Bike Smut en España!

Friday, October 6th in Barcelona, Spain

única función en BarceLoca  

Rueda

Festival Internacional de Cinema Ciclista de Barcelona

Viernes 6 de Octubre
Teatro moral del Poblenou
Carrer de Pujades, 176-178
Poblenou

Con presentacion de Miss Poppy Cox!

Arte gentileza de @felipealmendros
Art by Felipe Almendros

Participa! ΔΔ Ciencia Fricción ΔΔ

Iluminación delantera y trasera cargada.

Lubricación a la viscosidad máxima.

Ajuste de genitales a nivel "impresionante".

Prepárate para viajar en el tiempo y en el espacio usando tu propio culo

... Es el momento de entrar en la zona de presentación ...

Bike Smut 9: Ciencia Fricción

La convocatoria anual para la presentación de bici-pornografía "Hecha por Ti Mismx" (HTM)!

Procedimento de 5 pasos para la satisfacción bicisexual

• 1) Abre tu mente a las ideas bicisexuales. Contempla que te mantiene arriba y abajo de tu bicicleta.
• 2) Invita amigxs intimxs a participar. Anota en la lista asistencia tecnológica para edición.
• 3) Involucra partes de carbón, acero, aluminio o titanium. Maneje directo e impulsando hacia la satisfacción.
• 4) Mezcle audio emocionalmente agradable y video provocativo en un film consensual de no más de 7mins.
• 5) Participa! Envíalo por email con formulario de inscripciónen formato .mp4 .mov .wtf

Revisar la convocatoria anterior para la presentación de información adicional
Δ Final de la transmisión Δ

Trilingual Media Exposure

The Bike Smut Euro Tour has had some shining moments of press glory - from the famous Malmo Media Maelstorm, to the Bucharest review that was mysteriously vanished from the net - but since we started slamming through the final Mediterranean stretch of our tour we have really been kicking it up a notch - a notch three countries big.

Madrid's alternative periodical Diagonal gave what may be the fullest expression yet of bike porn theory and practice ever published in Spanish-language media. The key points of bike porn were all there, from the 'the young androgynous anarcho-punk' Liberty Sprocket proclaiming how "finding your own speech is empowering," to Rev. Phil explaining how to "take control of your life in bed and in the streets," and Poppy Cox reminding us that ultimately, biking "gives you a hard ass."

















We don't know what the French said about us. But they did a fine job of capturing our Grenoble show in action and of giving our own Liberty Sprocket a perhaps more suiting and exciting name. This Grenoble video is also notable as an example of what to NEVER EVER do when creating a news report on Bike Smut. There is period of approximately 0.75 seconds in the news clip when the bike porn films are visible. NO. This is not permitted. Ever. We would have had our Bike Smut h4xx0rs put a hit on this video, but we received specific permission from the filmmakers whose video is shown that they were ok with it, so now here it is for us to share and you to learn from.

Milan. Nothing compares to Milan. When we hit GQ Italia before we even reached Italy, we knew that it would be two nights of Bike Smut media different from all other Bike Smut media. We will try to post a full round up of Milan media and interviews with giant penises when we get the chance. In the meantime, just observe:

Chronicle of a bitch on wheels

Inspiration is what we're all about, here at Bike Porn Industries International. We dedicate ourselves to sharing the art of an incredible group of different film-makers, just to demonstrate that you too can take the power of your bicycle and your sexuality into your own hands, and use it to save the world and satisfy your desires.

So we are very excited when we see that inspiration take hold and produce fruit from the loins of bikesexuals. Especially when it sprouts in unexpected places and forms. Like an erotic short story about a Bike Smut alley cat ride, as recounted in the comments section of a Madrid alternative newspaper. Because it is indeed the sexiest writing about an alleycat race that we have ever encountered, we give you the "Chronicle of a Bitch on Wheels," in the original Spanish. An awkward but still inspiring Google translation can be found here.

