October 29, 2011

Kick Off on the Orgasm Trail

in two words,


be there 11/3/11 @ 11pm were $11 will get you $1 change that you want to see in the world

October 26, 2011

Multi media chopper theft action

Achtung! Chopper news! It has been a whirlwind of controversy and scuttlebutt, as Berlin's greatest Chopper is still missing. Several sightings of it have come out in the past 36 hours. Conflicting reports of a large old stoner looking person as well as a pair of young school-age kids, walking around with it (reasonable, as it is far to large for anyone under 2 meters tall to ride comfortably). Local bike culture is up in arms over the theft, with calls for violent gangs to patrol the streets as well as phycological evaluations for the guilty. Everyone seems to be wondering the same question, "Why?" Sure it is a really smooth ride and it looks fucking cool; yet after a moment of consideration the thief must have realized that s/he could never comfortably ride it in this city. There is just too much likelyhood that he would be destroyed by vigilantes. more details on these local bike blogs: Cycling makes you beautiful bicycle collective Admiral in Kreuzberg

October 25, 2011

Berlin's Porno Chopper

Breaking news: Berlin's best chopper was stolen today!

Just last night following a screening of Pippi Longstocking at the Kopi squat in Berlin the massive chopper known only as, "The Chopper" was stolen. The lock was found broken where the bike was left last night.

Any stolen bike is a terrible thing and while we would love to be able to post news about every stolen bicycle, we dont have the resources to even keep up with posting about our own hecktic tour schedule. But this is different, not only is it a magnificent chopper, with glorious ape-hanging body positioning, detailed welds and decked out with actually valuable bike parts, but in this case the bike was actually a porn star.

Where will this package rest now?!?

The bike and rider (or cycle and cyclist if you are feeling more PC about the "use relationship of bikes") were planning to attend the final screening of the also massive, 6-month Bike Smut European Tour in Berlin this Thursday.

Moreover, the owner and creator of The Chopper is finally able to view his package being delivered as he appears in this screening! The premiere of their own bike porn movie that had just been shot in Berlin two months earlier and was just edited in time for this show.

To combine the sweet satisfaction of witnessing a room full of sexy bikers appreciating your best pedal strokes with the gut wrenching notion that some thieving bastard may be riding around on your baby is horrific!

We are hoping to avoid that pain and provide that joy! You can help by taking note of interesting bicycles and telling a friend who lives in Berlin.

The Screening is to be quite the gala smutty affair, with the biggest names of the post-porn world coming together to appreciate grace, liberty, and hot fucking bikes. (ideally ones that are no hot because they were stolen)

Moreover, we have just confirmed our friend and orgasmatic machine, Mad Kate, (of "Too Much Pussy" fame) who promises to bring her impressive gyrating skills with a new porn bike of her own!

Thursday 27 October
Boddinstr. 60

But it is all so bittersweet.  Please keep your eyes open for this bike. If returned you will be granted discreet bike sexual favors, plus free bicycle maintenance and instruction every Friday afternoon for a year!

October 20, 2011

Fisting?!?! It's just a bit of hand sex.

Here in Berlin we are just coming up to midnight, which means its time for INTERNATIONAL FISTING DAY!

Rev Phil with some great graffiti by our hosts in Valencia

A special day celebrating the curiously taboo act of 'fisting' which is "When one person puts their hand into another person’s erogenous entries."

The act has been previously painted as something:

 violent - it's not, the act is extremely intimate and takes much more patience and communication than other sexual acts

Only for lesbians/gays - Why? Anyone with a hole and a caring and patient lover can do it.

perverse - Well, it is HAND sex! crazy!

Headed up by the beautiful and wonderful Queer Porn Starlets Courtney Trouble and Jiz Lee, International Fisting Day will aim to celebrate and normalize the act, as well as spread awareness about the unnecessary prejudice against the act.

Here at Bike Smut we have been trying to open people up to the act all tour, with our final film depicting a beautiful fisting scene on a bicycle. It has definitely been a point of controversy and you have one more chance to see it before we leave the continent. This Thursday in Berlin.

