Tonight in Bellingham!

It is Thursday Sept 18th and time for the world premiere of Bikexploitation Recalibration

Make your way to the Pickford Cinema early for one of two screenings

7p and 9:15p

Hopefully there will be no more riots.

Bikes too Sexy

It is the job of a people to define what is and is not appropriate for a given community. That is the nature of obscenity law.

That being said we have mixed feelings about the "action" going on in the Hasidic Jewish district of South Bedford in Brooklyn.

Fighting the shame associated with just having a body, never mind a (partially) NAKED body is significant. Such is the nature of Bike Porn. Becoming as comfortable on your bike as you are in your skin seems perfectly natural.

But this news story does bring up an interesting idea, where does the "as bare as you dare" bike ride's freedom of expression end? Can we really say that cat suits are the end of the line? Would a crotchless rekelekh be less disturbing?

With bikers fearing a San Francisco style loss of momentum and Brooklyn Hasids wondering how much leg is Kosher, both sides are left wondering, "when will it end?"

We consulted with a number of bicycle religious representatives about this issue please stand by.

UPDATE: Lee is a Fossilosopher and frequent naked bike rider... so we are certain that publishing his views on this website is totally Fair and Balanced reporting.

I don't know if the Hasidim are really more evil or hypocritical than other neighborhood activists who try to stop bike lanes, but they are so off mainstream, the whole thing looks really weird. Do you know about their religious practice? The men dance to pray (as do Fossilosophers). They come from a mystical movement of 18th century Poland.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baal_Shem_Tov

I think the Hasidim in NYC (or maybe this is one loud Hasid) are making a show of their folly in front of the world and i think they feel disrespected and misunderstood as a group and have developed a siege mentality. So this will multiply the misunderstanding
- Lee of Vancouver, BC

Thanks Lee.

So will the disrespect they feel increase and what do you think might happen if they continue to feel more under siege?

Their ritual of dancing to pray leads us to believe that perhaps there is some sort of connection between all things. Imagine... Kevin Bacon is a sexy bicycle messenger in "Quicksilver" MEANWHILE he is told he cannot dance because of religion in "Footloose".

So would these women's protest carry more weight if they said they decided not wearing clothes while riding a bike was a ritual?

bad sex is its own punishment

Enough discouragement of all things humpy! Prudes can spend a lifetime explaining why anything other than sex for reproductive purposes with a single life partner with whom you have had an extravagant ritual (and possibly in exchange for a dowry) is WRONG WRONG WRONG.

But we shall mock their baseless puritanical claims wagging our collective genitalia at them. With our furious raspberries, hand gestures and logic we shall drive the uptight prudes out to swim in a sea of frigid discontent!

Or possibly we'll go about our normal, fucking amazing lives as if it is no big deal. Just like Dinh Dai Ngan, who this summer has opened the first sex shop in all of Vietnam, Chac nhu bap, which translates as "hard as corn."

"Sex is a normal thing, just like when you feel thirsty, you drink water. Why should we shy away from our basic needs?" he says.

Bringing safe, smart, comfortable sex culture to the masses is a daunting task. Many communities have suffered though horrendous periods of repressive belief systems. Those that contribute to fear and ignorance are directly responsible for many sex crimes as well as a metric shit ton of bad sex. Listless sex must end. Demand better sex today!

And so it is with great pride that we announce the second ever cascadian bike porn tour: "Cascadian Bikexploitation" Now with 100% more Olympia!

September 15-20 expect wonderful fucking bike action across the Northwest.

• 9/18 - Pickford Cinema, Bellingham
• 9/20 - Kangaroo House (FBK) Seattle
• 9/22 - Capitol Theater, Olympia
• 10/2 - Hollywood Theater, Portland
  

News of our SW tour to come soon. Please maintain a ready position

Forest Pork

This video was SUPPOSED to be entered into the Portland Mercury's "My Pretty Portland" 2-min video contest. Alas, Youtube took over 9 hours to upload the video, making our entry void.

"Void entry", man we are totally sick of hearing about that...

Screw that old 2 min version anyway, please enjoy this slightly NSFW version without the annoying black boxes.

The Bike Porn "Name the Annoying Blogger" Contest

Something we are seriously lacking is regular content. Like some prune juice and Metamucil Bran muffin content!
To that end we have a new reoccurring feature at BikeSmut.com... but we don't have a name for it yet.

Here is the premise. 100s of hours are spent scouring the internet for bike porn. Most of it is pretty tame. But an ungodly amount of my searches end up with us reading the ignorant, annoying-as-fuck social conservative blog de jour.

