April 30, 2012

Media Monday: tangentially related

 This is Post dated material because its coming at us fast and sometimes in our eye even.

We are in the fortunate position of having a number of great friends who seem to take great delight in sharing interesting visual ideas. As such we generally take time to enjoy them, and frequently share them via our amazingly lame social media bitch-fest center.

WARNING this post is highly chaotic and full of links that ideally will cause you to cost your employers millions in work efficiency. 

Tuesday was our 1st of our weekly SPRUNG! programming, on the theme "Revolution." It was also Mayday (duh) and we're excited to see our friends encourage healthy transportation lifestyles for all, regardless of the hordes of asshat police officers who were arresting bikers left and right.
"not one cyclist arrested saw his or her bike removed from the scene by the police; they were yanked from their rides and were left to question if they would ever see their bicycle again." - PDX Bike Swarm blog

Oh, piles of great interesting/disturbing sexual collages? Well crafted ones at that? ok! Tumble on. Warning: not bike related

and did you know that MayDay 81 years ago was the dedication of the Empire State Building? So it was that building's birthday, or something. For 40 years it was the tallest building in the world then the Twin Towers went up, and by the time they fell it was only the tallest building in the state of New York. But on April 30th of this year (like dayz ago) they decided that the new replacement wold trade center was now taller... still king kong never climbed that erection, so whatever.

 And if you are not comfortable shoving an entire building inside of your body, you could try a Cthulhu-inspired glass dildo...

Or maybe you want more than just the "Jedi's Lightsaber" if ya know what we mean...

We dont completely believe this, but its possible that a prepubescent youth writer  is in fact, this amazingly hilarious
We have also recently learned that our favorite band ever is making good on their promise to have a 2012 reunion. This is only the 6th final show ever for Show Me The Pink, dont miss it! Coincidentally, our friends at CrankMyChain (who have been hosting an almost NIGHTLY streaming video show: Bike Check every Monday-Thursday at 9pm PST) recently uncovered this "gem" of a bike video from the Cross Crusade (the worlds most popular cyclecross series) circa 2007. Featuring music by Show Me The Pink (thus it all comes together)

We have always wanted to go visit the folks at Maya Pedal in Guatemala. Here is why...

Could our tall bike tour to South America still happen in time to stop the Myans? Is there a giant "snooze" button on their calendar? Such intrigue!

Standby for our next Media Monday (uh maybe that should be "Monday") when we talk about National Masturbation Day

April 26, 2012


Oh dear, is there a 12" adjustable wrench in our pocket or are we happy to see you?!?!


A weekly series of movies and performances to encourage better sex and better transportation

Every Tuesday night in May Bike Smut will take over the Clinton St Theater with a new program designed to titillate, educate and motivate. The summer months are nearly upon us; when was the last time you gave your ride a long, hard one over?  Speaking of long hard ones, when was the last time you were in an audience full of consenting adults watching porn together? And not just any porn, porn to change the world by.

That's right, we put a bike-fucking bird on it

Each week the films and performances in SPRUNG! will focus on a particular idea relating to sex and transportation without repeating any of our amazing content. The themes are:

May 8th POWER
By riding bicycles we take control of our transportation, of how we move across our communities and interact with them. Bicycles free us from the rigid boundaries of a car.  By asking our community to make erotic films, we can help redefine obscenity, and free ourselves from the capitalist ideals of pornography. Bike Smut is about reclaiming agency over our daily lives and defeating the patriarchal appropriation of our bodies.

But this isn't about bikers vs drivers, or queers vs breeders, or pervs vs norms, or film snobs vs couch potatoes (well, it kind of is about the latter; we HATE when people shut themselves in). This is about elevating our lives. Both porn lovers and haters are enamored with the way Bike Smut engages topics of sexuality, providing a venue for emerging artists to share their ideas and a forum for discussion and exploration for all.  Drivers, walkers, longboarders, Rascal pilots, all are encouraged to share. (Note: we are making an exception for pocket bikes, if you choose to ride one of those around your neighborhood you probably deserve to be alone).


What a way to kick off this series of movies that have inspired better sex and better transportation then by capping off the May Day celebrations with movies inspired by the Revolution?!!?

