore Bike-Sexual Weekend

It's queer! It's bike! It's bike-sexuality!
Come experience and support the joy and liberation that sexual and transportation diversity can provide!

Saddle-licking scene from  'Multiple Maniacs'

Bike-sexuality is not something new to Baltimore, MD.  Our bike-sexuality research team found evidence as early as 1970, when Mr. John Waters included a bike-sexual saddle licker in Divine's 'Cavlacade of Perversions' in the film Multiple Manaics.

Fast forwarding to today, Bike Smut is pleased to announce that Baltimore is still a center for bike-sexual activity. Coming this spring, the awesome queers of Baltimore will be opening a women, trans and queer community bike shop. Go go D.I.Y!!

But in order to open this radical space, they need funds. To achieve this, they are throwing a fundraiser on Friday, December 2nd! 

Besides having sweet performances and 'so much fun'. Bike Smut will be helping out the raffle by donating TWO pairs of tickets to our Baltimore show on Saturday, Dec 3rd! Yes, that's right. . . Baltimore gets two days of awesome bike-sexual action!

5th dimension
405 E Franklin
Doors at 8pm, show at 9pm
$5-10 sliding scale

This will be Baltimore's only chance to see our latest program films from all over the world! Bring your bike, bring a friend, and come support your community!

November 27, 2011

A European Tour at a glance

As it was said by our official Bike Smut numerologist, Liberty Sprocket back in 2011:
"We did 63 shows in 21 countries."
This list is a historical document of our incredible European Tour:

16 April - Berlin, Germany (UNOFFICIAL SCREENING)
22 April - Leipzig, Germany (UNOFFICIAL SCREENING)
27 April - Vienna, Austria
30 April - Budapest, Hungary
2 May - Fabrica, Bucharest, Romania
6 May - Lambda Istanbul, İstanbul, Turkey
13 May - ODTÜ, Ankara, Turkey
15 May - Kaos GL, Ankara, Turkey
17 May - Boğaziçi Üniversitesi, İstanbul, Turkey
18 May - Empire Project Gallery, Istanbul, Turkey
26 May - BFest, Athens, Greece
29 May - Cerkno, Slovenia
31 May - Social Center Rog, Ljubljana, Slovenia
2 June - Zagreb, Croatia
3 June - Kino Udarnik, Maribor, Slovenia
7 June - MKSMC, Koper, Slovenia
10 June - Wien Bikekitchen, Vienna, Austria
12 June - Kapu, Linz, Austria
13 June - Styrian Sprint Shop, Graz, Austria
15 June - Cross Club, Prague, Czech Republic
17 to 19 June - GenderFuck festival, Tabor, Czech Republic
20 June - Galerie Skleněná Louka, Brno, Czech Republic
21 June - Bratislava Bikekitchen, Bratislava, Slovakia
22 June - Klub 29, Pardubice, Czech Republic
24 June - Cafe Miesna, Poznan, Poland
28 June to 3 July - Bike Punk Fest, Warsaw, Poland
5 July - Lenin Shipyard, Gdansk, Poland
7 July - King Kong Klub, Berlin, Germany
9 Berlin - Schwelle 7, Berlin, Germany
14 July - Autonomes Zentrum, Cologne, Germany
15 July - Gangerviertel, Hamburg, Germany
16 July - Erbse, Kiel, Germany
21 July - Kontrapunkt, Malmo, Sweden
23 July - Bokkafe Velgo, Gothenburg, Sweden
25 July to 31 July - Queer Festival, Copenhagen, Denmark
30 July - Kopi Squat, Berlin, Germany
3 August - Filmhuis Cavia, Amsterdam, The Netherlands
5-6 August - DIY Bikefest, Scheveningen, The Netherlands
7 August - Passing Clouds, London, England
12 August - The Motorcycle Showroom, Bristol, England
14 August - Yard Theatre, Manchester, England
20-21 August - Supernormal Festival, Oxfordshire, England
27 August - The Forest, Edinburgh, Scotland
28 August - Islington Mill, Manchester, England
30 August - Royal Vauxhall Tavern, London, England
31 August - ReWorks, Cambridge, England
1 September - Colorama, London, England
2 September - The Marlborough Theatre, Brighton, England
7 September - Andrea's house, Brussels, Belgium
8 September - Les Marmottes, Amiens, France
10 September - Nicolas Ehrhart Cycles &Le Houla Oups, Paris, France
16 September - Casablanca, Madrid, Spain
17 September - Patio Maravillas, Madrid, Spain
22 September - Teatro de los Manantiales, Valencia, Spain
24 September - My Beautiful Parking, Barcelona, Spain
27 September - Le Trou de Balle, Toulouse, France
29 September - Association le No, Marseilles, France
30 September - Un p'tit vélo dans la tête, Grenoble, France
1 October - Les Tanneries, Dijon, France
2-3 October - Tostaki, Lyon, France
5 October - Cinema Oblo, Lausanne, Switzerland
6 October - Csoa Gabrio, Turin, Italy
7 October - Cascina Torchiera, Milan, Italy
8 October - Sos Furnace, Milan, Italy photos
9 October - Mondrian Suite, Rome, Italy
11 October - Ciclofficina, Modena, Italy
12 October - Autonomer Beauty Salon, Zurich, Switzerland
14 October - Kafe Marat, Munich, Germany
27 October - Porn Film Fest Berlin separatist show

Click for a complete Bike Smut history...

