The Worlds Fastest G-Bike

This past fall our team sponsored a trio of gravity bikers. These three plucky Zoobombers: Chuck Bridge, Aaron Truman, and Gabe Tiller raced among the worlds fastest on 2 wheels. Moreover they came away from the IGSA world championships with the 2nd and 3rd place trophies! While we are very proud of their accomplishments, we are not about to add to their inflated ego. Instead we are sharing these exclusive photographs of the 1st place g-bike.

The world champion explaining how the tire ware viable on shows a pattern of turning that leaves only millimeters before the tire eclipses the maximum turning angle.
A bolt on rear triangle allows the rider to change the geometry of the frame to improve top speed or cornering.


the worlds fastest bike?

"Westward Ho" Bikexploitation tour

The Westward Ho Bikexploitation Tour encompasses the western United States in October and November. If you are (or know of) fun-loving, sexy bikers in any of these cities we are excited to meat you!

• 10/6 Boise @ The Red Room
  
• 10/7 Pocatello
• 10/9-10 Salt Lake City @
  
• 10/15 Boulder
• 10/16 Ft Collins
• 10/18 Denver at Orange Cat Studios
  
• 10/20 Grand Junction
  
• 10/21 Moab
  
• 10/23-26 Durango
• 10/27 Albuquerque
• 10/29 Houston
  
• 10/31 Austin
• 11/4 Marfa
• 11/5 Bisbee
  
• 11/6-9 Tucson
  
• 11/11-15 Tempe
  
• 11/16 San Diego
• 11/20 Los Angeles
• 11/22 Santa Cruz
• 11/28 San Francisco
• 11/29 Oakland
• 12/1 Davis
• 12/5 Corvallis/Eugene homecoming show
  

All dates are subject to change without warning. Although we think this constitutes a warning, so there.

Bringing bike porn home

The message is loud and clear: the family that creatively expresses themselves together has babies with dangerously oversized genitalia.

Congratulations to C-SAW who made this wonderfully disturbing work of art for our recent bike porn collage off. For his contribution to the cause of safe family cycling this one-a-kind piece will be made available at the next screening.

Thursday, October 2nd
Hollywood Theater
4122 NE Sandy Blvd

Where we will show not just one program of sexy bike action, but two! For the first time ever in Portland both The Pornography of the Bicycle and Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation will play back to back!

Get your tickets now at: http://www.filmaction.org/engaging/
(online ticket sales... another first for Bike Porn Industries.)

Apologies to everyone who was expecting us to come up with a clever way of saying "bike porn has got HollyWOOD". Pictures, submissions and other "good" ideas are welcome at bikesmut@gmail.com

Halfway there!

The Cascadian Bikexploitation tour has been rolling strong!
In Bellingham we had 2 near sellout shows even though Western Washington was on break (when do colleges start their session anyway?).   In Seattle the rain would try and dampen us but we were already wet. Such adversities were no match for sexy bikers and the publics demand for origional programming. Crotchs with and without bikeshorts were ungulating on the side  40 ft brick building.  A standing room only show on the inside at the The Mix Lounge + projecting AND both programs back2back on the building across the street left the citizens of Georgetown pleasantly startled. We hope similar exitment on Monday in Olympia as we bring Bike Porn to the historic Capitol Theater for the 1st time ever. 
How will Washington's State Capitol respond? 

9/22/2008
Screening @ 9:00 pm 
Capitol Theater

206 5th Ave

Reigning in Seattle

Concerns of inhospitable weather for an outdoor screening were verified in spades this early morning. The Cascadian Bikexploitation Tour is resiliant, creative and most importantly of all, lucky. A kickass gallery just 2 blocks from the outdoor space away from the flooded backyard.

The Pornography of the Bicycle
and
Bike Porn 2: Bikexploitation

Saturday, September 20th
The Mix Lounge (aka Christoff Gallery)
6004 12th Ave S #17
Seattle, WA 98108
www.christoffgallery.com
8pm

TONIGHT!

Thanks to the great folks of the FBK who reluctantly gave up their hosting rights so we could be dry.

Tonight in Bellingham!

It is Thursday Sept 18th and time for the world premiere of Bikexploitation Recalibration

Make your way to the Pickford Cinema early for one of two screenings

7p and 9:15p

Hopefully there will be no more riots.

Bikes too Sexy

It is the job of a people to define what is and is not appropriate for a given community. That is the nature of obscenity law.

That being said we have mixed feelings about the "action" going on in the Hasidic Jewish district of South Bedford in Brooklyn.

Fighting the shame associated with just having a body, never mind a (partially) NAKED body is significant. Such is the nature of Bike Porn. Becoming as comfortable on your bike as you are in your skin seems perfectly natural.

