October 30, 2009

Your Shit About to Get Fucked

Happy Halloween!

This scary vision of a commuter's nightmare (and below a reinterpretation of Munch's "The Scream") worked out pretty well. Thanks to our remote team out in Severance, CO who helped inspire this work.

Stay safe, take chances, eat a dick or any other delectably stimulating organ.

I got your human powered film right here

Great to mix it up with the fine people of the Bicycle Film Festival. As always they have curated some of the finest NON-sexual bicycle movies ever. Check them out all weekend.

If you are in Denver we encourage you to also enjoy


@ 1pm 2 on 2 Polo Touny
@ 13th and Emerson

@ 8pm pillow fight
@ 15th and Larmier

@ 9pm BFF Afterparty
@ Lisa Kowalski Gallery - 2762 Walnut St.

@ 1pm Bike Soccer and Bike Polo
@ Broadway and 14th Ave.

October 29, 2009

Denver is All Tied Up

Due to stupid-awesome demand we present
721 W Bayaud Ave
9pm AND 11 pm

Denver has immediately become close to the bike pornographers' hearts which are in our torsos, but not specifically where most people actually keep their hearts. Last year we had such a spanking good time mixing it up with the folks of Kink Tank, and showing 2 shows of Bike Porn at Orange Cat Studios (which has supposedly burned down? WTF!??), that we knew we would be back.

Upon arrival our hosts took us to the first in a series of Freeschool Denver screenings of Wes Anderson movies - Bottle Rocket, one of our favorites.

This morning after a solid 18" of snowfall we found out that not only is there a girls-only allycat this weekend, but that The Denver Mallet Mafia is hosting a polo tourny, bike soccer is going on as well, and adding to the mix the Bicycle Film Festival is in town. We knew it would happen sometime but feel vastly underprepared for it. What about the intrigue? What about the drama? What about the mysterious (possibly evil) twin brother of Brent Barbor's who nearly sketched us out in Tucson last year? Will these 2 behemoths of bike culture compete for an audience? Do the mainstream viewers of bike movies feel torn? Will there be a degree of pocket book voting as the underemployed bohemian decides his or her bicycle movie entertainment solely on cost of the show?

Friday night at 9pm the battle for bicycle-film-going audiences is on. BFF's "Fun Bike Shorts" vs BP3's "Long Hard Fun"

With all these events, how are you gonna keep your bike properly restrained? If you are feeling that your bike needs to be taught a lesson (or that your bike should have a chance to get you back for dragging it through a bunch of snow and muck?), we have got you covered. Master Robert and Owen will be demonstrating some rope bondage tricks! Its gonna be a hell of a show. Dress in bike fetish wear and share your best.

  • Friday October 30th
  • Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
  • Denver Bound
  • 721 W Bayaud Ave
  • 9pm, 11pm
  • $5, 19+

October 25, 2009

350 reasons to breathe easy w bike porn now w more naked

Ya gotta give it up to the sexy bikers of Ft Collins. Even though we had to sneak into a CSU theater to share Cycle Bound and it was cold and all we had to warm ourselves was a keg of Mothership Wirt we were still able to make a mostly visible point about the quantity of CO2 in the air. Did you find the hidden message?

Given that the number of walkouts has diminished considerably since we left the Idaho/Utah borderlands and our Denver show is still a few days off we MIGHT have a show this week in Greeley, Colorado. Greeley is the eastern boundary of the bike trail that runs along the "Pooter" River in Ft Collins. A massive bike ride with lots of people would totally kickass. It is probably known best for the meat backing plant that was written about in Fast Food Nation. Sounds like a perfect fit.

We know there are some good pics from the awesome show we did in Boulder, please remember to let us know what you think!

October 24, 2009

350 reasons to breathe easy w bike porn

today is an international day of action. thousands of groups are working to brimg the importence of global warming and clean air to our minds focus. who else will pose naked with their bikes to advocate for a better future. 350

October 22, 2009

Colorado Rocks

Last year we came into Ft Collins and Boulder knowing no one. Still the shows were a tremendous success! Now we have contacts, and are looking forward to another Friday/Saturday Bike Porn double header
  • Boulder
  • Friday, October 23rd
  • The Phoenix Asylum
  • 2510 47th St. Unit D/DD (behind Alpine Sports)
  • 8:00pm
  • $5
  • 21+

  • Fort Collins
  • Saturday, October 24th
  • meet at the oval on CSU campus for bike ride to location
  • Donation

Cycle Bound Trailer

Its been demanded and its been begged for and its been about time for us to unleash the beast that is the promotional trailer.

Our hesitation has been simple if not infuriating. This year's program has all new content that greatly expands our understanding of what was previously considered bike porn. The movies are amazing and naturally we want the trailer to be just as good. Frequently are better than their respective movies, and people go to see the movies knowing that. So we take specific shame in presenting this trailer, which, some say is great but we feel falls short on presenting the awesome bikesexual nature that is the entire program of


Try to forgive us. Or falling short of that maybe enjoy the trailers for "The Pornography of the Bicycle" or "Bikexploitation" as a point of reference.