• "Gays are manipulating our children, keep them out of college"
• "I knew he was into evil because I searched his web browser history"
• "...and the serpent laid down with the bike thus I ran to my Ford Extinction and hit the A/C, cause cold blooded things hate air conditioning"

Most of them are terrible and boring, but some are just terrible. They need to be mocked bitterly. Just in time for our tour though the Southwest (yea Texass!) Ideally the annoying bloggers will be in a city we are screening at and we can motivate them to stay home and write about how terrible everything is.


Please send your title suggestions to: bikesmut@gmail.com

The winner will get a signed "Bike Porn 2" poster. This is not yet available to anyone, in fact only the few artists involved involved in their reproduction have one, and this is the 1st giveaway/bribing we have tried/lowered ourselves to so it is doubly special!

Landis, gets it!

As movie makers, we are bestowed what is often considered the most dynamic media to present our ideas. We like to show pictures, you like to look at pictures.

But sometimes even we miss the old days of plain text. The "cold media" we have left behind for our moving pictures can still connect our soft, gray matter with our harder, more colorful matter.

This wordy bit of satire comes from the Daily Peloton, a pro racing news website. So make sure you are wearing lots of spandex. I think it may shave seconds off your best, er, "furious internet masturbation session" time

http://www.dailypeloton.com/displayarticle.asp?pk=13040

Expect a substantial investigation of the nature and origin of genital defining racing garments as well as the psychological impact on other competitors. There are many tight lipped almost-yellow jersey wearers that still have nightmare's of the rapidly approaching Eddy Merx Moose Knuckle.

[Its a bike extension]

Finally the content we have been waiting for!

After a year of pimping the bike sexual revolution content has begun to trickle in from a variety of sources

San Francisco
Salt Lake City TWICE!
Victoria, BC

Such is the furry of editing with deadlines. And it is with great encouragement that I offer up this note of substantial importance to those who care... you have been offered an extension on your Bikexploitation Redux productions. That means you have just a little more time to get all the kinks worked in and out so that the visual, tactile, olfactory and audacious experiences are perfect.

In order to catch this this wave of quasi taboo sexual activity send in your Bikexploitation inspired media (DVDs or MiniDV tapes) by Monday August 4th!

Leave no saddle unmolested!

A call out for some extra dirty cycling

Last year we had such an impressive turnout that we decided to hold a repeat screening of the program. It was remixed to include a short by Gus Van Sant staring Flea singing and strutting around.

Once again we sold out the Clinton Street Theater and once again we will strive to create a marvelously humptastic swan song.

Coming out of the theater people's eyes were bright with joy and excitement. But there was something more... many participants felt that given the opportunity they would have made more sexualized, more exploitative bike movies. These cocky fucking bike zealots need a stage to share their art! So, in the spirit of openness (as well as put-up-or-shut-up-ness) we present your opportunity to make it quick and dirty.

Bikexploitation Redux
submit by July 21st 2008

That is approximately one month from this original posting. After that you will have to put up with molesting your bike in private.

"Pass my vat o' lube, the internets look appealing"

Clicky Clicky! The internerds are awash in bike porn!

Our crack staff of media whores have been out "packing the bottom brackets" of local bloggers. The world premiere of Bike Porn 2: bikexploitation is this Friday the 13th of June. The sexy bikers of Portland have stunningly high expectations of the upcoming show.

Jonathan Maus of Bike Portland and Matt Davis of The Portland Mercury were kind enough to promote our exploits in shy, perhaps even cute adherence to the "talk about porn but make sure that you provide fair NSFW warning to avoid getting your surfers fired" rule. Thanks to you both for double teaming the release of the new trailer.

If you are planing on coming out we heartily suggest that you prepare yourself for excess. That could mean consuming energy drinks ("CORE" is 10% alcohol, leaving only 90% energy?), and/or wearing a crown of leaves and a bed sheet as there is a "300" themed ride leaving from the Clinton Street Theater to the MMR directly after the show ends.

This years submissions come from a variety of places: Seattle, Santa Cruz, Columbus, Brooklyn to name a few. Thus this program is much more than just one person's idea of a cool way to spend the night. This program includes many interpretations, but there are plenty more voices that need to be heard. Start your conspiring and make something you will be proud of.

Thank you pornographers, supporters and fluffers!

Bike Porn 2 commeth in your face!

This promotional video is a collection of quotes and images from last year's show and beyond.


Click to play we me

The world premiere of Bike Porn 2: bikexploitation is Friday, June 13th at the Clinton Street Theater. Dont forget about the "300" theamed spartan/toga ride leaving from the theater to meet up with the Midnight Mystery Ride after the show.