Out of the Living Room on to the Streets

What ho! Davis has all the infrastructure to make any city jealous (except some form of mass transit that connects with an elevator that takes one to the top of a hill in an old growth forest just outside an urban center... but other than that its great!)

The thing is they are suffering from a lack of culture to draw the like minded folks together. Last night viewers of The Pornography of the Bicycle came one step closer to an active bicycle culture.

30 people crammed themselves into a modest living room in the N St Cohousing. This was the first time we had a public screening in a private residence. It was a little different to be sure. In a big theater anonymity is very possible, even likely, and hecklers (totally encouraged) are unknown voices clamoring for more. But in a small space everyone knows who said what.

The big advantage was being able to take 15 min after the show to answer questions. So many questions. "Why did you do that?" "How do you normally ride on your saddle?" Does that hurt?"

The audience generously donated $75 to our humpalicious efforts. And then a motley crew consisting of a recumbent tricycle, a tallbike, a single speed, a pedal-electric hybrid 2 seater, and the mobile bike church trike rode off on those mean Davis streets.

Thanks guys, now go start up some bike polo league. I got a hankerin for some nice biker on biker violence.


TONIGHT! BIKE PORN @ THE ROXIE!
@ 7 and 9:30 pm
with gifts from Last Gasp and Good Vibrations

Bring Porn Home

Tonight, Jan 2nd we are having the 1st ever public screening of The Pornography of the Bicycle in a private residence.

Our friend Pasture Ted has arranged for a nice spacious domicile at 732 N Street in the Platinum Bike City of Davis, CA. I'm looking forward to seeing 1st hand how much better it is than biking in Portland. I hear their cops still give out lights to bikers without them, so maybe i will get lucky.

Regardless this is a unique opportunity to experience these programs in a very intimate setting. Maybe I will talk for a bit afterward, or maybe I will get run out of town.

Thursday, January 3rd we screen our bike porn in San Francisco at the Roxie. Everyone's eyes light up when i say that so the theater must be pretty good.

We also got some sweet gifts from our friends at Good Vibrations. A book on masturbation a couple cockrings and more!

I want to thank Cyclecide for hosting the best NYE party I've been to in a while. Good people, good performances and no cover! I love me some free fun!

One down, and still 3 to go?

We had a fun night sharing our unique material, or more accurately, we looked at sexy biker's tits and cocks and were happy. With the encouragement of Sarah from Babeland we hosted a Sex Positive Game Show, which included a brutally competitive 10 second orgasm contest. We did the WNBR Reenactment with our Naked Justice Players:

• Fuzz Beast portrayed Off Duty officer (naked biker assaulter) Chad Stensgaard
• Shawn Furst as the Coked-out pissed-off SUV driving debutant, Amanda Truscott
• A hairy Franz played the naked and vulnerable road user, Rev. Phil Sano

Although the show's attendance was under my expectations, the two hundred screaming bikers seemed to enjoy themselves.

Thanks to the sponsors (including the generous guy who give up some 2008 Sprockettes calendars) our raffle made $200 for the Bike Oven. (btw it is amazing to see how much they have grown in only a year.)


More exciting news: Bike Porn has a new sponsor. Our smutty underground friends over at Last Gasp Publishing have agreed to provide some of their finest goods for our San Francisco audience.

Now we are on our way to spooge over Davis, San Francisco and Cottage Grove.

That's right I said Davis (as in the town outside Sacramento). Pasture Ted has requested a screening for the other most bike friendly city in the United States. Who am I to turn down another man of the cloth... although I'm guessing mine is a little more crusty.

I'll be on their VELOlution radio show this Monday Jan 31st @ 5:15pm Listen to KDVS radio live by clicking here

I hope I can follow their dogma:

Bike Church Ten Commandments

1. Thou shalt not throw away a bike
   

2. Thou shalt not use a bike's name in vain
   

3. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's bike
   

4. Thou shalt not use an internal combustion engine when it is not necessary
   

5. Honor thy tricycle, thy bicycle & thy unicycle
   

6. Take the oil of the earth and anoint thy bike
   

7. Love thy bike as thy self
   

8. Thou shalt not worship other idols (cars)
   

9. Attend church regularly and ride the last friday of every month in Critical Mass
   

10. Metal recycling will be the only means of reincarnation
    

11. Thou shalt leave the church as nice or nicer than it was found

Er... Maybe I will get to ask them about their creative mathematical skills.

Bike Porn @ the Vine

Its happening tonight in Los Angeles...

December 28th
8:30 pm @ The Vine Theater
6321 Hollywood Boulevard (@ Vine)

We have a game show, raffle with sweet prizes, a reenactment of the 2006 WNBR and that is all before the screening!

thanks to everyone who made this possible.

Countdown to Calipornification

I have abandoned my Portland bike mecca to take up arms (and legs) in the heart of car culture. Los Angeles! A fierce combination of cyclists are assisting me with the Bike Calipornification Tour.

We are hitting all the biggest, baddest, cycle-horniest places south of Portland on this tour: LA, SF, and CG*

One of the most exciting part for me is getting to meet some of the people who submitted videos. Both Paul de Carcass of the SFVISBF and Colin Arlen of Macaframa who co produced the San Francisco Track Bike video will get to see the entire program for the first time.

We are very thankful for our supporters who remind us that our bodies and our bikes need lots of love.

A variety of sponsors is helping to make this evening even more special... that is to say there is some cool stuff you might get just for showing up:

• A display of too sexy bicycles, Merry Saddles is strutting its stuff.
  
• One of the longest running, women operated sex stores in the country Good Vibrations is helping us shake it up in San Francisco.
  