Boddinstr. 60

Doors at 9.00
Films from 10pm
with a few special performances throughout

€ 4-7 donation
discount for sex workers and cyclists

Fist-curious and in need some hands on education? The youthful and exciting Judy Minx and Durtal are teaching a workshop on Sunday afternoon.

And hey, even God thinks fisting is great, and wrote about it in the Bible. Really no excuses now, just remember to tuck that thumb in, buddy!

October 16, 2011

If a terrorist can porn, you can too!

This article, by Joshua Holland recently rebuffed the attempted association of pornography with terrorism.

There are pornography users, even addicts, who do not become terrorists.

WOW! We had thought that maybe we were causing a bit of a stir, but we didn't understand the full impact of our meaty movies. Having just completed Bike Smut's European Tour it might be time to examine some recent radical history (never mind our exciting times in Madison, WI)

From looters in London, to encouraging re-appropriation of wealth in Germany, to opening squats in Warsaw, to delivering a stirring radical message (or was that a massage?) in Turkey we are accustom to having our radical cake and eating it too. How else to describe bike activists driving all over the world?!?

Osama Bin Laden's cave computer had porn on it. 5 Terror Bites. That is quite a lot of porn (depending on your porn's quality), possibly enough to keep his troops satisfied.

News media can not help but mention finding a villain's porn stash. What better way to demoralize the enemy, because only people stuck in caves look at porn, right?

Someday, "Did the terrorists' cave have a porn stash?" might replace "Was the cyclist wearing a helmet?" as our new favorite media snark.

We need to know everything about our enemy and finding your foe's porn stash should provide months of research opportunities to dozens of highly paid military intelligence officers (and probably quite a few Blackwater operatives).

But of course this should not come as a surprise. Not unlike the terrorist who decides to fill up a canteen before poisoning a well, if someone decides to bring down the country responsible for making the majority of the world's pornography he or she will probably have stocked up on supplies.

If idle hands are the devil's playthings, then more Porn (and therefore more excited genitalia) in more hands would be a surefire way to curb terrorism. Unless Al Queda was training its troops to use their penises to blind unsuspecting (possibly underage) military personnel.

We are told that terrorists hate us because we are free. That could be true, but it seems more likely terrorists hate us cause we are comfortable, and our comfort comes at the suffering of others. Of course it is not necessary to cause suffering to enjoy comfort. But its not a luxury if everyone gets to enjoy it, so there has to be losers, and the more they lose the more others gain.

But there are people who get paid to make people feel bad, and they REALLY dont want you to be free.

You are right, creepy floating heads, some things are not suitable for youth; obscenity lurks in plain sight at nearly every freeway exit. But when a prepubescent Michelin Man demands more what are we to do?

With so much perversion in the world we sometimes wonder about renting a cave of our own.

October 15, 2011

Bike porn quantitative research report

There's something about Italian cocks.

As soon as our miniature rabble breached the borders of Italy and commenced our pornographic depredations, our Bike Smut merchandise table experienced an entirely unprecedented swarming by condom-hungry Italians. They have far exceeded anything we have ever experienced. Now that we've been to nearly every country in Europe, it's time to hand the Italians their trophy in recognition of the sheer excessiveness of their rubber demand. Italy has officially won 1st prize for condom consumption in Europe! Congratulations, Italy! Be proud!

But we suspect that the reason lies not with the specific nature of Italian cocks and their desires for fall rubber fashion. It probably has more to do with the specific nature of the Italian government. With the conservatism of Berlusconi and the influence of the Catholic Church, Italians do not have access to the plentiful supplies of free birth control that most other Europeans have come to rely upon, thus giving them greater practical reason to shell out a coin for our brilliant Bike Smut condoms. Which, may we add, are great. They do have supper enhanced bicycle sexiness, are as strong as a bike patch, and have recently made an appearance in Berlin's first bike porn film. Even if you are not Italian and have a weekly gift bag from Planned Parenthood delivered to your door, you should definitely check them out at your next Bike Smut show.

October 13, 2011

München mag Ihr Fahrrad

63 bike porn shows. 21 bikesexual countries. Bike Smut is the longest and hardest bike porn in Europe. But all things must come to a climax, and then, a conclusion. So with one last thrust we will explode through the finish line of our personal sex party velodrome that is the continent of Europe.