Crónica de una perra sobre ruedas

Por @SUPONEPÉREZ

Una tórrida tarde de asfalto en Madrid. Es sábado. Dejo la ropa mojada en la lavadora y salgo en bici. Me dirijo a una gymkana sobre ruedas en el marco del Bike Porn Fest. Temor y expectación en las venas. Yo seré perra, pero las que organizan ni te cuento.

Seis pruebas en seis puntos calientes de la urbe. “Lo importante en esta competición erótica festiva no es la velocidad sino la creatividad y el guarreo”. Perfecto, hoy no me apetecen polvos rápidos, prefiero remolonear en mi sillín.

Pistoletazo de salida. Nuestras bicis cruzadas sobre la calle estrecha y pelada de aceras cortan el tráfico. Las montamos y escapamos en parejas a tomar la ciudad con nuestros cuerpos y nuestras bicis.

Prueba uno en la Catedral de la Almudena: foto erótica con tu pareja. Bendita sea, sólo se me ocurren obscenidades pensando en bodorrios.

Prueba dos, en una tienda de bicis. Una de las organizadoras, maquinilla de afeitar en mano, nos ordena: “Elegid un lugar de vuestro cuerpo, él ya lo ha hecho”. Él, que trabaja en la tienda, sólo viste un delantal que le cubre por delante; se da la vuelta y decido pelarme como él.

Prueba tres en el Retiro. Me atan a mi pareja con una cadena de bici grasienta, bien apretada, y tiran el tronchacadenas al lado de una colmena de familias. Me siento como una perra atada en busca de su hueso mientras me azotan con un látigo made in el taller de juguetes eróticos del festival. Al principio duele, después escuece, luego me gusta.

Prueba cuatro, en el Corte Inglés. Gasa, satén, tafetán, el vestuario es una fiesta de vestidos caros y horteras. Mi proceso de conversión en perra se agudiza a la velocidad del flash. El book nos lleva tanto tiempo que no llegamos a la quinta prueba, en la sede del PP. Imagínesela. Tampoco llegamos a la del masaje en el Templo de Debod; me quedo sin mi plato de caricias.

Evidentemente, no gano el collar de perra de la competición, pero me siento sexy, tengo el culo duro y siento que la calle y la noche también son mías.

My Fucked Up Parking

Bike Smut is saved from the precipice of disaster! Just in time to launch itself once again into a gnashing pit of bikefun sexytimes in Barcelona!

The Spanish state clearly has a furious aggression towards cars. Which we heartily applaud, but most certainly not when it is applied against Bike Smut and our holy mission of propagandizing the bicycle (which unfortunately at the moment relies by necessity on our use of motorized transport). It was traumatizing enough when our tour van was towed in Madrid for improper parking, to be retrieved after 300 Euros just in time for a late start to our raucous show at the Patio Maravillas squat. But now to have our van disappeared for a second time in Spain? Truly, we are suffering. But we now have our van back, at the repeated expense of several hundred Euros, and having recovered the invaluable archives of bike porn movies contained within, we are once again fully ready with our pornographic armaments to unleash the fury of bike sex tonight.

















But, besides the terror of trying to safely park in Spanish cities, these towing incidents bring up an important point: Bike Smut is not funded. When we experience calamities like these, Bike Smut pays for it out of it's own nearly-empty pockets. We rely entirely on the donations and merchandise revenue that we receive at our shows to get us from city to city and to cover the often extreme costs of long-term international touring. We depend completely on the generosity of our community of bikesexuals to keep us going, so, to prevent Bike Smut from being permanently grounded by another excessive towing fee, support the things that you love! Come to our shows, give us some love, give us some dirty filthy money, buy our handmade underwear and branded condoms, and we promise that we will keep the bike porn growing. And you can do all this just this very night!

This night in Barcelona we will be squeezing into the fixie bike shop My Beautiful Parking, address Calle de Cervantes 5, at 21.00, for a red hot bike porn show. More details can be found on crackbook or the MBP blog.