It is our honor to host the Portland Premiere of Bruce LaBruce's infamous "Raspberry Reich"
"The Raspberry Reich" is an agit-porn movie about modern leftist Germans adopting the culture and politics of the extreme left wing movements of the 1970s. The leader of the Raspberry Reich, Gudrun, who has patterned herself after Gudrun Ensslin, one of the main members of the Baader-Meinhoff Gang (the Red Army Faction), spends her time indoctrinating vital, athletic young men to her cause. A strict devotee of Wilhelm Reich, she believes that heterosexual monogamy is a bourgeois construct that must be smashed in order to achieve true revolution. To that end, she forces her followers to have sex with each other to prove their mettle as authentic revolutionaries. A porno-political-palooza.

The film also acts as a critique of the left, particularly in its tendency to not practice what it preaches via unrealistic and dogmatic political rhetoric. The film is an examination of the phenomenon of "terrorist chic", depicting how the signifiers of radicalism are now packaged and sold by capitalist culture as a way of neutralizing and rendering ineffectual any sort of viable, sincere revolutionary impetus.  

With manifestos, blow jobs, threats of violence, and decrees of "death to the capitalist pig" whilst fucking in the street The Raspberry Riech will leave more than an impression. How this film has never been officially screened in Portland before is beyond us.

Every Tuesday in May
Clinton St Theater
26th and SE Clinton
9:00 pm
18+   $7 (discount with password)

April 24, 2012

Media Monday: The "F" Word: Feminist

Well it's Monday somewhere...

You will forgive us for our excitement, it is not everyday that we take on the challenge of reading much less writing about what we consider the apex of "your doing it wrong" social theory. But feminism persists, even as most regard it with disinterest or distain.  Something to be feared for it implies the topics you are about to engage in may make you feel insecure about how you live your life. People may want the world to change, but they generally hope that it will all change around them, leaving them blissfully unaffected because they consider themselves fine just the way they are.

No insufferable joke will provide you escape its encompassing reach, and no manner of  of ignoring will make it go away. There it is, to liberate everyone equally even if you don't like it.

and this equal access to all regardless of their grouping includes sex!

(not that all we should have access to everyone's sex, but that everyone should be able to own their own sexuality

But fear not landowning white, right-handed, middle class, Protestant, heterosexual men, there is good news for you too (which is great to write as I am pretty solidly in that class) -  feminism will mean better sex for you and your partners!

It is just that talking about sex is already kind of intimidating. Annoying opportunity for awkward misinterpretations lurk at every double entendre, and make it feel safer not to talk at all.

So you could imagine the pause of concern that followed our whipping out of our advance copy of Momentum: Making Waves in Sexuality, Feminism, & Relationships to our favorite gathering of jocks caused. But if you expected more disinterest and disdain you would be wrong, because we play bike polo in Portland Fucking Cascadia.

The groups gathered to watch bike polo on the hottest day of the year and between the cheers, jeers and laughter they took to the topics presented like a duck to water, casually plopping right into the conversation, gregariously offering opinion and experience on queer culture, sex and agism, Fetlife and social media, and reproductive rights like they had been training for it their whole lives. I was proud of my friends and I felt lucky to have them.

The book, Selected Essays by 2012 Speakers Advocating Change in Current Sexual Dialogues
Edited by Tess Danesi, Dee Dennis and Inara de Luna opens up all sorts of exciting paths to more understanding of most disenfranchised people, but eventually we were forced to ask the next obvious question: Does it include bikes?

Not to be a transportationist, but these are the kinds of tools that are simple and obvious that they feel generally overlooked. And there is a reason.

"Those child's toys don't belong on the street" might be a fair rebuttal. Most of the bikes sold in the US won't have lights attached to them. This is because they are designed for recreational purposes, not "real travel" Can you imagine if auto makers tried to sell cars without headlights?

And yet the young are not abandoning their bikes for cars the way they used to. According to this article in the Grist (which is quoting Advertising Age, so we have no reason to expect they are deceiving us) over the past 30 years the share of 17-year-olds with a driver's license dropped by a third. Several other stats follow explaining the rising cost to the growing social-financial inequality. The social status that car ownership offers is diminishing as well, as the culture of cool shows fixed gear bikes in every conceivable form.

After a few hours in the park we were putting down the book with a somewhat comfortable "well, it's great that someone said this but can we add an expectant "…and?!?"" We were cocky. We felt so assured of ourselves and our place. We have the all answers, if only everyone would just do what we say it would all be better!

