February 27, 2011

One if by land, two if bi-cycle

We are returning to Boston!


Friday, April 1st
Saturday, April 2
Bike Porn 4:PLAY
Brattle Theater, Boston
11:59pm - Midnight
Presented by Truth Serum
This bit of hype comes directly from the cinema! We sold out their 450 seat theater last Spring so we are looking forward to more!

You might think the name says it all, but you’ll be surprised by the range of films – from bike-on-bike action to humans obsessed with the ‘perfect frame’ – in this crazy, amazing touring program.

Maybe better than a amphibious orgy!


Photo credit to http://thedailysmut.tumblr.com/

February 25, 2011


Stunning pictures and youthful opinions from one of the worlds most frequently war torn lands.

"If I don't skate I become Ill"

We have expressed that precise idea frequently ourselves. It is dubious that we will make it to Afghanistan anytime soon, we are emboldened to hear voices hoping for a future of peace.

No matter where you are please try to be grateful for the time you have.

Priming The North

Regardless of the sadness that has enveloped the state of Montana, Minnesota has been able to step it up!
On top of our screening in Minneapolis they are about to release Salacious: A Queer Feminist Sex Magazine. Pretty exciting!

We will be up in that bottom bracket the 1st weekend of March. Standby for more!

February 24, 2011

Everyone wants more 4:PLAY: Austin Polo Porno

They swing mallets, skid on dime bags, and will whack your balls into the gaping 5-Hole! They are the fine polo playing bikesexuals of Austin, TX, and they demand more 4:PLAY!

Thanks for stepping up to demand more quality programming for consenting adults. We hope to be back in your shorts in 2012!

Bike Porn Bankruptcy in Montana

What tragedy! We have been getting great traction all over North America, with numerous oversexed bikers lamenting out inability to be on their shammies until March, or April, or 2012 even.

But now we have learned that there might be NO ONE in all of Montana that wants to jack their seat-post for us!

It was only 9 months ago that we proudly presented our biker junk for the whole of Missoula to enjoy, to which they rose out of their chairs and pants in triumphant rejoice.

How can be?

Perhaps is time to remind our dear readers that while we do plenty of grandiose performances at places like The Music Box, The Byrd, The Brattle, The Hollywood Theater... each of which are historical treasures in their own right, that we also have done shows in yoga studios, sex parlors, garages, basements, living rooms, underpasses, and mirror sculpture gardens.

As a friend once told us, a church is a people, not the building in which they pray. So too shall our gathering of consenting adults to engage and dissect the creative musings of sexy bike artists not be defined by the space in which we show as much as the willingness of the audience to learn and share and engorge... er grow.

If you know someone who should be hosting a screening of Bike Porn in Montana (ideally along I-90) on March 3rd-5th tell them to ping us up at bikesmut@gmail.com immediately! This is the only chance to get 4:PLAY.

This is our calling. We bring bike love to the masses. In turn, you bring the masses to us.

photo credit to ehow

February 23, 2011

Bring Back That Minneapolis Bike Love

This is why we still are mentally able to make ourselves go on tour. Please enjoy this inspired press release from our Northern friends.

BIKE PORN: 4PLAY at Madame
34th & Chi
Monday, March 7th, doors 6:30pm, show 7:00pm
$5-10 slide-it-in scale, $5 with a bike porn fetish outfit/helmet
Facebook your badself


That's right, Reverend Phil is back from Portland with your favorite freaky footage:

naked polo!
exercycle ass play!
poon-popping wheelies!
tandem action!
bike bondage!
bottom brackets!
top tubes!
rear derailleur? I don't even know 'er!
straight people! having sex!! on bikes!
queers! having sex!! on bikes!
bikes! having sex! with bikes!

Get brand new pair of rubbers, pop those spoke nipples into place, and bring the whole bottle of chain lube, cuz you're gonna need it!


Sneak peek at Smitten Kitten this Saturday, 2/26 and at


Bike Porn 4PLAY is proudly presented by: BIKE SMUT, Revolting Queers and QBG

How cool is that. We are totally gonna throw down for the QBG, just read their totally awesome/radical/bike punk statement:

Queer Bike Gang (QBG) consists of a bunch of Queers who wanna ride bikes together around the Twin Cities. You're perfect for QBG if: 1)You're a homo/lez/bi/trans/genderqueer/label-free or ally 2)You sort of know how to ride a bike 3)You want to hang out with others like you.