But this news story does bring up an interesting idea, where does the "as bare as you dare" bike ride's freedom of expression end? Can we really say that cat suits are the end of the line? Would a crotchless rekelekh be less disturbing?

With bikers fearing a San Francisco style loss of momentum and Brooklyn Hasids wondering how much leg is Kosher, both sides are left wondering, "when will it end?"

We consulted with a number of bicycle religious representatives about this issue please stand by.

UPDATE: Lee is a Fossilosopher and frequent naked bike rider... so we are certain that publishing his views on this website is totally Fair and Balanced reporting.

I don't know if the Hasidim are really more evil or hypocritical than other neighborhood activists who try to stop bike lanes, but they are so off mainstream, the whole thing looks really weird. Do you know about their religious practice? The men dance to pray (as do Fossilosophers). They come from a mystical movement of 18th century Poland.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baal_Shem_Tov

I think the Hasidim in NYC (or maybe this is one loud Hasid) are making a show of their folly in front of the world and i think they feel disrespected and misunderstood as a group and have developed a siege mentality. So this will multiply the misunderstanding
- Lee of Vancouver, BC

Thanks Lee.

So will the disrespect they feel increase and what do you think might happen if they continue to feel more under siege?

Their ritual of dancing to pray leads us to believe that perhaps there is some sort of connection between all things. Imagine... Kevin Bacon is a sexy bicycle messenger in "Quicksilver" MEANWHILE he is told he cannot dance because of religion in "Footloose".

So would these women's protest carry more weight if they said they decided not wearing clothes while riding a bike was a ritual?

bad sex is its own punishment

Enough discouragement of all things humpy! Prudes can spend a lifetime explaining why anything other than sex for reproductive purposes with a single life partner with whom you have had an extravagant ritual (and possibly in exchange for a dowry) is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

But we shall mock their baseless puritanical claims wagging our collective genitalia at them. With our furious raspberries, hand gestures and logic we shall drive the uptight prudes out to swim in a sea of frigid discontent!

Or possibly we'll go about our normal, fucking amazing lives as if it is no big deal. Just like Dinh Dai Ngan, who this summer has opened the first sex shop in all of Vietnam, Chac nhu bap, which translates as "hard as corn."

"Sex is a normal thing, just like when you feel thirsty, you drink water. Why should we shy away from our basic needs?" he says.

Bringing safe, smart, comfortable sex culture to the masses is a daunting task. Many communities have suffered though horrendous periods of repressive belief systems. Those that contribute to fear and ignorance are directly responsible for many sex crimes as well as a metric shit ton of bad sex. Listless sex must end. Demand better sex today!

And so it is with great pride that we announce the second ever cascadian bike porn tour: "Cascadian Bikexploitation" Now with 100% more Olympia!

September 15-20 expect wonderful fucking bike action across the Northwest.

• 9/18 - Pickford Cinema, Bellingham
• 9/20 - Kangaroo House (FBK) Seattle
• 9/22 - Capitol Theater, Olympia
• 10/2 - Hollywood Theater, Portland
  

News of our SW tour to come soon. Please maintain a ready position

Forest Pork

This video was SUPPOSED to be entered into the Portland Mercury's "My Pretty Portland" 2-min video contest. Alas, Youtube took over 9 hours to upload the video, making our entry void.

"Void entry", man we are totally sick of hearing about that...

Screw that old 2 min version anyway, please enjoy this slightly NSFW version without the annoying black boxes.

The Bike Porn "Name the Annoying Blogger" Contest

Something we are seriously lacking is regular content. Like some prune juice and Metamucil Bran muffin content!
To that end we have a new reoccurring feature at BikeSmut.com... but we don't have a name for it yet.

Here is the premise. 100s of hours are spent scouring the internet for bike porn. Most of it is pretty tame. But an ungodly amount of my searches end up with us reading the ignorant, annoying-as-fuck social conservative blog de jour.

• "Gays are manipulating our children, keep them out of college"
• "I knew he was into evil because I searched his web browser history"
• "...and the serpent laid down with the bike thus I ran to my Ford Extinction and hit the A/C, cause cold blooded things hate air conditioning"

Most of them are terrible and boring, but some are just terrible. They need to be mocked bitterly. Just in time for our tour though the Southwest (yea Texass!) Ideally the annoying bloggers will be in a city we are screening at and we can motivate them to stay home and write about how terrible everything is.


Please send your title suggestions to: bikesmut@gmail.com

The winner will get a signed "Bike Porn 2" poster. This is not yet available to anyone, in fact only the few artists involved involved in their reproduction have one, and this is the 1st giveaway/bribing we have tried/lowered ourselves to so it is doubly special!