October 20, 2009

coming soon to a tiny screen near you

Its a bit of a ongoing battle. We love our audience and we want to give them what they want but really when it comes to this blog, we don't share much. Our concern is that if we started releasing videos:
  • A) the unique theater going experience that has been our hallmark would be no more
  • B) exposing the performers to the often hilarious but more often annoyingly lame commentary of the internerds as a whole may leave the filmmakers, fluffers and future pornographers with a bad taste in their mouth.
  • C) its more work that we dont get paid for

All together that is enough reason to keep our content and our friends identities safe.

But then there is the insistent demand for a taste.
"What is bike porn?" they ask.
"Erotic short bicycle films made by various artists" we say
"But what is bike porn?" they ask again with massive, Disney-like, innocent eyes.
"Its sex and bikes in as many variations as you can probably imagine."
Then there is a long pause, a furrowed brow, and an attempt to create a new category in their mind where the synapse had previously not been connected.
"So like people riding bikes naked?"
"Or bikes having sex with bikes?"
"Why not"
"Or people having sex with bikes?"
"If they choose to do so, its really up to the individual."
"Oh... " Then there is some thoughtful nodding of their head and some acceptance of this new information just before the they turn us into the worlds most successful porno producing straight man.
"So what is bike porn?"

Don't get us wrong we love curious minds, but it is with a great deal of relief that we are sometimes able to point to examples rather than try to use descriptive words.

In the summer of 2007 we released The Pornography of the Bicycle
In 20008 we followed it up with, Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation
So finally we are proud to present to you the trailer for bike porn 3: Cycle bound


which will be available starting 10/22/09, this Thursday morning. Why are we making you wait? Because even though we are willing to play the foil doesn't mean we can't do it on our terms.

October 19, 2009

Tanx to the salty

Great volunteers, a kickass venue, tremendous response, a worthy fundraiser ...

altogether it makes the perfect blog cocktail to sip while thinking back to the good times of this past weekend, when one of the most vocal audiences ever to watch bike porn came together and shared a phallus.

All of them.

Much thanks go out to Hattie MacLeod who asked some rather poignant questions of our curator about bikes, sex and belief systems. Click here to check out the CityWeekly's article.

thanks to all who made it possible. Colorado, yer next!

October 17, 2009

full suspension mini bike bombing down the salt

We are done with this Ogden! Thanks for hosting and showing us what could be the best bicycle collective ever, and a sweet as  basement theater. pictures coming...

Time to get our tall bike joust on.


  • Saturday, October 17th
  • 6:30pm enjoy a refreshing tallbike joust
  • Saltacetlyne
  • 1375 S Main Street


  •  Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
  • 8:45pm the doors open (with live performances)
  • 1401 S Main
  • 21+

October 14, 2009

Utah is Hard on Porn

And it is getting HARDER!

Not in the way Idaho is hard on porn, but similar. The folks in Utah have been told they live in a repressive place and are sick to hell of feeling like they are missing out on the fun. They flock to Bike Porn because it speaks to some kickass core values of many fine people we have met from out there.

We are stoked to be sharing Cycle Bound with Ogden, our 1st time ever!

  • Friday, October 16th
  • 4192 edgehill drive ogden, ut
  • 9:00pm
  • $5 + donations, raffle
  • 18 years old or over to attend this costume/bike fetish ball hosted by dj rubicon with 80s

And it wouldn't be a Bike Porn tour if we didn't return to the city of salt. This year at a new space, the Kew Ven Ewe.

  • Saturday, October 17th
  • 6:30pm enjoy a refreshing tallbike joust
  • Saltacetlyne
  • 1375 S Main Street

  • The main attraction, Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
  • 8:45pm the doors open (with live performances)
  • 1401 S Main
  • 21+

photo credit to http://www.slugmag.com/article.php?id=1757

October 12, 2009

3 cheers for the Red Room

The fine people at Joyride Cycles are into the porn AND want to go on a late night ride to a location for some night bike polo and other revelry. Be at the Red Room after the show.

the people who took down our image of the disk brake are possibly confused as we feel we have consent.

ok fine, the people who took down our image now realize that MOST people are not offended by bike parts.

Today the Chain Whip Tour begins, and four happy-go-fucky bikers commit to traveling thousands of miles by car to spread the a message of cycling and sex.

Driving is hard on us, so please if you see us, offer us bourbon or a cookie.

First stop is Boise, Idaho

Bike Porn 3: Cycle Bound
Wednesday October 14th
Red Room
601 W. Main St.

talk about a fleshback

Aspiring bike pornographers take note, the details can make your movie shine brightly. Dont neglect have a good graphic to go along with all the other images.