It was only in picking up the collection of essays that we realized our folly. But it's late, in fact there is barely a time zone left where it is still Monday, so learning about the rest and perving out on the hot biker bodies will have to wait.


April 20, 2012

Double-fisting bikesexual movies

If it sounds sexy, it's cause it's gonna be fucking sexy!

This day, (some 14 hours form the time of this writing) the wold premiere of Tranny Snachers will occur at the Hollywood Theater (where we just saw Annie Sprinkle last week)!

This is a pure Cascadian porno. We can't say for sure it is sex-positive (its a pretty challenging term at times), but we are confident it is sexuality-aware, which MIGHT be more important.

Following this curiously violent idea to end all genders, there is a bike ride to end all movie screenings! Coming hot off the heals of Filmed By Bike, (where we met, and smoked with Gary Fisher) the Dropout Bicycle Club is hosting a free, outdoor movie screening for all to enjoy!

Just last month they celebrated an entire weekend of depavement debauchery including a mutant bike cyclecross race though a small industrial lake with a beer stop in the deep end.

Possibly the best bike club in Portland, if not the world and you can bring your own movies about trannys or transportation to the event, tomorrow night! Just meet at Col Summers at 9:30 and bring some dollars for beer. What could be easier?

sex-positive non-bike bloggers unite!

After more haranguing than we would like to describe (tantamount to a bureaucrat defending the bureaucracy by saying "this is a rule because it is") Bike Smut has been included in our 1st ever e[lust]!
Dozens of different rad sex-themed blogs choose something in the past month they created that they are proud of. That submission goes to the eLust which in turn, compiles all the appropriate submissions and contractually requests every contributing blog post the link to all the other exciting content.
So without any further lameness, e[lust] #35 

Photo Courtesy of Vincent and Mia

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one
 roof every month. Whether you�re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or
 kinky discussions it�ll be here at e[lust].  Want to be included in e[lust] #36? Start with the newly
 updated rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 ~ Top 3 ~

Strangers in a barShe sensed him move along the bar, he took the seat next to her his knee brushing
 her thin stockings as he took in her dress and the way it waved over her curvaceous figure.

Dealing with Abuse in Our CommunitiesWe�re only human (yes, dominants ARE human) and mistakes
 happen. But what you do with the information that you�ve harmed someone is key.

Special RequestWalking to his desk, he pulled off his belt and put it on the left side, then
 pulled out a paddle and put it in the middle and then a cane on the right hand side.

 ~ Featured Post (Picked by Lilly) ~

What Keeps Us GoingWe co-existed, and we were generally happy with each other, but we were
 dysfunctional. You know how people talk about becoming roommates rather than lovers? Guilty.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Sex Toy Journalism: Seeking the Truths of Silicone via Flame Testing and Confronting Manufacturers 
Why flame test? �Pure� silicone, be it food grade or medical grade, shouldn�t melt or deform under the
 heat of an open flame from a disposable lighter or match � a fact you�ll see demonstrated in the video

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Comparisons Part Three
Cosmic Vibrations
Momentum: Reflections and Impressions
My Feminine Fountain is Finally Flowing (I squirted for the 1st time!)
PolyAnna�s Musings: Attraction
Q&A Number 1: Play Partners
Sexual Bucket List (and a Brief Diatribe on My Self Censorship Hang Up)
The �Dry Rut/Root�! Non-sex?
Intolerance � Contraception Debate, Religious Intolerance, & Grumpy Cooper

Erotic Writing

Come Together
Encounter in the Spa
Good Bad Sex
I needed him there and then 
Make Me Cum
Play Lady Play
Quitting While Ahead
Rampage � YSL�s birthday treats
the Confidante and I film ourselves
The first time I slept with the Girl in the Red DressTiming Is Everything
We drink each other�s cum

Kink & Fetish

Assignment from M
Fucked Raw
Foot fetishists, come talk to me
Make Me
Nice vs. Good
On �Closure.�
Practicing My Religion
Please Fuck Me

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Annie fucking Sprinkle
Voice and the Author

April 16, 2012

Media Monday: Celebrity Syncopation

What a week it has been! We got to enjoy the private company of not just one, but two legends.

We have been pimping, promoting and masturbating furiously at the thought of meeting one of the worlds most accomplished porn stars and sex rights activists, Annie Sprinkle.

