January 17, 2010

sniffing saddles, chubbing out

Sometimes folks ask us about our boundaries. What is too far? What makes the bike pornographers go, "EW! NO FUCKING WAY AM I DOING THAT!" We all have boundaries (even if we dont know it yet), and some would say that any sexual interaction with an inanimate object is perverse and unholy. We say look at saddles these days and tell us that is not holey!

We are familiar with the interest in saddle play, in fact we even documented some rather candid confessions in the past.

Truly the importance of alcohol to the porn industry cannot be overstated.

But now things are different. Saddle lickers, we would like you to take a deep breath, and try to remember what it was like before the shit storm (really more of a vaginal storm) that is about to hit our cultural landscape makes it so that you will never again have a breath air void of sweaty saddle fragrance. (uh SFW but not really)

Wow! Did you get all that? We figured it was a swingers gym, like "24 hr Fit Ass" or "Gold's Gym and Shower." But in this case more likely to be called "Sweat n Sniff".

What an interesting symbiotic relationship... a beautiful woman riding a stationary bike and a gentleman pervert (like a gentleman farmer)
handsome enough that we could comfortable with him sniffing our used saddles. Making it so that the next user of the stationary bike doesn't have to spin in someone else's secretions.
There are many questions raised by the website's introductory movie. The first is a matter of practicality. Are we obligated to pay 25 euros or can we just not wash our fingers/labia for a while and get something similar?

Are people in the industry expected to keep the smell of sex on their person at all times to maintain their competitive edge?

Why are their t-shirts almost $10 more expensive than their perfume? Perhaps they are sweat free.

Somewhere down the line we end up wondering "what will they do next?" What new product will the industry wrought and how do simple bloggers take advantage of these trends? Bike Porn Industries could probably start pumping out our own line of juices. We do have interns now, after all... Is "esSEXence" trademarked?

We know its all confusing with thousands of people working full time jobs to sell us things we can get for free in a way that we never before thought possible. Even the scent of a thief is available:

Somewhere between Chub Hub, and Chubby Husbandry there is a market for a simple product that is commonly available, travels in your pocket, stays "fresh" and can be used anytime you feel a little...more...

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