more than just videos

Bike Porn has appeared in many flavors. At the Vine Theater in Los Angeles we are presenting one of my favorite. The wildly popular live action reenactment of the 2006 World Naked Bike Ride. Amanda Truscott will be there recreating her drugged out violent driving binge, we are still casting for the part of "naked victim of drunk-ass road roage." Also included are the naked "bikers" who continuously provide the backdrop for the mayhem.


Even more exciting is that Merry Saddles has agreed to display some of their fine wares. These ornate yet functional pieces may be available for sale to a loving home.

I would steal all her artwork for posting here but really you owe it to yourself to see it live @ the Vine Theater in Hollywood on December 28th.


doors open @ 8:30,
show starts @ 9pm

last time I was in LA I broke a vacuum. Things will probably not be any less crazy this time

Calipornificaion Tour: disfrute bici pornografía

Scheduling shows has been challenging. Even though I gave myself more than 2 months of lead time it seems that there is never enough preparation. Just this week a stunning blow came when I learned the venue I had hoped to use in SF could not fit in with our travel schedule, by one day!

oh the suffering.

That is why it feels so very good to have verbal confirmation of The Vine Theater in LA. We are still in negotiations but expect the screening to be on Friday, December 28th.

There are so many cool people in LA. If I had not gone there for Bikesummer I might not even believe how great they are.

Thanks to C.I.C.L.E. and Ashira for their support!

mixing modes

I suppose it is fair to say that I have tried a few things in my life. When speaking of experience I am generally in favor of walking at least around the block in someone else's shoes.*

I bring this upon myself. I am responsible for this. I asked, nay, pleaded** for more and more bike porn. Of any nature. Regardless of other considerations.

And yet, I cant shake the feeling of unease that comes with this.

Maybe if I was able to warm up first by watching a moped mount a motorcycle then it wouldn't seem so foreign... so taboo.***

It all just goes to show you that we all can take offense now and again. And that it is ok to have boundaries, and that when you find something that is a little... uh, creepy, that only means that we have some pretty fucked up childhood experiences we must work to ignore better.

With that I propose we go to the bar. In Portland, The Vern is still serving pints of Deadguy Ale for $2 every Tuesday. A couple of those really dulls the pain.

------------

*which makes me think that a great pickup line could be, "Nice shoes, wanna walk around the block?"

**More pleading is coming. Get your fresh ideas ready and make me blush.

*** This fan pic sent in by Lora of Seattle: http://picasaweb.google.com/lora.koenig/Bikes It is notable that she made sure the bicycle was topping the motorcycle. Regardless, I hope you all take this opportunity to report her for all that inappropriate content.

Domain Squatting my porn, wtf?

I want to own bikeporn.com, alas it is already taken.

Well I'm sure it is being put to good use. Let's check in with them to see what is up: "No web site is configured at this address."

Thanks, Ilan C. Paltrow of Charlotte, NC! Your contribution to the internerds is woefully under appreciated.

But what about some other URLs? like bikeporn.net? Coincidentally the Domain Squatter lives in my hometown (barely). Colin Mannex of 8315 sw 67th place Portland (aka Tigard), Oregon has nothing but annoying ads on his page.

Lee Levitt of Needham MA kinda sums up my feelings on the matter with his website Bikeporn.org: "Bike Porn..."

cause really what more is there to say?

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Wired Magazine gave some advice on how do deal with Domain Squatters. One method is to buy up every possible misspelling of your website.

http://www.selfseo.com/domain_typo_generator.php gives us:

Wrong key typos
* vike porn.
* nike porn. -------------->
* hike porn.
* gike porn.
* buke porn.
* bjke porn.
* bkke porn.
* boke porn.
* b9ke porn.
* b8ke porn.
* bije porn.
* bime porn.
* bile porn. (below)
* bioe porn.
* biie porn.
* bikw porn.
* biks porn.
* bikd porn.
* bikr porn.
* bik4 porn.
* bik3 porn.
* bike oorn.
* bike lorn.
* bike -orn.
* bike 0orn.
* bike pirn.
* bike pkrn.
* bike plrn.
* bike pprn.
* bike p0rn.
* bike p9rn.
* bike poen.
* bike podn.
* bike pofn.
* bike potn.
* bike po5n.
* bike po4n.
* bike porb.
* bike porm.
* bike porj.
* bike porh.


My confidence in the stupidity of the internet and all who dwell here is reaffirmed! If you want to be a millionare "bileporn.anything" are still available. Buy them all now!

Leave it to the professionals

I am back from an exciting tour of the Southwest. Thanks to the lovely people of Durango Colorado we enjoyed some movie priemeres, grass bike polo, death defying mt biking, hordes of beer, wine (like 20 cases)... I won the a sweet DFL prize for actually completing the race, and as of yet no one killed dabby... yet. Check some pictures at the Team WRECK blog

I returned home from my travels to find that a Scottish man was caught fucking his bicycle in a hotel room was found guilty and now is a registered sex offender.