We were considering ourselves blessed when she asked us to cosponsor her event, and we were somewhat smugly proud when she asked us to say a few words at her screening. But if only you could hear her exact words when she introduced us. It was something like, "I am so excited about this next project, these guys are helping people find their own ecosexual voice and are totally sexy.  I am proud to be able to introduce to the stage Reverend Gasper Johnson and Poppy Cox"


It was quite a show, with lots of clips from her long history in porn (she may have predated Point Of View Pornography) and gave a few hilarious examples of her acting styles. "I filmed this directly after my first lesson in acting! Please be kind." Then she welcomed the sex workers to the stage to present us with our own Annie Sprinkle award.

For our part we were able to show a few images of where porn is going and why we are taking it back from the mass producers of repetitive crap.

Then we got word she was working in Eugene providing sex advice to strangers... right on the sidewalk! How fucking rad is that, taking the sex positivity to the streets!

We were so excited we stole this image from  Melissa Mankins (we hope are stoked she will let us keep it up)!

Then on Friday started the 10th anniversary of Filmed By Bike, a locally grown (to Portland) festival of bicycle movies. Our curator had the fortune of helping to make it happen, by emceeing the 1st wildly popular screening and submitting films to most of their programs over the past decade. Adding to the excitement was none other than bike manufacturing legend, Gary Fisher. He and a few others popularized mountain bikes so much it has taken 20 years for the community to recover from the embarrassment. He was in top form tonight, wearing a crisp red plaid suit and hat and was pretty fucking sharp for a guy who gets paid to party with bikers.

Upon learning reading our informational handout about us, his eyes lit up, "I LIKE this!" He declared emphatically. Being able to take a relaxed ride from downtown to the Clinton St Theater and enjoying a bit of intoxication was also delightful.

If you or your friends ever get the chance, these two celebrities are totally BIKE SMUT APPROVED!

April 9, 2012

Media Monday: Pornocalypse

We at Bike Smut love to travel, and while we have done plenty of traveling over the past 6 years we are definitely enjoying cooling our heels for a spell in the delightfully ecosexual waters of Portland. But there is at least one amazing reason to jet out across international fluids.


For many a year now, the most walkable/bikeable capital city in North America has hosted a regular cause to put on the dog. Bike punks are not thought of as being highly fashion forward, but when it comes to bike punk formals all bets are off!

Nice boutineer? I thought you sad Booty-Teen Ear!

In gloriously encouraging Victoria, British Columbia
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Ride leaves Centennial Square at 7pm.

Oh the rides, the passions, the presentations, the pageantry! Plus prizes and accolades for Best Dressed Bike and Best on theme (bikes + prom + apocalypse). Don't miss on your chance to behold the surprises and suspense that await you on the island; which begs the question, will you ever get off... the island?

that last sentence was far too punctual, forgive us

April 6, 2012

ONE MONTH WARING! Bike Smut 6: Turning Trixxx

now you can't say we haven't warned you!
Get off your ass and make some porn people!!

Yes, its our official 'Call for Entries' for our sixth year of sexy and empowering bicycle film programming.

Illustration by Son of Son

You would think after 5 years we would have seen just about everything to do with bikes and sex, and  be satisfied! Yet, this could not be further from the truth! Our chains are still lubed and waiting to be pumped full of the awesome power of DIY transportation and pornography! 

We had some excellent entries over the past years, ranging everywhere from 'fall off your bike' hilariousness to 'fall off your bike' horniness. Including some great international entries we received while enacting our world domination plan in Europe! Our community of radical bike-sexuals has proven many times over that they are smart, funny and aware! We are so grateful for every submission we have received in the past, and we are over-joyed to continue share great art with other like-minded individuals, the world over!

We have some really exciting plans for the future of Bike Smut, but they won't be possible without your contributions. Maybe you saw the movies and were inspired. Or maybe you saw the movies and were unimpressed. Maybe you didn't see the movies, but want to ensure you don't miss it next time round. (The best way to get us to come to our town is by making a movie!) Maybe you are a cyclist who wants to inspire your friends to be more open about sex, or introduce your pervy/kinky friends to the wonderful empowerment of the bicycle. Maybe you just like bikes and sex. It can be that simple!!

Europe, we are talking to you! The success of our first ever European tour will be measured by how many great movies we get from YOU! It will also determine our return. You want more?? Show us what you got.