We exist so everyone can learn and have fun in a safe and welcoming environment and as a healthy, alternative venue for Queers to socialize, network, and share ideas. We endorse Queer political activism, sexual health advocacy, and the three R's (reducing, reusing, and reCYCLING, that is!).

purty cool eh?

February 22, 2011

saddle up filmmakers

The Bicycle Film Festival and Bike Smut have a bit of history. We have pretty similar missions, to encourage cycling via the power of movies and more than one filmmaker has made great movies for both of us.

Movies are a powerful medium. The tools to create your own have never been more accessible.

Now is the time

Make a fucking bike movie!

February 17, 2011

For The Love Of-

If there's one nice and indisputable thing I CAN say about Los Angeles, its this:
The Aglago house frucking RULES.
A good friend of the Bike Smut family, Bike Talk, an online radio show that airs on Saturdays at kpfk.org announced a benefit they were hosting for Kill Radio and asked if anyone might like to join forces in an attempt to throw the event above that proverbial bar of "awesomeness". Seeing as how bike porn season was budding right around the corner, there weren't a whole lotta folks ready and willing to take a trek all the way down to Portland's love-hate relationship city, LA. Not a WHOLE lotta folks- just me, Chloe. I haven't been with the BS family long and I'm sad to say I don't have as much experience in the niche of BICYCLE porn(though I am avidly working on it) but as a semi-glossy opportunity flowered forth to venture down to a city I hadn't visited since I lived there when I was about 4 years old, hook up with the good guys at Bike Talk and spread some good ol' down and dirty bicycle erotica for the very first time by myself, I thought, 'Hey, its sunny in Los Angeles, right?'
Much to my utter delight a slightly intimidating situation turned out to be quite a grand adventure. Nick at Bike Talk hooked me up with a couch to crash on at the cycling-obsessed Aglago house where I got to meet some mighty gracious strangers, not to mention they've got some of the cuddliest house pets I've had the pleasure to snuggle up with in some time(and yes, I AM talking about 4 legged animals).
The event itself was heavily supported by pretty much anyone and everyone that had an obsession for bicycles in LA. We had a bike valet stretching about half the sidewalk, Josh Haglund & Donnie Pepper provided patrons with some award-winning(as in they actually were presented with an actual award towards the end of the night) grilled cheese sandwiches, or grilled hummus for the vegan-heathens.There was some brilliant and beautiful artwork donated for silent auction along with an onslaught of buttons, bottle openers, caps, lights and other trinkets contributed by Bici Chica, Orange 20 bikes & others to appease the bicycle-loving masses. And all of this was hosted by the miraculously modest, Vlad the Retailer- a very unique, one of a kind retail space that's half kitschy treasure trove half art gallery commune. If you get a chance to happen upon the Hel/Mel intersection of LA's bicycle fetish, please give Vlad & his gang a big fat high-five from me. With everyone's combined super-powers-of-radocity we successfully raised over $400 for Kill radio. The event also did a lot to bring about attention to the political side of Los Angeles' ever progressing fight to get a spot on the road (to hear more on that front you can listen to the following week's Bike Talk radio show here). I myself got to talk with Nick on Bike Talk the day of the event.
Oh and did I mention amidst delicious grilled cheese, DJ tunes, beer, bike art, bike porn clips & video footage of bits and pieces of LA's previous bike rides courtesy the oh so astounding Chicken Leather- the oh so lovely, Telematique, put on a performance most excellent!
(videographical evidence to support these facts to be added as soon as I can get my grubby paws on it)

It was especially endearing, the city of LA, to see all these sweethearts contributing to this one night just in the name of the ever-progressing battle cyclists fight to get a spot on the road and space in our culture. I admit to being humbled but especially impressed by the amount of support bicycles have in a city so well-known for being plagued by an over-populace of cars. By the end of the night and into the following day of my departure I couldn't thank folks enough for their support not just for the event but for their love of bikes. My favourite piece of bike porn and its devotion by Bike Smut is that bicycle love is growing- and it transcends mere flashes of sexualized pictures but rather tugs at that deeper, thinking, breathing, escalating eroticism that flowers from LOVE. Specifically, ours is a pedal pushing, cycle-circling, freedom fighting love.

For the love of bikes!

(photo cred: April Lemly)

February 15, 2011


We have been enjoying a collective dream that we will find a perfect touring vehicle to take around the 10s of thousands of miles we will traverse this coming year.