Our final scheduled show in Europe is tomorrow night in the city of Munich (world famous for having its own municipal Linux distribution). It has taken us five years to make it this far. It will probably be at least another five years before we can return, so here is your last chance, Europeans! Come to Munich for the last Euro Bike Smut hurrah!

Presented by the superb Munich Bike Kitchen at Kafe Marat, Thalkirchnerstrasse 102, Friday, 14 October at 20.00. That's it! Do it now or forever hold your piece!

But wait! Word is coming of maybe one more last minute show in Berlin! This could be huge cargo bike full of hype for nothing. Stay tuned for the thrilling details! But even if we show again in Berlin, come to Munich and act really excited!

Bike Calendar season is upon us again!

Its not even post Halloween and we are already seeing the beautiful bodies on bikes parade is rolling though again! Time to hop on that ever so alluring sexy bicycle calendar train. 1st stop, our friends from America's hottest little bike town, Tempe (you know the city living inside of Phoenix?) have delivered another visual mixer of bodies, ideas and genders.

The Bike Saviours have been organizing people and keeping the moving on the streets for several years and this is their third calendar.
The past few years of calendars have been pretty righteous, here is their first calendar, and again last year with an interview with calendar queen, Heather Hooch, one of those great people who can parity sex with bikes and do it with style.

Owning your own sexuality and your own transportation is about as hott as it gets. Its the middle of the desert, they would know.

October 12, 2011

Plugging in the Swiss holes

We have -10 minutes to hit the road in this small unknown village outside Modena, so we have only the time right now to say BAM! BAM! Tonight is our second-to-last European show!

Away we go, up through the Alps, to the city that has perhaps the highest standard of living in the world, and perhaps the richest residents. But it also has bike porn, which makes it ok.

So here's your almost-last-chance, Europe!
Tonight, 21 October
Autonomer Beauty Salon, Hohlstrasse 485, Zürich

October 9, 2011

Trilingual Media Exposure

The Bike Smut Euro Tour has had some shining moments of press glory - from the famous Malmo Media Maelstorm, to the Bucharest review that was mysteriously vanished from the net - but since we started slamming through the final Mediterranean stretch of our tour we have really been kicking it up a notch - a notch three countries big.

Madrid's alternative periodical Diagonal gave what may be the fullest expression yet of bike porn theory and practice ever published in Spanish-language media. The key points of bike porn were all there, from the 'the young androgynous anarcho-punk' Liberty Sprocket proclaiming how "finding your own speech is empowering," to Rev. Phil explaining how to "take control of your life in bed and in the streets," and Poppy Cox reminding us that ultimately, biking "gives you a hard ass."

We don't know what the French said about us. But they did a fine job of capturing our Grenoble show in action and of giving our own Liberty Sprocket a perhaps more suiting and exciting name. This Grenoble video is also notable as an example of what to NEVER EVER do when creating a news report on Bike Smut. There is period of approximately 0.75 seconds in the news clip when the bike porn films are visible. NO. This is not permitted. Ever. We would have had our Bike Smut h4xx0rs put a hit on this video, but we received specific permission from the filmmakers whose video is shown that they were ok with it, so now here it is for us to share and you to learn from.

Milan. Nothing compares to Milan. When we hit GQ Italia before we even reached Italy, we knew that it would be two nights of Bike Smut media different from all other Bike Smut media. We will try to post a full round up of Milan media and interviews with giant penises when we get the chance. In the meantime, just observe:

October 6, 2011

Italiano ciclo-erotismo

Italians make some sexy bikes. This is verified by the power of the Internet.Italians love sex. This is verified by the power of sexy Italians who keep on showing up to our screenings.

Thus it is not surprising that the Italian media has been in an uproar over our upcoming Italian shows:

"The weekend in Milan, the last leg of a European tour kicked off last April, will unfold between projections of branded Bike Porn movies, autoscostruzione laboratories (including sex toys !!!), music performances and live sets (for the occasion Pablito Drita and her new album features 8-bit "Little computer disk"). So c'mon, put the fun Between Your Legs!"



