October 31, 2015

Happy BikeFucking Halloween

Its time for our never before annual punnishment post, where we make lots of lame jokes by replacing our normal vocabulary with phrases like, "Good as Ghoul" and ... eh actually no we don't need any sort of holiday to make talking like an idiot more appropriate because we do that kinda think nearly every time we post.

Given that we are coming up on a return to Colorado with screenings in Denver, Ft Collins, Boulder and Colorado Springs in November and that it is another political season it seemed appropriate to share some of our back log of exciting images from years past. Prepare your saddle for our way in the back machine as we travel to this date in 2008!

Seven years ago we had a plucky crew of reverend phil, Josh and Spencer aka Team Twink traversing the US Southwest on a mountain-bike-polo-porno-adventure. Politics were in high season. John McCain and Sarah Palin were on a similar wavelength: go to Colorado and convince people that we are not only amusing to listen to, we also have some really valuable ideas on politics.  It would seem Bike Smut was a little more successful than McCain/Palin 08.

 So it was that we would ride bikes with some of the finest, most creative mtn bike freaks on earth in the town of Durango, Colorado

perhaps a modified Gumby Twink costume...

hella political... no matter what year it is

The sweet babes were naturally drawn to our casual, pornographer-about-small-town ways

naturally, a photoshoot broke out

baldness became fashionable

The Rally of the Dead became a full on rolleskater disco

occasionally bursts of romance would burst like so many popping veins
notice the cross of Bicycle Jesus. For formal occasions only.

way before Twilight there was... a delightful bloody mess

some asshole parked on the dance floor. It probably wasn't us!

 roll up and grind down

an epic story about this, Baily's frame should be documented. but not here. Suffice it to say if you know where it is buried you could grave rob a sweet frame.

more responsible consumption continued throughout the following day and night

We never did actually check this person's ID. prb for the best that we didn't

An impressive assortment of boning happened on the award table

 the following day was a lot of bike polo, played on grass, right in the middle of town

grass polo... its a thing, especially in Colorado

nothing would stop us from standing and observing others.

we do suffer for the art... well someone does anyway.

Presenting the team that traveled the farthest to loose a polo game on grass: The Pork Barrels

free hugs?

So here is where we wish you a Happy Halloween. Also something about politics and a cute play on words to make this entire blog post seem well thought out.

- the end

October 19, 2015

Colorado BikeSexual Conclusion

Bike Smut has been visiting Colorado since our first year and every city (Denver, Boulder, Ft Collins and Colorado Springs) has been good and/or challenging to Bike Smut from year to year. For example during our very visit to Denver, Gabe, our bravest tourista was riding his customized minibike on the extra slippery skate park and in a terrifyingly casual, comical slip and crash he broke his femur at the hip. Thinking he had dislocated his hip he requested we try and yank his leg back into place. For hours we tore at his body, Lost Jeff on his arms and RevPhil at his feet, pulling with all out might and ripping his body to shreds as the bone cut and pinched the inflamed area around his broken leg bone.


This surface is too safe to walk on, much less bike on

After it started to snow the skateboarders began to heckle us to call a fucking ambulance already. We, the survivors rode along the rive bike path to meet him at the the hospital where we found a car had flipped over the embankment, causing a traffic jam and stalling the ambulance.


In our second year we let the locals take the beating. A BDSM trio pierced and hung cogs and other bike parts from a young bearded man with nice tattoos. Then one girl held him while the other beat him lovingly/savagely with tubes, tires, tools and a heavy and immensely painful brake cable flogger.


Just before we took part in a "desa-crat" obscene-poses-with-public-art-photo-scavenger bike race. I think we were "extra winners."


"Tea-Bagging the broom is OK"

Year three we were facing a freezing snow storm and also overlapping with our not so smutty rivals, the Bicycle Film Festival


But our team of artists manipulated some of their posters and a local volunteered to be bound and suspended during the show.


And so it continued up until last year when an excellent local journalist wrote a story about us for Vice Magazine. Now we are in our 9th and final time in Colorado and although in the EIGHT prior years we never received a single submission from Colorado this year we have not one, not two BUT THREE separate films from Denver artists! In short means this is gonna be one of the best shows and parties of the year.

Sunday November 8
Voodoo Comedy Playhouse
1260 22nd Street
7 & 9 pm - TWO SHOWS!
Tickets are available now $8 advance, $10 at door
Live performances from Reecy Pontiff, a team of solid gold roller skaters, and the dorkiest, SciFi choke-out or make-out battle of all time! 
Limited Seating, 18+, FB event


Venue theater, bar, and restrooms are all wheelchair accessible and located on the 1st floor.
Please contact any of the hosts directly with private questions, needs, or concerns.

 but that's not all.

  • 6pm Registration will be at Governor's Park (8th and Logan) s
  • 7pm Race start!
  • Prizes will be awarded to Most Overall Points, First Women, First Men, and Best Costume.
  • $5 to enter. No bag or lock required but you will need a camera!
  • After party shenanigans with a keg of New Belgium beer.


Tuesday Nov 10th at the Lyric Cinema in Ft. Collins 

Photos (above) via Gabriel Amadeus and Josh Neverfindme
Stills (below) from Do Bicycle Dream of Electric Humans, The Purple Ladies and Orgasmatronics