Turning our Final Trixxx in Oakland

UPDATE: ADDED BONUS!

We have just added Fucking Sculptures to our list of excellent sponsors. That means we some lucky audience member will walk away with a handcrafted sex toy from this excellent local business valued at more then $140!!

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Its always a little sad to close a chapter of Bike Smut. We travel 1000s of miles such amazing movies and we never want the joy to end! But just as every rose has its thorn, so too every bike tube deflates and every erection falls. But before letting those bike dicks go soft lets have a massive blow out!

Friday, May 17
Sudo Room
2141 Broadway
8:30,  $5-10 donation
adults only and you should all dress fabulous! 

Ya want a Facebook Invite



Please join us for this final screening of Turning Trixxx at our favorite new place in Oakland, the Sudo Room! We have been fans of hacker spaces since before the turn of the Millennium, when we cut our teeth getting goofy with the geek of Free Geek in Portland. Years later it is encouraging to hear how folks still recognize the `Geek as one of the earliest pioneers in community technology centers. The folks at Sudo Room have been hosting a plethora of exciting workshops and we are excited to pop their porno cherry! Sexual health is absoultly crucial and all too often overlooked.

After this final screening of Turning Trixxx we move onto our new program of erotic bike films, Bike Smut 7: The Porny Express. You still have time to make your own bikesexual fantasies come true!

Valence Bicycles in Valencia

And now... SCIENCE. The science of bike porn.














This week Bike Smut is travelling to Valencia, Spain, and this inspired a great scientific discovery concerning the formation of relationships between bikesexuals, which we hope to put to the test during our convocations of bikesexuals in Valencia with the post-porn collective Idea Destroying Muros, which is happening

FIRST
for a Critical Mass ride on Wednesday at 19.00h at the Turia River under the Puente de las Artes,

and SECOND,
at the bike porn screening, which will be Thursday at 21.00h in the Teatro de Los Manantiales, Calle de Alzira 9.

So... science?

In the structure of the atom, the outermost shell of electrons contains what are called the valence electrons (at least for main group elements - it can be more complicated for transition metals). These are the electrons that can form chemical bonds with other atoms by combining or interacting with other valence electrons to merge the shells of multiple atoms into a harmonious molecule.

We have a theory that the same principle applies to bikesexuals.

Consider this: the active mediator of a bond between two bikesexuals is, of course, the bicycle. So we can say that the bicycles that create these bonds are the valence bicycles. All of the bicycles that a bikesexual possesses orbit around the bikesexual at different energy levels - some bicycles are more energetic than others, as any experienced cyclist will know. The bicycles that share the share the highest energy level are the sluttiest bicycles: they like to get around with as many riders as possible. It is thus these bicycles that will interact with the bicycle orbitals of other bikesexuals and create cycle bonds between them. The number of bicycles in a bikesexual's highest energy orbital will determine the number of other bikesexuals that they can bond to - or multiple valence bicycles could create a single very strong bond with one other bikesexual.

But how many valence bicycles does a bikesexual need? Clearly, eight is about the right number. That, or none; sometimes it may be best to let your slutty bicycles leave off and ride with someone else and just keep your inner circle of private, sedate bicycles. So each bikesexual will tend to share valence bicycles, or grab or discard them until they are complete and balanced. And each of these bicycle interactions are these basis of the bonds between bikesexuals. This is what brings our community together, in the most intimate and electrifying manner possible.

Come Valencia, there will be much experimentation!

Plotting a Course to Porn Part 1

Looking into the future of bike porn can be an exciting and even terrifying experience. Will there be blood? ritual sacrifice? pierced taints?!?

What we can know is where we are planning on going. Starting in 2010 we have the most daring Bike Porn Tour yet. Over 10 thousand miles long across 35 states, 6 providences and a few countries.

We would love your help but how does the blog reader help anything? Isn't it our job to be narcissistic bloggers and your job to post inane comments?

WHERE'S THE ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT EVEN?

Well maybe, we are trying to encourage you to do it better and if that means straddling a bike from the future of 20 years ago topless in heels with some Gordi La Forge sunglasses on, so be it. But just being able to see ok night is not good enough, we travel so fast on bikes wearing heels we want to keep other safe from us!

Behold the latest in safe bike sex:



if you are interested in witnessing this display in person you can see our curent hot program one last time before we leave on our epic quest.

3 Cascadian Shows!



Friday, February 5th
One Two One Studios
121 Heatly St
8:00 pm Doors, $7-10 Sliding Scale, 19+
Presented by www.RevelrySociety.org
With LIVE PERFORMANCE and indoor bike parking
click here for sweet flier action


Saturday, February 6th, Victoria BC
Camas Collective Books & Infoshop
2590 Quadra St. (corner of King St.)
Screenings at 7pm and 9pm, $7, +19

Velo Vixens xxxRacexxx

Get ready to love your bike like never before.
6pm Camas Bookstore. $7
(includes admission to the bike porn screening!)

click here for sweet Victoria flier action


Thursday, February 11th, Portland, OR
Lotus Seed
4635 Northeast 9th Avenue
Screening at 10pm
Mini Bike Winter Kickoff Party
DIY Stencil Station
Panel Discussion: "SHOULD Bikes Save the Planet" at 8:30

reMEMBERing Boise

We came in hot and bothered after mutilating the FoSho's tape deck. Finally we were able to leave Hermiston by letting Justa's Father actually drill screws into the tape that would not eject. He was totally successful and we were were Boise bound. Bike riding in Boise has been at the heart of an ongoing debate in Portland. Idaho Style would effectively change the law so that bikers treat stops signs as yield signs. We see most of the debate centered around a different question: "Do we trust cyclists to not kill themselves?" There is plenty of debate on that question as well of which entirely ignores that this idea is called "Idaho Style" because they have done it this way for almost 30 years to the benefit of bikers (who get to carry some inertia), motorists (who don't have to wait as long for bikers to get though an intersection) and law enforcement types who ideally, don't waste time writing tickets for petty offenses.
Bicycles, Rolling Stops, and the Idaho Stop from Spencer Boomhower on Vimeo. This all is rather moot in most U.S. cities where Police are usually eager to avoid having to write frivolous tickets for petty crimes. But maybe "The City that Works" is trying to do its part to "Keep Portland weird". Somehow we forgot that the Boise Bike Polo players were expecting us. AUGH the misery, it would be days before we could get another polo game on, and weeks before any hardcourt polo action. Some day we will return to their parking lot with an agenda. A slew of players came and watched the show at the bar turned micro-theater. The porno team drank for free which took the sting out of the marginal $65 we made at the door in donations. But a generous venue, and a crowded bar full of drunk fucks makes for a pretty rocking time. Our Boise contacts have been helping bike advocacy for a while, some of them volunteer time at The Boise Bicycle Project while another has gone on to champion the resurgence of sexy among smart people. Horny rimmed glasses and tight hair buns cause lots of us to adjust ourselves so we hope it is going well. Our endless search of the internet found this gem via http://nerdy-porn.com which we hope is the cute girl from Boise's website, but we are a little dubious. Yeah, BSG is no longer cool, but there is a direct correlation between the amount of time one spends in school and the number of sexual partners whose name you cannot remember (or more likely never bothered to learn in the first place). Keep it hot nerds. Presently they are a month away from their big week-long bike festival. er, that should be "The infamous Franken Bike Competition" Well done Boise!