July 30, 2012

Media Monday: Getting Our Bone Shaker On

Presenting the finest in printed bikesexual media

We were immediately taken with the folks in Bristol. From organizing a 24 hour mini bike criterium to  throwing down their own mini bike dance performances by Les VeloBici we got nothing but bike love for those talented artists. On the front lines of graphic images, BoneShaker Magazine helped bring all the joy together.

We felt at home basking in the bikepunk joy of having our organizers craft a crazy, adult-themed, mini-bike playground in the venue where we got to share porn and watch a weekend of excellent performances.

Back home on the US West Coast, we were tickled that writer and up–and–coming  bikesexual Rachel Jones got exposed to our our run of shows around LA and was so motivated by our program, "The Orgasm Trail" that she was determined to help share the good news. But we really got excited when we learned that Boneshaker Magazine would be publishing her article in their rather impressive quarterly publication! Plus it doesn't hurt that Ms Jones was able to evoke the ideas and intentions so passionately!!

Enjoy a sample:
The beauty of Bike Smut is that it asks the big questions – the meaning behind words such as sex, intimacy, fetish, perversion – without distancing itself from the answers. It is doubtful that even the raddest Gender and Women's studies professor or queer theorist could so efficiently provoke impassioned dialogues of activism, feminism, and sexual identities.

Bike Smut's mission statement is simple, to the point of elegance: Spreading the call for better sex and better transportation, we endorse joyful exploration, shameless flirtation, and radical honesty.

Without batting a coquettish eyelash, Poppy [Bike Smut's Creative Director] links the value she places in joy and female sexuality to the bicycle. “In 1850 the bicycle was invented, and women and bicycles have been a huge deal since then. Women weren’t allowed to ride bicycles because it supposedly would turn them on. 'Saddle sniffers' was a big thing. The bicycle changed the way women dressed - bloomers were invented for the bicycle, women could wear pants.

Poppy points me to the work of Susan B. Anthony, our lady of the American silver dollar, who said, “I think the bicycle has done more to emancipate women than anything else in the world. It gives a woman a feeling of freedom and self-reliance. The moment she takes her seat she knows she can't get into harm unless she gets off her bicycle, and away she goes, the picture of free, untrammeled womanhood." Paraphrasing Anthony, Poppy embellishes, “Women were able to take control of their transportation. Able to explore larger gene pools. Freedom machines!”

Boneshaker Mag is just that. Printed matter (that actually matters). The media is not available online, so we highly encourage you to subscribe. They have their design on lock-down and there are absolutely NO ADVERTISEMENTS, which for a printed publication is about as rare as Bike Smut.

July 26, 2012

ArtWank! on the Fringe

ArtWank! exists to educate, entertain and enliven! ArtWank is expressively explicit and extremely expletiveApparently a lot of artful alliteration via ArtWank!

Our friends in the UK are pretty clever and not unlike us are doing amazing things with very little. Give them a little more if you can.
Rejecting body facism, alienation and mass-marketed sexual identity in favour of mass debate, sexuality as FUN and joyful gems of vintage erotica, ArtWank seeks neither to condemn nor condone pornography, but to explore it's purpose and potential publicly.

Sound familiar? It is very like Bike Smut in many ways. But instead of the DIY (make your own porn) approach to creating a better society they have reached into the fabled porno closet of yesteryear to help us understand our shared history with sex. Its stunningly important.

We at Bike Smut are really hopeful that they are able to bring their cabaret to Edinburgh this year, and if you happen to be in Scotland you will discover that joy!

July 25, 2012

Korean Horse Power!

Even though it appears to be moving you and you are encouraged to wear bike shorts and a black and purple phallic saddle appears from your crotch at every thrust like an excited dog penis, this is not a bicycle! It will not transport you to the store, nor let let you hang your beer from its handlebars. In sort it is limited it its awesomeness. However, it is a chance to say things like, "Those crazy Orienters! What will they think of next?" And all sorts of other quasi racist thoughts as we examine the joy of in home equine training, without having to clean the dung off your carpet (unless that is something you're into).

"For those who like to ride horses in front of their TV and in the comfort of their own home."

Could this be another form of subtle encouragement for Bike Smut to travel to East Asia? Or is it just a not so subtle ploy to steal our hard earned home exercise equipment dollars?

Via BuzzFeed who provided the probably somewhat accurate translation.

July 18, 2012

Tisk tisk, TSA

The Naked American Hero, is free!

John Brennan, also known as Naked American Hero was found not guilty in a trail today for charges of indecent exposure for free speech action at PDX, also known as Portland International Airport.