Steps to making your bike porn happen:

  1. Get an idea! What do you like about bikes and sex? This years theme is 'Turning Trixxx'. What does that mean to you? Sex workers doing bar spins? Obtaining coitus on a bike whilst riding it? (Actually no, no one has done that before!! WTF!?) We are not too strict on our themes. So, whatever your idea, make it sexy, make it clever, make it awesome. Just make bike porn!!!
  2. Find a friend(s). It is possible to make a totally solo and totally great bike porn. But even if you and your bike are the only 'actors' its great to have a few more people on board. Camera operators are handy and make it easier to get better shots. Musicians can be great for providing sexy backing music. More people means more ideas, which can lead to really really great art. This project is all about community, so get your community involved in a great project!
  3. Get a camera. (What, that cell phone shoots video??) We dont care how you shoot it. Just find a way to get it in some shareable format. Cameras are everywhere these days. Shoot in super 8, shoot in HD, string a bunch of still images together from your iphone.  We prefer 16x9 ratio, but if you wanna shoot in pixelsvison or some other crazy format, we are ok with that.
  4. Make your movie. Lights, camera, action as they say. Once you get it all recorded you are going to want to try your hand at some editing. Sharing ideas works best when they are quick and concise. Keep it under 10 mins (we think 5 mins and under is even better!) and the audience is more likely to stay engaged and understand what you are trying to say. That also keeps our show to one evening long, rather than an all night marathon of bike porn.
  5. Fill out the 'Entry Form.' I know, i know...paperwork!!!??! It's a boring part of the biz, but we gotta do it. We kept it as short as possible, and it's a little more work for you that means A LOT less work for us. You can get your copy from HERE. If you have questions, send us an email.
  6. Get your movie in our hands by May 6th! Once you have the entry form you will also know how to send us your movie. Once we have it, we promise not to put it online, release a DVD or tell your grandma.

May June 6th is the deadline for Bike Smut 6: Turning Trixxx
Just in case you didn't get that before.

You make it possible for bikers to talk about sex, you make it
possible for sex fiends to enjoy biking, you make your community
stronger and more aware. You share these things with people you care
about because it improves their lives. All you have to do is make a movie.

P.S. We have some super sweet posters and postcards for our 'call for entries', featuring the beautiful art above. If you work in a bookstore, bike shop, bordello or some similar community space that might want to share these ideas in poster/postcard format, please get in touch. bikesmut@gmail.com

Have fun, play safe, make porn!

April 4, 2012

Bike Lane Trash

If you live in a "progressive" city you probably have at least one lane of traffic that is dedicated as a "no killing bikers" zone. Which is a pretty grand idea, because we love it when we are not killed. While most of us here at Bike Smut are pretty experienced, bike lanes can offer some comfort in a bustling city especially in a high speed zone with lots of traffic. Still we generally prefer to "take the lane" over riding in just a rigidly defined space. We can see the benefits for new bikers to feel more at ease in the "no killing bikers" zone, but tragically it all too often becomes a "double parking" zone or a "car door opening in your path" zone.

Those behaviors, while frustrating, are somewhat forgivable. Car doors do need to open SOMETIMES and although getting the doorprize award by jumping out into the traffic of an unwitting biker is pretty obnoxious there is something even more distasteful about leaving your refuse in a place designed to keep vulnerable people safe.

Thankfully our friends in LA have devised a cleaver stickering scheme, to let the businesses know that their actions could have real ramifications (like ram-you-off-the-road-and-into-a-pile-of-garbage-cans-ifcaions).

This is a vast improvement over our previous attempts to communicate these ideas with the offenders.

Oh, and of course there is New York's plucky reply.

Happy tails!

April 2, 2012

Media Monday: You've got Female!

Our Bike Smut Queen, Poppy's large bosom is full of hot package we want to share with you!

 Our messages have reached the world over! From hungry bikesexuals in the "official" home of porn in Los Angles

To the plucky bikers of Manchester, United Kingdom

If you were a cleaver chimp and asked for a package we probably sent you one. Includes artwork from SonOfSon and stencil work found in the basement of the most bike friendly flophouse in Cascadia.

People often ask us how they can see these fabulous movies.
We tell them their only available when we play a show live, we don't sell DVDs
To which people ask how they can get a show to play at their city/Town/village
Our reply: MAKE PORN!
Dont despair! You can still help us spread the message of joy and liberation that comes with better sex and better transportation. Just let your friends know that they have but one month to create their own ideas of a brighter, more humptastic tomorrow.