• Ashira of Red Riding Hood Productions has some hats.
  
• Liz and Shay of C.I.C.L.E. are providing tshirts
  
• Babeland has recently opened a new store in LA and is pulling out all the stops!
  

UPDATE: OH CRAP! I ALMOST FORGOT

• Orange 20 bikes will support the cause with some of their fine wares
• Jen Diamond has stepped up to provide one of her handmade Jerseys

screenings in Santa Cruz? Dubious. In Davis, CA? Likely! Bike Porn Radio interview New Years Day @ 5:15 PM with Pastor Ted.

*CG... as in Cottage Grove, Oregon. Duh.

the big three down south: LA, SF and CG*

After 3 months and 100s of emails (really... hundreds of emails) we finally secured a venue in San Francisco.

The Roxie will host 2 screenings of bike porn on Thursday, January 3rd, 2008

This is in addition to the LA screening @ the Vine Theater on Friday, December 28th and the screening at Centro on January 5th in Cottage Grove, Oregon .

Finally we will see if Baghdad by the Bay can handle our Little Beirut filth.

*Little did you realize that Cottage Grove is a mecca for kickass perverts, but that's why you read this right?

more than just videos

Bike Porn has appeared in many flavors. At the Vine Theater in Los Angeles we are presenting one of my favorite. The wildly popular live action reenactment of the 2006 World Naked Bike Ride. Amanda Truscott will be there recreating her drugged out violent driving binge, we are still casting for the part of "naked victim of drunk-ass road roage." Also included are the naked "bikers" who continuously provide the backdrop for the mayhem.


Even more exciting is that Merry Saddles has agreed to display some of their fine wares. These ornate yet functional pieces may be available for sale to a loving home.

I would steal all her artwork for posting here but really you owe it to yourself to see it live @ the Vine Theater in Hollywood on December 28th.


doors open @ 8:30,
show starts @ 9pm

last time I was in LA I broke a vacuum. Things will probably not be any less crazy this time

Calipornificaion Tour: disfrute bici pornografía

Scheduling shows has been challenging. Even though I gave myself more than 2 months of lead time it seems that there is never enough preparation. Just this week a stunning blow came when I learned the venue I had hoped to use in SF could not fit in with our travel schedule, by one day!

oh the suffering.

That is why it feels so very good to have verbal confirmation of The Vine Theater in LA. We are still in negotiations but expect the screening to be on Friday, December 28th.

There are so many cool people in LA. If I had not gone there for Bikesummer I might not even believe how great they are.

Thanks to C.I.C.L.E. and Ashira for their support!

mixing modes

I suppose it is fair to say that I have tried a few things in my life. When speaking of experience I am generally in favor of walking at least around the block in someone else's shoes.*

I bring this upon myself. I am responsible for this. I asked, nay, pleaded** for more and more bike porn. Of any nature. Regardless of other considerations.

And yet, I cant shake the feeling of unease that comes with this.

Maybe if I was able to warm up first by watching a moped mount a motorcycle then it wouldn't seem so foreign... so taboo.***

It all just goes to show you that we all can take offense now and again. And that it is ok to have boundaries, and that when you find something that is a little... uh, creepy, that only means that we have some pretty fucked up childhood experiences we must work to ignore better.

With that I propose we go to the bar. In Portland, The Vern is still serving pints of Deadguy Ale for $2 every Tuesday. A couple of those really dulls the pain.

------------

*which makes me think that a great pickup line could be, "Nice shoes, wanna walk around the block?"

**More pleading is coming. Get your fresh ideas ready and make me blush.

*** This fan pic sent in by Lora of Seattle: http://picasaweb.google.com/lora.koenig/Bikes It is notable that she made sure the bicycle was topping the motorcycle. Regardless, I hope you all take this opportunity to report her for all that inappropriate content.

Domain Squatting my porn, wtf?

I want to own bikeporn.com, alas it is already taken.

Well I'm sure it is being put to good use. Let's check in with them to see what is up: "No web site is configured at this address."

Thanks, Ilan C. Paltrow of Charlotte, NC! Your contribution to the internerds is woefully under appreciated.

But what about some other URLs? like bikeporn.net? Coincidentally the Domain Squatter lives in my hometown (barely). Colin Mannex of 8315 sw 67th place Portland (aka Tigard), Oregon has nothing but annoying ads on his page.

Lee Levitt of Needham MA kinda sums up my feelings on the matter with his website Bikeporn.org: "Bike Porn..."

cause really what more is there to say?

---------

Wired Magazine gave some advice on how do deal with Domain Squatters. One method is to buy up every possible misspelling of your website.

http://www.selfseo.com/domain_typo_generator.php gives us:

Wrong key typos
* vike porn.
* nike porn. -------------->
* hike porn.
* gike porn.
* buke porn.
* bjke porn.
* bkke porn.
* boke porn.
* b9ke porn.
* b8ke porn.
* bije porn.
* bime porn.
* bile porn. (below)
* bioe porn.
* biie porn.
* bikw porn.
* biks porn.
* bikd porn.
* bikr porn.
* bik4 porn.
* bik3 porn.
* bike oorn.
* bike lorn.
* bike -orn.
* bike 0orn.
* bike pirn.
* bike pkrn.
* bike plrn.
* bike pprn.
* bike p0rn.
* bike p9rn.
* bike poen.
* bike podn.
* bike pofn.
* bike potn.
* bike po5n.
* bike po4n.
* bike porb.
* bike porm.
* bike porj.
* bike porh.


My confidence in the stupidity of the internet and all who dwell here is reaffirmed! If you want to be a millionare "bileporn.anything" are still available. Buy them all now!