This post is in sweet remembrance of jenny

November 23, 2011

Tip of the Cock Ma!

Miami is a lot of things to a lot of people.

- a place to evade/envision tan lines
- a show that features drug/gun/bad haircut trafficking

- a "bikini" runway for depressed midwesterners

But none of these topics scratch the surface of what is to come...

It's the only screening of DIY, erotic bicycle movies with the consequences of knowing your friends better and being able to hold your head higher saying, "fuck yea I know how to ride!"

Well suffice it to say Critical Mass, you have been warned and polo might be in play. When we are done Florida's junk might not be so limp that it dips into the Caribbean, we can get this penis-peninsula poking the depths of the Atlantic!

Miami Bike Smut

30 NE 14th St.
Doors at 9, show at 10
Post Critical Mass

Thanks to the Miami Bike Scene and Sweat Records!

November 22, 2011

Orlando on the Orgasm Trail


 No dice, Mickey.

18 months ago Bike Smut came to Orlando on a wing and a prayer, next thing we knew we were swept up in a all night dance party with more sexual diversity than a pile of queer ass folk stars/singers/songwriters

Wednesday Nov 23rd
1842 E. Winter Park rd
Evening time

lets do it like a pile of uh nevermind

November 20, 2011

Is Cocoa Loco for Porno?

We will see on Tuesday November 22nd.

Maybe a pre-thanksgiving chocolate turkey will come our way?

Tuesday, November 22
333 King Street
Cocoa, FL 32922
$5 suggested donation
doors at 8pm

November 18, 2011

Action Jackson

Last time we were in Jacksonville...

We are coming back. This Saturday night. Do you know where  your bike is?

Sat Nov 19th
Burro Bar
100 e. adams st
Jacksonville, Florida

College Denies Studs and Students

Last week we learned about how the administration of Warren Wilson College denied their students their rights to expression and assembly by preventing Bike Smut from being displayed in their common space.

Finally the story has broken out in their local media.
 the house was informed that bike porn does not “reflect community standards, and they didn’t want it attached to Warren Wilson’s name.”

So, how strongly do we have to protect people from sex? Is protecting students from the possibile danger of being exposed to a glimpse of something objectionable so important? then, for example other

As one savvy commenter noted:
Wilson just put themselves in the awkward position of endorsing everything else that goes uninterrupted

True dat.

Well, we can always turn back the clock to see what movies were being created when Dean of Students Deb Myers was in College...

November 17, 2011

Gorgia on my jock... er mind... er never mind...

Given the delightful plethora of sexy bikers about the Deep South, Bike Smut has been kicking back and taking account of its journeys. It wasnt long ago that the prospect of blanketing europe in our viscus lube seemed a laughable idea. Now that it has been accomplished we will try to keep things in perspective. A more through and hopefully pictorial trip down memory lane will be in order soon, but tonight we got hot bike sex to deliver!

we do have our doubts about how many miles she rides on this particular bike

Starting with a sweet micro house show TONIGHT in Athens, GA!
  • Peach Pit
  • 732 Pulaski
  • 10pm  (ish)
  • donations of shaking booties accepted

Friday we are in Savannah and Saturday in Jacksonville (reuniting with the Zombies)

image credit to The Epic Ride

November 16, 2011

get your adorable foible on!

If you think whipped cream and love-seats can make for awkward lovemaking then you can also imagine what trouble bikes can get us into...

sometimes liberation comes when you least expect it.

image credit to freestylee

Try to get some revolutions on today!

November 14, 2011

objectify fluid guys

Last time we checked in with the printing pretty pictures with dates of the week industry we found the hot and not very humid bikers of Bike Saviours in Tempe, AZ posing in a variety of exciting compromising positions.

Now we see that a handful of the sexy biker boys of our very own Portland, Oregon have stepped up to  keep people properly hydrated.

Read all about it:
Water is an $800,000,000,000 industry in this world, but who's getting left out? PedalFresh is a project started in Portland, Oregon. It works by raising funds through creative projects that involve Portland's bike community to build renewably powered water filtration systems for implementation in non-industrialized parts of the world. Decommodifiyng global water systems is of dire importance for community survival around this planet.
Ever since we got around to reading the most influential science fiction novel of all time we have been fascinated with the stuff of our bodies are made of and how we make them more dehydrated. But for anyone not paying attention to the state of commodities markets, oil is over, water is the next big thing. Lets keep it flowing the whole world over.

If you wanna support the impending moistness, by all means buy a calendar and if you are in PDX head down to their opening this wednesday evening!

November 13, 2011

Campus Security Denies Your Right to Naked Assembly part 2

When last we checked in with the folks at Asheville we learned that campus security likes to drive behind naked bikers. In this episode Bike Smut explains the principles of obscenity laws to said Warren Wilson College campus cops.