Tonight's show follows a torrid alleycat race last night across the frequently bewildering city of Barcelona, in which Bike Smut's own Liberty Sprocket secured a triumphant last place finish. He became separated from his guide in the last lengths of the race while trying to ram his bicycle through a horde of tourists and became lost in the old city, hopelessly wandering the swarming alleys for days surviving off of dumpstered donuts until he miraculously found safe haven at My Beautiful Parking. We are very thankful that he made it back alive without being elbowed to death by tourists.

Critical Ass de Valencia

According to Brussels' premiere naked activist or "necktavist", Jerome Nature, Spain is the home of naked cycling. Ciclonudista has been alive and strong years before the World Naked Bike Ride.

We were sitting in the park killing time waiting for an impromptu Critical Mass to start. I asked the dozen bikers who had gathered to tell us something good and bad about the porn they have seen. It was a nice exercise giving a few quiet voices a chance to be heard when the local organizer said, "what if we ride our bikes naked for a bit then have a conversation about bikes and porn?"

What if indeed.

That was not only the fastest change from discussion group to naked bicycle ride EVER (less than 2 min after the suggestion we were rolling out in various forms of undress) but also one of the most pleasant naked bike rides many of us veterans had ever been on. There was no alcohol necessary to stiffen our nerves, no darkness to "hide our shame" and no 100s or 1000s of naked bikers to dominate the street. Just a modest crew enjoying a warm summer's day without hords of people leering uncontrollably or making tasteless comments. All we saw were dozens of pleased faces, smiling and clapping and cheering us on!

Not to say that most naked rides are plagued by negative behavior, but as exhilarating as "feeling the breeze" is, there is usually at least one lame spectator we quickly try to forget.

In this case we had a troop of joggers passing us chants about wanting bikes and sex. Yup we got passed by mostly naked joggers. It was that chill.

Valencia is ready for a show tonight!

Valence Bicycles in Valencia

And now... SCIENCE. The science of bike porn.














This week Bike Smut is travelling to Valencia, Spain, and this inspired a great scientific discovery concerning the formation of relationships between bikesexuals, which we hope to put to the test during our convocations of bikesexuals in Valencia with the post-porn collective Idea Destroying Muros, which is happening

FIRST
for a Critical Mass ride on Wednesday at 19.00h at the Turia River under the Puente de las Artes,

and SECOND,
at the bike porn screening, which will be Thursday at 21.00h in the Teatro de Los Manantiales, Calle de Alzira 9.

So... science?

In the structure of the atom, the outermost shell of electrons contains what are called the valence electrons (at least for main group elements - it can be more complicated for transition metals). These are the electrons that can form chemical bonds with other atoms by combining or interacting with other valence electrons to merge the shells of multiple atoms into a harmonious molecule.

We have a theory that the same principle applies to bikesexuals.

Consider this: the active mediator of a bond between two bikesexuals is, of course, the bicycle. So we can say that the bicycles that create these bonds are the valence bicycles. All of the bicycles that a bikesexual possesses orbit around the bikesexual at different energy levels - some bicycles are more energetic than others, as any experienced cyclist will know. The bicycles that share the share the highest energy level are the sluttiest bicycles: they like to get around with as many riders as possible. It is thus these bicycles that will interact with the bicycle orbitals of other bikesexuals and create cycle bonds between them. The number of bicycles in a bikesexual's highest energy orbital will determine the number of other bikesexuals that they can bond to - or multiple valence bicycles could create a single very strong bond with one other bikesexual.

But how many valence bicycles does a bikesexual need? Clearly, eight is about the right number. That, or none; sometimes it may be best to let your slutty bicycles leave off and ride with someone else and just keep your inner circle of private, sedate bicycles. So each bikesexual will tend to share valence bicycles, or grab or discard them until they are complete and balanced. And each of these bicycle interactions are these basis of the bonds between bikesexuals. This is what brings our community together, in the most intimate and electrifying manner possible.

Come Valencia, there will be much experimentation!