Thursday 6 October
Csoa Gabrio,
via revello 3
20 dinner, 21.30 film, night bike ride to follow

Everything you could ever want in bike sex!
Friday 7 October
At CASCINA TORCHIERA (p.le Cimitero Maggiore 18, Milano)
21.30h - Bike Smut screening
00.30h - PABLITO EL DRITO game boy live set, presentation of new album "Little computer disco (RXSTNZ records)
Throughout the evening - Hard stencilism by Serpica Naro

Saturday 8 October
SOS FURNACE (via moscova 5, Rho)
17.00 - Bike sex laboratories:
_ Bike Sexy Dance
Bike Porn Collage

DIY Sex Toys

20.00h - nutritional aperitif
21.30h - Bike Smut screening
00.30h - electro-trash DJ sets with:

For more info: bikesmutmilano@gmail.com and Facebook

Sunday 9 October
via dei Piceni 41/43 ROME

via faleria 9 

Tuesday 11 October
Ciclofficina Popolare Rimessa in Movimento Modena
Viale Monte Kosica 89
facebook event

With a show in Zurich on Wednesday and Munich on Friday we have only days before we scream back to catch a flight from Berlin! Get in touch quick!

October 5, 2011

Bike Smut hero lauded

When the mayor of Vilnius, Lithuania, took his mayoral might to the boulevards in a fit of anti-automative destruction, Bike Smut was aroused. Now we know that we were not the only ones to be so excited. Mayor Arturas Zoukas has now been honored with the Ig Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of his radical solution to urban car terror. The citation is specifically for "demonstrating that the problem of illegally parked luxury cars can be solved by running them over with an armored tank."

The Ig Nobel prizes are a prestigious award that honors ground-breaking global scientific research. Mayor Zoukas shares this year's award with such luminaries as Anna Wilkinson, Natalie Sebanz, Isabella Mandl and Ludwig Huber their paper "No Evidence Of Contagious Yawning in the Red-Footed Tortoise Geochelone carbonaria," Anna Wilkinson, Natalie Sebanz, Isabella Mandl, Ludwig Huber, Current Zoology, vol. 57, no. 4, 2011. pp. 477-84. Mayor Zoukas traveled to Harvard University last month to receive his Ig Nobel at the awards ceremony.

We congratulate Mayor Zuokas on his achievement. We wish him the greatest success in exploring further innovations in state-sponsered anti-car militancy.

Coming back to phily!

From a cinema collective's living room to the mosaic-covered walls of the Magic Gardens, we have had some pretty wild shows in Philadelphia. So it is with great pride that we announce a blooming partnership with the Philadelphia Naked Bike Ride.

 Yup, lots of attractive people not wearing clothes, being political just with their presence. Pretty hot, we think! We are looking for a venue, so if you have a suggestions let us know!

October 1, 2011

Packing in the Euro Porn

Show details come at us pretty fast. Just in the past few hours we have new shows in Italy and Switzerland. This makes for some pretty upset people when local bike perverts find out about our show a day late.

Don't let it happen to you! Because we are in the midst of a gruelling 10 day orgy of non-stop bike sex, we present to you here your one-stop shop for all the information you'll need to satisfy your bikesexual desires over the next week!
... And since you are reading this you are obligated to take the extra step and make sure it does not happen to your friends!


Saturday 1 October
in the cellar of Les Tanneries squat (17 Blvd de Chicago)
18.30h - Bike Smut screening
Preceded by cocktails and aphrodisiacs.
Prix libre

Two days of sexy bike frolics!
Sunday 2 October
10.00h - bike polo at Rue Philippe de Lassalle, Croix-Rousse
14.30h - 'Bare as you dare' naked bike ride from the auditorium Part-Dieu to La Feyssine Parc Naturel Urbain
16.00h - cake and bike games at Feyssine

Monday 3 October
19.00h - Bike Smut screening at Tostaki (1, Rue Saint-Benoît, 69001 Lyon)
22.00h - gold sprints


Lausanne, Switzerland
Wednesday 5 October
At Cinema Oblo, Av. de France 9
23.00h - Bike Smut screening
Following an evening of mytho-avant-garde underground films beginning at 20.00h.