We know, it would be great to bike the entire trip, but then... we do only have 6 months to cover the entire landscape

February 13, 2011

Standing By For Hot Times

porn to come!

We soon will unveil the new artwork for the Northern Exposure Tour as well as the theme for our 5th year of Bike Porn.

Exciting times are on their way, just you wait!

February 11, 2011

Give us a hand will you?

A new twist on a classic joke. Dear Speaker of the House, we know you are a busy man so our tech team installed "The Clapper" in the Legislature to improve the legislatures efficiency and so that you can make your own strobe light effects during speeches.

We are dubious that it will "clap on" very well, but when they have a pair of jodhpurs we will be the 1st in line.

February 10, 2011

Holy Oly Bike Love!

Oh glory be, some horny bikers at Washington State's Capitol decided that they would find a way to get their dose of Bike Porn before we sojourn away.

  • Special free screening of Bike Porn 4:Play
  • Friday Feb 11th
  • Evergreen State College
  • Seminar 2 B1105
  • 7:30pm

with MULTIPLE live performances including a new bike dance troop from Olympia!

tre exciting!

February 9, 2011

Everyone wants more 4:PLAY

Ali Blue of Salt Lake gets the honor of being our 1st 4:PLAY spokesperson! Several fans created short bike porn sequences where people demand more 4:PLAY! We expect to drop one every week on our run up to the European Tour.

Do not try and deny her, it is much easier to let her have her way.

Detroit sends a valentine

We feel the need to impress upon you.
Media Matters! Without a connection to an audience, even the most exciting media will languish and die. Art needs eyes and ears to see and hear it! Bike Porn has these same needs, plus nose and skin to really "experience" the show...

A certain Sandra Svoboda made a point to interrogate a couple bike studs about how big their tubes are, but that part of the interview about traveling with DIY erotic arts was not published, alas.

This year it's "4:Play," in honor of the tour's fourth rendition. Like the cycling community itself, with riders on everything from unicycles to tandems in solo outings and large group rides, the filmmakers embraced the theme on varying frame sizes and styles.

"Some people took the theme as, 'We won't have hardcore sex,' but then other people were like, 'Foreplay? That's how you get to having hardcore sex.' That's why it worked out so well...

Thanks for making us look good.

February 8, 2011

post-Seattle recuperation

Thank you Seattle!

so many beautiful bikers and perverts presenting themselves in a cavalcade of horny that we are hardly able to contain ourselves

lets try to recap:

A show at a place once called the Wet Spot equipped with whips, chains, cages, a pretty complete dungeon and other fortifications, one of which we had performers on top of.

A stage shared with pop-up-out-of-a-cake dancers gyrating to Kenny Loggin's Danger Zone and a variety of indecent proposals, plus a trip to a massive, abandoned concrete factory with a view of our future home, a barge left for dead on the Duwamish.

A relaxed screening at a bike screening where one of the viewers was quoted as saying, "Im sorry I have to go home now, because I am really turned on"


Thanks for all your support Seattle!

February 2, 2011

Live on the air with HER

Hey there porn fans, we have a represenatitive on the radio starting at 4:45 pm today!

Well be talking about Bike Porn 4:PLAY, Seattle, the analysis of burlesque vs. strip teasing, and "is this the post-modern sexual revolution, or are we spinning our gears?"

HER is "a forum for underrepresented music, sounds and perspectives. We support the local music community in Seattle, King County, Washington state, and the larger Pacific Northwest by focusing on found sound, field recordings, forgotten music, local musicians, bedroom recordings..." HEY NOW!

Tune in and listen to the goods at Hollow Earth Radio.org

Three Loads for Seattle

We are Super StokedTM because there is an invasion force coming up from other lands to enjoy this humptastic weekend.

Here is your schedule for hot bike action in the 206 this weekend:

Thursday @7pm: enjoy .83's weekly ride. Nerdcore alcoholics ride cherry whips. Meet at Westlake Center

Friday @8pm: the monthly Dead Baby ride. Starting location to be announced.

Saturday @2pm: The Center for Sex Positive Culture host the Seattle premiere of 4:PLAY

Saturday @6pm: Back to bike punk roots, Bike Porn 4:PLAY is in Georgetown at the Mix

Sunday @ 5pm: Take it to the Hill! 20/20 Cycles hosts the final 2011 screening of Bike Porn (do they have the best website by a local bike shop ever? talk among yourselves)