("PDX" is the abbreviation of the airport which we often use to avoid having to write "Portland" because we are all so fucking busy that typing the extra 5 characters could cause a massive reduction in the quantity of awesome, self-indulgent bleeting*)

Brennan flies out of PDX for work regularly. That means that he regularly endures the rather fanatical behavior of the represanitives of the Transgressive Sexual-Assault Association, also known as TSA. On April 17, 2012 Brennan had suffered enough indignity. For although he is a regular participant in Portland's World Naked Bike Ride, he knows the difference between the natural honesty of a consenting nude body, and the embarrassing ordeal of being stripped naked against one's will. If Brennan was going to be strip strip searched than at least it would be in the safety of public view. He stripped naked right there by the conveyer belt to prove he wasn't hiding anything.

Specifics details of the day's events and more on the topic of nudity and perceived security via The Daily Beast.

In the trial the District Attorney relied on the TSA agent's ability to carefully reconstruct the scene of the crime. 

"Did you see his penis?" asked the prosecution.


A damning hush did not fall over the room. The weight of the witness's testimony falling on the court like so much limp dick.

Thankfully for Brennan, the defense had the advantage of utilizing the "My wiener is political speech." defense.  In the court of law, (when the 1st amendment is still recognized) "1st amendment genitalia" vastly trumps the TSA's right to prudishly declare they had a right to a private show. Which is where a lot of this rubber is meeting the road.

"Please don't show me your wiener,  others are watching me, looking at you." The TSA agent implied with a sideways glance.

For this crime against humanity Brennan was handcuffed and arrested but today Brennan was declared not guilty. I believe this is partly due to the fact that he lives in Portland, fucking Oregon and sometimes we are not as crazy as we may seem. 

[bleeting = blog tweeting, or tweeting about a blog, or any form self-referencing media hyperbola]

(note, due to some crappy blogger-type excuses this blog is like post dated or something)

July 16, 2012

The Race is Coming!

Just yesterday while talking about better sex and better transportation someone noted that Tall Bike Jousting might be the most violent, masculine sign of physical bike sexual domination yet devised.

If that is true your opportunity to witness the finest Cascadian tall bike jousters in action is happening soon!

Seattle hosts the 16th annual Dead Baby Downhill including a messenger challenge and a massive group ride into what has been dubbed as "The Greatest Party Known To Humankind" in Georgetown. This could be the last time the party is able to be held in G-town, because they have been throwing this greatest party every 1st Friday of August for almost two decades now and there are some downsides to having a few thousand bike punks raging in the streets until dawn.

1st Friday of August
be prepared

July 15, 2012

This Tour Has Not Been Titled

Our 14th tour  is in the works. In September we plan to travel from Portland, OR to New York City via the northern border. Our planned destinations include:

Bend, OR
Salt Lake City, UT
Ft Collins, CO
Denver, CO
Boulder, CO
Kansas city, MO
Minneapolis, MN
Madison, WI
Milwaukee, WI
Chicago, IL
Detroit, MI
Cleveland, OH
Pittsburgh, PA
Buffalo, NT
Toronto, ON
Ottawa, ON
Montreal, QC
Burlington, VT
Boston, MA
Providence, RI
New York, NY

Each screening includes the 12 films chosen from the past year of submissions, plus a song and dance performance from our Founder and Curator, Reverend Phil, as well as a Burly-Q look at how the bicycle changed women's clothing by Poppy Cox. After the screening the audience is invited to ask questions and share their thoughts.

In addition to our screenings, we have also hosted group bike rides, parties, games   and workshops to help further discussion and education on sex-positivity and transportation diversity in new communities.

Just try to have more poingent political fun in one night!

July 7, 2012

Seattle Naked Bike Ride - TODAY!

Zowie! in just about an hour a delightful horde of naked bikers will begin engaging the people with full frontal awesome!

The streets are made for people and we are in town to help people know their inherent right to better sex and better transportation. You don't have to be completely nude to join  the World Naked Bike Ride. We encourage you to be "as bare as you dare." (but we always wear shoes.) Our Bike Smut organizers were also quoted in this article in the Portland Mercury that includes lots of other useful tips.

Every year, in cities around the world, thousands ride bikes naked to celebrate human-powered transport and the power and individuality of the human body. WNBR demonstrates the vulnerability of cyclists on the road and offers a simple, cheap, healthy + fun alternative to car culture.

Its Free! (you probably could give someone a donation, but you will have to find them)
Its Fun! (its all smiles from all sorts of body shapes and sizes everywhere!)

It Political! (a protest against oil dependency)

We hope you join us

July 5, 2012

Freedom From Pants!

Glory be! Our comrades in Minneapolis, the Queer Bike Gang brought forth the joy that is riding a bike without pants!

And while it might not pack quite the same political punch of a World Naked Bike Ride it was still a powerful message of healthy bodies, regardless of shape or size having fun in the streets. Bike Smut proudly salutes these brave defenders of our liberty.

viva sans pantleon!

photos via http://grouchosports.com/
and http://morcmtb.org/