Thats right folks, obscenity is a community standard. It is more than your right, it is your obligation to learn and determine what you like and dont like. Dont let people who are not in your community define these things for you!

Savannah, Practice Safe BikeSex

Most US streets are not considered particularly comfortable for most animals.

In fact, they are't considered safe for people either! Only humans with a protective shell are thought to be safe. What a mindfuck that the only ways a person is considered safe are:

A) engaging in the activity that makes it unsafe for others to travel (driving)


B) staying at home, where danger lurks at every corner

How does the bikesexual community respond to this pandemic of danger? Is turnabout fair play? How about Hit and run? Fuck and run? Fuck and ride?

Just try and escape our sexy bikes

Friday Nov 18th
No Control (space)
108 e. 40th st
$5 (suggested donation)

We may not have all the answers, but if you are a vulnerable road user consider making yourself vulnerable to the in-transit hook-up.

November 11, 2011

Campus Security Denies Your Right to Naked Assembly part 1

Last night following an exciting Bike Smut house show on Warren Wilson College the attendees decided to head out on a naked ride...

November 10, 2011

It's all columns on 11/11/11

The Orgasm Trail heads to Athens, GA! 

Only a few months ago we were conquering the south of Europe in Athens, Greece and now we push down into the south of the USA to Athens, GA. 

Hope we can erect more columns in some budding bike-sexual's pants, tomorrow evening! 

Ben's Bikes
$8 donation w/ a raffle ticket and a cup for beer!

November 9, 2011

Appalachian Erotica

The Orgasm Trails continues south to the land where tall bikes went from amusingly tall to "OMG that might kill us all" Tall.

Located just outside Asheville, NC, Warren Wilson College is notable for more than just having insane tall bikes and pornographers being one of the few colleges in the United States that requires on-campus students to work for the institution in order to graduate. This can be done in a variety of ways. Consider "servicing" the community this Thursday night!

Thursday Nov 10th
Preston House
From Warren Wilson Road turn right at the Chapel on North

Pot Luck bring a dish to share
more details to follow

Story of Broke as(s) Fuck

Its not about bikes or sex, but riding a bike usually means saving money by spending less money to have fun.

Thank you annie leonard! Lets make a betting fucking democracy today!

November 8, 2011

Richmond For Pedal Revolution

During our brief stay in New York our team got to take in some Hardcourt Bike Polo, a show at our new friends at The Living Theater and a bit of THE REVOLUTIONWe loved swinging our mallets, our genitalia and meeting the people who might bring forth the political change that could produce a higher quality of life for the other 99%.

But for now we press on, for the Orgasm Trail is long and hard and must be ridden!

So tonight we recharge in Baltimore home to a variety of exciting debauched characters.

Tomorrow we press on to Richmond, VA, which besides hosting a variety of exciting moments in bikesexual history, was also a hotbed of revolutionary action:
"In 1775, Patrick Henry delivered his famous, "Give me Liberty or Give me Death", speech in St. John's Church in Richmond, crucial for deciding Virginia's participation in the First Continental Congress and setting the course for revolution and independence." - Historical nerd core info
Only tomorrow night, Its "Give me liberating, erotic, DIY movies of human-powered transportation or give me a pedal to the shin!"

Richmond, VA
304 Grace St
Doors @ 8:30
Show @ 9:15$3 Suggested Donation

November 3, 2011

Chopper Recovery


Bike Smut accomplished many things on our 6-month tour, but few joys can compare to the reunification of The Chopper with its owner.

We started out with a dozen tips from various internet postings and eye witness accounts from various contraband vendors. The reports varied some, but most had one or two young boys walking it all over the city. Eventually the tips brought us to a sleepy suburb in East Berlin. Once there everyone we talked to remembered seeing it and pointed us in the direction of a park.

Pornographers searching around for a stolen bike in Autumn

Retrieving a stolen bike can be a stressful challenge. Here our protagonist is confidently walking up to the underage thief. Moments later he calmly says, "I'll take my bike back now."

And just like that, the bike is ours again

The first mounting after almost giving up hope feels so good

The appearance Chopper Kitty, the friendly neighborhood cat was deemed a good omen

For a week thoughts about how to repay the bike thieves filled our minds. What is the appropriate reaction? What about when the thief is only 15 (and a beat down could result in the cops being called)?

We wanted to share some of the principles that brought us here. To explain to the thief that for 3 years, this bike builder has taken every Friday afternoon to help educate people in bicycle repair and the creation of more mutant bikes, for free so that anyone who wanted one could make their own. It's obscenely fucked to come into a workshop, break a lock and steal a bike from a place that would give you parts and time to make your own. That he trying to sell if for 100 euros made it clear that he was not a very smart thief. That he walked around town claiming to have built it made it clear he doesn't have very bright friends.

In the end it was decided that time spent trying to demoralize a person who is clearly without morals is not as enjoyable as just riding bikes.

All told it was a pretty wild ride. The mother-child-like bond between the bike and its builder was clear. Bringing them back together will be a memory we will treasure.