January 31, 2014

Houston: The Porny Express' Final Delivary


Saturday, Feb 1
Super Happy Fun Land
3801 Polk ave
8pm doors, 9pm show
$5-10 Suggested Donation
Adults Only

Its the end of the tour as we know it and my ass is FEELIN FINE!

January 26, 2014

Double dippin in NOLA

We are coming on the end of The Porny Express!

It is strange how things end sometimes.  After bike touring more than 3,000 miles across North America, riding and scheming from Minneapolis to Montreal to (almost, but soon we hope) Mexico.

But now we are on a sort of post holiday, holiday. Instead of bike touring Bike Smut is bringing The Porny Express on the fucking bus. If any great orgasms result from our cushy ride we will let you know. Also different is the pacing. For most of the tour we did 2-3 shows a week but now we only have two more! One of which is in New Orleans TONIGHT!

January 26th
The Mudlark
1200 Port
8pm, $5-10

Then only one final screening left!

January 17, 2014

Dallas hops on The Porny Express

There is a city in Texas that more than any others conjurers images of Amerikana. Football players (doing drugs), cheerleaders (on drugs), and (drug filled) cherry pie.
Okay, maybe El Paso is a bigger hub for drug trafficking, but when we think of eccentric, wealthy people who are just barely holding onto their marbles, we think of...

But this aint no game. This is real. Everyday means something, and until you figure out who shot JR you are just gonna have to keep pounding them hard Dallas streets, living your life as you desire, just as any emancipated, sex-positive, human-powered person would, with or without drugs.

But Sunday is special. On that day of rest we are gonna get so fucking active! We have a really amazing venue right downtown with really good seats. Only thing is its pretty tight. Better get there early.

7pm Cocktail Reception with Local Performance Artists and Introduction by the curator of this Erotic Bicycle Film Festival.

With Performances by The Amazing Boobzilla!

8:30pm Theatre Doors Close. Bicycle Porn Begins. Yes, porn. Sex & Bikes & Sexy Bike People. Theatre seating for 30 people with a small amount of extra room for those who are okay sitting on the floor.

10pm Afterparty at Absinthe Lounge

*21 & Up ONLY. $10 suggested donation, no one turned away.
*One Night Only


This is our first ever screening in Dallas, make it count!

January 7, 2014

Austin on The Porny Express

Austin is the original "Keep _something_ weird" and sometimes is called the Portland of the South. It has been bucking the trends of conservative Texas for a long time. Now after years of struggle for a slice of the streets we are witnessing the emergence of bikesexuals everywhere! From the ATXHBPC hosting the Lingerace, full of bikini clad people riding all over town to more historically reserved groups' understanding and pleading of support we have seen some big changes in our 6 years of visiting the Capitol of Texas.

Plus we have lots of help!

Queer Ride is a local group advocating for "THE HOMOSEXUAL AGENDA" in the most adorable way possible. Looking cute on a bike and helping either other be safe and seen! They are hosting the pre-party where you get to cut and paste your own vision of bikesexuality! Bring some bike mags, bring some porn, bring some scissors or borrow ours. Starts at 6pm and gets you into the show for half off the normal price!  FB event: https://www.facebook.com/events/574223955982394/

The Amazing Boobzilla and David the Goliath make up the dynamic duo from the “Oh No!” Variety Show and will dazzle you with her breasts of destruction! Boobzilla was diagnosed with Gigantomastia at 13 years of age. Instead of sheltering herself from society, she embraced her look and the superhuman powers her mutant boobilities give her. This lovely fear freak can crush your skull with her TITS! She has become famous for training to lift over 200 pounds and even breaking concrete bricks...with nothing but her breasts of steel!

Do The Right Thing, Austin! is a crew dedicated to getting you dancing. Following the films they are taking control of your body with your implicit consent! Expect piles of sweat and possibly no pants as you drive yourself into body shaking ecstasy!
This DJ team that spins fancy Italian disco, degenerate top 40 mash-ups, hipster electro, and especially for this occasion filthy booty grinding hip-hop.
sign up on their FB event page: https://www.facebook.com/events/1396214470628149/

All of this plus The Porny Express is made possible by the fine people at The Spider House Ballroom who are drop kicking the bike love for this fly night!


We have had a great run of shows in Austin and we expect many more.

January 5, 2014

San Antonio on The Porny Express

We had a good run of shows with our friends at Boneshakers in San Antonio. Since last year they have closed their doors and are moving on meaning we gotta move it too! No more shaking the bones, its time to slip somethin into your bottom bracket, if ya know what we're sayin.

The Bottom Bracket Social Club
1603 N Colorado
$5, +21
Presented by K23 Gallery (soon to be San Antonio's premiere gallery of crazy sex stuff!)

Wiener down!

Wiener up!

We only have a few more shows left in this region, make sure your friends know about em!

Jan 17 - Austin - Spiderhouse Ballroom - 2906 Fruth St.
Jan 19 - Dallas - Southside Lamar - 1409 S. Lamar St.  
Feb 1 - Houston - Super Happy Fun Land - 3801 Polk St.