Thursday 6 October
Csoa Gabrio,
via revello 3
20 dinner, 21.30 film, night bike ride to follow

Everything you could ever want in bike sex!
Friday 7 October
At CASCINA TORCHIERA (p.le Cimitero Maggiore 18, Milano)
21.30h - Bike Smut screening
00.30h - PABLITO EL DRITO game boy live set, presentation of new album "Little computer disco" (RXSTNZ records)

Throughout the evening - Hard stencilism by Serpica Naro

Saturday 8 October
SOS FURNACE (via moscova 5, Rho)
17.00 - Bike sex laboratories:
_ Bike Sexy Dance
Bike Porn Collage

DIY Sex Toys

20.00h - nutritional aperitif
21.30h - Bike Smut screening
00.30h - electro-trash DJ sets with:

For more info: bikesmutmilano@gmail.com and Facebook

WHEW! That is a good run. Zurich and Munich are almost set with maybe a final show in Berlin or some other town along the way.

We hope there is still time for Rome on the 10th... our bikes cant fuck the entire city in just a day.

Chronicle of a bitch on wheels

Inspiration is what we're all about, here at Bike Porn Industries International. We dedicate ourselves to sharing the art of an incredible group of different film-makers, just to demonstrate that you too can take the power of your bicycle and your sexuality into your own hands, and use it to save the world and satisfy your desires.

So we are very excited when we see that inspiration take hold and produce fruit from the loins of bikesexuals. Especially when it sprouts in unexpected places and forms. Like an erotic short story about a Bike Smut alley cat ride, as recounted in the comments section of a Madrid alternative newspaper. Because it is indeed the sexiest writing about an alleycat race that we have ever encountered, we give you the "Chronicle of a Bitch on Wheels," in the original Spanish. An awkward but still inspiring Google translation can be found here.

Crónica de una perra sobre ruedas


Una tórrida tarde de asfalto en Madrid. Es sábado. Dejo la ropa mojada en la lavadora y salgo en bici. Me dirijo a una gymkana sobre ruedas en el marco del Bike Porn Fest. Temor y expectación en las venas. Yo seré perra, pero las que organizan ni te cuento.

Seis pruebas en seis puntos calientes de la urbe. “Lo importante en esta competición erótica festiva no es la velocidad sino la creatividad y el guarreo”. Perfecto, hoy no me apetecen polvos rápidos, prefiero remolonear en mi sillín.

Pistoletazo de salida. Nuestras bicis cruzadas sobre la calle estrecha y pelada de aceras cortan el tráfico. Las montamos y escapamos en parejas a tomar la ciudad con nuestros cuerpos y nuestras bicis.

Prueba uno en la Catedral de la Almudena: foto erótica con tu pareja. Bendita sea, sólo se me ocurren obscenidades pensando en bodorrios.

Prueba dos, en una tienda de bicis. Una de las organizadoras, maquinilla de afeitar en mano, nos ordena: “Elegid un lugar de vuestro cuerpo, él ya lo ha hecho”. Él, que trabaja en la tienda, sólo viste un delantal que le cubre por delante; se da la vuelta y decido pelarme como él.

Prueba tres en el Retiro. Me atan a mi pareja con una cadena de bici grasienta, bien apretada, y tiran el tronchacadenas al lado de una colmena de familias. Me siento como una perra atada en busca de su hueso mientras me azotan con un látigo made in el taller de juguetes eróticos del festival. Al principio duele, después escuece, luego me gusta.

Prueba cuatro, en el Corte Inglés. Gasa, satén, tafetán, el vestuario es una fiesta de vestidos caros y horteras. Mi proceso de conversión en perra se agudiza a la velocidad del flash. El book nos lleva tanto tiempo que no llegamos a la quinta prueba, en la sede del PP. Imagínesela. Tampoco llegamos a la del masaje en el Templo de Debod; me quedo sin mi plato de caricias.

Evidentemente, no gano el collar de perra de la competición, pero me siento sexy, tengo el culo duro y siento que la calle y la noche también son mías.