This is the kind of news story that forces us to take a step back and ponder the future of bike humping.

Do the health benefits of an active bikesexual lifestyle make up for the potential danger and embarrassment of being caught in the act? Imagine having to go around to all the houses in your neighborhood saying, "Hi. I am a sexual predator. I was caught humping a bicycle, so you should probably not leave your pretty young Bianchi laying around on your front yard... for it's safety."

Perhaps we should organize a fundraiser for this poor, misunderstood, oversexed person. He may represent a desire that most of us are too fearful to admit or explore. But what is the appropriate response?

• A bicycle kiss-in outside the jailhouse
• A series of signed pictures of bikes with genitalia sent to the hotel
• A sicker campaign like: "I fuck bikes and I vote" or "Robert Stewart does it between the tubes"
• A new nonprofit formed to maintain the right of sentient beings to be able to fuck any inanimate object they desire

Perhaps the best course of action would be to make an instructional brochure with some guidelines to help future Robert Stewarts avoid being caught?

• Do not trust a lock that you do not have the only key to.
• Consider moving large physical barriers to prevent access.
• When a maid asks if anyone is in the room, yell "Go away!"

Perhaps the only truly safe bet is to make it official and marry your bike. Be sure to have paperwork on hand, or stuff it into the seat tube, although you might want to laminate it first.


Which places are appropriate and which are deviant?

California, we are coming for you!

Who Put the Porn in California?

You did! Just like with Ed McMahon's sweepstakes you may already be a winner of bike porn at a theater near you.

At the moment our offices are working overtime to schedule a California tour of The Pornography of the Bicycle. Do you know venue that should to host it?

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do you envision yourself flying down a hill, carving up scenery?
• Do you feel attacked by others due to your "perverted" biking behavior?
• Do you yearn to hold a smooth, tapered steel seat tube?
• Do you wake up with a hole in your heart the size of a bottom bracket?

Than you are an ideal candidate to help make Bike Porn a reality in California.

The tour spans 2 weeks from approx December 23rd to Jan 6th

Do you have what it takes? email our offices today!

revphil [at] gmail [dawt] com

If you are still not convinced try watching our trailer for the last Bike Porn Tour

Snorting condoms at Bike Porn Portland

Thanks Will Workforf Ood and all the clowns who made it such a special evening

Local Blogger writes story about blog

I suppose it doesnt get better than this:

http://bikeportland.org/2007/09/19/local-filmmaker-takes-bike-porn-on-the-road/
I particularly enjoy this nuggget from the article:

You might be familiar with the term “bike porn” — it’s become a sort of slang for photos of gorgeous bikes — but trust me, this is something completely different.

HA! Take that all you old school bike pornographers. Your high detail shot of a 1900s lugged track frame with wood spokes is in yesterday's jizz bucket. (although I'd love a picture of this)

Presently there is more "bike porn" out there than I can wade though with a T1 connection and a bucket of tri-flo. Still, I get to imagine the day that I can hire Jonathan away to write all this crapulence for me.

Search for "johathan maus naked" on google. Its fun!

Thanks for the Mammaries

In the streets of Portland, Seattle, Bellingham and Vancouver BC they cry for more!

Every show a rousing success. Bodies packed in tightly to accommodate the hoards of eyes hungry for flesh and steel. A stranger's lap becomes necessary seating, the floor already a jumble of limbs.

Once thing that can be taken from this outpouring of support for bicycle pornography is, yalls are some deviant fucking cyclists and the demand for more bicycle porn is far from quenched (if there is such a thing)

Thanks to Jonathan for supplying images from our evening in EastVan, as well as all the performers, Leanne and her bike strip and receiving the Olympic rings as Vancouverella, Mykle's anti-erotic reading, Adrian getting Voodoo donuts stuffed down her gullet as Portlandia, GirlShawn for rubbing her uniboob in time, Ifny, Jasun and Cara for working the space and time from back to front, the Creaking Planks for the melodies, and the massive number of sexy cyclists form whom work so hard to keep happy and horny (or any of the interestingly awkward number of places between)

Thank you Cascadia for all you have done to make this possible. Perhaps I will return in 2008 with more...

Enjoy Calipornication

It appears that once again, this holiday season Shawn and I will find ourselves traversing the majesty that is California. Of course, this time we wont be showing Bike Love2: Outta PDX.

The dates are a little fuzzy still, but I believe that we will drive (eep!) straight down to LA, then take our time coming back to Portland screening it along the way... kinda like stopping to hump the flowers.

You could help bring Bike Porn to your home! Contact me and tell me you are a dirty Californian (or Southern Oregon) biker in need of release.

meanwhile enjoy some almost not quite porn that is not at all bike related but is on theme, kinda.