Check their website if you need to enjoy those graphics at a more reasonable pace view

props to colectiva for this

October 6, 2009

The (Duncan) Idaho (Stop) Conspiricy


Apologies to just about everyone for the convoluted and somewhat obscure references to Dune and the "roll and go" style bike stops that are legal in Idaho.

What is going on in Idaho?

Every day we get an email asking where is the show? When is the show? How is the show?

Rather then tell talk about how great the show is, or when we want to show it in Boise (Wednesday, October 14th) lets talk about where the show is...


... yet

Last year we had a good time at a "closed bar" and that was pretty great, but this year we need something more encouraging of the audiences' attention. Plus there is a live show to be had as well. So we need a place that can fit a dozen or fifty sexy bikers. Maybe that is your living room! Do you have a large space, decent stereo system and some chairs? email us today at BikeSmut@gmail.com

We know that displaying sexual anything in Idaho can be rough, but we are hoping that a miracle will happen and the sex starved people of Boise will get the bike porn they deserve!

Also we would like to apologize for that image. Objectifying a state like that is not cool.

doing it "Brittish Style" Embarrisingly SFW

While there isn't much skin in this video it will def get a rise out those regularly finding themselves involved in tweed riders (or looking at classic bike porn, aka pictures of tweed rides)

October 5, 2009

Bike Porn Opening!

These positions have been filled. Thank you for applying!

Love bicycles? Love touring the country? Love to get out of Portland for a few weeks?

If you are witty, adaptable and not ashamed of your body then you may be a good candidate as a roadie or performer for the Bike Porn tour.

Bike Porn is a 3-year-running film festival showcasing film shorts from various artists on the theme of "Bike Porn". The show is empowered, fun, and thoughtful, with a DIY aesthetic. Find out a little more about me and the tour at http://bikesmut.com

While the pay for this trip is negligible, your expenses will be covered for this sex-positive, revolutionary, fun-an-hell trip.

We'll be showing the films/performing in the following cities, October 12th through November 25th:

* Boise, Idaho
* Ogden, UT
* Salt Lake City, UT
* Fort Collins, CO
* Boulder, CO
* Denver, CO
* Fruita, CO
* Moab, UT
* Durango, CO
* Flagstaff, AZ
* Las Vegas, NV
* Reno, NV
* Ashland, OR
* Eugene, OR
* Corvallis, OR

Two positions are available:
Tour Production Assistant/Roadie
Burlesque Performance Artist

==Tour Production Assistant==

I. Job Summary
Assist in the production of a touring erotic arts film festival across the western US states for 6 weeks, spouting the benefits of cycling and honest sexuality. Shows are every 3-4 days.

II. Duties and Responsibilities may include the following:
* Driving
* Arranging tour logistics. assisting with tour logistics: housing, food, etc.
* Setting up lights, projector, screen,
* Some light lifting
* Some heavy lifting
* Set up and sales of merchandise
* Basic phone and computer use
* Writing, photography, cinematography or otherwise documenting the adventure as needed

(If, in addition to any of these qualities, you love to sing and dance and want to share your talents in front of a live audience of mature adults then you may be an excellent candidate for the following advanced position.)

==Burlesque Performance Artist==

I. Job Summary
In addition to helping present the show, you are part of the show! You will work with the Program Curator to craft a live performance that leaves the audience breathless. Most of the show is already figured out, but there are opportunities for creative input.

II. Duties and Responsibilities may include the following:
* Singing
* Dancing
* Burlesque
* Photo shoots
* Assisting with general needs of the show

More than just turning people on, we are turning them on to bicycling, the most simple and efficient way to transfer our bodies' energy into action!

III. Qualifications
Both positions need great people who want to do something unique and inspiring.

* Communicate strong ideas with strangers
* Able to work independently for a short time
* Sense of humor
* Able to occupy one-self during down time
* Able to engage in conversation
* Interest in learning about others and their successes, struggles
* Desire to share ideas about simple urban living
* Interest in camping
* Interest in various forms of biking including commuting, mountain biking, freak bikes, etc.

* Able to radiate confidence
* Generally optimistic


Call or email and explain a little about yourself and why you'd like to come on tour. Also, please answer the following: What's your relationship with bikes, fun, and sexuality? A recent photograph is not necessary but is helpful.
Email address: bikesmut@gmail.com

If you're interested, please contact us by Wednesday October 7th at 5pm. The Chain Whip tour leaves on Monday October 12th and returns no later than Wednesday November 25th.

Compensation is based on experience and performance, and will range from $200-400. Benefits will include: new friends, sexy fun, a big adventure, and a lifetime of memories. This is not a get rich quick scheme, but your compensation should be able to cover your costs depending on your personal budgeting.

October 4, 2009

Bang Bike, SFW... right?

Bangbus Goes Green

Nice work. This movie is not one of ours but the producers certainly do a great job of expressing their connection to the ride.

More lampooning of bikes and porn would be appreciated!